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Alive, Beard, and Calvin Johnson: dail alexander Follow drucila616 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy? ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at al WITNESS: Yes ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how I5 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? And last Stitch ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law skrill-cosby oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes Source 1,411,980 notes Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes
Alive, Beard, and Calvin Johnson: dail
 alexander Follow
 drucila616
 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
 These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts
 and are things people actually said in court, word for
 word, taken down and published by court reporters
 that had the torment of staying calm while the
 exchanges were taking place
 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband
 said to you that morning?
 WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?
 ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
 WITNESS: My name is Susan!
 ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
 the impact?
 WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
 WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there
 ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
 WITNESS: July 18th
 ATTORNEY: What year?
 WITNESS: Every year
 ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
 you?
 WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
 remember which
 ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
 WITNESS: Forty-five years
 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
 your memory at al
 WITNESS: Yes
 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
 memory?
 WITNESS: I forget..
 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
 of something you forgot?
 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
 person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it
 until the next morning?
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
 ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how
 I5
 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
 ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
 taken?
 WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
 ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
 was
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS: Getting laid
 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 WITNESS: None.
 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
 WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
 attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
 WITNESS: By death.
 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
 WITNESS: Take a guess
 ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
 beard
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
 WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going
 with male
 ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
 pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
 attorney?
 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work
 ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
 have you performed on dead people?
 WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much
 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
 What school did you go to?
 WITNESS: Oral..
 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
 the body?
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
 WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
 ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
 And last
 Stitch
 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
 autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
 was alive when you began the autopsy?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
 ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili
 been alive, nevertheless?
 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
 alive and practicing law
 skrill-cosby
 oh my god these are great
 fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
 Source
 1,411,980 notes
Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes

Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes

Abc, Girls, and Money: ooo Verizon 9:27 PM O 71%) a Search ABC News NEWS 5 hrs. 14-year-old Utah teen gives every girl in his school a Valentine's Day chocolate to let them know that they are "special and unique" after learning about high rates of depression in young teen girls. Utah teen gives chocolates to all 537 girls in school ABC News 16K Shares Like Comment share Write a comment... Post reachmouse: buttermilk-thegoat: Don’t read the comments on this article. The kid did it because he was learning about how teenage girls suffer from depression more than any other age group, and didn’t want any girls going home feeling sad on Valentine’s Day. Ofc half the comments are like “what an EPIC playa, bet he got some action after that hahaha” or “why do these special snowflakes need a handout like this” or “what kind of Richie Rich kid” (chocolate company donated the boxes after learning why he wanted so much) Like… why is humanity like this THIS BURNS MY BACON, LET ME SHARE WHY.  At the school where I work, we had a similar lovely Valentine’s moment:  One of our seniors bought hundreds of roses on Valentine’s Day. Every girl in every grade got one; there were enough left over for staff and extras for others who might want one. This is our library bouquet.  One year ago, our school lost a student to suicide. As Valentine’s Day was approaching, this sad anniversary was all our student body was talking about and remembering. This senior student decided to try to lift us up from that narrative, and literally fill the halls with flowers. The surprise was carried out flawlessly – even his own sister didn’t know what he was about to do.  I have rarely seen a happier school holiday.  I’ve seen EXACTLY those comments on social media about what happened with us, and about similar gestures from high school students. Lots of “spoiled kids with money”, lots of “this is just to get laid”.  I don’t think this diminishes my senior student or his gesture at all, but it diminishes us when good things happen and we turn around and reduce these moments to their most cynical interpretation. And that’s not even touching on what it says when people feel the need to belittle younger people for trying to do good; the kids can’t catch a break from some people. Can’t we take sweet things at face value the way we do all the darkness out there lately? 
Abc, Girls, and Money: ooo Verizon
 9:27 PM
 O 71%)
 a Search
 ABC News
 NEWS 5 hrs.
 14-year-old Utah teen gives every girl in his school a
 Valentine's Day chocolate to let them know that they
 are "special and unique" after learning about high
 rates of depression in young teen girls.
 Utah teen gives chocolates to all 537 girls in school
 ABC News
 16K Shares
 Like
 Comment
 share
 Write a comment...
 Post
reachmouse:

buttermilk-thegoat:
Don’t read the comments on this article. The kid did it because he was learning about how teenage girls suffer from depression more than any other age group, and didn’t want any girls going home feeling sad on Valentine’s Day. 
Ofc half the comments are like “what an EPIC playa, bet he got some action after that hahaha” or “why do these special snowflakes need a handout like this” or “what kind of Richie Rich kid” (chocolate company donated the boxes after learning why he wanted so much)
Like… why is humanity like this
THIS BURNS MY BACON, LET ME SHARE WHY. 
At the school where I work, we had a similar lovely Valentine’s moment: 
One of our seniors bought hundreds of roses on Valentine’s Day. Every girl in every grade got one; there were enough left over for staff and extras for others who might want one. This is our library bouquet. 
One year ago, our school lost a student to suicide. As Valentine’s Day was approaching, this sad anniversary was all our student body was talking about and remembering. This senior student decided to try to lift us up from that narrative, and literally fill the halls with flowers. The surprise was carried out flawlessly – even his own sister didn’t know what he was about to do. 
I have rarely seen a happier school holiday. 
I’ve seen EXACTLY those comments on social media about what happened with us, and about similar gestures from high school students. Lots of “spoiled kids with money”, lots of “this is just to get laid”. 
I don’t think this diminishes my senior student or his gesture at all, but it diminishes us when good things happen and we turn around and reduce these moments to their most cynical interpretation. And that’s not even touching on what it says when people feel the need to belittle younger people for trying to do good; the kids can’t catch a break from some people.
Can’t we take sweet things at face value the way we do all the darkness out there lately? 

reachmouse: buttermilk-thegoat: Don’t read the comments on this article. The kid did it because he was learning about how teenage girls suf...

Amazon, Ass, and Books: Millennials Are Out- Reading Older Generations But younger Americans value library services less than more senior cohorts, study finds natural–blues: decrystallize: witchtimez: onlyblackgirl: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: This came up on my facebook feed and I am so excited to see how generation Xers and Baby Boomers will find a way to use this to shit on millenials anyways nice okay we’re off to a good start oh boy do i have something to tell you about millennials, working, and debt that’s gonna absolutely blow your socks off banksy’s family found this article Why old people so mad. It’s funny because millennials can pretty much multitask like it’s second nature simply because it’s necessary to keep up with society, while baby boomers whine about reading subtitles and can’t seem to program anything more complicated than a VCR. But sure, ok, the kids are lazy and have entitlement complexes Older Generations: -Make comics about kids not knowing how books work- Millenials: -Read more books than anyone else- Older Generations: …no we changed our minds reading a lot is lazy and entitled now I had a professor, way older, talk at a great length about how his generation is more well read than Millenials. When it was brought up that our generation reads more, he literally came out of nowhere with “Well, that’s not the point. See, my generation was better informed. You kids don’t know what it is to actually sit down and read for information. This generation is the least informed of any previous generation! Other generations sat and read, listened to the radio for information. There’s access, but are any of you *actually* informed? No. If I wanted to know what happened in Finland to make it a country, I would go to the library, speak to another human being, and check out books to read on the subject. We were happy to do it.” A girl a few seats behind me goes, “Bullshit. If I want to know that, I can Google that in a few seconds depending on my signal. I can youtube or Netflix a documentary on Finnish History. I can listen to podcasts made by Scandinavian historians. I can use Duolingo to get a better than basic understanding of the language, and use Amazon same-day to get a book in my hand by my last class of the day, delivered to the class. I can order Finnish food on my ubereats app, find a language partner chat app to video with people in Helsinki, use Google Earth to visit, patronise interactive museums, and stream the most popular films from the country *right now*. If I so desire I can take an opensource course from a highly accredited university about the same subject and apply to study abroad with a trusted program with the click of a button. I can use Tinder to find me someone there to get some with, I can buy plane tickets and find a top rated hotel for a good price with great reviews and stream their local radio stations with an app. I can buy train tickets, bus tickets and rent a car. We aren’t less informed. We just don’t learn things we don’t give a shit about or need just to say we did all smug about it. Stop sneering at us for the access your generation dreamed of giving us actually happening just because your old ass doesn’t know how to use it.”
Amazon, Ass, and Books: Millennials Are Out-
 Reading Older Generations
 But younger Americans value library services less than more senior
 cohorts, study finds
natural–blues:

decrystallize:

witchtimez:

onlyblackgirl:

m4ge:

m4ge:

m4ge:

m4ge:

This came up on my facebook feed and I am so excited to see how generation Xers and Baby Boomers will find a way to use this to shit on millenials anyways


nice okay we’re off to a good start


oh boy do i have something to tell you about millennials, working, and debt that’s gonna absolutely blow your socks off


banksy’s family found this article

Why old people so mad.

It’s funny because millennials can pretty much multitask like it’s second nature simply because it’s necessary to keep up with society, while baby boomers whine about reading subtitles and can’t seem to program anything more complicated than a VCR.
But sure, ok, the kids are lazy and have entitlement complexes

Older Generations: -Make comics about kids not knowing how books work-
Millenials: -Read more books than anyone else-
Older Generations: …no we changed our minds reading a lot is lazy and entitled now


I had a professor, way older, talk at a great length about how his generation is more well read than Millenials. When it was brought up that our generation reads more, he literally came out of nowhere with “Well, that’s not the point. See, my generation was better informed. You kids don’t know what it is to actually sit down and read for information. This generation is the least informed of any previous generation! Other generations sat and read, listened to the radio for information. There’s access, but are any of you *actually* informed? No. If I wanted to know what happened in Finland to make it a country, I would go to the library, speak to another human being, and check out books to read on the subject. We were happy to do it.”
A girl a few seats behind me goes,  “Bullshit. If I want to know that, I can Google that in a few seconds depending on my signal. I can youtube or Netflix a documentary on Finnish History. I can listen to podcasts made by Scandinavian historians. I can use Duolingo to get a better than basic understanding of the language, and use Amazon same-day to get a book in my hand by my last class of the day, delivered to the class. I can order Finnish food on my ubereats app, find a language partner chat app to video with people in Helsinki, use Google Earth to visit, patronise interactive museums, and stream the most popular films from the country *right now*. If I so desire I can take an opensource course from a highly accredited university about the same subject and apply to study abroad with a trusted program with the click of a button. I can use Tinder to find me someone there to get some with, I can buy plane tickets and find a top rated hotel for a good price with great reviews and stream their local radio stations with an app. I can buy train tickets, bus tickets and rent a car. We aren’t less informed. We just don’t learn things we don’t give a shit about or need just to say we did all smug about it. Stop sneering at us for the access your generation dreamed of giving us actually happening just because your old ass doesn’t know how to use it.”

natural–blues: decrystallize: witchtimez: onlyblackgirl: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: This came up on my facebook feed and I am so excite...