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    Advice, Ass, and Bad: Saving Your Grades From
 A Mental Health Crisis
 What To Do Before, During, And After
 by SmartStudy.tumblr.com

 IF YOUR GRADES ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
 CONTACT YOUR TEACHERS
 This should be the first thing you do when you realise you're in crisis. Email them, and explain your
 situation in short, professional terms. You do not have to include details about your condition. "I have
 a mental health condition" should suffice as to the nature of the issue.
 Tell them that you are going to arrange to see a medical professional as soon as possible, and ask what
 process you should go through to defer/get an extension on assessment, and if they can help you in
 any way.
 Other people you may have to contact or CC in the email (depending on your school):
 University
 High School
 Head of House
 Class Coordinator
 Faculty/School Admin
 Disability Advisor
 Grade Coordinator
 Head of Department
 Academic Admin
 Counsellor
 School Counsellor
 Student Advocate
 BOOK A DOCTOR/THERAPIST APPOINTMENT ASAP
 This will be the person who can vouch for you the most. It's best if you have seen them before and
 they know you. If you can't get an appointment within a few days, call them and email them (if you
 haven't seen them before this will not work). Make sure to check out what counselling your university
 or school offers.
 During this appointment, the priority is to make a plan to get you back on your feet. This effort will
 not be useful if you stay a mess. Once you've figured that out, get two things from this person. One is
 a medical certificate/letter stating that you have, in fact, been going through this crisis. Second is a
 letter that describes the nature of the crisis, what treatment you're going through, and which people
 to contact (psychiatrists, etc.) who can vouch for this.
 Note: The reason I say to get two letters is because there is still a huge stigma around mental illness,
 and you don't want to reveal that you've got a disorder that's highly stigmatised, only to have it come
 back and bite you in the ass later. Don't provide details unless it's necessary or asked for.
 A STUDENT
 KNOW YOUR RIGHTS AS
 Most schools and institutions will have a list of a student's rights and responsibilities online. Look them
 up. Know what your rights are as a student. Also look to see if there are state/national laws protecting
 you, or if your school is a part of a network of schools that has its own code. Some people working in
 schools still think mental health issues are trivial, and you never know when they're going to ignore a
 rule to suit themselves. Make sure you can pick on this if it happens to you.
 Pretty much all schools will have protection in place for students with mental illnesses and disabilities,
 so even if you a miss a deadline for a form or make another mistake, they should take your exceptional
 circumstances into account. This is where a student or disability advisor from school can help you.
 ottom

 IF YOU HAVEN'T REACHED CRISIS YET
 TALK TO A DOCTOR/THERAPIST/COUNSELLOR/TRUSTED ADULT
 If you're going through a hard time, talk to someone who can help you. Any trusted adult or
 professional can help you get back on your feet before it's too late, or refer you to someone who can.
 If it's a new issue, you'll have to see someone like a GP who can refer you to a therapist or mental
 health service.
 Talk to them about what's been happening, and say that you need help. Sometimes, even talking
 about the problem can help you feel better. In these situations, they can also help you figure out what
 you can do at school to catch up/get special help.
 FIGURE OUT HOW TO STUDY WHILE IN A BAD STATE
 Even if you're getting help, it might be some time before you're fully back on track. In these instances,
 try to make the best of a bad situation.
 Can't leave the house? Access lecture recordings and eBooks. Ask your friends to send you their notes,
 or ask the teacher if you can submit your homework via email, or through a friend. Have trouble
 concentrating? Figure out how long you can study without needing a break, and make a schedule
 around that.
 Always make sure to ask your teachers if they can help you with this. Whether it be slightly changing
 the requirements or conditions of a piece of assessment, or simply their understanding that you may
 not be able to attend perfectly, it can make a big difference with your overall marks. If they don't know
 you're struggling, they can't help!
 DON'T PUSH YOURSELF OR OVERTHINK
 When you realise there's an issue, it's easy to fall into panic or try to power through. Don't do this. It'll
 just make you more stressed and aggravate the existing problems, which will make things much worse
 in the long run.
 Though it's hard to believe sometimes, your health and mental health are more important than your
 grades. You can't ignore your mind when it's screaming at you that something is wrong. Listen to it,
 and be easy on yourself.
 The best way to get back to your full potential to ask for help and give yourself what you need. Take a
 break when you need one and practise self-care. It's more important than you might things.

 RECOVERING FROM A BREAKDOWN
 ACCEPT THAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH SOMETHING MAJOR
 Once the worst has passed, some people try to brush it off and pretend it never happened. They can
 feel ashamed or embarrassed about what they went through. However, there is absolutely nothing to
 be ashamed or embarrassed about, especially if you had a pre-existing mental health condition. Every
 life has ups and downs and just because yours were a bit more serious than some people's, it doesn't
 mean that you're weak somehow.
 The best thing you can do for yourself is to recognise what happened, and work to prevent it from
 happening again by setting up crisis plans and support networks.
 GET TUTORING TO CATCH UP
 If you've fallen behind, don't worry. There are plenty of ways to catch yourself up and get back on
 track. The best way is to hire a tutor. They can guide you through the work, help you understand
 difficult concepts, and identify the places you need more help.
 Yes, tutors can be expensive, but there's a way to get around this. See if there is anyone who took
 your class the year before who might be willing to tutor you for an hour each week for a discounted
 prince. Similarly, see if there are any students who can help you in exchange for something like
 instrument lessons. And if any of your friends are academically gifted, I'm sure they'd be able to help.
 If all else fails, go to office hours and any free tutoring sessions your school or university offers. Do
 some research, ask around, see what's there.
 PACE YOURSELF AND DON'T RUSH IN
 After a breakdown or crisis, you may be tempted to throw yourself back into your work to catch up.
 Don't! You'll become overwhelmed and end up back at square one. Remember, you've just been
 through a very difficult situation and you're not going to get better overnight.
 Ease yourself in. I definitely recommend starting with a reduced or part-time study load if possible.
 Remember that you may not be back at your full capacity just yet, and difficulties concentrating and
 being motivated could make things hard. By starting off slowly, you're able to get used to studying
 again without too much pressure.
 DEVELOP A ROUTINE
 Yes, this advice is in every piece of study advice ever, but you shouldn't develop just any routine.
 Develop one that allows you plenty of breaks and takes into consider any issues you may have with
 fatigue or focusing. If your breakdown was caused by overwork, make sure this one is easier on you.
 Things to include you could include in a healthy routine (but don't micromanage!):
 "I feel crap" time*
 Breaks and meals
 Plenty of sleep and rest
 "You" time (treat yo self)
 Time to plan for the next week
 Exercise (have you tried yoga? Kidding)
 Meditation/mindfulness
 Friend/family social time
 * Remember that the thoughts and feelings caused by mental illness are not shameful, and ignoring
 and forcing them down will only make them worse. If you need to lie in bed feeling miserable, do it.

 THINGS TO REMEMBER
 DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
 It can be easy to look at other people and see your own flaws, but it's important to try not to. Every
 person has different experiences and struggles, so it's not fair to yourself to look at someone without
 yours and think you're behind in some way.
 Taking longer to complete your studies isn't shameful. Making mistakes isn't shameful. Needing
 breaks isn't shameful. You'll get where you need to be in the end. Have patience.
 GRADES DON'T DEFINE YOU
 I spent so much of my life thinking my only worth came from my academic success. And guess what?
 This just led to more anxiety and depression. It's important to realise that things like grades, class
 rankings, GPAS, and "intelligence" aren't that important. Who you are and what you do is far more
 important than these arbitrary labels.
 THERE IS A STIGMA, SO BE PREPARED
 It's an unfortunate reality, but there is still a stigma against mental health issues and there is a chance
 it might affect your experiences while dealing with administrative staff and teachers. There have been
 stories about people telling their people supposed to be guiding them that they have mental health
 issues, and being dismissed because "it's a girl issue" or "it's all in their head".
 Be prepared in case this happens to you. Remind people that it's a medical condition and that you can
 get proof from medical professionals if need be. Plus, there is probably something in your school's
 policies or even the law that protects you when you have a mental illness.
 Remember that just because people are ignorant, that doesn't mean your issue is not 100% real and
 important. Don't let these people make you feel worse.
 YOU CAN DO THIS
 In our darkest moments, it can be hard to believe that we're capable of immense strength, but I
 promise you we are. Whatever obstacle is in your path right now - even if it's your brain chemistry -
 you are going to get through this.
 You've made it through every worst day you've had so far. You've made it through the dark and scary
 moments, and you've come out the other end stronger and wiser.
 Remember that you are strong, and even when you don't feel like it, there is always support available
 to help you realise that strength again.
 tmblimteom
apricot-studies:
smartstudy:

Hey guys. I’m glad to be finally posting my “mental breakdown survival guide”. As you know I struggle a lot with mental health, and so I have been through a lot of breakdowns. So many that I actually dropped out of university after 3 weeks in 2016 and had to take the whole year off. Because of this, I’ve made it my mission to help others with mental health issues as much as I can, so you don’t have to go through what I’ve been through.
Anyway, here is my guide. I tried to keep it general, and actually useful. If you have any questions or additions please feel free to add them. 
And as ever, if you want to talk to me about studying with mental illness or want to see a post on a specific topic, please feel free to message me. 

thank you so much for this

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Advice, Ass, and Bad: Saving Your Grades From
 A Mental Health Crisis
 What To Do Before, During, And After
 by SmartStudy.tumblr.com

 IF YOUR GRADES ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
 CONTACT YOUR TEACHERS
 This should be the first thing you do when you realise you're in crisis. Email them, and explain your
 situation in short, professional terms. You do not have to include details about your condition. "I have
 a mental health condition" should suffice as to the nature of the issue.
 Tell them that you are going to arrange to see a medical professional as soon as possible, and ask what
 process you should go through to defer/get an extension on assessment, and if they can help you in
 any way.
 Other people you may have to contact or CC in the email (depending on your school):
 University
 High School
 Head of House
 Class Coordinator
 Faculty/School Admin
 Disability Advisor
 Grade Coordinator
 Head of Department
 Academic Admin
 Counsellor
 School Counsellor
 Student Advocate
 BOOK A DOCTOR/THERAPIST APPOINTMENT ASAP
 This will be the person who can vouch for you the most. It's best if you have seen them before and
 they know you. If you can't get an appointment within a few days, call them and email them (if you
 haven't seen them before this will not work). Make sure to check out what counselling your university
 or school offers.
 During this appointment, the priority is to make a plan to get you back on your feet. This effort will
 not be useful if you stay a mess. Once you've figured that out, get two things from this person. One is
 a medical certificate/letter stating that you have, in fact, been going through this crisis. Second is a
 letter that describes the nature of the crisis, what treatment you're going through, and which people
 to contact (psychiatrists, etc.) who can vouch for this.
 Note: The reason I say to get two letters is because there is still a huge stigma around mental illness,
 and you don't want to reveal that you've got a disorder that's highly stigmatised, only to have it come
 back and bite you in the ass later. Don't provide details unless it's necessary or asked for.
 A STUDENT
 KNOW YOUR RIGHTS AS
 Most schools and institutions will have a list of a student's rights and responsibilities online. Look them
 up. Know what your rights are as a student. Also look to see if there are state/national laws protecting
 you, or if your school is a part of a network of schools that has its own code. Some people working in
 schools still think mental health issues are trivial, and you never know when they're going to ignore a
 rule to suit themselves. Make sure you can pick on this if it happens to you.
 Pretty much all schools will have protection in place for students with mental illnesses and disabilities,
 so even if you a miss a deadline for a form or make another mistake, they should take your exceptional
 circumstances into account. This is where a student or disability advisor from school can help you.
 ottom

 IF YOU HAVEN'T REACHED CRISIS YET
 TALK TO A DOCTOR/THERAPIST/COUNSELLOR/TRUSTED ADULT
 If you're going through a hard time, talk to someone who can help you. Any trusted adult or
 professional can help you get back on your feet before it's too late, or refer you to someone who can.
 If it's a new issue, you'll have to see someone like a GP who can refer you to a therapist or mental
 health service.
 Talk to them about what's been happening, and say that you need help. Sometimes, even talking
 about the problem can help you feel better. In these situations, they can also help you figure out what
 you can do at school to catch up/get special help.
 FIGURE OUT HOW TO STUDY WHILE IN A BAD STATE
 Even if you're getting help, it might be some time before you're fully back on track. In these instances,
 try to make the best of a bad situation.
 Can't leave the house? Access lecture recordings and eBooks. Ask your friends to send you their notes,
 or ask the teacher if you can submit your homework via email, or through a friend. Have trouble
 concentrating? Figure out how long you can study without needing a break, and make a schedule
 around that.
 Always make sure to ask your teachers if they can help you with this. Whether it be slightly changing
 the requirements or conditions of a piece of assessment, or simply their understanding that you may
 not be able to attend perfectly, it can make a big difference with your overall marks. If they don't know
 you're struggling, they can't help!
 DON'T PUSH YOURSELF OR OVERTHINK
 When you realise there's an issue, it's easy to fall into panic or try to power through. Don't do this. It'll
 just make you more stressed and aggravate the existing problems, which will make things much worse
 in the long run.
 Though it's hard to believe sometimes, your health and mental health are more important than your
 grades. You can't ignore your mind when it's screaming at you that something is wrong. Listen to it,
 and be easy on yourself.
 The best way to get back to your full potential to ask for help and give yourself what you need. Take a
 break when you need one and practise self-care. It's more important than you might things.

 RECOVERING FROM A BREAKDOWN
 ACCEPT THAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH SOMETHING MAJOR
 Once the worst has passed, some people try to brush it off and pretend it never happened. They can
 feel ashamed or embarrassed about what they went through. However, there is absolutely nothing to
 be ashamed or embarrassed about, especially if you had a pre-existing mental health condition. Every
 life has ups and downs and just because yours were a bit more serious than some people's, it doesn't
 mean that you're weak somehow.
 The best thing you can do for yourself is to recognise what happened, and work to prevent it from
 happening again by setting up crisis plans and support networks.
 GET TUTORING TO CATCH UP
 If you've fallen behind, don't worry. There are plenty of ways to catch yourself up and get back on
 track. The best way is to hire a tutor. They can guide you through the work, help you understand
 difficult concepts, and identify the places you need more help.
 Yes, tutors can be expensive, but there's a way to get around this. See if there is anyone who took
 your class the year before who might be willing to tutor you for an hour each week for a discounted
 prince. Similarly, see if there are any students who can help you in exchange for something like
 instrument lessons. And if any of your friends are academically gifted, I'm sure they'd be able to help.
 If all else fails, go to office hours and any free tutoring sessions your school or university offers. Do
 some research, ask around, see what's there.
 PACE YOURSELF AND DON'T RUSH IN
 After a breakdown or crisis, you may be tempted to throw yourself back into your work to catch up.
 Don't! You'll become overwhelmed and end up back at square one. Remember, you've just been
 through a very difficult situation and you're not going to get better overnight.
 Ease yourself in. I definitely recommend starting with a reduced or part-time study load if possible.
 Remember that you may not be back at your full capacity just yet, and difficulties concentrating and
 being motivated could make things hard. By starting off slowly, you're able to get used to studying
 again without too much pressure.
 DEVELOP A ROUTINE
 Yes, this advice is in every piece of study advice ever, but you shouldn't develop just any routine.
 Develop one that allows you plenty of breaks and takes into consider any issues you may have with
 fatigue or focusing. If your breakdown was caused by overwork, make sure this one is easier on you.
 Things to include you could include in a healthy routine (but don't micromanage!):
 "I feel crap" time*
 Breaks and meals
 Plenty of sleep and rest
 "You" time (treat yo self)
 Time to plan for the next week
 Exercise (have you tried yoga? Kidding)
 Meditation/mindfulness
 Friend/family social time
 * Remember that the thoughts and feelings caused by mental illness are not shameful, and ignoring
 and forcing them down will only make them worse. If you need to lie in bed feeling miserable, do it.

 THINGS TO REMEMBER
 DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
 It can be easy to look at other people and see your own flaws, but it's important to try not to. Every
 person has different experiences and struggles, so it's not fair to yourself to look at someone without
 yours and think you're behind in some way.
 Taking longer to complete your studies isn't shameful. Making mistakes isn't shameful. Needing
 breaks isn't shameful. You'll get where you need to be in the end. Have patience.
 GRADES DON'T DEFINE YOU
 I spent so much of my life thinking my only worth came from my academic success. And guess what?
 This just led to more anxiety and depression. It's important to realise that things like grades, class
 rankings, GPAS, and "intelligence" aren't that important. Who you are and what you do is far more
 important than these arbitrary labels.
 THERE IS A STIGMA, SO BE PREPARED
 It's an unfortunate reality, but there is still a stigma against mental health issues and there is a chance
 it might affect your experiences while dealing with administrative staff and teachers. There have been
 stories about people telling their people supposed to be guiding them that they have mental health
 issues, and being dismissed because "it's a girl issue" or "it's all in their head".
 Be prepared in case this happens to you. Remind people that it's a medical condition and that you can
 get proof from medical professionals if need be. Plus, there is probably something in your school's
 policies or even the law that protects you when you have a mental illness.
 Remember that just because people are ignorant, that doesn't mean your issue is not 100% real and
 important. Don't let these people make you feel worse.
 YOU CAN DO THIS
 In our darkest moments, it can be hard to believe that we're capable of immense strength, but I
 promise you we are. Whatever obstacle is in your path right now - even if it's your brain chemistry -
 you are going to get through this.
 You've made it through every worst day you've had so far. You've made it through the dark and scary
 moments, and you've come out the other end stronger and wiser.
 Remember that you are strong, and even when you don't feel like it, there is always support available
 to help you realise that strength again.
 tmblimteom
apricot-studies:
smartstudy:

Hey guys. I’m glad to be finally posting my “mental breakdown survival guide”. As you know I struggle a lot with mental health, and so I have been through a lot of breakdowns. So many that I actually dropped out of university after 3 weeks in 2016 and had to take the whole year off. Because of this, I’ve made it my mission to help others with mental health issues as much as I can, so you don’t have to go through what I’ve been through.
Anyway, here is my guide. I tried to keep it general, and actually useful. If you have any questions or additions please feel free to add them. 
And as ever, if you want to talk to me about studying with mental illness or want to see a post on a specific topic, please feel free to message me. 

thank you so much for this

                
            

            
            
apricot-studies:
smartstudy:

Hey guys. I’m glad to be finally posting my “mental breakdown survival guide”. As you know I struggle a lot wi...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    College, Food, and My House: Am I the Asshole?
 Follow
 @AITA_reddit
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut
 leaving it in the
 butter and
 kitchen?
 bit.ly/2OAODPN
 my roommates tells me yesterday 'oh by the
 me of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly
 ed reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately
 about the whole deal. He's furious and says
 ck would you put it back in the kitchen". I femi
 mouse situation and our policy not to have ot
 e's labelled foods. This is the first time all year
 pody has had my labelled food and informed
 he fact. He said it was just some peanut butte
 ead, it's not like he was taking full chicken bre
 me.
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter
 and leaving it in the kitchen?
 u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h
 I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am
 the asshole in this situation that has divided our house
 into two groups.
 I (20M) am a college student living with four other guys
 my age. It's our second year living together, and last year
 we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs,
 so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat
 things with your name on it' policy.
 use is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's
 g over into other aspects of our living situatio
 o get over this pronto so l am asking... AITA?
 We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it w
 h'my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboa
 My girlfriend and T like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom,
 and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter
 and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly
 bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that
 since we have a mouse problem I did not want to leave
 the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it
 and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a
 hune PeanutButterDilemma label on it so it was clear
 4:23 AM - 30 Nov 2019
 1,799 Retweets 15,151 Likes

 r/AmltheAsshole
 AITA for putting
 and leaving it in the kitchen?
 ΑΙΤΑ
 my penis in peanut butter
 u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h
 I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am
 the asshole in this situation that has divided our house
 into two groups.
 | (20M) am a college student living with four other guys
 my age. It's our second year living together, and last year
 we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs,
 so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat
 things with your name on it" policy.
 My girlfriend and I like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom,
 and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter
 and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly
 bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that
 since we have a mouse problem l did not want to leave
 the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it
 and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a
 huge "PeanutButterDilemma" label on it, so it was clear
 that it belonged to me.

 One of my roommates tells me yesterday "oh by the way, I
 had some of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly
 shocked reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately I come
 clean about the whole deal. He's furious and says "why
 the fuck would you put it back in the kitchen". I remind him
 of the mouse situation and our policy not to have other
 people's labelled foods. This is the first time all year that
 somebody has had my labelled food and informed me
 after the fact. He said it was just some peanut butter on
 his bread, it's not like he was taking full chicken breasts
 from me.
 My house is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's
 spilling over into other aspects of our living situation. We
 need to get over this pronto so l am asking.. AITA?
 INFO: We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it was
 kept in "my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboard

 Laura Shortridge-Scott jingles ...
 Follow
 @DiscordianKitty
 Never thought I'd say this but I'm on
 peanut butter penis guy's
 side here
 Am I the Asshole? @AITA_reddit
 gtisteche
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter and leaving it
 in the kitchen? bit.ly/20AO D PN
 dny la
 wj
 s g ul
 Show this thread
 il
 n
 f deedeag
 9:06 AM - 30 Nov 2019
 36,496 Retweets 170,135 Likes
finalfortuna:

gahdamnpunk:This was a ride ⚰️⚰️
THIS is why you don’t eat other people’s food
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                College, Food, and My House: Am I the Asshole?
 Follow
 @AITA_reddit
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut
 leaving it in the
 butter and
 kitchen?
 bit.ly/2OAODPN
 my roommates tells me yesterday 'oh by the
 me of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly
 ed reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately
 about the whole deal. He's furious and says
 ck would you put it back in the kitchen". I femi
 mouse situation and our policy not to have ot
 e's labelled foods. This is the first time all year
 pody has had my labelled food and informed
 he fact. He said it was just some peanut butte
 ead, it's not like he was taking full chicken bre
 me.
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter
 and leaving it in the kitchen?
 u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h
 I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am
 the asshole in this situation that has divided our house
 into two groups.
 I (20M) am a college student living with four other guys
 my age. It's our second year living together, and last year
 we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs,
 so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat
 things with your name on it' policy.
 use is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's
 g over into other aspects of our living situatio
 o get over this pronto so l am asking... AITA?
 We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it w
 h'my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboa
 My girlfriend and T like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom,
 and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter
 and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly
 bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that
 since we have a mouse problem I did not want to leave
 the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it
 and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a
 hune PeanutButterDilemma label on it so it was clear
 4:23 AM - 30 Nov 2019
 1,799 Retweets 15,151 Likes

 r/AmltheAsshole
 AITA for putting
 and leaving it in the kitchen?
 ΑΙΤΑ
 my penis in peanut butter
 u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h
 I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am
 the asshole in this situation that has divided our house
 into two groups.
 | (20M) am a college student living with four other guys
 my age. It's our second year living together, and last year
 we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs,
 so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat
 things with your name on it" policy.
 My girlfriend and I like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom,
 and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter
 and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly
 bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that
 since we have a mouse problem l did not want to leave
 the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it
 and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a
 huge "PeanutButterDilemma" label on it, so it was clear
 that it belonged to me.

 One of my roommates tells me yesterday "oh by the way, I
 had some of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly
 shocked reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately I come
 clean about the whole deal. He's furious and says "why
 the fuck would you put it back in the kitchen". I remind him
 of the mouse situation and our policy not to have other
 people's labelled foods. This is the first time all year that
 somebody has had my labelled food and informed me
 after the fact. He said it was just some peanut butter on
 his bread, it's not like he was taking full chicken breasts
 from me.
 My house is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's
 spilling over into other aspects of our living situation. We
 need to get over this pronto so l am asking.. AITA?
 INFO: We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it was
 kept in "my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboard

 Laura Shortridge-Scott jingles ...
 Follow
 @DiscordianKitty
 Never thought I'd say this but I'm on
 peanut butter penis guy's
 side here
 Am I the Asshole? @AITA_reddit
 gtisteche
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter and leaving it
 in the kitchen? bit.ly/20AO D PN
 dny la
 wj
 s g ul
 Show this thread
 il
 n
 f deedeag
 9:06 AM - 30 Nov 2019
 36,496 Retweets 170,135 Likes
finalfortuna:

gahdamnpunk:This was a ride ⚰️⚰️
THIS is why you don’t eat other people’s food
                
            

            
            
finalfortuna:

gahdamnpunk:This was a ride ⚰️⚰️
THIS is why you don’t eat other people’s food

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Animals, Beautiful, and Children: JUNE 21, 2011 DECEMBER 12019
bublog:

This is my first photo with BUB next our last photo together.On the morning of Sunday, December 1st 2019 we lost the purest, kindest and most magical living force on our planet. BUB was cheerful and full of love laying in our bed with us Saturday night, but unexpectedly passed away peacefully in her sleep.. I have always been fully transparent about BUB’s health, and it was no secret that she was battling a persistent and aggressive bone infection.  Even knowing this, we weren’t expecting her to pass so soon or so abruptly without warning.  I truly believe that she willingly made the decision to leave her failing body so that our family would not have to make that difficult decision ourselves. It is impossible to put into words the profound effect that BUB has had on my life, on the lives of thousands of homeless pets, and on the lives of those of you that have cared for her as if she were your own family. She taught me everything that I know about unconditional love, she brought my wife Stacy and I together, she’s the reason we have our beautiful children Rosco and Lula, and she has been a constant source of warmth and love in our lives for the past 8 years. To say that our family is devastated would be an understatement.But most importantly, BUB has made a huge difference in the world of animal welfare, and in the lives of millions of people worldwide. She has literally saved thousands of lives (both pets and humans), she started the first national fund for special needs pets, she was the subject of groundbreaking genetic and biological  research, she’s helped raise over $700,000 for animals in need, and has spread a message of determination, positivity, and perseverance to people all over the world. And even though my heart is absolutely crushed by her graceful departure from planet Earth,  I know that her sprit, magic, and overwhelming energy are still with us, reminding us every day to be better.Dearest BUB, I will never forget your generosity, your limitless supply of love, or your uncanny ability to bring so much magic and joy to the world. I am forever honored and humbled that you chose me as your caretaker. Please visit all of us in our dreams often. GOOD JOB BUB.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Animals, Beautiful, and Children: JUNE 21, 2011 DECEMBER 12019
bublog:

This is my first photo with BUB next our last photo together.On the morning of Sunday, December 1st 2019 we lost the purest, kindest and most magical living force on our planet. BUB was cheerful and full of love laying in our bed with us Saturday night, but unexpectedly passed away peacefully in her sleep.. I have always been fully transparent about BUB’s health, and it was no secret that she was battling a persistent and aggressive bone infection.  Even knowing this, we weren’t expecting her to pass so soon or so abruptly without warning.  I truly believe that she willingly made the decision to leave her failing body so that our family would not have to make that difficult decision ourselves. It is impossible to put into words the profound effect that BUB has had on my life, on the lives of thousands of homeless pets, and on the lives of those of you that have cared for her as if she were your own family. She taught me everything that I know about unconditional love, she brought my wife Stacy and I together, she’s the reason we have our beautiful children Rosco and Lula, and she has been a constant source of warmth and love in our lives for the past 8 years. To say that our family is devastated would be an understatement.But most importantly, BUB has made a huge difference in the world of animal welfare, and in the lives of millions of people worldwide. She has literally saved thousands of lives (both pets and humans), she started the first national fund for special needs pets, she was the subject of groundbreaking genetic and biological  research, she’s helped raise over $700,000 for animals in need, and has spread a message of determination, positivity, and perseverance to people all over the world. And even though my heart is absolutely crushed by her graceful departure from planet Earth,  I know that her sprit, magic, and overwhelming energy are still with us, reminding us every day to be better.Dearest BUB, I will never forget your generosity, your limitless supply of love, or your uncanny ability to bring so much magic and joy to the world. I am forever honored and humbled that you chose me as your caretaker. Please visit all of us in our dreams often. GOOD JOB BUB.
                
            

            
            
bublog:

This is my first photo with BUB next our last photo together.On the morning of Sunday, December 1st 2019 we lost the purest, kindes...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Bad, Children, and Christmas: Karen Green Target
 57 minutes ago
 I just saw your ad and I will never be able to spend money at
 your store again!! One man, one woman for life, thus saith the
 Lord!!!
 Like Comment

 Angela Concepcion
 about an hour ago
 Target
 I just saw your ad for gay couples marrying to register with you. I
 have also experienced an extraordinary wait in line when a
 Muslim cashier would not handle pork and someone had to cash
 her out, cash in and resume the order. However, you will not
 allow your customers to say Merry Christmas and you do not
 carry nativity creches. I will never shop in Target again and I will
 encourage friends and family to do the same. When you can give
 equal respects to all of your customers, then maybe many of us
 will be back. Till then, I will spend my money elsewhere.
 Like Comment

 Chet Stanger Target
 3 hours ago
 With your advertisement for homosexual bridal registry, you've
 lost a card carrying shopper. It's one thing to expose adults to
 such debauchery, but it's quite another to expose children to it.

 Les Powell
 3 hours ago
 X
 Target
 Well Target you lost all my business and I am sure alot more
 when my friends see this...
 ADVERTISEMENT
 that's love
 BE YOURSELF
 TOGETHER.
whatdoyoumeanihavetochoose:

thetrashmouthclub:
somethingmissingthiswaycomes:

vision-rights:

subject-to-my-fandoms:

tehrogue:

norsegays:

astrolope:

People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook.

I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story.
A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right?
It is a big deal because i’m a transman. 
It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview.
Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews.
At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple.
At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person.
TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life.

people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there


Looks like I’m going to target. 


Real men shop at target


All corporations are bad but now I’m considering applying to Target. 


“when you can give equal respects for all of your costumers, then maybe many of us will be back” ma'am………. that’s exactly what they’re doing


At target you can order a special name tag from HR with your pronouns on it! Officially printed on there and everything!!!!!

Target just got +1000000 respect
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Bad, Children, and Christmas: Karen Green Target
 57 minutes ago
 I just saw your ad and I will never be able to spend money at
 your store again!! One man, one woman for life, thus saith the
 Lord!!!
 Like Comment

 Angela Concepcion
 about an hour ago
 Target
 I just saw your ad for gay couples marrying to register with you. I
 have also experienced an extraordinary wait in line when a
 Muslim cashier would not handle pork and someone had to cash
 her out, cash in and resume the order. However, you will not
 allow your customers to say Merry Christmas and you do not
 carry nativity creches. I will never shop in Target again and I will
 encourage friends and family to do the same. When you can give
 equal respects to all of your customers, then maybe many of us
 will be back. Till then, I will spend my money elsewhere.
 Like Comment

 Chet Stanger Target
 3 hours ago
 With your advertisement for homosexual bridal registry, you've
 lost a card carrying shopper. It's one thing to expose adults to
 such debauchery, but it's quite another to expose children to it.

 Les Powell
 3 hours ago
 X
 Target
 Well Target you lost all my business and I am sure alot more
 when my friends see this...
 ADVERTISEMENT
 that's love
 BE YOURSELF
 TOGETHER.
whatdoyoumeanihavetochoose:

thetrashmouthclub:
somethingmissingthiswaycomes:

vision-rights:

subject-to-my-fandoms:

tehrogue:

norsegays:

astrolope:

People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook.

I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story.
A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right?
It is a big deal because i’m a transman. 
It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview.
Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews.
At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple.
At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person.
TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life.

people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there


Looks like I’m going to target. 


Real men shop at target


All corporations are bad but now I’m considering applying to Target. 


“when you can give equal respects for all of your costumers, then maybe many of us will be back” ma'am………. that’s exactly what they’re doing


At target you can order a special name tag from HR with your pronouns on it! Officially printed on there and everything!!!!!

Target just got +1000000 respect
                
            

            
            
whatdoyoumeanihavetochoose:

thetrashmouthclub:
somethingmissingthiswaycomes:

vision-rights:

subject-to-my-fandoms:

tehrogue:

norsegays:...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    America, Drunk, and Fucking: yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII,
ao3tagoftheday:

186282397milespersec:

ao3tagoftheday:

[Image Description: Tag reading “yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII”]

The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Please ask me about the Russian vodka ban in 1914? 

What was the Russian Vodka Ban in 1914?

Ok, time to nerd. So Russians like vodka, ok? I don’t think this is a big revelation to anyone, but I feel like I should make it clear. Vodka is…important…in Russia.So, in 1904, Russia was preparing to go fight a war with Japan. Because, you know, sometimes you’re trying to retain control of a warm-water port and also there’s racism and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Japan, only there’s a problem: instead of mobilizing in an organized manner, soldiers are buying vodka and getting drunk out of their minds and then, like, not showing up for the war. Which, I mean, valid. I might get drunk and not show up if someone told me I had to go fight a war, and I don’t even drink. But it was a problem, and it actually really messed up Russia’s mobilization plans.So 1914 rolls around, and the Russians are going to go to war with Austria. Because, you know, sometimes international tensions in a multipolar situation get really heightened and then some asshole in an ugly uniform gets shot and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Austria, and this time, he has a plan. Vodka will not defeat him! He bans the sale of vodka in Russia. All of it. First for the duration of the mobilization period, and then for the duration of the war. Great idea, right?Only there’s a problem. The reason the Tsar can just stop all vodka sales with a snap of his fingers is that the Tsar sells all the vodka. Vodka is a state monopoly. You literally can’t get vodka from anyone but the government. Which makes it very easy to ban, but, well….Remember how I said Russians really like vodka? I’m just gonna say it again: Russians really like vodka. Really, really like it. So it makes sense that, if you’re a government with chronic money problems, you might create a state monopoly on vodka sales in order to raise some cash. You might raise a lot of cash. A huge fucking ton of cash. Literally one third of the Russian government’s revenue came from selling vodka. One fucking third.Here’s another thing: Wars? They cost money. A lot of it. And if you’re the Russian state in, say, 1914, and you’re about to kick off WWI, it might behoove you to not literally eliminate a third of your fucking revenue with a snap of your fingers! I don’t think that’s such a hard idea to wrap your head around, but what the fuck do I know. But anyway, Russia had chronic money problems throughout the war and couldn’t outfit their soldiers or feed their people or any of that shit. Also there was a revolution and communism and such-like. The end.Anyway, this story has several morals and they are as follows:Getting drunk and not showing up for wars is a valid life choiceConsidering the possible effects of your policies before implementing them is important please do thatProhibition causes communism and therefore we should all buy as much alcohol as we can because we love god and america
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                America, Drunk, and Fucking: yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII,
ao3tagoftheday:

186282397milespersec:

ao3tagoftheday:

[Image Description: Tag reading “yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII”]

The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Please ask me about the Russian vodka ban in 1914? 

What was the Russian Vodka Ban in 1914?

Ok, time to nerd. So Russians like vodka, ok? I don’t think this is a big revelation to anyone, but I feel like I should make it clear. Vodka is…important…in Russia.So, in 1904, Russia was preparing to go fight a war with Japan. Because, you know, sometimes you’re trying to retain control of a warm-water port and also there’s racism and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Japan, only there’s a problem: instead of mobilizing in an organized manner, soldiers are buying vodka and getting drunk out of their minds and then, like, not showing up for the war. Which, I mean, valid. I might get drunk and not show up if someone told me I had to go fight a war, and I don’t even drink. But it was a problem, and it actually really messed up Russia’s mobilization plans.So 1914 rolls around, and the Russians are going to go to war with Austria. Because, you know, sometimes international tensions in a multipolar situation get really heightened and then some asshole in an ugly uniform gets shot and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Austria, and this time, he has a plan. Vodka will not defeat him! He bans the sale of vodka in Russia. All of it. First for the duration of the mobilization period, and then for the duration of the war. Great idea, right?Only there’s a problem. The reason the Tsar can just stop all vodka sales with a snap of his fingers is that the Tsar sells all the vodka. Vodka is a state monopoly. You literally can’t get vodka from anyone but the government. Which makes it very easy to ban, but, well….Remember how I said Russians really like vodka? I’m just gonna say it again: Russians really like vodka. Really, really like it. So it makes sense that, if you’re a government with chronic money problems, you might create a state monopoly on vodka sales in order to raise some cash. You might raise a lot of cash. A huge fucking ton of cash. Literally one third of the Russian government’s revenue came from selling vodka. One fucking third.Here’s another thing: Wars? They cost money. A lot of it. And if you’re the Russian state in, say, 1914, and you’re about to kick off WWI, it might behoove you to not literally eliminate a third of your fucking revenue with a snap of your fingers! I don’t think that’s such a hard idea to wrap your head around, but what the fuck do I know. But anyway, Russia had chronic money problems throughout the war and couldn’t outfit their soldiers or feed their people or any of that shit. Also there was a revolution and communism and such-like. The end.Anyway, this story has several morals and they are as follows:Getting drunk and not showing up for wars is a valid life choiceConsidering the possible effects of your policies before implementing them is important please do thatProhibition causes communism and therefore we should all buy as much alcohol as we can because we love god and america
                
            

            
            
ao3tagoftheday:

186282397milespersec:

ao3tagoftheday:

[Image Description: Tag reading “yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the vi...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Children, Christmas, and Facebook: Karen Green Target
 57 minutes ago
 I just saw your ad and I will never be able to spend money at
 your store again!! One man, one woman for life, thus saith the
 Lord!!!
 Like Comment

 Angela Concepcion
 about an hour ago
 Target
 I just saw your ad for gay couples marrying to register with you. I
 have also experienced an extraordinary wait in line when a
 Muslim cashier would not handle pork and someone had to cash
 her out, cash in and resume the order. However, you will not
 allow your customers to say Merry Christmas and you do not
 carry nativity creches. I will never shop in Target again and I will
 encourage friends and family to do the same. When you can give
 equal respects to all of your customers, then maybe many of us
 will be back. Till then, I will spend my money elsewhere.
 Like Comment

 Chet Stanger Target
 3 hours ago
 With your advertisement for homosexual bridal registry, you've
 lost a card carrying shopper. It's one thing to expose adults to
 such debauchery, but it's quite another to expose children to it.

 Les Powell
 3 hours ago
 X
 Target
 Well Target you lost all my business and I am sure alot more
 when my friends see this...
 ADVERTISEMENT
 that's love
 BE YOURSELF
 TOGETHER.
vision-rights:
subject-to-my-fandoms:

tehrogue:

norsegays:

astrolope:

People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook.

I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story.
A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right?
It is a big deal because i’m a transman. 
It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview.
Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews.
At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple.
At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person.
TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life.

people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there


Looks like I’m going to target. 


Real men shop at target

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Children, Christmas, and Facebook: Karen Green Target
 57 minutes ago
 I just saw your ad and I will never be able to spend money at
 your store again!! One man, one woman for life, thus saith the
 Lord!!!
 Like Comment

 Angela Concepcion
 about an hour ago
 Target
 I just saw your ad for gay couples marrying to register with you. I
 have also experienced an extraordinary wait in line when a
 Muslim cashier would not handle pork and someone had to cash
 her out, cash in and resume the order. However, you will not
 allow your customers to say Merry Christmas and you do not
 carry nativity creches. I will never shop in Target again and I will
 encourage friends and family to do the same. When you can give
 equal respects to all of your customers, then maybe many of us
 will be back. Till then, I will spend my money elsewhere.
 Like Comment

 Chet Stanger Target
 3 hours ago
 With your advertisement for homosexual bridal registry, you've
 lost a card carrying shopper. It's one thing to expose adults to
 such debauchery, but it's quite another to expose children to it.

 Les Powell
 3 hours ago
 X
 Target
 Well Target you lost all my business and I am sure alot more
 when my friends see this...
 ADVERTISEMENT
 that's love
 BE YOURSELF
 TOGETHER.
vision-rights:
subject-to-my-fandoms:

tehrogue:

norsegays:

astrolope:

People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook.

I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story.
A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right?
It is a big deal because i’m a transman. 
It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview.
Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews.
At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple.
At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person.
TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life.

people didnt know how Pro-LGBT Target is. I will always shop there


Looks like I’m going to target. 


Real men shop at target

                
            

            
            
vision-rights:
subject-to-my-fandoms:

tehrogue:

norsegays:

astrolope:

People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook.

I just ...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            




    80s, Africa, and Books: GUIDE TO FIGURING OUT THE AGE OF AN UNDATED WORLD MAP
 (ASSUMING ITS COrMPLETE, LABELEDN ENGUSH, AND DETAILED ENOUGH)
 DO ANY OF THESE EXIST?
 NO INDEPENDENT CANADA
 US TERRITORY OF ALASKA
 TOKYO
 ISTANBUL OR CONSTANTINOPLE?
 START
 DOES THE SOVET
 UNION EXIST?
 CONSTANTINOPLE NETHERSTANBUL
 THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE?
 15 MOST OF WEST AFRICA
 A GIANT FRENCH BLOB?
 SAUDI
 YES
 1805 OR EARUER
 (BEFORE THIS POINT
 THE MODERN IDEAOF
 ACOMPLETE POLITICAL
 MAP OF THEWORLD
 GETS HARD TOAPPLY
 ARABIA?
 THE
 SOVIET
 UNION? NO
 ZAIRE?
 OR HONG KONG (UK
 DOES THE OTTOMAN
 1922-1932
 YES
 EPIRE EXIST?
 SOUTH AFRICA?
 NO
 YES
 HOW MANY VIETNAMS
 ARE THERE?
 992-96
 AUSTRIA
 HUNGARY?
 NORTH KOREA?
 SAINT
 TRIMBLES
 ISLAND
 SERBIA/MONTENEGRO ARE..
 ONE COUNTRY TO COUNTRIES
 NOT IS JAN MAYEN PART OF
 THE KINGDOMOF NORUAY?
 THE UNITED
 STATES?
 NO YES
 HOU SURE ARE
 YOU THAT THIS MAP
 IS IN ENGLISH?
 WHAT?
 PAKISTAN?
 BANGLADESH?
 YES
 NOIMADE
 THAT ONE UP
 LENINGRAD?
 NOYES
 1919-23 1124-29
 HOU MANY SUDANS
 ARE THERE?
 RHODESIA?
 EAST TIMOR?
 NO
 YES
 972-75
 ALBANIA?
 CAN YOU SEE
 THE FAMIUAR
 CONTINENTS?
 NO YES
 1910-12 1915-18
 1997-2001 2002-06
 TEXAS IS..
 PARTOF
 MEXICO INDEPEN-THE US
 DENT
 834-45
 2007-
 HOW MANY GERMANYS ARE THERE?
 TUO
 CAMBODIA?
 PARTOF
 THIS SOUNDS LIKE
 A PHYSICAL MAP OR
 SATELLITE PHOTO
 "COLORADO OR
 "DANGER-RADIOACTIVE
 EXCLUSION ZONE-AVOID?
 DANGER
 YES
 ONE ONE, BUT ITS HUGE
 1941-45
 IS CRIMEA
 DISPUTED?
 ISNORUAY
 PART OF SUEDEN?
 YES
 18%-1905 1906-09
 h-9h6l
 YES, THATS IT
 ERITREA IS PARTOF..
 EHОРА
 1952-53
 FLORIDA IS PARTOF..
 COLORADO
 204-2
 PERSIA OR IRAN?
 2012-13
 RIVERS SIRION
 OR ANDUIN?
 ITALY
 SPAIN
 THE US
 RAN
 PERSIA
 DOES THE UARNING
 MENTION THE SPIDERS?
 IS LAKE
 CHAD MISSING?
 1935-40
 1930-34
 IS BOLIVIA
 LANDLOCKED?
 JIMMY CARTER IS.
 BENGATTACKED BY A T FINE
 GANT SUMING RPESIT
 APRIL 20 1979
 VENEZUELA
 ANDOR
 ECUADOR?
 NO YES
 1818-29 1830-33
 THE UNITED
 ARAB REPUBLIC?
 NO
 1954-57 1958-60
 PARAGUAY?
 CANADA IS..
 MISSING FINE
 A PIECE
 1948
 YES
 1806-10 18-17
 2023 ORLATER
 2022
 CAIR PARAVEL?
 1884-95
 THE SINAI IS PART OF WHAT COUNTRY?
 ISRAELT MOSTLY ISRAEL MOSTLY EGYPT EGYPT
 1980
 IS THE ARAL
 SEA MISSING?
 15 THE AREA SOUTH OF LAKE VICTORIA.
 TANGANYIKA
 1961-64
 MOSSFLOUER?
 MORDOR?
 BUDA AND PEST
 OR BUDAPEST?
 1981
 1976-79
 DOES RUSSIA BORDER
 THE SEA OF JAPAN?
 TANZANIA
 BRITISH
 1965-71
 960
 1970s-90s 20O0st
 REDUALL
 WHATS THE CAPITALOF MICRONESIA?
 KOLONIA
 BUDA AND BUDAPEST
 PEST
 PAUKIR
 1873-83
 1858-67
 IS THE WORLD ON THE
 BACK OF A TURTUE?
 NO
 DISCWORLD
 THE TOUN ON 1-25 BETUEEN
 ALBUQUERQUE AND EL PASO IS..
 HOT SPRINGS TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES
 1868-72
 NOMENOR?
 YES NO
 LATE
 SECOND AGE
 BELERIAND?
 REPUBLIC OF THE UPPER
 VOLTA OR BURKINA FASO?
 THE USS SOUTHERN BORDER LOOKS.
 WEIRD
 FIRST EARLY
 AGE SECOND AGE
 NORMAL
 854-56
 1948-49
 1950-52
 UPPER VOLTA BURKNA FASO
 1982-84
 846-53
 ARE YOU SURE
 THIS IS A MAP?
 CALORMEN?
 1985-88
 THE FOREST EASTOF THE
 MISTY MOUNTAINS IS..
 IS IT TRYING
 HOU FAR EAST DO THE AMERICAN PRAIRIES REACH?
 THE MISSISSIPPINEBRASKA
 1830s-80s
 (NUMBER OF YEMENS)+(NUMBER OF GERTMANYS)
 FOUR
 1989-EARLY 1990
 TO BITE YOU?
 ?
 INDIANA
 UNAT PRAIRIES?
 GREENJOODI MRKJOOD
 THE GREAT
 EARLY
 THIRD AGE
 THE UOOD OF
 GREENLEAVES
 THREE
 MID-1990
 BEFORE
 1830
 LATE
 THIRD AGE FOURTH AGE
 LATE1990-199
 DID YOU MAKE
 IT YOURSELF?
 WEIRD
 RECURSIVE
 HEAVEN?
 15 THERE A BIG
 LAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF
 SOUTHERN CAUFORNIA?
 (CREATED BY MISTAKE)
 I5 THERE A BIG LAKE IN
 THE MIDDLE OF GHANA?
 (CREATED ON PURPOSE)
 NO
 1920s-505
 LOTTA
 1SLANDS?
 IF YOU LET IT GO UHAT DOES IT DO?
 I5 IT LARGER
 THAN A BREADBOX?
 YES
 TUBA STAPLER THE SAME
 BERUNA
 FORDBRIDGE
 HISSES AND
 RUNS AWAY
 CAT
 SCREECHES AND FLAPS
 ARDUND THE ROOn
 BREAKING THINGE5
 YES
 ONE OF THE THE
 RANDOM LAST
 LATER BOOKS BATE
 NO YES
 ABOUT
 ITS VERY NICE.
 THANK YOU
 RELION PRINCE
 UEHE CASPIAN
 WARDROBE
 DALIN
 TREACER
 YES
 SEAGULL
 BREADBOX
 1860s-1900s
 1960s-70s
 1910s
land-of-maps:

this helps a lot
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                80s, Africa, and Books: GUIDE TO FIGURING OUT THE AGE OF AN UNDATED WORLD MAP
 (ASSUMING ITS COrMPLETE, LABELEDN ENGUSH, AND DETAILED ENOUGH)
 DO ANY OF THESE EXIST?
 NO INDEPENDENT CANADA
 US TERRITORY OF ALASKA
 TOKYO
 ISTANBUL OR CONSTANTINOPLE?
 START
 DOES THE SOVET
 UNION EXIST?
 CONSTANTINOPLE NETHERSTANBUL
 THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE?
 15 MOST OF WEST AFRICA
 A GIANT FRENCH BLOB?
 SAUDI
 YES
 1805 OR EARUER
 (BEFORE THIS POINT
 THE MODERN IDEAOF
 ACOMPLETE POLITICAL
 MAP OF THEWORLD
 GETS HARD TOAPPLY
 ARABIA?
 THE
 SOVIET
 UNION? NO
 ZAIRE?
 OR HONG KONG (UK
 DOES THE OTTOMAN
 1922-1932
 YES
 EPIRE EXIST?
 SOUTH AFRICA?
 NO
 YES
 HOW MANY VIETNAMS
 ARE THERE?
 992-96
 AUSTRIA
 HUNGARY?
 NORTH KOREA?
 SAINT
 TRIMBLES
 ISLAND
 SERBIA/MONTENEGRO ARE..
 ONE COUNTRY TO COUNTRIES
 NOT IS JAN MAYEN PART OF
 THE KINGDOMOF NORUAY?
 THE UNITED
 STATES?
 NO YES
 HOU SURE ARE
 YOU THAT THIS MAP
 IS IN ENGLISH?
 WHAT?
 PAKISTAN?
 BANGLADESH?
 YES
 NOIMADE
 THAT ONE UP
 LENINGRAD?
 NOYES
 1919-23 1124-29
 HOU MANY SUDANS
 ARE THERE?
 RHODESIA?
 EAST TIMOR?
 NO
 YES
 972-75
 ALBANIA?
 CAN YOU SEE
 THE FAMIUAR
 CONTINENTS?
 NO YES
 1910-12 1915-18
 1997-2001 2002-06
 TEXAS IS..
 PARTOF
 MEXICO INDEPEN-THE US
 DENT
 834-45
 2007-
 HOW MANY GERMANYS ARE THERE?
 TUO
 CAMBODIA?
 PARTOF
 THIS SOUNDS LIKE
 A PHYSICAL MAP OR
 SATELLITE PHOTO
 "COLORADO OR
 "DANGER-RADIOACTIVE
 EXCLUSION ZONE-AVOID?
 DANGER
 YES
 ONE ONE, BUT ITS HUGE
 1941-45
 IS CRIMEA
 DISPUTED?
 ISNORUAY
 PART OF SUEDEN?
 YES
 18%-1905 1906-09
 h-9h6l
 YES, THATS IT
 ERITREA IS PARTOF..
 EHОРА
 1952-53
 FLORIDA IS PARTOF..
 COLORADO
 204-2
 PERSIA OR IRAN?
 2012-13
 RIVERS SIRION
 OR ANDUIN?
 ITALY
 SPAIN
 THE US
 RAN
 PERSIA
 DOES THE UARNING
 MENTION THE SPIDERS?
 IS LAKE
 CHAD MISSING?
 1935-40
 1930-34
 IS BOLIVIA
 LANDLOCKED?
 JIMMY CARTER IS.
 BENGATTACKED BY A T FINE
 GANT SUMING RPESIT
 APRIL 20 1979
 VENEZUELA
 ANDOR
 ECUADOR?
 NO YES
 1818-29 1830-33
 THE UNITED
 ARAB REPUBLIC?
 NO
 1954-57 1958-60
 PARAGUAY?
 CANADA IS..
 MISSING FINE
 A PIECE
 1948
 YES
 1806-10 18-17
 2023 ORLATER
 2022
 CAIR PARAVEL?
 1884-95
 THE SINAI IS PART OF WHAT COUNTRY?
 ISRAELT MOSTLY ISRAEL MOSTLY EGYPT EGYPT
 1980
 IS THE ARAL
 SEA MISSING?
 15 THE AREA SOUTH OF LAKE VICTORIA.
 TANGANYIKA
 1961-64
 MOSSFLOUER?
 MORDOR?
 BUDA AND PEST
 OR BUDAPEST?
 1981
 1976-79
 DOES RUSSIA BORDER
 THE SEA OF JAPAN?
 TANZANIA
 BRITISH
 1965-71
 960
 1970s-90s 20O0st
 REDUALL
 WHATS THE CAPITALOF MICRONESIA?
 KOLONIA
 BUDA AND BUDAPEST
 PEST
 PAUKIR
 1873-83
 1858-67
 IS THE WORLD ON THE
 BACK OF A TURTUE?
 NO
 DISCWORLD
 THE TOUN ON 1-25 BETUEEN
 ALBUQUERQUE AND EL PASO IS..
 HOT SPRINGS TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES
 1868-72
 NOMENOR?
 YES NO
 LATE
 SECOND AGE
 BELERIAND?
 REPUBLIC OF THE UPPER
 VOLTA OR BURKINA FASO?
 THE USS SOUTHERN BORDER LOOKS.
 WEIRD
 FIRST EARLY
 AGE SECOND AGE
 NORMAL
 854-56
 1948-49
 1950-52
 UPPER VOLTA BURKNA FASO
 1982-84
 846-53
 ARE YOU SURE
 THIS IS A MAP?
 CALORMEN?
 1985-88
 THE FOREST EASTOF THE
 MISTY MOUNTAINS IS..
 IS IT TRYING
 HOU FAR EAST DO THE AMERICAN PRAIRIES REACH?
 THE MISSISSIPPINEBRASKA
 1830s-80s
 (NUMBER OF YEMENS)+(NUMBER OF GERTMANYS)
 FOUR
 1989-EARLY 1990
 TO BITE YOU?
 ?
 INDIANA
 UNAT PRAIRIES?
 GREENJOODI MRKJOOD
 THE GREAT
 EARLY
 THIRD AGE
 THE UOOD OF
 GREENLEAVES
 THREE
 MID-1990
 BEFORE
 1830
 LATE
 THIRD AGE FOURTH AGE
 LATE1990-199
 DID YOU MAKE
 IT YOURSELF?
 WEIRD
 RECURSIVE
 HEAVEN?
 15 THERE A BIG
 LAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF
 SOUTHERN CAUFORNIA?
 (CREATED BY MISTAKE)
 I5 THERE A BIG LAKE IN
 THE MIDDLE OF GHANA?
 (CREATED ON PURPOSE)
 NO
 1920s-505
 LOTTA
 1SLANDS?
 IF YOU LET IT GO UHAT DOES IT DO?
 I5 IT LARGER
 THAN A BREADBOX?
 YES
 TUBA STAPLER THE SAME
 BERUNA
 FORDBRIDGE
 HISSES AND
 RUNS AWAY
 CAT
 SCREECHES AND FLAPS
 ARDUND THE ROOn
 BREAKING THINGE5
 YES
 ONE OF THE THE
 RANDOM LAST
 LATER BOOKS BATE
 NO YES
 ABOUT
 ITS VERY NICE.
 THANK YOU
 RELION PRINCE
 UEHE CASPIAN
 WARDROBE
 DALIN
 TREACER
 YES
 SEAGULL
 BREADBOX
 1860s-1900s
 1960s-70s
 1910s
land-of-maps:

this helps a lot
                
            

            
            
land-of-maps:

this helps a lot

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Animals, Food, and Head: Copyrighted Material
 ALLIGATORS
 How To WRESTLE FREE
 FROM AN ALLIGATOR
 If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put
 downward pressure on its neck.
 This will force its head and jaws down.
 2 Cover the alligator's eyes.
 This will usually make it more sedate.
 5 feet
 10 fet
 15 feet
 20 feet
 3 Go for the eyes and nose.
 If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist.
 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove
 (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout.
 Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly.
 They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and
 back off.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator.
 How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT
 NEAR AN ALLIGATOR
 If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it
 from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual
 actions cause severe tissue damage.
 Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does
 not begin shaking.
 Determine the size of the alligator.
 Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less
 than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the
 alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite
 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small
 can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet
 should be considered deadly.
 cut or bruise, to treat infection.
 Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths
 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator.
 Try to determine if the alligator sees the object.
 Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food.
 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water.
 If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water.
 Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby
 water
 5 Make a loud noise.
 To get an alligator to release sometbing it
 bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout
 Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar
 ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not
 move, however, you will have gained its attention.
 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover
 the object.
 The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its
 An alligator more than nine feet
 long is likely to be male, and males
 tend to be more aggressive.
 space.
 Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory.
 After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties,
 run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise
 Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder

 when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material
 only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult
 human.
 will travel
 Who Has the Most Bite?
 ANIMAL
 NUMBER OF TEETH
 WARNING!
 whale
 Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are
 commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the
 Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina
 red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the
 sharpest teeth in the world)
 You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water.
 The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour
 Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander
 in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch.
 Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their
 young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any
 youngster
 lion
 30: four canine, four carnassial,
 the rest conical
 human being
 32
 sloth bear
 40
 bear
 42, including four canines and
 12 incisors
 Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some
 animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators
 are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack
 without provocation.
 saltwater crocodile
 68 to 70
 alligator
 80 to 88
 giant armadillo
 up to 100
 gavial (fish-eating
 crocodile)
 102
 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws
 Approach the alligator from behind.
 longspouted spinner up to 252
 dolphin
 2 Straddle the creature's back
 Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the
 alligator.
 up to 3,000 in five rows (the
 scariest mouth)
 great white shark
 3 Crawl your way up to the head.
 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike
 structures called radulae)
 snail
 Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth.
 Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape
 over the eyes of the beast.
 GClamp the jaws.
 Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin-
 gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators
 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth.
 Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the
 mouth is tightly closed
 use to
 open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to
 hold the mouth shut with bare hands.
 Z Take out your binding material.
 Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand,
 grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your
 teeth
 Wrap the tape
 six times around
 the snout
 Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s
 nout.
 WARNING!
 Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with
 rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material
 that can be fied and knotted.
 Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open.
 Copyrighted Material
 seat igte 21
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Animals, Food, and Head: Copyrighted Material
 ALLIGATORS
 How To WRESTLE FREE
 FROM AN ALLIGATOR
 If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put
 downward pressure on its neck.
 This will force its head and jaws down.
 2 Cover the alligator's eyes.
 This will usually make it more sedate.
 5 feet
 10 fet
 15 feet
 20 feet
 3 Go for the eyes and nose.
 If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist.
 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove
 (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout.
 Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly.
 They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and
 back off.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator.
 How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT
 NEAR AN ALLIGATOR
 If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it
 from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual
 actions cause severe tissue damage.
 Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does
 not begin shaking.
 Determine the size of the alligator.
 Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less
 than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the
 alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite
 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small
 can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet
 should be considered deadly.
 cut or bruise, to treat infection.
 Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths
 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator.
 Try to determine if the alligator sees the object.
 Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food.
 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water.
 If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water.
 Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby
 water
 5 Make a loud noise.
 To get an alligator to release sometbing it
 bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout
 Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar
 ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not
 move, however, you will have gained its attention.
 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover
 the object.
 The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its
 An alligator more than nine feet
 long is likely to be male, and males
 tend to be more aggressive.
 space.
 Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory.
 After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties,
 run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise
 Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder

 when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material
 only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult
 human.
 will travel
 Who Has the Most Bite?
 ANIMAL
 NUMBER OF TEETH
 WARNING!
 whale
 Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are
 commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the
 Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina
 red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the
 sharpest teeth in the world)
 You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water.
 The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour
 Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander
 in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch.
 Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their
 young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any
 youngster
 lion
 30: four canine, four carnassial,
 the rest conical
 human being
 32
 sloth bear
 40
 bear
 42, including four canines and
 12 incisors
 Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some
 animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators
 are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack
 without provocation.
 saltwater crocodile
 68 to 70
 alligator
 80 to 88
 giant armadillo
 up to 100
 gavial (fish-eating
 crocodile)
 102
 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws
 Approach the alligator from behind.
 longspouted spinner up to 252
 dolphin
 2 Straddle the creature's back
 Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the
 alligator.
 up to 3,000 in five rows (the
 scariest mouth)
 great white shark
 3 Crawl your way up to the head.
 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike
 structures called radulae)
 snail
 Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth.
 Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape
 over the eyes of the beast.
 GClamp the jaws.
 Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin-
 gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators
 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth.
 Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the
 mouth is tightly closed
 use to
 open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to
 hold the mouth shut with bare hands.
 Z Take out your binding material.
 Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand,
 grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your
 teeth
 Wrap the tape
 six times around
 the snout
 Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s
 nout.
 WARNING!
 Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with
 rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material
 that can be fied and knotted.
 Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open.
 Copyrighted Material
 seat igte 21
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
                
            

            
            
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Animals, Food, and Head: Copyrighted Material
 ALLIGATORS
 How To WRESTLE FREE
 FROM AN ALLIGATOR
 If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put
 downward pressure on its neck.
 This will force its head and jaws down.
 2 Cover the alligator's eyes.
 This will usually make it more sedate.
 5 feet
 10 fet
 15 feet
 20 feet
 3 Go for the eyes and nose.
 If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist.
 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove
 (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout.
 Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly.
 They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and
 back off.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator.
 How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT
 NEAR AN ALLIGATOR
 If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it
 from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual
 actions cause severe tissue damage.
 Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does
 not begin shaking.
 Determine the size of the alligator.
 Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less
 than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the
 alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite
 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small
 can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet
 should be considered deadly.
 cut or bruise, to treat infection.
 Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths
 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator.
 Try to determine if the alligator sees the object.
 Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food.
 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water.
 If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water.
 Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby
 water
 5 Make a loud noise.
 To get an alligator to release sometbing it
 bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout
 Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar
 ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not
 move, however, you will have gained its attention.
 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover
 the object.
 The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its
 An alligator more than nine feet
 long is likely to be male, and males
 tend to be more aggressive.
 space.
 Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory.
 After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties,
 run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise
 Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder

 when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material
 only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult
 human.
 will travel
 Who Has the Most Bite?
 ANIMAL
 NUMBER OF TEETH
 WARNING!
 whale
 Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are
 commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the
 Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina
 red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the
 sharpest teeth in the world)
 You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water.
 The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour
 Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander
 in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch.
 Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their
 young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any
 youngster
 lion
 30: four canine, four carnassial,
 the rest conical
 human being
 32
 sloth bear
 40
 bear
 42, including four canines and
 12 incisors
 Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some
 animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators
 are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack
 without provocation.
 saltwater crocodile
 68 to 70
 alligator
 80 to 88
 giant armadillo
 up to 100
 gavial (fish-eating
 crocodile)
 102
 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws
 Approach the alligator from behind.
 longspouted spinner up to 252
 dolphin
 2 Straddle the creature's back
 Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the
 alligator.
 up to 3,000 in five rows (the
 scariest mouth)
 great white shark
 3 Crawl your way up to the head.
 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike
 structures called radulae)
 snail
 Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth.
 Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape
 over the eyes of the beast.
 GClamp the jaws.
 Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin-
 gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators
 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth.
 Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the
 mouth is tightly closed
 use to
 open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to
 hold the mouth shut with bare hands.
 Z Take out your binding material.
 Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand,
 grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your
 teeth
 Wrap the tape
 six times around
 the snout
 Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s
 nout.
 WARNING!
 Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with
 rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material
 that can be fied and knotted.
 Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open.
 Copyrighted Material
 seat igte 21
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Animals, Food, and Head: Copyrighted Material
 ALLIGATORS
 How To WRESTLE FREE
 FROM AN ALLIGATOR
 If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put
 downward pressure on its neck.
 This will force its head and jaws down.
 2 Cover the alligator's eyes.
 This will usually make it more sedate.
 5 feet
 10 fet
 15 feet
 20 feet
 3 Go for the eyes and nose.
 If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist.
 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove
 (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout.
 Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly.
 They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and
 back off.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator.
 How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT
 NEAR AN ALLIGATOR
 If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it
 from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual
 actions cause severe tissue damage.
 Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does
 not begin shaking.
 Determine the size of the alligator.
 Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less
 than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the
 alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite
 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small
 can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet
 should be considered deadly.
 cut or bruise, to treat infection.
 Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths
 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object.
 The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator.
 Try to determine if the alligator sees the object.
 Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food.
 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water.
 If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water.
 Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby
 water
 5 Make a loud noise.
 To get an alligator to release sometbing it
 bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout
 Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar
 ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not
 move, however, you will have gained its attention.
 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover
 the object.
 The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its
 An alligator more than nine feet
 long is likely to be male, and males
 tend to be more aggressive.
 space.
 Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory.
 After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties,
 run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise
 Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder

 when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material
 only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult
 human.
 will travel
 Who Has the Most Bite?
 ANIMAL
 NUMBER OF TEETH
 WARNING!
 whale
 Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are
 commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the
 Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina
 red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the
 sharpest teeth in the world)
 You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water.
 The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour
 Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander
 in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch.
 Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their
 young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any
 youngster
 lion
 30: four canine, four carnassial,
 the rest conical
 human being
 32
 sloth bear
 40
 bear
 42, including four canines and
 12 incisors
 Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some
 animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators
 are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack
 without provocation.
 saltwater crocodile
 68 to 70
 alligator
 80 to 88
 giant armadillo
 up to 100
 gavial (fish-eating
 crocodile)
 102
 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws
 Approach the alligator from behind.
 longspouted spinner up to 252
 dolphin
 2 Straddle the creature's back
 Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the
 alligator.
 up to 3,000 in five rows (the
 scariest mouth)
 great white shark
 3 Crawl your way up to the head.
 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike
 structures called radulae)
 snail
 Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth.
 Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape
 over the eyes of the beast.
 GClamp the jaws.
 Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin-
 gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators
 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth.
 Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the
 mouth is tightly closed
 use to
 open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to
 hold the mouth shut with bare hands.
 Z Take out your binding material.
 Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand,
 grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your
 teeth
 Wrap the tape
 six times around
 the snout
 Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s
 nout.
 WARNING!
 Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with
 rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material
 that can be fied and knotted.
 Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open.
 Copyrighted Material
 seat igte 21
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
                
            

            
            
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    


    

        
        
    




                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Advice, Charmander, and God: Tweet
 t Roger DiLuigi III retweeted
 Wallid Kanaan
 00
 @Balrog TheMaster
 Twitch Plays XY was able to
 successfully Wonder Trade and got an
 Omanyte called Lady Helix.
 HOW
 Misickf71
 20,131
 Twitch Plays Pokemon 2014-07-27 07:03:23 UTC
 Stream delay:30s
 Haloelite2
 Thundernind5700
 Broadswordnast ar
 Hquaticsmore5
 Dragoonxd
 aichu
 Jirachinoe
 LADY HELIX
 Lv.1
 R240,140
 80,150
 A
 300,234
 ??? Omanyte
 12/12
 DEX NO.
 НР
 ATTACK
 6
 Nanashi yanabiko
 Me10atta
 Czarwona.latarni a
 BX
 BХ
 DEFENSE
 6
 AOEK WATER
 293, 124
 SP. ATK
 7
 Rkjhouopc 123
 A
 SP. DEF
 6
 MOVES LEARNED
 SPEED
 6
 Constrict
 NATURE
 Mild
 Withdraw
 ABILITY
 Shell Armor
 None
 ITEM
 Od3h03n23s
 Badges: 0
 Last save: 4n ago
 Last party display update: 42s ago
 NO
 W OMRSQ
 LADY HELD
 Continue operations?
 AWA
 Report Problem
atma-starfish:

commandtower-solring-go:

dpdchxkenpachi:

commandtower-solring-go:


dpdchxkenpachi:

swan2swan:

skeletim:

precumming:

Wtf…

holy SHIT

Do not doubt a god.


I don’t get it

The original Twitch plays pokemon was a Twitch based event from a few years back where users of the Twitch Chat could submit button presses based on the layout of an old Game Boy to play Pokemon Red.
Eventually they did manage to beat the game. But along the way it had sparked a huge following and somehow developed it’s own lore based on the pokemon caught and the names they were given. However, at Mount Moon, Twitch decided to take the Helix Fossil, an item that could be used to acquire an Omanyte later in the game. 
Due to the nature of the system, a lot of the time the character just would walk around in circles for hours on end, and one thing that would happen constantly would be that they would open their item menu and try to ‘use’ the Helix Fossil. Since the item had no function, people adopted the idea that they were ‘consulting’ the Helix Fossil for advice, and that it was their lord and saviour.
What makes this Lady Helix so incredible is that, there was an incredibly small chance that they would get to Wonder Trade. And knowing wonder trade, the pokemon you’ll get in return is impossible to predetermine. So for not only them to get an Omanyte, is amazing. But the fact that that Omanyte references explicitly the events of he previous TPP, is nuts 


I knew that Twitch plays Pokémon was wild I had no idea that the lore ran this deep. Haha that’s amazing

Oh it gets way better. Due to the random arse nicknames the pokemon got, they adopted monikers to go with it. I’ll run through a couple
ABBBBBBBK( was the starter pokemon, Charmander and was nicknamed Abby. However was released.
JLVWNNOOOO was the player’s Ratata, nicknamed Jay Leno. It was released with Abby, following due to loyalty
aaabaaajss was the TPP Pidgeot, the strongest pkemon on the team, and was chosen by the Helix Fossile. It was nicknamed Bird Jesus. 
Eevee the false prophet, sent by the Dome Fossil. Evolved into Flareon and was released
AATTVVV was the team’s Venomoth, lovingly nicknamed the All Terrain Venomoth. One of the final party.
AA-j was the team’s Zapdos, caught with a masterball and was dubbed Battery Jesus. however, he was a false prophet. Only a short time after it’s capture on the 11th day were a great deal of pokemon were released. It did, however, make it to the end of the game.
AAAAAAAAAA or also known as The Fonz was also one of the last members in the party. A Nidoking that helped leave the team to victory.
I only saw a little bit of the actual stream, but I followed the whole thing. it was amazing. 

i want to point out that All Terrain Venomoth was horrendously underleveled and managed to take down one of Lance’s Dragonites

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Advice, Charmander, and God: Tweet
 t Roger DiLuigi III retweeted
 Wallid Kanaan
 00
 @Balrog TheMaster
 Twitch Plays XY was able to
 successfully Wonder Trade and got an
 Omanyte called Lady Helix.
 HOW
 Misickf71
 20,131
 Twitch Plays Pokemon 2014-07-27 07:03:23 UTC
 Stream delay:30s
 Haloelite2
 Thundernind5700
 Broadswordnast ar
 Hquaticsmore5
 Dragoonxd
 aichu
 Jirachinoe
 LADY HELIX
 Lv.1
 R240,140
 80,150
 A
 300,234
 ??? Omanyte
 12/12
 DEX NO.
 НР
 ATTACK
 6
 Nanashi yanabiko
 Me10atta
 Czarwona.latarni a
 BX
 BХ
 DEFENSE
 6
 AOEK WATER
 293, 124
 SP. ATK
 7
 Rkjhouopc 123
 A
 SP. DEF
 6
 MOVES LEARNED
 SPEED
 6
 Constrict
 NATURE
 Mild
 Withdraw
 ABILITY
 Shell Armor
 None
 ITEM
 Od3h03n23s
 Badges: 0
 Last save: 4n ago
 Last party display update: 42s ago
 NO
 W OMRSQ
 LADY HELD
 Continue operations?
 AWA
 Report Problem
atma-starfish:

commandtower-solring-go:

dpdchxkenpachi:

commandtower-solring-go:


dpdchxkenpachi:

swan2swan:

skeletim:

precumming:

Wtf…

holy SHIT

Do not doubt a god.


I don’t get it

The original Twitch plays pokemon was a Twitch based event from a few years back where users of the Twitch Chat could submit button presses based on the layout of an old Game Boy to play Pokemon Red.
Eventually they did manage to beat the game. But along the way it had sparked a huge following and somehow developed it’s own lore based on the pokemon caught and the names they were given. However, at Mount Moon, Twitch decided to take the Helix Fossil, an item that could be used to acquire an Omanyte later in the game. 
Due to the nature of the system, a lot of the time the character just would walk around in circles for hours on end, and one thing that would happen constantly would be that they would open their item menu and try to ‘use’ the Helix Fossil. Since the item had no function, people adopted the idea that they were ‘consulting’ the Helix Fossil for advice, and that it was their lord and saviour.
What makes this Lady Helix so incredible is that, there was an incredibly small chance that they would get to Wonder Trade. And knowing wonder trade, the pokemon you’ll get in return is impossible to predetermine. So for not only them to get an Omanyte, is amazing. But the fact that that Omanyte references explicitly the events of he previous TPP, is nuts 


I knew that Twitch plays Pokémon was wild I had no idea that the lore ran this deep. Haha that’s amazing

Oh it gets way better. Due to the random arse nicknames the pokemon got, they adopted monikers to go with it. I’ll run through a couple
ABBBBBBBK( was the starter pokemon, Charmander and was nicknamed Abby. However was released.
JLVWNNOOOO was the player’s Ratata, nicknamed Jay Leno. It was released with Abby, following due to loyalty
aaabaaajss was the TPP Pidgeot, the strongest pkemon on the team, and was chosen by the Helix Fossile. It was nicknamed Bird Jesus. 
Eevee the false prophet, sent by the Dome Fossil. Evolved into Flareon and was released
AATTVVV was the team’s Venomoth, lovingly nicknamed the All Terrain Venomoth. One of the final party.
AA-j was the team’s Zapdos, caught with a masterball and was dubbed Battery Jesus. however, he was a false prophet. Only a short time after it’s capture on the 11th day were a great deal of pokemon were released. It did, however, make it to the end of the game.
AAAAAAAAAA or also known as The Fonz was also one of the last members in the party. A Nidoking that helped leave the team to victory.
I only saw a little bit of the actual stream, but I followed the whole thing. it was amazing. 

i want to point out that All Terrain Venomoth was horrendously underleveled and managed to take down one of Lance’s Dragonites

                
            

            
            
atma-starfish:

commandtower-solring-go:

dpdchxkenpachi:

commandtower-solring-go:


dpdchxkenpachi:

swan2swan:

skeletim:

precumming:

W...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Beautiful, Blessed, and Bodies : Trashmouth
 Your Mom >
 345,987 likes
 Trashmouth Wow. Tough blow, this Richie Tozier
 news. My fiance here was a fan. I hope he doesn't
 take it too hard #CancelRichieTozier #BlowMe
 BevvieMarshHoly Shit, Rich
 SummerKid324 Plot Twist
 view all 12,243 comments
reddie-fucked-me-up:

Art by the beautiful @koryandr, who listened to my idea in our Reddie Discord Server, blessed my fucking seeing globes with THIS beautiful sketch, and inspired me to write a little more <3The news broke overnight: Old tweets expose comedian Richie Tozier as homophobe.There was a huge “#CancelRichieTozier” party, of course. When isn’t there? A small handful of celebrities sounded off about their disapproval, a bunch of old haters flooded his comment sections of every social media account, and even a few fans spoke out, condemning him for it and shaming themselves for not “knowing something was up with him”.If you asked Richie, the only thing they should be shaming themselves for was telling a cock sucker he was homophobic for joking about other cock suckers on the internet five years ago, but hey. Who was he to judge?Now, normally Richie would have loved to jump on the scandal. Hell, he’d probably be right there along with his haters, insisting he have the most Extra™ of cancellation parties. Unfortunately though, he happened to be sleeping when the “receipts” surfaced. It wasn’t until he awoke, bleary eyed and exhausted, that he knew anything was amiss— the sheer amount of notifications on his phone being enough to scare anyone.Especially the five missed calls from his agent.“Oh fuck me,” He groaned, falling back against the pillows once more. Eddie was right there, pushing back into his space and nuzzling his face into Richie’s shoulder in a lazy attempt to block out the light.If Richie took a moment or two to stare before turning his attention once more to the shit storm on his phone, who could blame him?He scrolled through notification after notification, mind still rather numb from the early morning, but smiling nonetheless. I mean, how could he not, this shit was hilarious! Sure, he probably should’ve been calling his agent back, but instead he raised his phone in the air, snapping a quick shot of him and his fiancé to sent to their friends.It was maybe the best picture he’d ever taken.Growing up in a town as close-minded as Derry, Richie and Eddie were just a couple of the many who were raised to believe being gay was wrong. Richie grew up desperate to believe he was anything else (well, technically he was bisexual, but that was besides the point), and Eddie grew up believing he was inherently dirty.Eventually, they found a home in each other, but it had taken some time. They didn’t know how to allow themselves to be intimate, and there were a lot of stumbles. Just as there always is with your first love. Except, that “first love” was going to be their only love. Richie had made it official weeks ago. He liked it, and he finally, finally put a ring on it. He just… hadn’t gone public with it yet.Eddie didn’t mind. They were both still far more uncomfortable with public displays of affection than they’d care to admit. You could be run out of an arcade is someone thought you were so much as flirting with a guy. That kind of hardwiring took time to change.Well… looking at this photo— at the way their bodies could just exist together— Richie started to wonder if his hardwire wasn’t glitching. He just couldn’t get the math to work. Why would this ever be something he didn’t want to share? The way Eddie could just close his eyes and mold himself against Richie’s entire body, trusting him with this… this precious thing he was. This thing that probably should’ve belonged to someone more deserving, but he gave to Richie.With one last tired smile at the photo, Richie decided to do what he does best:Not think.It was a little difficult typing with one shoulder pinned under Eddie, but he managed fine enough, typing his official response to all the drama.“Wow. Tough blow, this Richie Tozier news. My fiancé here was a fan. I hope he doesn’t take it too hard #CancelRichieTozier #BlowMe”
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Beautiful, Blessed, and Bodies : Trashmouth
 Your Mom >
 345,987 likes
 Trashmouth Wow. Tough blow, this Richie Tozier
 news. My fiance here was a fan. I hope he doesn't
 take it too hard #CancelRichieTozier #BlowMe
 BevvieMarshHoly Shit, Rich
 SummerKid324 Plot Twist
 view all 12,243 comments
reddie-fucked-me-up:

Art by the beautiful @koryandr, who listened to my idea in our Reddie Discord Server, blessed my fucking seeing globes with THIS beautiful sketch, and inspired me to write a little more <3The news broke overnight: Old tweets expose comedian Richie Tozier as homophobe.There was a huge “#CancelRichieTozier” party, of course. When isn’t there? A small handful of celebrities sounded off about their disapproval, a bunch of old haters flooded his comment sections of every social media account, and even a few fans spoke out, condemning him for it and shaming themselves for not “knowing something was up with him”.If you asked Richie, the only thing they should be shaming themselves for was telling a cock sucker he was homophobic for joking about other cock suckers on the internet five years ago, but hey. Who was he to judge?Now, normally Richie would have loved to jump on the scandal. Hell, he’d probably be right there along with his haters, insisting he have the most Extra™ of cancellation parties. Unfortunately though, he happened to be sleeping when the “receipts” surfaced. It wasn’t until he awoke, bleary eyed and exhausted, that he knew anything was amiss— the sheer amount of notifications on his phone being enough to scare anyone.Especially the five missed calls from his agent.“Oh fuck me,” He groaned, falling back against the pillows once more. Eddie was right there, pushing back into his space and nuzzling his face into Richie’s shoulder in a lazy attempt to block out the light.If Richie took a moment or two to stare before turning his attention once more to the shit storm on his phone, who could blame him?He scrolled through notification after notification, mind still rather numb from the early morning, but smiling nonetheless. I mean, how could he not, this shit was hilarious! Sure, he probably should’ve been calling his agent back, but instead he raised his phone in the air, snapping a quick shot of him and his fiancé to sent to their friends.It was maybe the best picture he’d ever taken.Growing up in a town as close-minded as Derry, Richie and Eddie were just a couple of the many who were raised to believe being gay was wrong. Richie grew up desperate to believe he was anything else (well, technically he was bisexual, but that was besides the point), and Eddie grew up believing he was inherently dirty.Eventually, they found a home in each other, but it had taken some time. They didn’t know how to allow themselves to be intimate, and there were a lot of stumbles. Just as there always is with your first love. Except, that “first love” was going to be their only love. Richie had made it official weeks ago. He liked it, and he finally, finally put a ring on it. He just… hadn’t gone public with it yet.Eddie didn’t mind. They were both still far more uncomfortable with public displays of affection than they’d care to admit. You could be run out of an arcade is someone thought you were so much as flirting with a guy. That kind of hardwiring took time to change.Well… looking at this photo— at the way their bodies could just exist together— Richie started to wonder if his hardwire wasn’t glitching. He just couldn’t get the math to work. Why would this ever be something he didn’t want to share? The way Eddie could just close his eyes and mold himself against Richie’s entire body, trusting him with this… this precious thing he was. This thing that probably should’ve belonged to someone more deserving, but he gave to Richie.With one last tired smile at the photo, Richie decided to do what he does best:Not think.It was a little difficult typing with one shoulder pinned under Eddie, but he managed fine enough, typing his official response to all the drama.“Wow. Tough blow, this Richie Tozier news. My fiancé here was a fan. I hope he doesn’t take it too hard #CancelRichieTozier #BlowMe”
                
            

            
            
reddie-fucked-me-up:

Art by the beautiful @koryandr, who listened to my idea in our Reddie Discord Server, blessed my fucking seeing globes...

            
            
        

    



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            



        

            
                
                    
                    
                
            
        
        

            




    Nas, Nasa, and News: neopetcemetery
 Uranus 'gapes wide
 open for blasts of hot
 wind', scientists claim
 Uranus 'opens wide' on a daily
 basis to let in blasts of solar win...
 metro.co.uk 5h
 someone has waited their entire career to use this
 headline
 goopy-amethyst
 Scientist should say something else
 infamy-and-plunder
 Something huge and hard went into Uranus
 and it got very messy Metro..
 metro.co.uk 2017/12/20 som...
 20 Dec 2017 In the distant
 past, Uranus took an absolute
 pounding, say researchers,
 without even cracking a smile.
 My isn't Uranus full of
 surprises? Researchers..
 There's something very hard heading
 towards Uranus, scientists .. Metro
 metro.co.uk 2017/08/28 ther...
 28 Aug 2017 Scientists have
 long suspected it, but there is
 something very, very hard near
 Uranus rains of solid
 diamonds to be precise.
 Stanford researchers now
 believe that huge diamonds - possibly millions of
 carats -sink towards the core of Uranus. ..
 Extremely high pressure squeezes..
 Uranus will be on display to the entire world
 later this month Metro News
 metro.co.uk 2017/10/03 ura...
 3 Oct 2017 It's every
 schoolboy's favourite planet-
 and this month, millions of
 people will be staring at
 Uranus. Uranus will be on
 display on October 19, as the
 planet...
 Scientists spot a massive floater hanging
 around Uranus | Metro News
 metro.co.uk News Science
 5 Sep 2017 Another week,
 another mystery found right
 next to Uranus - as scientists
 discover that the moon
 Cressida would actually float
 in a tub of water.
 NASA wants to probe deeper into Uranus
 than ever before | Metro News
 metro.co.uk 2017/06/19 nas...
 This guy needs a raise
 therothwoman
 Something huge went into Uranus and
 left it absolutely ruined
 Rob Waugh Monday 2 Jul 2018 10:00 pm
 NASA wants to probe deeper into
 Uranus than ever before
 Rob Waugh Monday 19 Jun 2017 11:15 am
 Something huge and hard went into
 Uranus and it got very messy
 Rob Waugh Wednesday 20 Dec 2017 9:42 am
 Uranus 'gapes wide open for blasts of
 hot wind', scientists claim
 Rob Waugh Tuesday 27 Jun 2017 4:12 pm
 This hero's name is Rob Waugh
 Source: neopetcemetery
 233,094 notes
 A
 
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Nas, Nasa, and News: neopetcemetery
 Uranus 'gapes wide
 open for blasts of hot
 wind', scientists claim
 Uranus 'opens wide' on a daily
 basis to let in blasts of solar win...
 metro.co.uk 5h
 someone has waited their entire career to use this
 headline
 goopy-amethyst
 Scientist should say something else
 infamy-and-plunder
 Something huge and hard went into Uranus
 and it got very messy Metro..
 metro.co.uk 2017/12/20 som...
 20 Dec 2017 In the distant
 past, Uranus took an absolute
 pounding, say researchers,
 without even cracking a smile.
 My isn't Uranus full of
 surprises? Researchers..
 There's something very hard heading
 towards Uranus, scientists .. Metro
 metro.co.uk 2017/08/28 ther...
 28 Aug 2017 Scientists have
 long suspected it, but there is
 something very, very hard near
 Uranus rains of solid
 diamonds to be precise.
 Stanford researchers now
 believe that huge diamonds - possibly millions of
 carats -sink towards the core of Uranus. ..
 Extremely high pressure squeezes..
 Uranus will be on display to the entire world
 later this month Metro News
 metro.co.uk 2017/10/03 ura...
 3 Oct 2017 It's every
 schoolboy's favourite planet-
 and this month, millions of
 people will be staring at
 Uranus. Uranus will be on
 display on October 19, as the
 planet...
 Scientists spot a massive floater hanging
 around Uranus | Metro News
 metro.co.uk News Science
 5 Sep 2017 Another week,
 another mystery found right
 next to Uranus - as scientists
 discover that the moon
 Cressida would actually float
 in a tub of water.
 NASA wants to probe deeper into Uranus
 than ever before | Metro News
 metro.co.uk 2017/06/19 nas...
 This guy needs a raise
 therothwoman
 Something huge went into Uranus and
 left it absolutely ruined
 Rob Waugh Monday 2 Jul 2018 10:00 pm
 NASA wants to probe deeper into
 Uranus than ever before
 Rob Waugh Monday 19 Jun 2017 11:15 am
 Something huge and hard went into
 Uranus and it got very messy
 Rob Waugh Wednesday 20 Dec 2017 9:42 am
 Uranus 'gapes wide open for blasts of
 hot wind', scientists claim
 Rob Waugh Tuesday 27 Jun 2017 4:12 pm
 This hero's name is Rob Waugh
 Source: neopetcemetery
 233,094 notes
 A