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Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That
 Can
 Actually Afford
 PART 3
 PART3
 0
 Remote Controlled Tarantula
 $13.59
 You could seriously scare the shit out of
 people with this one. Arachnophobia is one
 of the most common fears among people. l'o
 recommend using this on someone with
 headphones in. l've gathered from reviews
 that it makes a decent amount of noise.

 USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer
 $14.99
 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet
 fucking awesome at the same time. It's
 better than a mini fridge because it makes
 you drink in moderation.. right?
 Giant Plush Microbes
 S9.99 -$19.99
 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know
 some of you out there are single, but don't
 fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia!
 You don't need to go dumpster diving at a
 sorority house to make friends with these
 cute little guys.

 Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System
 $59.99
 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is
 sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that
 if you have the
 money, this would be a
 worthwhile investment. Those old consoles
 in our closets have seen better days. I think it
 would be nice to get a modern remake of all
 three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than
 buying these three consoles back in their day
 LifeStraw Personal Water Filter
 $19.99
 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters
 water as you suck it in.I might buy one of
 these and put it in my glove compartment in
 my car. If you get stuck in the middle of
 nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink
 straight from a fucking river

 iTouchless Bag Resealer
 $16.98
 This is one of those inventions that was just a
 good fucking idea. Now you never have to go
 looking for that little chip clip thing that
 doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf
 fresh
 4,500 Live Ladybugs
 $17.99
 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody
 would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck
 not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4
 cents per bug.
novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here

novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here

Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That
 Can
 Actually Afford
 PART 3
 PART3
 0
 Remote Controlled Tarantula
 $13.59
 You could seriously scare the shit out of
 people with this one. Arachnophobia is one
 of the most common fears among people. l'o
 recommend using this on someone with
 headphones in. l've gathered from reviews
 that it makes a decent amount of noise.

 USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer
 $14.99
 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet
 fucking awesome at the same time. It's
 better than a mini fridge because it makes
 you drink in moderation.. right?
 Giant Plush Microbes
 S9.99 -$19.99
 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know
 some of you out there are single, but don't
 fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia!
 You don't need to go dumpster diving at a
 sorority house to make friends with these
 cute little guys.

 Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System
 $59.99
 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is
 sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that
 if you have the
 money, this would be a
 worthwhile investment. Those old consoles
 in our closets have seen better days. I think it
 would be nice to get a modern remake of all
 three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than
 buying these three consoles back in their day
 LifeStraw Personal Water Filter
 $19.99
 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters
 water as you suck it in.I might buy one of
 these and put it in my glove compartment in
 my car. If you get stuck in the middle of
 nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink
 straight from a fucking river

 iTouchless Bag Resealer
 $16.98
 This is one of those inventions that was just a
 good fucking idea. Now you never have to go
 looking for that little chip clip thing that
 doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf
 fresh
 4,500 Live Ladybugs
 $17.99
 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody
 would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck
 not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4
 cents per bug.
novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here

novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here

Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That
 Can
 Actually Afford
 PART 3
 PART3
 0
 Remote Controlled Tarantula
 $13.59
 You could seriously scare the shit out of
 people with this one. Arachnophobia is one
 of the most common fears among people. l'o
 recommend using this on someone with
 headphones in. l've gathered from reviews
 that it makes a decent amount of noise.

 USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer
 $14.99
 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet
 fucking awesome at the same time. It's
 better than a mini fridge because it makes
 you drink in moderation.. right?
 Giant Plush Microbes
 S9.99 -$19.99
 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know
 some of you out there are single, but don't
 fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia!
 You don't need to go dumpster diving at a
 sorority house to make friends with these
 cute little guys.

 Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System
 $59.99
 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is
 sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that
 if you have the
 money, this would be a
 worthwhile investment. Those old consoles
 in our closets have seen better days. I think it
 would be nice to get a modern remake of all
 three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than
 buying these three consoles back in their day
 LifeStraw Personal Water Filter
 $19.99
 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters
 water as you suck it in.I might buy one of
 these and put it in my glove compartment in
 my car. If you get stuck in the middle of
 nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink
 straight from a fucking river

 iTouchless Bag Resealer
 $16.98
 This is one of those inventions that was just a
 good fucking idea. Now you never have to go
 looking for that little chip clip thing that
 doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf
 fresh
 4,500 Live Ladybugs
 $17.99
 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody
 would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck
 not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4
 cents per bug.
novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here

novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here

Music, Tumblr, and Work: darktripz: The Epic Of Gilgamesh In Sumerian The EPIC OF GILGAMESH is the earliest great work of literature that we know of, and was first written down by the Sumerians around 2100 B.C. Ancient Sumer was the land that lay between the two rivers, the Tigris and Euphrates, in Mesopotamia. The language that the Sumerians spoke was unrelated to the Semitic languages of their neighbors the Akkadians and Babylonians, and it was written in a syllabary (a kind of alphabet) called “cuneiform”. By 2000 B.C., the language of Sumer had almost completely died out and was used only by scholars (like Latin is today). No one knows how it was pronounced because it has not been heard in 4000 years. What you hear in this video are a few of the opening lines of part of the epic poem, accompanied only by a long-neck, three-string, Sumerian lute known as a “ngish-gu-di”. The instrument is tuned to G - G - D, and although it is similar to other long neck lutes still in use today (the tar, the setar, the saz, etc.) the modern instruments are low tension and strung with fine steel wire. The ancient long neck lutes (such as the Egyptian “nefer”) were strung with gut and behaved slightly differently. The short-neck lute known as the “oud” is strung with gut/nylon, and its sound has much in common with the ancient long-neck lute although the oud is not a fretted instrument and its strings are much shorter (about 25 inches or 63 cm) as compared to 32 inches (82 cm) on a long-neck instrument. For anyone interested in these lutes, I highly recommend THE ARCHAEOMUSICOLOGY OF THE ANCIENT NEAR EAST by Professor Richard Dumbrill. The location for this performance is the courtyard of Nebuchadnezzar’s palace in Babylon. The piece is four minutes long and is intended only as a taste of what the music of ancient Sumer might have sounded like. “The Sumerians” by Grendel Dark
Music, Tumblr, and Work: darktripz:

The Epic Of Gilgamesh In Sumerian

The EPIC OF GILGAMESH is the earliest great work of literature that we know of, and was first written down by the Sumerians around 2100 B.C. 

Ancient Sumer was the land that lay between the two rivers, the Tigris and Euphrates, in Mesopotamia. The language that the Sumerians spoke was unrelated to the Semitic languages of their neighbors the Akkadians and Babylonians, and it was written in a syllabary (a kind of alphabet) called “cuneiform”. By 2000 B.C., the language of Sumer had almost completely died out and was used only by scholars (like Latin is today). No one knows how it was pronounced because it has not been heard in 4000 years.

What you hear in this video are a few of the opening lines of part of the epic poem, accompanied only by a long-neck, three-string, Sumerian lute known as a “ngish-gu-di”. The instrument is tuned to G - G - D, and although it is similar to other long neck lutes still in use today (the tar, the setar, the saz, etc.) the modern instruments are low tension and strung with fine steel wire. The ancient long neck lutes (such as the Egyptian “nefer”) were strung with gut and behaved slightly differently. The short-neck lute known as the “oud” is strung with gut/nylon, and its sound has much in common with the ancient long-neck lute although the oud is not a fretted instrument and its strings are much shorter (about 25 inches or 63 cm) as compared to 32 inches (82 cm) on a long-neck instrument. 

For anyone interested in these lutes, I highly recommend THE ARCHAEOMUSICOLOGY OF THE ANCIENT NEAR EAST by Professor Richard Dumbrill. 

The location for this performance is the courtyard of Nebuchadnezzar’s palace in Babylon. The piece is four minutes long and is intended only as a taste of what the music of ancient Sumer might have sounded like.

“The Sumerians” by Grendel Dark

darktripz: The Epic Of Gilgamesh In Sumerian The EPIC OF GILGAMESH is the earliest great work of literature that we know of, and was first...

England, Facebook, and Friends: Gay couple beaten up for refusing to kiss for men's entertainment f P Melania Geymonat (R) and her girlfriend Chris were beaten up by a gang of men on a London bus (Picture: Sam Webb) concentrated-sunshine: yayfeminism: A gay couple in London were beaten by a gang of men, after refusing to kiss. One of the women, Melania Getmonat wrote this on facebook: “Last Wednesday, I had a date with Chris. We got on the Night Bus, heading for her place in Camden Town, climbed upstairs and took the front seats. We must have kissed or something because these guys came after us. I don’t remember if they were already there or if they got on after us. There were at least four of them. They started behaving like hooligans, demanding that we kissed so they could enjoy watching, calling us ‘lesbians’ and describing sexual positions. I don’t remember the whole episode, but the word ‘scissors’ stuck in my mind. It was only them and us there. In an attempt to calm things down, I started making jokes. I thought this might make them go away. Chris even pretended she was sick, but they kept on harassing us, throwing us coins and becoming more enthusiastic about it. The next thing I know is that Chris is in the middle of the bus fighting with them. On an impulse, I went over there only to find her face bleeding and three of them beating her up. The next thing I know is I’m being punched. I got dizzy at the sight of my blood and fell back. I don’t remember whether or not I lost consciousness. Suddenly the bus had stopped, the police were there and I was bleeding all over. Our stuff was stolen as well. I don’t know yet if my nose is broken, and I haven’t been able to go back to work, but what upsets me the most is that VIOLENCE HAS BECOME A COMMON THING, that sometimes it’s necessary to see a woman bleeding after having been punched to feel some kind of impact. I’m tired of being taken as a SEXUAL OBJECT, of finding out that these situations are usual, of gay friends who were beaten up JUST BECAUSE. We have to endure verbal harassment AND CHAUVINIST, MISOGYNISTIC AND HOMOPHOBIC VIOLENCE because when you stand up for yourself shit like this happens. By the way, I am thankful to all the women and men in my life that understand that HAVING BALLS MEANS SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I just hope that in June, Pride Month, stuff like this can be spoken out loudly so they STOP HAPPENING!” Gay couple beaten for refusing to kiss They have CCTV footage of the motherfuckers, put that shit on the met Twitter feed..blast their faces all over the place and you’ll have them in custody by tea time. What the fucking fuck
England, Facebook, and Friends: Gay couple beaten up for refusing to
 kiss for men's entertainment
 f
 P
 Melania Geymonat (R) and her girlfriend Chris were beaten up by a
 gang of men on a London bus (Picture: Sam Webb)
concentrated-sunshine:
yayfeminism:


A gay couple in London were beaten by a gang of men, after refusing to kiss.
One of the women, Melania Getmonat wrote this on facebook:
“Last Wednesday, I had a date with Chris. We got on the Night Bus, heading for her place in Camden Town, climbed upstairs and took the front seats. We must have kissed or something because these guys came after us. I don’t remember if they were already there or if they got on after us. There were at least four of them. They started behaving like hooligans, demanding that we kissed so they could enjoy watching, calling us ‘lesbians’ and describing sexual positions. I don’t remember the whole episode, but the word ‘scissors’ stuck in my mind. It was only them and us there. In an attempt to calm things down, I started making jokes. I thought this might make them go away. Chris even pretended she was sick, but they kept on harassing us, throwing us coins and becoming more enthusiastic about it. The next thing I know is that Chris is in the middle of the bus fighting with them. On an impulse, I went over there only to find her face bleeding and three of them beating her up. The next thing I know is I’m being punched. I got dizzy at the sight of my blood and fell back. I don’t remember whether or not I lost consciousness. Suddenly the bus had stopped, the police were there and I was bleeding all over. Our stuff was stolen as well. I don’t know yet if my nose is broken, and I haven’t been able to go back to work, but what upsets me the most is that VIOLENCE HAS BECOME A COMMON THING, that sometimes it’s necessary to see a woman bleeding after having been punched to feel some kind of impact. I’m tired of being taken as a SEXUAL OBJECT, of finding out that these situations are usual, of gay friends who were beaten up JUST BECAUSE. We have to endure verbal harassment AND CHAUVINIST, MISOGYNISTIC AND HOMOPHOBIC VIOLENCE because when you stand up for yourself shit like this happens. By the way, I am thankful to all the women and men in my life that understand that HAVING BALLS MEANS SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I just hope that in June, Pride Month, stuff like this can be spoken out loudly so they STOP HAPPENING!”


Gay couple beaten for refusing to kiss
They have CCTV footage of the motherfuckers,  put that shit on the met Twitter feed..blast their faces all over the place and you’ll have them in custody by tea time.


What the fucking fuck

concentrated-sunshine: yayfeminism: A gay couple in London were beaten by a gang of men, after refusing to kiss. One of the women, Melania...

Child Support, Community, and Fucking: Chronic Sex @ChronicSexChat Chronic Sex *Psst* Marriage equality doesn't exist anywhere unless disabled people can marry without losing their benefits Pass it orn 5/21/18, 7:03 AM actualmythicalcreature: somecunttookmyurl: tyse-has-unpopular-opinions: juxtapoesition: oistrong: I’m all for fighting for marriage equality in the LGBT community. But we’re so focused on that no one knows about this problem. W…wait Thats a thing???? Yep! The man I refer to as my husband? We aren’t actually married. We can’t be. If I married him, the government would literally expect me to care for him and be his sole source of income. He would lose all of his benefits, including SSDI. Spouses are expected to share income and that effects ALL of his benefits, even his health insurance. We simply can’t afford to be married. But it goes even further than that. If I were disabled, our incomes would STILL be combined, meaning BOTH of us would have our benefits cut. For people reviving supplemental income, their benefits can be cut anywhere from 25% of their current income all the way down to 0% In fact, one of the stipulations of receiving income under the adult disabled child program (which provides benefits for people who were disabled before age 22) is that they LITERALLY never be married. I normally don’t link to blog posts as resources, but since social service resource sites like to dress this problem up and make it seem smaller than it really is, I’m gonna call it appropriate! Check it out! https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/06/29/op-ed-why-no-matter-what-i-still-cant-marry-my-girlfriend I’m upset about the situation in case you couldn’t tell. Disabled people in the UK do not have marriage equality. If you so much as LIVE with a partner you lose a massive chunk of income Disabled Canadian chiming in - it’s the same here. I can even be kicked off disability for living with a romantic partner for longer than 6 months because then I’m considered common-law, and said partners income is deducted dollar for dollar from my benefits. Things like alimony, spousal support, and child support are also deducted dollar for dollar from my benefits - so you also get in shit for having previous relationships. If I have a roommate, they can request I PROVE that I’m not in a relationship with them by getting character references to swear it. Essentially, anyone whose unlucky enough to love me, is considered my financial caretaker. It fucking sucks.
Child Support, Community, and Fucking: Chronic Sex
 @ChronicSexChat
 Chronic Sex
 *Psst*
 Marriage equality doesn't exist
 anywhere unless disabled people can
 marry without losing their benefits
 Pass it orn
 5/21/18, 7:03 AM
actualmythicalcreature:
somecunttookmyurl:


tyse-has-unpopular-opinions:

juxtapoesition:


oistrong:
I’m all for fighting for marriage equality in the LGBT community. But we’re so focused on that no one knows about this problem.

W…wait Thats a thing????


Yep! The man I refer to as my husband? We aren’t actually married. We can’t be. 
If I married him, the government would literally expect me to care for him and be his sole source of income. He would lose all of his benefits, including SSDI. Spouses are expected to share income and that effects ALL of his benefits, even his health insurance. We simply can’t afford to be married. 
But it goes even further than that. If I were disabled, our incomes would STILL be combined, meaning BOTH of us would have our benefits cut. 
For people reviving supplemental income, their benefits can be cut anywhere from 25% of their current income all the way down to 0%
In fact, one of the stipulations of receiving income under the adult disabled child program (which provides benefits for people who were disabled before age 22) is that they LITERALLY never be married. 
I normally don’t link to blog posts as resources, but since social service resource sites like to dress this problem up and make it seem smaller than it really is, I’m gonna call it appropriate! Check it out!
https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/06/29/op-ed-why-no-matter-what-i-still-cant-marry-my-girlfriend
I’m upset about the situation in case you couldn’t tell. 


Disabled people in the UK do not have marriage equality.

If you so much as LIVE with a partner you lose a massive chunk of income 


Disabled Canadian chiming in - it’s the same here. I can even be kicked off disability for living with a romantic partner for longer than 6 months because then I’m considered common-law, and said partners income is deducted dollar for dollar from my benefits. Things like alimony, spousal support, and child support are also deducted dollar for dollar from my benefits - so you also get in shit for having previous relationships. If I have a roommate, they can request I PROVE that I’m not in a relationship with them by getting character references to swear it. Essentially, anyone whose unlucky enough to love me, is considered my financial caretaker. It fucking sucks.

actualmythicalcreature: somecunttookmyurl: tyse-has-unpopular-opinions: juxtapoesition: oistrong: I’m all for fighting for marriage equ...

Alive, Animals, and Cats: Meg OVeganMegane Vegans who feed their pets meat: u guys have gotta see the bigger picture. We shouldn't support animal exploitation w/ our money That's it. 7/13/16, 10:50 PM aer @thelilmermade @VeganMegane yes um so how would I feed my cat? 7/13/16, 11:02 PM lI VIEW TWEET ACTIVITY Meg @VeganMegane @thelilmermade is your cat male or 7m female? :) check out this website for more info: vegancats.com/ veganfaq.php Meg @VeganMegane @thelilmermade I know you want to best for your companion, and I won't deny that there are risks, but you can minimise those risks! 5m someoneintheshadow456: nautica-the-savant: marbledmartin: thegrumpymathematician: nunyabizni: sarcasmsuitsme: skypig357: iswearimnotnaked: hi hello CATS!!!! CANNOT!!!! BE VEGAN!!!!! i cannot believe i have to fucking say this. dogs are omnivore and IF YOUR VET APPROVES your pooch MAY be able to go on an APPROVED(!!!!!) commercial vegan dog food like the brand “v-dog” which has all the essential vitamins, protein, etc. (the oldest record winning dogs have been vegan) cats are CARNIVORE and cannot fucking live on a vegan diet. a vet would laugh in your face and probably find some way to have your pet taken away from you because you’re obviously not fit to have an animal if you think you can feed a cat a diet based on your own ethics i’m vegan but this is so fucking harmful. it’s about minimizing your harm, not putting your animals on risky diets in an attempt to be perfect. DON’T FUCKING DO THIS TO YOUR PETS Idiot people If you see someone you know doing this, report them for animal cruelty and neglect. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This posts, and many of the notes on it, are bothering me. Ladies, gentlemen, esteemed colleagues from outside the confines of the gender binary; gather ‘round. Let’s throw some science in this joint. 1. Humans. Humans are not cats. Humans are not dogs. One would think this obvious, but people have a tendency to attempt such interspecies comparisons when discussing diet. Humans are order omnivora; we have essentially evolved in a manner that attempts to give us as much dietary flexibility as possible. We do, however, require a substance called B12 (or cobalamin), which is extremely important for brain and nervous system functions, as well as the synthesis of DNA and the construction of red blood cells. We cannot produce this vitamin ourselves–no animal, plant, or fungus can. The enzymes used in cobalamin production are essentially unique to bacteria and archaea–some species of which hang out in the digestive tracks of other animals. We get cobalamin in a roundabout way from fish, shellfish, meat, eggs, milk, and dairy products. While there is no naturally-occurring, vegan source of the vitamin that has been demonstrated effective in a human study of statistically significant sample size, effective synthetic forms do exist and can be used as a substitute.  Cyanocobalamin is one of the most common and is frequently found in fortified foods and vitamins. In short: Humans are omnivores. Humans have evolved for dietary flexibility, including viable vegetarianism. Humans did not evolve for veganism (be extremely suspicious of people who tell you that we did, as they are lying), but due to modern technologies, veganism is also a viable diet that humans can thrive on, should they so choose. 2. Cats. Cats are order carnivora. Cats require (amongst other things) an amino acid called taurine. We’re not quite sure how, exactly, but we know that it’s extremely important to feline heart wall tissue, retinal tissue, and brain tissue amongst other things. Cats cannot manufacture their own taurine, and must get it from other sources–primarily shellfish, fish and meat. Taurine breaks down when heated, so feeding your cat a home-cooked diet rich in this foods is also not necessarily a good idea (talk to a vet). Secondary (read: SUPPLEMENTARY. NOT A SOLE SOURCE OF TAURINE.) sources of taurine for cats include dairy, eggs, and seaweed- or yeast-based taurine supplements. In nature, cats don’t really need to worry about getting enough taurine, because (as you may have noticed), taurine sources are indeed the things that cats tend to catch and eat. However, a cat that lives in a human household is dependent on humans for food, and sometimes humans are utter fucktrucks. In short: Cats are obligate carnivores. Their primary source of nutrition is meat. They must eat meat, preferably as close to raw as possible. They have digestive tracks designed for digesting meat. There are vegan/vegetarian cat kibbles on the market. Do not buy them. Your cat is neither vegan nor vegetarian, and if you adjust their diet as if they were, you are a terrible person who is harming and possibly killing your pet. You suck. End of discussion. 3. Dogs. Dogs are slightly more nuanced here. They are facultative carnivores–meaning that they optimally should eat meat, but can survive on other things if resources are scare. Dogs also need the amino acid taurine, but can technically manufacture it themselves if the proper building blocks are in their diets. They also need vitamin D–D3 is preferable, but D2 can be used to some degree. Dogs are somewhere between us (the true omnivore) and the cat (the true carnivore). A vegan or vegetarian diet will keep a dog alive, certainly, but is unlikely to allow your pet to thrive as it lacks the recommended nutrients. You should probably be feeding your dog meat. The exception here–some dogs are allergic to conventional dog foods, or find symptoms of certain diseases alleviated by vegetarianism. In this case, a veterinarian (not you, layperson, I mean an actual trained veterinarian) may determine that the benefits of putting your dog on a vegetarian/vegan diet outweigh those of feeding your dog meat. This is relatively rare, but does occasionally happen. And no, actually, the oldest dog is not vegan–Bramble is the only dog on this list that I found had some indication of veganism. The oldest dog on record is an Australian Kelpie named Maggie, who was not vegan. It is more likely that Bramble lived that long despite the veganism, not because of it. In short: If a vet thinks that your dog may be allergic to dog food/require a special diet and recommends you try feeding it a vegetarian/vegan diet, listen to your vet. Otherwise? Dogs are carnivora. They do need vegetables and other sources of nutrients, but their optimal fuel, as it were, is meat. Your dog needs meat to be happy. Fucking feed your dog.  Now, I did manage to find two veterinarians who disagree with every other study I dug up and the American Veterinary Medical Association. Their articles are here and here. They don’t really have sources, and are essentially wholly dependent on anecdotal evidence (“my dog is a vegetarian and hasn’t died!”), but for those of you data cherry-pickers reading this, there you go.  As a rule, dogs and cats need meat. If that makes you uncomfortable, that is your problem, not theirs. If you try to implement a vegan or vegetarian diet for your pets because you implemented one for yourself, you shouldn’t have those pets. That is animal abuse. (By the way, those of you not feeding your cats and non-allergic dogs the food they need to survive and thrive? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not love your pets?) TL;DR If you do not want a pet that must be fed meat, you should under no circumstances acquire a cat or a dog. Thank you for your time. Rebloobing for the more detailed info on B12 and obligate carnivore vs true omnivores Always reblog. Dear Vegans, If you’re not willing to at least feed your dogs and cats commercial food, get a rabbit or a parrot.
Alive, Animals, and Cats: Meg
 OVeganMegane
 Vegans who feed their pets meat:
 u guys have gotta see the bigger
 picture. We shouldn't support
 animal exploitation w/ our money
 That's it.
 7/13/16, 10:50 PM

 aer
 @thelilmermade
 @VeganMegane yes um so how
 would I feed my cat?
 7/13/16, 11:02 PM
 lI VIEW TWEET ACTIVITY
 Meg @VeganMegane
 @thelilmermade is your cat male or
 7m
 female? :) check out this website for
 more info: vegancats.com/
 veganfaq.php

 Meg @VeganMegane
 @thelilmermade I know you want to
 best for your companion, and I
 won't deny that there are risks, but
 you can minimise those risks!
 5m
someoneintheshadow456:

nautica-the-savant:

marbledmartin:

thegrumpymathematician:

nunyabizni:

sarcasmsuitsme:

skypig357:

iswearimnotnaked:

hi hello CATS!!!! CANNOT!!!! BE VEGAN!!!!! 

i cannot believe i have to fucking say this. 

dogs are omnivore and IF YOUR VET APPROVES your pooch MAY be able to go on an APPROVED(!!!!!) commercial vegan dog food like the brand “v-dog” which has all the essential vitamins, protein, etc. (the oldest record winning dogs have been vegan) 

cats are CARNIVORE and cannot fucking live on a vegan diet. a vet would laugh in your face and probably find some way to have your pet taken away from you because you’re obviously not fit to have an animal if you think you can feed a cat a diet based on your own ethics 

i’m vegan but this is so fucking harmful. 

it’s about minimizing your harm, not putting your animals on risky diets in an attempt to be perfect. 

DON’T FUCKING DO THIS TO YOUR PETS

Idiot people

If you see someone you know doing this, report them for animal cruelty and neglect.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


This posts, and many of the notes on it, are bothering me. Ladies, gentlemen, esteemed colleagues from outside the confines of the gender binary; gather ‘round. Let’s throw some science in this joint.
1. Humans. Humans are not cats. Humans are not dogs. One would think this obvious, but people have a tendency to attempt such interspecies comparisons when discussing diet. Humans are order omnivora; we have essentially evolved in a manner that attempts to give us as much dietary flexibility as possible. We do, however, require a substance called B12 (or cobalamin), which is extremely important for brain and nervous system functions, as well as the synthesis of DNA and the construction of red blood cells. We cannot produce this vitamin ourselves–no animal, plant, or fungus can. The enzymes used in cobalamin production are essentially unique to bacteria and archaea–some species of which hang out in the digestive tracks of other animals. We get cobalamin in a roundabout way from fish, shellfish, meat, eggs, milk, and dairy products. While there is no naturally-occurring, vegan source of the vitamin that has been demonstrated effective in a human study of statistically significant sample size, effective synthetic forms do exist and can be used as a substitute.  Cyanocobalamin is one of the most common and is frequently found in fortified foods and vitamins. In short: Humans are omnivores. Humans have evolved for dietary flexibility, including viable vegetarianism. Humans did not evolve for veganism (be extremely suspicious of people who tell you that we did, as they are lying), but due to modern technologies, veganism is also a viable diet that humans can thrive on, should they so choose.
2. Cats. Cats are order carnivora. Cats require (amongst other things) an amino acid called taurine. We’re not quite sure how, exactly, but we know that it’s extremely important to feline heart wall tissue, retinal tissue, and brain tissue amongst other things. Cats cannot manufacture their own taurine, and must get it from other sources–primarily shellfish, fish and meat. Taurine breaks down when heated, so feeding your cat a home-cooked diet rich in this foods is also not necessarily a good idea (talk to a vet). Secondary (read: SUPPLEMENTARY. NOT A SOLE SOURCE OF TAURINE.) sources of taurine for cats include dairy, eggs, and seaweed- or yeast-based taurine supplements. In nature, cats don’t really need to worry about getting enough taurine, because (as you may have noticed), taurine sources are indeed the things that cats tend to catch and eat. However, a cat that lives in a human household is dependent on humans for food, and sometimes humans are utter fucktrucks. In short: Cats are obligate carnivores. Their primary source of nutrition is meat. They must eat meat, preferably as close to raw as possible. They have digestive tracks designed for digesting meat. There are vegan/vegetarian cat kibbles on the market. Do not buy them. Your cat is neither vegan nor vegetarian, and if you adjust their diet as if they were, you are a terrible person who is harming and possibly killing your pet. You suck. End of discussion.
3. Dogs. Dogs are slightly more nuanced here. They are facultative carnivores–meaning that they optimally should eat meat, but can survive on other things if resources are scare. Dogs also need the amino acid taurine, but can technically manufacture it themselves if the proper building blocks are in their diets. They also need vitamin D–D3 is preferable, but D2 can be used to some degree. Dogs are somewhere between us (the true omnivore) and the cat (the true carnivore). A vegan or vegetarian diet will keep a dog alive, certainly, but is unlikely to allow your pet to thrive as it lacks the recommended nutrients. You should probably be feeding your dog meat. The exception here–some dogs are allergic to conventional dog foods, or find symptoms of certain diseases alleviated by vegetarianism. In this case, a veterinarian (not you, layperson, I mean an actual trained veterinarian) may determine that the benefits of putting your dog on a vegetarian/vegan diet outweigh those of feeding your dog meat. This is relatively rare, but does occasionally happen. And no, actually, the oldest dog is not vegan–Bramble is the only dog on this list that I found had some indication of veganism. The oldest dog on record is an Australian Kelpie named Maggie, who was not vegan. It is more likely that Bramble lived that long despite the veganism, not because of it. In short: If a vet thinks that your dog may be allergic to dog food/require a special diet and recommends you try feeding it a vegetarian/vegan diet, listen to your vet. Otherwise? Dogs are carnivora. They do need vegetables and other sources of nutrients, but their optimal fuel, as it were, is meat. Your dog needs meat to be happy. Fucking feed your dog. 
Now, I did manage to find two veterinarians who disagree with every other study I dug up and the American Veterinary Medical Association. Their articles are here and here. They don’t really have sources, and are essentially wholly dependent on anecdotal evidence (“my dog is a vegetarian and hasn’t died!”), but for those of you data cherry-pickers reading this, there you go. 
As a rule, dogs and cats need meat. If that makes you uncomfortable, that is your problem, not theirs. If you try to implement a vegan or vegetarian diet for your pets because you implemented one for yourself, you shouldn’t have those pets. That is animal abuse. (By the way, those of you not feeding your cats and non-allergic dogs the food they need to survive and thrive? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not love your pets?)
TL;DR If you do not want a pet that must be fed meat, you should under no circumstances acquire a cat or a dog. Thank you for your time.

Rebloobing for the more detailed info on B12 and obligate carnivore vs true omnivores


Always reblog. 

Dear Vegans,
If you’re not willing to at least feed your dogs and cats commercial food, get a rabbit or a parrot.

someoneintheshadow456: nautica-the-savant: marbledmartin: thegrumpymathematician: nunyabizni: sarcasmsuitsme: skypig357: iswearimnotn...

Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
awesomacious:

A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
awesomacious:

A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C A greatly written story
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s
 You're in charge of assigning every child
 on Earth the monster under their bed
 One child in particular has caused every
 monster assigned to him/her to quit. You
 decide to assign yourself.
 kittenwiskers
 Case: #273402
 Status: Disastrous
 I stare at the file and realize I have no
 options, over the last 2 years every
 monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has
 quit, every last one. Her first monster; a
 giant goldfish-faced humanoid named
 Bubba, had been with her for four years
 and then she wasn't scared of him
 anymore. After that it was a string of
 different common, uncommon, and rare
 monsters... I even assigned a sentient
 sock monster to her. He came back
 crying
 I look on my tablet, only one assignable
 monster left; myself. Field work has never
 been my cup of tea, but desperate times
 call for desperate measures. So at 8:03
 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte
 and her little brother Daniel; I slither into
 the space beneath Charlotte's bed
 Across the room underneath Daniel's crib
 is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind
 of monster.
 I turn my attention to the bed above me,
 Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach
 up over the bed and run an ice cold
 finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it
 again
 "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She
 whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can
 see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door
 somewhere in the house slams and there
 is an audible hitch of breath from above
 me. A few minutes go by I can hear
 Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There
 are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and
 loud panting breaths, Charlotte
 scrambles off the bed and..
 She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With
 Me.
 "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I
 The door to the bedroom slams open and
 I smell the stench of human intoxicants
 before the man even steps inside.
 I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of
 my monsters; she's afraid of her own.
 Francis reaches a hand under the bed
 and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to
 pull, I slither out.
 "What the... I cut Francis's next words
 off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height.
 Looming over the drunken man I caress
 my cold fingers down his face.
 "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my
 child again, I will find you, and I will do
 the same to you, for all eternity." I
 promise to him
 As Francis runs from the room he soils
 himself.
 I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck
 her back under her covers and kiss her
 forehead goodnight. "l'll be back
 tomorrow night, sleep well darling."
 Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the
 monster under her bed
 funny.C
A greatly written story

A greatly written story