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![gesture: sushinfood:
justamerplwithabox:
vivelafat:
prokopetz:
officialdeadparrot:
grellholmes:
elsajeni:
gunslingerannie:
justtkeepcalmm:
dean-and-his-pie:
fororchestra:
musicalmelody:
Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it”
Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect.
To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.
On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.
I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…
Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.
The lengths we go for music.
Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.
One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”
And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:
[stifled giggling]
[reeeeeeally deep breath]
[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]
The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.
In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”
FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.
This is the best band post
Everyone else go home
Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this
which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,
that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that
Who does that?
This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.
Julius IdontgivaFucik
More like Julius Fuckit
Pyrozod’s tags for this were too hilarious not to share](https://pics.ballmemes.com/sushinfood-justamerplwithabox-vivelafat-prokopetz-officialdeadparrot-grellholmes-elsajeni-gunslingerannie-justtkeepcalmm-dean-and-his-pie-69735260.png)
![gesture: Ugh I feel like shit
Celleagues dont talk
to me
Boss hates
work
my
Sigh,I'l just go out for
air
Some
nice
shoes
@freshbatata
a small gesture [OC]](https://pics.ballmemes.com/ugh-i-feel-like-shit-celleagues-dont-talk-to-me-64311932.png)
![gesture: stuartsemple 23m
And the
narc
is...
Send Message
:
X
stuartsemple 23m
The
Lisson
Gallery
Send Message
stuartsemple 23m
Stuart Semp
e Directors
SSON GALLERY
-54 Bell Street
ndon, NW1 5DA
mail and email to: contact@lissongallery.com
BREACH OF TERMS OF SERVICE: CULTUREHUSTLE.COM
ILLEGAL ACQUISITION ON BEHALF OF ANISH KAPOOR OF THE WORLD'S
EST PINK
PII
ear Sirs
aware that you represent Mr. Anish Kapoor, and I write today not to dob him in so that yo
n tell him off but rather to try and resolve this matter. Unlike Kapoor I am not one to 'point th
ger however on this occasion it has become important to do so
old your gallery in the highest esteem, I am a fan of several of your artists, but on this
casion you have been extremely naughty. You have been part of a conspiracy to illegally
tain my PINK and provide Mr. Kapoor with it
e have now finished fully researching this situation and it has come to our attention that you
we been part of a conspiracy to obtain my PINK and provide Mr. Kapoor with it enabling him
exploit the substance against my wishes. Further, this juvenile behaviour made much of the
der artistic community sad thanks to his extremely childish and petty post on instagram
e terms of service on my site CultureHustle.com are incredibly clear
Hote: By
way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor
associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this paint
Il not make its way into that hands of Anish Kapoor
this
duct to your cart you confim that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are
direct violation to the above, on 10th of December 2016 a person by the name of Mr
placed an order via the culturehustle.com website, for one jar of PINK at 5.36am. This
Send Message
stuartsemple 22m
der was placed on behalf of your gallery and was duly delivered to The Lisson Gallery in
ndon at 11.38am on the 13th of December. Shortly after which your gallery provided Mr.
poor with the substance and on 23rd of December 2016 Mr. Kapoor posted a photograph or
stagram showing he was indeed in possession of the substance, he also included the captio
p Yours. The comments on this post clearly demonstrate the negative impact such a gesture
shad upon a whole community. He needs to say sorry for hurting everyone's feelings.
emind you, hoarding colours & stealing other people's colours without asking nicely isn't big
rd it's simply bad.
i said I think it would be best to resolve this matter amicably without this silly business
calating any further. However, if we are unable to resolve this in a timely and grown up way
n fully prepared to take further action which will no doubt become stressful and expensive.
erefore I would appreciate it if:
1. Your gallery would say sorry for giving my pink to Mr. Kapoor
2 Mr. Kapoor would give me my PINK back. I don't want him to have it
3. He will write 100 lines 'I will be nice, I will share my colours and he will post the same
his instagram
iling the above, an agreeable settlement would also be
1. The re-imbursement of £3.99 (the cost of the PINK minus shipping)
2 And Mr. Kapoor to void his exclusive agreement over the use of Vanta Black in art.
you were to settle as above I will be more than happy to share all my colours with him, so he
esn't feel left out and can join in with the rest of us.
ok forward to resolving this matter
ours
uart Semple
Send Message
capsgirl19:
residesatshamecentral:
groot-scamander:
troublesomegay:
spontaneousmusicalnumber:
fox-smulders:
STUART SEMPLE FOUND THE PINK NARC.
God this is the greatest art feud of our time.
Read the conditions of settlement. It’s gold.
Captioned because even I’m having trouble reading this:
[A screenshot from snapchat of a document that is cut off on the extreme edges, erasing the first and last two or three letters from each line. Doing my best to correctly transcribe]
Breach of terms of service: culturehustle.comIllegal acquisition on behalf of Anish Kapoor of the World’s Pinkest Pink
Dear Sirs,
I am aware that you represent Mr. Anish Kapoor, and I write today not to dob him in so that you can tell him off but rather to try and resolve this matter. Unlike Kapoor I am not one to ‘point the finger’ however on this occasion it has become important to do so.
I hold your gallery in the highest esteem, I am a fan of several of your artists, but on this occasion you have been extremely naughty. You have been part of a conspiracy to obtain my PINK and provide Mr. Kapoor with it.
We have now finished fully researching this situation and it has come to your attention that you have been part of a conspiracy to obtain my PINK and provide Mr. Kapoor with it enabling him to exploit the substance against my wishes. Further, this juvenile behavior made much of the wider artistic community sad thanks to his extremely petty and childish post on Instagram.
The terms of service on my site CultureHustle.com are incredibly clear:Quote: By adding this product to your cart you agree that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this product will not make its way into that hands of Anish Kapoor.
In direct violation to the above, on 10th of December 2016 a person by the name of Mr [Blanked out] placed an order via the culturehustle.com website, for one jar of PINK at 5:36 am. This order was placed on behalf of your gallery and was delivered to the Lisson Gallery in London at 11:38 am on the 13th of December. Shortly after which your gallery provided Mr. Kapoor with the substance and on the 23rd of December 2016 Mr. Kapoor posted a photograph on Instagram showing he was indeed in possession of the substance, he also included the caption ‘Up Yours’. The comments on this post clearly demonstrate the negative impact such a gesture has had upon a wide community. He needs to say sorry for hurting everyone’s feelings.
I remind you, hoarding colours and stealing other people’s colours without asking nicely isn’t big -rd it’s simply bad.
I said I think it would be best to resolve this matter amicably without this silly business escalating any further. However, if we are unable to resolve this in a timely and grown up way I am fully prepared to take further action which will no doubt become stressful and expensive.
Therefore I would appreciate it if:1. Your gallery would say sorry for giving my pink to Mr. Kapoor. 2. Mr. Kapoor would give me my pink back. I don’t want him to have it. 3. He will write 100 times, ‘I will be nice, I will share my colours’ and he will post the same to his Instagram.
Failing the above, an agreeable settlement would also be:1. The reimbursement of $3.99 (the cost of PINK minus shipping)2. And Mr. Kapoor to void his exclusive agreement to the use of Vanta Black in art.
If you were to settle as above I will be more than happy to share all my colours with him, so he doesn’t feel left out and can join in with the rest of us.
I look forward to resolving this matter.
Yours,
Stuart Semple
Thank you for captioning this! I’d seen it before but never been able to read it.
Alright this is hilarious because
Since they broke contract, he can sue them
To avoid getting sued, they need to humilate themselves publicly AND convince Kapoor to do likewise
If they don’t want to humiliate themselves and avoid getting sued, they need to convince Kapoor to give up his color copyright
Stuart Semple everybody!
I… oh my gods this was always the plan. An irresistible Trojan horse. Of course Kapoor would get his hands on it, that was only a matter of time, and now Semple’s backed them into a corner. Is this what watching chess feels like?](https://pics.ballmemes.com/stuartsemple-23m-and-the-narc-is-send-message-x-62514168.png)
