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    Attachment: Man or woman, COVID-19 has attachment issues. by fairythugbrother
MORE MEMES
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Attachment: Man or woman, COVID-19 has attachment issues. by fairythugbrother
MORE MEMES
                
            

            
            
Man or woman, COVID-19 has attachment issues. by fairythugbrother
MORE MEMES

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            







    Attachment: r/AskReddit
 Posted by u/pijeN57.11Hh
 What's the weird way you met one of
 your now best friends?
 Discussion
 3.4k
 Share
 BEST COMMENTS
 GarunixReborn 11h We were at year 7 camp, and he ran...
 MinerOfStarDust 9 . 8h . One of my best friends an I m…
 CarterMT099 10h We were both trying to get with the sa.
 DaPretzelBoi 11h I threw a rock. I wasn't aiming at him,
 Frugal_Midwestern 10h I went to her birthday party in ki...
 PixelLaurs 10h
 My therapist told me it would be a good idea to
 make a friend. I disagreed because I thoughtI
 was doing just fine by myself, but then again I was
 in therapy for an attachment disorder so I wasn't
 really the expert on that. She eventually convinced
 me to give it a try, which I did mostly just to get
 her to stop bothering me about it. I had seen a girl
 walking around my college campus a few times
 wearing elf ears, so I thought, if I have to have a
 friend, that's the one I want. I approached her one
 day at lunch and started a conversation about the
 ears. As it turns out, she told me one of the reas-
 ons she wore them was as a conversation starter
 to help her make friends. I told her it worked
 and asked her flat out if she wanted to be friends
 because social interaction is hard and I didn't
 know how else to go about it. Well, it turns out my
 therapist was right. The elf-ear girl was my maid of
 honor when I got married last August, but I had to
 ask her not to wear them during the ceremony. :)
 Reply 3.9k
This is wholesome in the true sense.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Attachment: r/AskReddit
 Posted by u/pijeN57.11Hh
 What's the weird way you met one of
 your now best friends?
 Discussion
 3.4k
 Share
 BEST COMMENTS
 GarunixReborn 11h We were at year 7 camp, and he ran...
 MinerOfStarDust 9 . 8h . One of my best friends an I m…
 CarterMT099 10h We were both trying to get with the sa.
 DaPretzelBoi 11h I threw a rock. I wasn't aiming at him,
 Frugal_Midwestern 10h I went to her birthday party in ki...
 PixelLaurs 10h
 My therapist told me it would be a good idea to
 make a friend. I disagreed because I thoughtI
 was doing just fine by myself, but then again I was
 in therapy for an attachment disorder so I wasn't
 really the expert on that. She eventually convinced
 me to give it a try, which I did mostly just to get
 her to stop bothering me about it. I had seen a girl
 walking around my college campus a few times
 wearing elf ears, so I thought, if I have to have a
 friend, that's the one I want. I approached her one
 day at lunch and started a conversation about the
 ears. As it turns out, she told me one of the reas-
 ons she wore them was as a conversation starter
 to help her make friends. I told her it worked
 and asked her flat out if she wanted to be friends
 because social interaction is hard and I didn't
 know how else to go about it. Well, it turns out my
 therapist was right. The elf-ear girl was my maid of
 honor when I got married last August, but I had to
 ask her not to wear them during the ceremony. :)
 Reply 3.9k
This is wholesome in the true sense.
                
            

            
            
This is wholesome in the true sense.

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            







    Attachment: frnko-mars:
January 9, 2019 by Katie Clare
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Attachment: frnko-mars:
January 9, 2019 by Katie Clare
                
            

            
            
frnko-mars:
January 9, 2019 by Katie Clare

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            







    Attachment: 15 Things to Give Up If
 You Want to Be Happy
 1. Give up your need to always be right.
 Would I rather be right, or would I rather be
 kind?-Wayne Dyer
 2. Give up your need for control.
 By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is
 won by those who let it go. When you try &
 try, the world is beyond winning. Lao Tzu
 3. Give up on blaming others
 A man can fail many times, but he isn't a
 failure until he begins to blame somebody
 else.- John Burroughs
 4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk.
 The mind is a superb instrument if used
 rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes
 very destructive. Eckhart Tolle
 5. Give up your limiting beliefs.
 A belief is not an idea held by the mind; it is
 an idea that holds the mind. -Elly Roselle
 6. Give up complaining.
 You can complain because roses have
 thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns
 have roses. Ziggy
 7. Give up the luxury of criticism.
 Spend so much time improving yourself that
 you have no time left to criticize others.-
 Christian D. Larsen
 8. Give up your need to impress others.
 Don't try to impress others. Let them have
 the fun of impressing you.-James R.
 Fisher, Jr.
 9. Give up your resistance to change.
 Follow your bliss and the universe will open
 doors for you where there were only walls.-
 Joseph Campbel
 10. Give up labels.
 The highest form of ignorance is when you
 reject something you don't know anything
 about.-Wayne Dyer
 11. Give up on your fears.
 The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
 -Franklin Delano Roosevelt
 12. Give up your excuses.
 99% of failures come from people who have
 the habit of making excuses. -George
 Washington Carver
 13. Give up the past
 Forget the mistakes of the past and press on
 to the greater achievements of the future.
 Christian D. Larsen
 14. Give up attachment.
 The wise individual doesn't get too attached
 to any of life's pleasures, knowing that
 wonderful science is hard at work proving
 it's bad for him. Bill Vaughan
 15. Give up living your life to other
 people's expectations.
 The world is a mirror and reflects back your
 expectations. What you get is what you see.
 You create your own reality.- Denis Waitley
 Source: http://worldobserveronline.com/2012/04/25/15-
 things-you-should-give-up-to-be-happy
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
srsfunny:If You Want To Be Happy
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Attachment: 15 Things to Give Up If
 You Want to Be Happy
 1. Give up your need to always be right.
 Would I rather be right, or would I rather be
 kind?-Wayne Dyer
 2. Give up your need for control.
 By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is
 won by those who let it go. When you try &
 try, the world is beyond winning. Lao Tzu
 3. Give up on blaming others
 A man can fail many times, but he isn't a
 failure until he begins to blame somebody
 else.- John Burroughs
 4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk.
 The mind is a superb instrument if used
 rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes
 very destructive. Eckhart Tolle
 5. Give up your limiting beliefs.
 A belief is not an idea held by the mind; it is
 an idea that holds the mind. -Elly Roselle
 6. Give up complaining.
 You can complain because roses have
 thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns
 have roses. Ziggy
 7. Give up the luxury of criticism.
 Spend so much time improving yourself that
 you have no time left to criticize others.-
 Christian D. Larsen
 8. Give up your need to impress others.
 Don't try to impress others. Let them have
 the fun of impressing you.-James R.
 Fisher, Jr.
 9. Give up your resistance to change.
 Follow your bliss and the universe will open
 doors for you where there were only walls.-
 Joseph Campbel
 10. Give up labels.
 The highest form of ignorance is when you
 reject something you don't know anything
 about.-Wayne Dyer
 11. Give up on your fears.
 The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
 -Franklin Delano Roosevelt
 12. Give up your excuses.
 99% of failures come from people who have
 the habit of making excuses. -George
 Washington Carver
 13. Give up the past
 Forget the mistakes of the past and press on
 to the greater achievements of the future.
 Christian D. Larsen
 14. Give up attachment.
 The wise individual doesn't get too attached
 to any of life's pleasures, knowing that
 wonderful science is hard at work proving
 it's bad for him. Bill Vaughan
 15. Give up living your life to other
 people's expectations.
 The world is a mirror and reflects back your
 expectations. What you get is what you see.
 You create your own reality.- Denis Waitley
 Source: http://worldobserveronline.com/2012/04/25/15-
 things-you-should-give-up-to-be-happy
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
srsfunny:If You Want To Be Happy
                
            

            
            
srsfunny:If You Want To Be Happy

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            







    Attachment: Essential
 Buddhism
 "No one saves us but
 ourselves. No one can and
 no one may. We ourselves
 must walk the path'"
 Gautama Buddha
 What Did Buddha Learn?
 Life is sufferingSuffering is
 Suffering can be
 eliminated
 caused by desire
 and attachment
 How Can Suffering be Eliminated?
 ..The Eightfold Plan
 RIGHT
 VIEW:
 Know the Truth
 RIGHT
 EFFORT:
 Resist Evil
 RIGHT INTENTIONs:
 Free Your Mind
 of Evil
 RIGHT ACTION:
 Good of Others
 Work for the
 :
 :
 \
 RIGHT SPEECH:
 Say Nothing that
 Hurts Others
 RIGHT
 CONCENTRATION:
 Practice Meditation
 RIGHT LIVELIHOOD:
 Respect Life
 RIGHT MINDFULNESS
 Control Your Thoughts

 What are the Eight Auspicious
 Symbols of Buddhism?
 Each symbol represents an aspect of Buddhist teachings:
 CONCH SHELL
 (sankha)
 The Spread of
 the Buddha's
 Teachings
 ENDLESS KNOT
 (shrivatsa):
 Infinite Wisdom
 of the Buddha
 PARASOL
 (chatra):
 Royalty and
 Protection
 GOLD FISHES
 (suvarnamatsya)
 Good Fortune,
 Fertility, and
 Salvation
 TREASURE VASE
 (kalasha)
 Spiritual and
 Material Abundance
 VICTORY BANNER
 (dhvaja)
 Victory of the
 Buddha's Wisdom
 over Ignorance
 WHEEL
 (dharmachakra):
 LOTUS
 (padma)
 Mental and
 Spiritual Purity
 The Teachings
 dr〒ソof the Buddha
 More Interesting Buddhism Facts
 Anyone can be a buddha, but
 there is only one "The Buddha"
 The three tallest
 statues in the world
 are of Buddha
 The Buddha was not
 chubby; he practiced
 moderation and was
 likely slim
 Unlike many other
 religions, Buddhism
 was primarily spread
 peacefully
 Buddhist temples
 are not places of
 worship but places
 where people come
 to study Buddha's
 teachings and
 meditate
 Popular Quotes from
 the Buddha:
 You will not be punished
 for your anger. You will be
 punished by your anger."
 What we think, we become."
 "You yourself, as much as
 anybody in the entire
 universe, deserve your
 love and affection."
 Three things cannot long
 be hidden: the sun, the
 moon, and the truth."
 https://www.factretriever.com/buddhism-facts

 Seek Your Inner Peace
 CNBUYS Zen Garden
<p><a href="https://zengardenamaozn.tumblr.com/post/175492171045/amazing-buddhism-infographic-packed-with" class="tumblr_blog">zengardenamaozn</a>:</p><blockquote><h2><b>Amazing Buddhism infographic packed with mind-blowing facts, little-known history, surprising statistics</b></h2></blockquote>

<p>I’ve wondered why so many Buddha statues are fat 🤔 Like is there a specific reason for that?</p>
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Attachment: Essential
 Buddhism
 "No one saves us but
 ourselves. No one can and
 no one may. We ourselves
 must walk the path'"
 Gautama Buddha
 What Did Buddha Learn?
 Life is sufferingSuffering is
 Suffering can be
 eliminated
 caused by desire
 and attachment
 How Can Suffering be Eliminated?
 ..The Eightfold Plan
 RIGHT
 VIEW:
 Know the Truth
 RIGHT
 EFFORT:
 Resist Evil
 RIGHT INTENTIONs:
 Free Your Mind
 of Evil
 RIGHT ACTION:
 Good of Others
 Work for the
 :
 :
 \
 RIGHT SPEECH:
 Say Nothing that
 Hurts Others
 RIGHT
 CONCENTRATION:
 Practice Meditation
 RIGHT LIVELIHOOD:
 Respect Life
 RIGHT MINDFULNESS
 Control Your Thoughts

 What are the Eight Auspicious
 Symbols of Buddhism?
 Each symbol represents an aspect of Buddhist teachings:
 CONCH SHELL
 (sankha)
 The Spread of
 the Buddha's
 Teachings
 ENDLESS KNOT
 (shrivatsa):
 Infinite Wisdom
 of the Buddha
 PARASOL
 (chatra):
 Royalty and
 Protection
 GOLD FISHES
 (suvarnamatsya)
 Good Fortune,
 Fertility, and
 Salvation
 TREASURE VASE
 (kalasha)
 Spiritual and
 Material Abundance
 VICTORY BANNER
 (dhvaja)
 Victory of the
 Buddha's Wisdom
 over Ignorance
 WHEEL
 (dharmachakra):
 LOTUS
 (padma)
 Mental and
 Spiritual Purity
 The Teachings
 dr〒ソof the Buddha
 More Interesting Buddhism Facts
 Anyone can be a buddha, but
 there is only one "The Buddha"
 The three tallest
 statues in the world
 are of Buddha
 The Buddha was not
 chubby; he practiced
 moderation and was
 likely slim
 Unlike many other
 religions, Buddhism
 was primarily spread
 peacefully
 Buddhist temples
 are not places of
 worship but places
 where people come
 to study Buddha's
 teachings and
 meditate
 Popular Quotes from
 the Buddha:
 You will not be punished
 for your anger. You will be
 punished by your anger."
 What we think, we become."
 "You yourself, as much as
 anybody in the entire
 universe, deserve your
 love and affection."
 Three things cannot long
 be hidden: the sun, the
 moon, and the truth."
 https://www.factretriever.com/buddhism-facts

 Seek Your Inner Peace
 CNBUYS Zen Garden
<p><a href="https://zengardenamaozn.tumblr.com/post/175492171045/amazing-buddhism-infographic-packed-with" class="tumblr_blog">zengardenamaozn</a>:</p><blockquote><h2><b>Amazing Buddhism infographic packed with mind-blowing facts, little-known history, surprising statistics</b></h2></blockquote>

<p>I’ve wondered why so many Buddha statues are fat 🤔 Like is there a specific reason for that?</p>
                
            

            
            
<p><a href="https://zengardenamaozn.tumblr.com/post/175492171045/amazing-buddhism-infographic-packed-with" class="tumblr_blog">zengardena...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            






        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            







    Attachment: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Attachment: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
                
            

            
            
bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejun...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            







    Attachment: theancientwayoflife:

~ Pottery: black-figured kantharos with donkey-head attachment.
Culture/Period: Attic
Date: 520-500 B.C.
Place of origin: Attica, Greece
Medium: Pottery
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Attachment: theancientwayoflife:

~ Pottery: black-figured kantharos with donkey-head attachment.
Culture/Period: Attic
Date: 520-500 B.C.
Place of origin: Attica, Greece
Medium: Pottery
                
            

            
            
theancientwayoflife:

~ Pottery: black-figured kantharos with donkey-head attachment.
Culture/Period: Attic
Date: 520-500 B.C.
Place of o...