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Fucking, Minecraft, and Queen: chekplaysminecraft Theory Time The reason endermen don't like it when you look at them is because they communicate telepathically with one another by locking eyes! Humans are absolutely not designed to do this so when we look at them we are accidentally projecting all of our thoughts into them at the same time and it hurts :( Dcice-block But like, since the player is not of the Minecraft world, the player is just what the use to explore it, what if it's like: Enderman: *looks at player's eyes Player: 01010010 01100001 O0100000 01110010 01100001 00100000 01010010 01100001 01110011 01110000 01110101 01110100 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010010 01110101 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101111 01101000 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01101101 01100001 01101110 Enderman: oh ok *attacks player* tiny-slime 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010010 01110101 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100001 01101110 e0100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101111 01101000 e0100000 01100110 01110101 e11e0011 01101011 e0100000 01100001 01101110 e0100000 01100101 011e1110 01100100 01100101 e1110010 01101101 01100001 01101110 Convertx Reset Swap Ra ra Rasputin lover of the Russian queen oh fuck an enderman viostormcaller This kills me every single fucking time
Fucking, Minecraft, and Queen: chekplaysminecraft
 Theory Time
 The reason endermen don't like it when you
 look at them is because they communicate
 telepathically with one another by locking
 eyes! Humans are absolutely not designed
 to do this so when we look at them we are
 accidentally projecting all of our thoughts
 into them at the same time and it hurts :(
 Dcice-block
 But like, since the player is not of the
 Minecraft world, the player is just what the
 use to explore it, what if it's like:
 Enderman: *looks at player's eyes
 Player: 01010010 01100001 O0100000
 01110010 01100001 00100000 01010010
 01100001 01110011 01110000 01110101
 01110100 01101001 01101110 00100000
 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101
 01110010 00100000 01101111 01100110
 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101
 00100000 01010010 01110101 01110011
 01110011 01101001 01100001 01101110
 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101
 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101111
 01101000 00100000 01100110 01110101
 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001
 01101110 00100000 01100101 01101110
 01100100 01100101 01110010 01101101
 01100001 01101110
 Enderman: oh ok *attacks player*
 tiny-slime
 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000
 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000
 01010010 01110101 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100001 01101110
 e0100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000
 01101111 01101000 e0100000 01100110 01110101 e11e0011 01101011
 e0100000 01100001 01101110 e0100000 01100101 011e1110 01100100
 01100101 e1110010 01101101 01100001 01101110
 Convertx Reset Swap
 Ra ra Rasputin lover of the Russian queen oh fuck an enderman
 viostormcaller
 This kills me every single fucking time

Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the...

Beautiful, College, and Desperate: Carl Kinsella Follow @TVsCarlKinsella Reminder that the story of how Alan Alda met his wife Arlene is pure goals. "In 1956, while attending Fordham, he met Arlene Weiss, who attending Hunter College. They bonded at a mutual friend's dinner party; when a rum cake accidentally fell onto the kitchen floor, they were the only two guests who did not hesitate to eat was it." 5:04 AM-14 Sep 2017 1,114 Retweets 3,179 Likes jadedamber: mysharona1987: flootzavut: onekisstotakewithme: bbc03undercover: murielsweating: mysharona1987: They’re still together like 60 years later. This is a beautiful love story. I’m just looking for someone to eat garbage floor cake with. I love everything about this story. Alan Alda is my spirit animal (and quite possibly my patronus) That’s hilarious and adorable. “The hostess of the evening had made a rum cake, and she put it on the refrigerator to cool,” Alda recalled. “The refrigerator shook, and the cake fell off the refrigerator and hit the floor.” It was a party moment that separated the casual diners from those desperate for dessert. “Arlene and I were the only two people who went in with spoons and ate it off the floor,” he said with a smile. “That’s how you know. When two people eat a cake off the floor, that’s it for life.” There’s no arguing that point. In fact, Alda seems certain today’s daters could learn a thing or two from him and Arlene. “All this matchmaking on the Internet, and they ask them questions — just toss a cake on the floor and see who goes for it,” he suggested. this post single-handedly fixed my evening and cleared my pores.
Beautiful, College, and Desperate: Carl Kinsella
 Follow
 @TVsCarlKinsella
 Reminder that the story of how Alan Alda met
 his wife Arlene is pure goals.
 "In 1956, while attending Fordham, he met Arlene Weiss, who
 attending Hunter College. They bonded at a mutual friend's
 dinner party; when a rum cake accidentally fell onto the kitchen
 floor, they were the only two guests who did not hesitate to eat
 was
 it."
 5:04 AM-14 Sep 2017
 1,114 Retweets 3,179 Likes
jadedamber:
mysharona1987:

flootzavut:

onekisstotakewithme:


bbc03undercover:

murielsweating:


mysharona1987:

They’re still together like 60 years later.
This is a beautiful love story.


I’m just looking for someone to eat garbage floor cake with.


I love everything about this story.


Alan Alda is my spirit animal (and quite possibly my patronus)


That’s hilarious and adorable.

“The hostess of the evening had made a rum cake, and she put it on the refrigerator to cool,” Alda recalled. “The refrigerator shook, and the cake fell off the refrigerator and hit the floor.”
It was a party moment that separated the casual diners from those desperate for dessert.

“Arlene and I were the only two people who went in with spoons and ate it off the floor,” he said with a smile. “That’s how you know. When two people eat a cake off the floor, that’s it for life.”




There’s no arguing that point. In fact, Alda seems certain today’s daters could learn a thing or two from him and Arlene.




“All this matchmaking on the Internet, and they ask them questions — just toss a cake on the floor and see who goes for it,” he suggested.



this post single-handedly fixed my evening and cleared my pores.

jadedamber: mysharona1987: flootzavut: onekisstotakewithme: bbc03undercover: murielsweating: mysharona1987: They’re still together l...

Tumblr, Blog, and Haha: apocalypsegay: SHEthere was a fourth picture but i accidentally drew all over it haha!!!!!!!!
Tumblr, Blog, and Haha: apocalypsegay:

SHEthere was a fourth picture but i accidentally drew all over it haha!!!!!!!!

apocalypsegay: SHEthere was a fourth picture but i accidentally drew all over it haha!!!!!!!!