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beet: themetaisawesome: tsunasty: deafonyourleft: totallytrailbreaker: skellydun: rip santa. Working in Retail in under 3 minutes i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb transcript:“So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more.So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects?And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is.So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening?So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.” ‘‘Tis the season
beet: themetaisawesome:

tsunasty:

deafonyourleft:

totallytrailbreaker:

skellydun:

rip santa.

Working in Retail in under 3 minutes

i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb

transcript:“So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more.So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects?And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is.So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening?So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.”


‘‘Tis the season

themetaisawesome: tsunasty: deafonyourleft: totallytrailbreaker: skellydun: rip santa. Working in Retail in under 3 minutes i had...

beet: who wants to hear the in my spanish 2 class horrible spanish teacher ao thane's this girl in my apanish 2 class. well cal my teacher miss irving miss irving hates when people dont just listen to her ma am she said to miss irving. iwas at miss irving looked up at kayla and asked for a pass. kayla didn't have one, but she sald viait. miss ining refused to do so and gave put on chapstick or began to eat in class and miss irving began to yell, kayls reed a miss inving would snap at her. slowly, kayla the last straw for her was when she asked miss irving to go to tha counselor during well, then fll give you more work to do at that word, all of the heads in the clasroom aay no to miss irving. but kaylia had fre in her voice, and was now standing up and it. i have issues that i need to take care of that youre supposed to care about s, it's your job problems. and there are times iI need to eat in class or ineed to go to the counselors office because of it, so could you just get off of my miss irving turned beet red and sent her to what followed ws5 battle between the two teachers and asked them to take her aide, bun the other teachers said shey didnt ever hawe kayla went to talk to the principal about the situstion and told her what was going on the lost her teacher of the year awand for that year ahe also received a sarike on har teach miss irving still teaches our class and we still hide her hatred for kayla at all. she expresses it fully to her other classes and most of those but my dlass and i love kayla. because kaylia has a newfound powe, and she doesnt take it for granted. instead, she uses it to help us. and this matters so much to me because, one listen more closely to the teachers lesson, so having tests every class period and it became miss irving started taking poins off for every doodle i made and i mean A LOT of points, and i got an 80 instead of a 100. when itried to explain that it was for my ankiety, she didn't dooding when she started to yell at me for it she came over to my desk and led me through mne my doodle of half a face looked really good, asked me how lang I'd been taking art doing their job, and you can stand up for Kayla vs the Spanish Teacher
beet: who wants to hear the
 in my spanish 2 class
 horrible spanish teacher
 ao thane's this girl in my apanish 2 class.
 well cal my teacher miss irving miss irving
 hates when people dont just listen to her
 ma am she said to miss irving. iwas at
 miss irving looked up at kayla and asked for
 a pass. kayla didn't have one, but she sald
 viait. miss ining refused to do so and gave
 put on chapstick or began to eat in class
 and miss irving began to yell, kayls reed a
 miss inving would snap at her. slowly, kayla
 the last straw for her was when she asked
 miss irving to go to tha counselor during
 well, then fll give you more work to do
 at that word, all of the heads in the clasroom
 aay no to miss irving. but kaylia had fre in
 her voice, and was now standing up and
 it. i have issues that i need to take care of that
 youre supposed to care about s, it's your job
 problems. and there are times iI need to eat in
 class or ineed to go to the counselors office
 because of it, so could you just get off of my
 miss irving turned beet red and sent her to
 what followed ws5
 battle between the two
 teachers and asked them to take her aide, bun
 the other teachers said shey didnt ever hawe
 kayla went to talk to the principal about the
 situstion and told her what was going on the
 lost her teacher of the year awand for that
 year ahe also received a sarike on har teach
 miss irving still teaches our class and we still
 hide her hatred for kayla at all. she expresses
 it fully to her other classes and most of those
 but my dlass and i love kayla. because kaylia
 has a newfound powe, and she doesnt take it
 for granted. instead, she uses it to help us.
 and this matters so much to me because, one
 listen more closely to the teachers lesson, so
 having tests every class period and it became
 miss irving started taking poins off for every
 doodle i made and i mean A LOT of points,
 and i got an 80 instead of a 100. when itried
 to explain that it was for my ankiety, she didn't
 dooding when she started to yell at me for it
 she came over to my desk and led me through
 mne my doodle of half a face looked really
 good, asked me how lang I'd been taking art
 doing their job, and you can stand up for
Kayla vs the Spanish Teacher

Kayla vs the Spanish Teacher

beet: BEET <p>my dad took the day off to surprise me with a breakup cake “sorry you got dumped :( ❤️, dad”</p>
beet: BEET
<p>my dad took the day off to surprise me with a breakup cake “sorry you got dumped :( ❤️, dad”</p>

<p>my dad took the day off to surprise me with a breakup cake “sorry you got dumped :( ❤️, dad”</p>

beet: SAVE THE WHEAT AND FEEL THE BEET FOOLISH MORTAL <p>[<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/surrealmemes/comments/7sifvq/save_the_wheat_feel_the_beet/">Src</a>]</p>
beet: SAVE THE WHEAT
 AND
 FEEL THE BEET
 FOOLISH
 MORTAL
<p>[<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/surrealmemes/comments/7sifvq/save_the_wheat_feel_the_beet/">Src</a>]</p>

<p>[<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/surrealmemes/comments/7sifvq/save_the_wheat_feel_the_beet/">Src</a>]</p>

beet: @caro bearo yesterday i convinced a boy that i am a beet farmer by using quotes from the office a Satan 、UE 12:10 PM 이 94% ■, a Message, oo ure 12:49 PM | ®イ이 84% ■' ..oooVerizon ? Nato Nate Nate lot gosh love it You really like beets? 29 33 Yeah it's really fun! First rule in roadside beet salos, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that mako you pull the car over and go, "Wow, Ineed this beet right now. Those are the money beets. Tlove t yop That's cool 1, 012, 10 13 2942 12 43M Interesting You know What they say, those who can't farm, farm celery My grandfather Jeft me a 60-acre Working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants I don't farm but I love nature. My family built a cabin 50 years ago no electricity. ir's beautiful we l love itt n 2917, 120 P own about 75 acres That's cool That's really cool 60 acre that'sa lot gosh I grew up on a farm. 1 have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken Chicken on goat Couplo of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching You know what they say, those who can't farm, farm celery Yeah it's realy funl First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now. Those aro the money I don't farm but I love nature. My family built a cabin 50 years ago no electricity, It's beautiful we own about 75 acres Thats awesome Type a Message Type a Message- i just woke up then and i feel like i've been punched directly in both eyes it hurts to keep them open.... help?
beet: @caro bearo
 yesterday i convinced a boy that i am a
 beet farmer by using quotes from the
 office
 a Satan
 、UE
 12:10 PM
 이
 94% ■, a Message,
 oo ure 12:49 PM
 | ®イ이 84% ■' ..oooVerizon ?
 Nato
 Nate
 Nate
 lot gosh
 love it
 You really like beets?
 29 33
 Yeah it's really fun! First rule in
 roadside beet salos, put the most
 attractive beets on top. The ones
 that mako you pull the car over
 and go, "Wow, Ineed this beet
 right now. Those are the money
 beets. Tlove t
 yop
 That's cool
 1, 012, 10
 13 2942 12 43M
 Interesting
 You know What they say, those
 who can't farm, farm celery
 My grandfather Jeft me a 60-acre
 Working beet farm. I run it with
 my cousin Mose. We sell beets to
 the local stores and restaurants
 I don't farm but I love nature. My
 family built a cabin 50 years ago
 no electricity. ir's beautiful we
 l love itt
 n 2917, 120 P
 own about 75 acres
 That's cool
 That's really cool 60 acre that'sa
 lot gosh
 I grew up on a farm. 1 have seen
 animals having sex in every
 position imaginable. Goat on
 chicken Chicken on goat Couplo
 of chickens doing a goat, couple
 of pigs watching
 You know what they say, those
 who can't farm, farm celery
 Yeah it's realy funl First rule in
 roadside beet sales, put the most
 attractive beets on top. The ones
 that make you pull the car over
 and go, "Wow, I need this beet
 right now. Those aro the money
 I don't farm but I love nature. My
 family built a cabin 50 years ago
 no electricity, It's beautiful we
 own about 75 acres
 Thats awesome
 Type a Message
 Type a Message-
i just woke up then and i feel like i've been punched directly in both eyes it hurts to keep them open.... help?

i just woke up then and i feel like i've been punched directly in both eyes it hurts to keep them open.... help?

beet: He had cancer as a puppy and wasnt supposed to make it past 1. Now 13 years later and look at us.. Ladies and gents lemme hit with another secret Smash health hack: beet juice. The benefits of this glorious, red nectar of the heavens are legion, and I scarcely have the space to outline them all here, but let me try: (1) lowers blood pressure, (2) detoxes (ladies the summer is short and y'all already done did a number on yo liver), (3) tightens skin and prevents premature aging, (4) boosts energy, (5) has natural sexual performance enhancing qualities basically this shit is Viagra juice 😍, (6) helps digestion. Lemme pause on this one bruh. U gon drink this tall glass of beet juice and u gon see sights, u never thought u see before unless u was DYING. Sit down. Handle yo bidness. Look down. Y'all ever seen the movie The Hunt for Red October? Y'all ever seen them Yeezy sneakers, the Red October? Finna be Red Motherfuckin October in June on yo ass after that beet juice. U gon think u dying. U gon think yo kidney bleeding. U gon think u got a STD (ain't that some shit? Anything happens heath-wise and u just like "I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED MIKE WHEN HE SAID HE GOT TESTED FUCK I'M SO STUPID 😫" 😂). Nah baby u ain't bleeding from yo pancreas. That's that beet juice working. Cleansing. Making up for yo sins. U feel me? Don't fear - just let the magic happen 🤗. Now then. Where to get it? Unfortunately I only have a hack for the city of Chicago - Walgreens on State Street (yes, Walgreens - random AF 😂). They got the super duper hook up. The lady behind the counter friendly AF and don't wanna be there. She will juice whatever TF u ask her to if u nice. Most juice spots load their juice with fillers like apple juice but nah, if u ask her to feed 50 beets thru the juicer she gon do it. And then I ask her to add a lil kiwi for sweetness. Bam. If u in Chicago, there's your hook up (and if u see a sexy young man in a suit waiting on his beet juice well hello to u too, nice to meet u, I'm smash 🤗😂). If u don't live in Chicago, u could cop a juicer off amazon for between 100-200 or make friends with the person at your local juice spot and ask them for the off-menu hook up - all beets and a lil fruit for sweetness. Ya get me! Bless up! 😂😂😂
beet: He had cancer as a puppy and wasnt
 supposed to make it past 1. Now 13
 years later and look at us..
Ladies and gents lemme hit with another secret Smash health hack: beet juice. The benefits of this glorious, red nectar of the heavens are legion, and I scarcely have the space to outline them all here, but let me try: (1) lowers blood pressure, (2) detoxes (ladies the summer is short and y'all already done did a number on yo liver), (3) tightens skin and prevents premature aging, (4) boosts energy, (5) has natural sexual performance enhancing qualities basically this shit is Viagra juice 😍, (6) helps digestion. Lemme pause on this one bruh. U gon drink this tall glass of beet juice and u gon see sights, u never thought u see before unless u was DYING. Sit down. Handle yo bidness. Look down. Y'all ever seen the movie The Hunt for Red October? Y'all ever seen them Yeezy sneakers, the Red October? Finna be Red Motherfuckin October in June on yo ass after that beet juice. U gon think u dying. U gon think yo kidney bleeding. U gon think u got a STD (ain't that some shit? Anything happens heath-wise and u just like "I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED MIKE WHEN HE SAID HE GOT TESTED FUCK I'M SO STUPID 😫" 😂). Nah baby u ain't bleeding from yo pancreas. That's that beet juice working. Cleansing. Making up for yo sins. U feel me? Don't fear - just let the magic happen 🤗. Now then. Where to get it? Unfortunately I only have a hack for the city of Chicago - Walgreens on State Street (yes, Walgreens - random AF 😂). They got the super duper hook up. The lady behind the counter friendly AF and don't wanna be there. She will juice whatever TF u ask her to if u nice. Most juice spots load their juice with fillers like apple juice but nah, if u ask her to feed 50 beets thru the juicer she gon do it. And then I ask her to add a lil kiwi for sweetness. Bam. If u in Chicago, there's your hook up (and if u see a sexy young man in a suit waiting on his beet juice well hello to u too, nice to meet u, I'm smash 🤗😂). If u don't live in Chicago, u could cop a juicer off amazon for between 100-200 or make friends with the person at your local juice spot and ask them for the off-menu hook up - all beets and a lil fruit for sweetness. Ya get me! Bless up! 😂😂😂

Ladies and gents lemme hit with another secret Smash health hack: beet juice. The benefits of this glorious, red nectar of the heavens ar...