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Apple, Beard, and Beautiful: 62,681 do all Americans have pet eagles? Yes I remember my first eagle ceremony when I turned nine. The first eagle you get is always declawed, which I always thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a good way to ease into caring for the birds. My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasnt a terribly clever child) was already quite old when I received him (he was a rescue eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I was 16. I don't know if I was more excited about getting my drivers license that year or my new eagle! You should have seen the party we had when I got him, too! Grilled hot dogs and fire works and lemonade... obviously I named my beautiful new eagle Freedom. He's too big to keep inside anymore, unfortunatey but we've got a pretty comfortable roost for him on our apartment's balcony Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I remember his quite well. (They had just come out with telepathic link transplants when I got him, which is how I know he remembers it.) Our celebration was quite modest, compared to Freedom's-apple pie under a cloudless summer sky as we signed our Declaration of Interdependence. I still have the inked and talon-plerced document hanging on my wall. what is this Get out Canada I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my sisters' eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get home from class since schools are getting so over protective and strict these days and won't allow eagles indoors. Which just goes to show how much we're bubble wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn't handle a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid's eagle you had to just man up and learn your lesson! Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I couldn't use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes weren't the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was worried an eagle wouldn't show up at all. I had to stand in the middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was apologizing for being late. And we've been together ever since. Some people think it's excessive to have two eagles. But what can I say, I'm a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, "You must be a terrorist to call me out over my excesses," but I digress. We don't have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my flag atop a decommissioned WWll aircraft carrier. I was kicking a couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later and got young Colbert here. It's hard work, raising two eagles, but I have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light. Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so l was totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn't just going to net me my eagle and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and the problem here- it's not usually a problem because I make sure to shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays- was that I am, actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn't just one eagle that showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri, all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp America's natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my ulna. Completely missed my little brother's eagle ceremony, which I wil always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me an eagle in my heart. you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny: Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?
Apple, Beard, and Beautiful: 62,681
 do all Americans have pet eagles?
 Yes
 I remember my first eagle ceremony
 when I turned nine. The first eagle you get
 is always declawed, which I always
 thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a
 good way to ease into caring for the birds.
 My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasnt
 a terribly clever child) was already quite
 old when I received him (he was a rescue
 eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I
 was 16. I don't know if I was more excited
 about getting my drivers license that year
 or my new eagle! You should have seen
 the party we had when I got him, too!
 Grilled hot dogs and fire works and
 lemonade... obviously I named my
 beautiful new eagle Freedom. He's too
 big to keep inside anymore, unfortunatey
 but we've got a pretty comfortable roost
 for him on our apartment's balcony
 Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I
 remember his quite well. (They had just come
 out with telepathic link transplants when I got
 him, which is how I know he remembers it.)
 Our celebration was quite modest, compared
 to Freedom's-apple pie under a cloudless
 summer sky as we signed our Declaration of
 Interdependence. I still have the inked and
 talon-plerced document hanging on my wall.
 what is this
 Get out Canada
 I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost
 threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best
 friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really
 massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my
 sisters' eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get
 home from class since schools are getting so over
 protective and strict these days and won't allow eagles
 indoors. Which just goes to show how much we're bubble
 wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn't handle
 a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid's eagle
 you had to just man up and learn your lesson!
 Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather
 unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag
 that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely
 damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone
 according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon
 wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I
 couldn't use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for
 one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes
 weren't the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was
 worried an eagle wouldn't show up at all. I had to stand in the
 middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of
 it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was
 just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of
 nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was
 apologizing for being late. And we've been together ever since.
 Some people think it's excessive to have two eagles. But what can I
 say, I'm a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, "You must be a
 terrorist to call me out over my excesses," but I digress. We don't
 have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my
 flag atop a decommissioned WWll aircraft carrier. I was kicking a
 couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there
 she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later
 and got young Colbert here. It's hard work, raising two eagles, but I
 have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to
 happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light.
 Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so l was
 totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn't just going to net me my eagle
 and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I
 thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom
 and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war
 battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and
 the problem here- it's not usually a problem because I make sure to
 shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays- was that I am,
 actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn't just one eagle that
 showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri,
 all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of
 direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp
 America's natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag
 and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was
 going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the
 other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of
 nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose
 and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive
 surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my
 ulna. Completely missed my little brother's eagle ceremony, which I wil
 always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn
 into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the
 hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me
 an eagle in my heart.
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
srsfunny:

Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?

srsfunny: Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?

Doctor, Family, and Life: Five-Year-Old Girl Dies After Doctor Turns Her Away For Being Late @balleralert HA day Five-Year-Old Girl Dies After Doctor Turns Her Away For Being Late - Blogged by: @RaquelHarrisTV ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Being late to a doctor’s appointment may cost you your life nowadays. At least it did for a 5-year-old girl who died from an asthma attack after an emergency doctor turned her away because she was late. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Ellie-May Clark arrived at The Grange Clinic in Newport, South Wales on January 25, 2015, just five minutes after her 5 p.m. emergency appointment. Ellie May’s family waited in line and reached reception between 5:10 p.m and 5:18 p.m. Unfortunately, their arrival time broke the “10-minute” rule the office has for seeing late patients. The doctor rejected Ellie May and her mother, Shanice Clark, before going through Ellie-May’s records which showed the child had “life-threatening” asthma. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Later that day, Shanice put Ellie-May to bed around 8 p.m. but around 10:30p.m. she could hear her coughing and struggling to breathe. She came into the girl’s room room to find her face and hands had turned blue. Ellie-May was rushed to Royal Gwent Hospital, but died shortly after her arrival. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It is unclear if Ellie-May would’ve survived even if she had been seen by a physician. Regardless, Coroner Wendy James says “Ellie-May Clark died of natural causes where the opportunity to provide potentially life-saving treatment was missed.” James ruled Ellie-May died of natural causes but didn’t reach a neglect ruling for the doctor or hospital.
Doctor, Family, and Life: Five-Year-Old Girl Dies After
 Doctor Turns Her Away For
 Being Late
 @balleralert
 HA
 day
Five-Year-Old Girl Dies After Doctor Turns Her Away For Being Late - Blogged by: @RaquelHarrisTV ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Being late to a doctor’s appointment may cost you your life nowadays. At least it did for a 5-year-old girl who died from an asthma attack after an emergency doctor turned her away because she was late. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Ellie-May Clark arrived at The Grange Clinic in Newport, South Wales on January 25, 2015, just five minutes after her 5 p.m. emergency appointment. Ellie May’s family waited in line and reached reception between 5:10 p.m and 5:18 p.m. Unfortunately, their arrival time broke the “10-minute” rule the office has for seeing late patients. The doctor rejected Ellie May and her mother, Shanice Clark, before going through Ellie-May’s records which showed the child had “life-threatening” asthma. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Later that day, Shanice put Ellie-May to bed around 8 p.m. but around 10:30p.m. she could hear her coughing and struggling to breathe. She came into the girl’s room room to find her face and hands had turned blue. Ellie-May was rushed to Royal Gwent Hospital, but died shortly after her arrival. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It is unclear if Ellie-May would’ve survived even if she had been seen by a physician. Regardless, Coroner Wendy James says “Ellie-May Clark died of natural causes where the opportunity to provide potentially life-saving treatment was missed.” James ruled Ellie-May died of natural causes but didn’t reach a neglect ruling for the doctor or hospital.

Five-Year-Old Girl Dies After Doctor Turns Her Away For Being Late - Blogged by: @RaquelHarrisTV ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Being late to a doctor’...

America, Children, and School: kaijuno: friendlytroll: cutegirlonline: spongebobaesthetic: Spongebob Squarepants season 1 episode 17b: Rock Bottom “This isn’t your average everyday darkness. This is… advanced darkness.” this episode literally scared the shit out of me as a child and to this day when people put raspberries in between their words it creates a sense of fear in me TO THIS DAY Peak surreal horror genius. Something about the perpetually-missed bus adds so much dread…  I know why! I remember a section in my hs sociology class that talked about this. Westerners have a tendency to adhere to a very strict schedule. We all do it. We get pissy when the bus or the subway is late. We get docked for punching in/out late. Westerners live their lives by timetables. Free time is frowned upon (something spawned from the colonial era and is why we have so many after school programs in America - idle hands, the devil, old white Christian men that had sticks up their asses blah blah). Children often feel guilty about missing school, even if they’re sick. Dreams about being late to something are more prevalent among westerners. And so on. This episode played on the fear of being late. Something as simple as missing the bus fills so many people with a dark dread in the pit of their stomach. The anxiety of being somewhere unfamiliar coupled with being late made for, quite frankly, one of the most upsetting and terrifying cartoon episodes of my childhood.
America, Children, and School: kaijuno:

friendlytroll:

cutegirlonline:

spongebobaesthetic:

Spongebob Squarepants season 1 episode 17b: Rock Bottom
“This isn’t your average everyday darkness. This is… advanced darkness.”


this episode literally scared the shit out of me as a child and to this day when people put raspberries in between their words it creates a sense of fear in me TO THIS DAY

Peak surreal horror genius. Something about the perpetually-missed bus adds so much dread… 


I know why! I remember a section in my hs sociology class that talked about this. 
Westerners have a tendency to adhere to a very strict schedule. We all do it. We get pissy when the bus or the subway is late. We get docked for punching in/out late. Westerners live their lives by timetables. Free time is frowned upon (something spawned from the colonial era and is why we have so many after school programs in America - idle hands, the devil, old white Christian men that had sticks up their asses blah blah). Children often feel guilty about missing school, even if they’re sick. Dreams about being late to something are more prevalent among westerners. And so on. 
This episode played on the fear of being late. Something as simple as missing the bus fills so many people with a dark dread in the pit of their stomach. The anxiety of being somewhere unfamiliar coupled with being late made for, quite frankly, one of the most upsetting and terrifying cartoon episodes of my childhood.

kaijuno: friendlytroll: cutegirlonline: spongebobaesthetic: Spongebob Squarepants season 1 episode 17b: Rock Bottom “This isn’t your ave...