It True


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    

        šŸ”„ | Latest
    

    
    

        

        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually saidĀ in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ā€˜Where am I, Cathy?ā€™ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I canā€™t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnā€™t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnā€™t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Heā€™s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town Iā€™m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oralā€¦_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually saidĀ in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ā€˜Where am I, Cathy?ā€™ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I canā€™t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnā€™t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnā€™t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Heā€™s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town Iā€™m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oralā€¦_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
                
            

            
            
feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Meme, Money, and True: THINK BEFORE
 YOU PINK
 MY MOTHER DIED FROM BREAST CANCER
 2/11/2000
 SUSAN G. KOMEN ONLY GIVES LESS THAN
 2 0% OF DONATIONS TO CANCER RESEARCH
 THEIR CEOMAKES $684,000 A YEAR
 So proud of my mother for doing her own research after I sent her
 that meme. A sign she hung i
 her car window
 Stay woke
 pual1010
 Is this true?
 Nat only is it true, it gets worse The Susan G Komen For The Cure
 Foundation has actually successfully sued competing" charities,
 because (paraphrasing) their message or branding was infringing
 You read that correctly they took money that people had donated to
 cure cancer, and hired attorneys with it, to sue ANOTHER group of
 people trying to find a cure for cancer, who, in turn, had to us their
 donated money to hire their own legal counsel to defend themselves.
 MAKE GIFS AT GIFSOUP COM
 Yeah signal boost because not enough people know about this and
 seriously FUCK SUSAN G. KOMEN THEY ARE THE ACTUAL
 WORST
 beanmom
 Some links
 undation has
 (reblogged in honor of my mother, who died of breast cancer,
 11/1397)
 Reblog every time I see it. Roughly once a month.
 blockmind
 Also please never forget the pink fracking drill bit
 Doing Our Bit
 for the Cure
 that's right
 fracking
 you know, a process using chemicals known to cause cancer that
 leech into the water supply
 alexithymia42
 It's that time of year again, please remember Komen is the actual
 worst
 sofia-ciel
 Komen For The Cure is pretty much awful
 My mother died in 1996 from breast cancer. Most cancer charities
 are scams, in that people throw fancy parties and get rich off them
 and very little money goes into research or support for patients Here
 are some vetted cancer charities that get good scores on Charity
 Navigator and pay medical expenses or fund research:
 Signal boosting this
 emmalily
 Reblogging from myself because it's October now
 969,381 notes Oct 3rd, 2018
Think before you pink
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Meme, Money, and True: THINK BEFORE
 YOU PINK
 MY MOTHER DIED FROM BREAST CANCER
 2/11/2000
 SUSAN G. KOMEN ONLY GIVES LESS THAN
 2 0% OF DONATIONS TO CANCER RESEARCH
 THEIR CEOMAKES $684,000 A YEAR
 So proud of my mother for doing her own research after I sent her
 that meme. A sign she hung i
 her car window
 Stay woke
 pual1010
 Is this true?
 Nat only is it true, it gets worse The Susan G Komen For The Cure
 Foundation has actually successfully sued competing" charities,
 because (paraphrasing) their message or branding was infringing
 You read that correctly they took money that people had donated to
 cure cancer, and hired attorneys with it, to sue ANOTHER group of
 people trying to find a cure for cancer, who, in turn, had to us their
 donated money to hire their own legal counsel to defend themselves.
 MAKE GIFS AT GIFSOUP COM
 Yeah signal boost because not enough people know about this and
 seriously FUCK SUSAN G. KOMEN THEY ARE THE ACTUAL
 WORST
 beanmom
 Some links
 undation has
 (reblogged in honor of my mother, who died of breast cancer,
 11/1397)
 Reblog every time I see it. Roughly once a month.
 blockmind
 Also please never forget the pink fracking drill bit
 Doing Our Bit
 for the Cure
 that's right
 fracking
 you know, a process using chemicals known to cause cancer that
 leech into the water supply
 alexithymia42
 It's that time of year again, please remember Komen is the actual
 worst
 sofia-ciel
 Komen For The Cure is pretty much awful
 My mother died in 1996 from breast cancer. Most cancer charities
 are scams, in that people throw fancy parties and get rich off them
 and very little money goes into research or support for patients Here
 are some vetted cancer charities that get good scores on Charity
 Navigator and pay medical expenses or fund research:
 Signal boosting this
 emmalily
 Reblogging from myself because it's October now
 969,381 notes Oct 3rd, 2018
Think before you pink
                
            

            
            
Think before you pink

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Ass, True, and Tumblr: c-bassmeow:They say that Ā I have the best ass below 14th streetā€¦ is it true ?
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
nsfw

        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ass, True, and Tumblr: c-bassmeow:They say that Ā I have the best ass below 14th streetā€¦ is it true ?
                
            

            
            
c-bassmeow:They say that Ā I have the best ass below 14th streetā€¦ is it true ?

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Gif, Hello, and Meme: THINK BEFORE
 YOU PINK
 MY MOTHER DIED FROM BREAST CANCER
 2/11/2000
 SUSAN G. KOMEN ONLY GIVES LESS THAN
 2 0% OF DONATIONS TO CANCER RESEARCH
 THEIR CEO MAKES $684,000 A YEA
croxovergoddess:
emmalily:

offending-the-offended:

imaginarycircus:

sofia-ciel:

alexithymia42:

blockmind:

hello-missdolly:

beanmom:

nospockdasgay:

redbloodedamerica:

mallninjacode:

pual1010:

brownglucose:

stunningpicture:

So proud of my mother for doing her own research after I sent her that meme. A sign she hung in her car window.

Stay woke

Is this true?

Not only is it true, it gets worse. The Susan G Komen For The Cure Foundation has actually successfully sued ā€œcompetingā€ charities, becauseĀ (paraphrasing)Ā their ā€œmessage or branding was infringing.ā€
You read that correctly: they took money that people had donated to cure cancer, and hired attorneys with it, to sue ANOTHER group of people trying to find a cure for cancer, who, in turn, had to us their donated money to hire their own legal counsel to defend themselves.



Yeah signal boost because not enough people know about this and seriously FUCK SUSAN G. KOMEN THEY ARE THE ACTUAL WORST

Some linksā€¦
http://thinkbeforeyoupink.org/
http://www.somethingawful.com/feature-articles/for-the-cure/
http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/132728/susan_g_komen_foundation_has
(reblogged in honor of my mother, who died of breast cancer, 11/13/97)

Reblog every time I see it. Roughly once a month.

Also please never forget the pink fracking drill bit
thatā€™s right frackingyou know, a process using chemicals known to cause cancer that leech into the water supply 
http://www.triplepundit.com/2014/10/baker-hughes-fights-breast-cancer-pink-fracking-drill-bits/
http://www.nbcnews.com/health/cancer/pink-drill-bits-bring-complaints-komen-tie-fracking-n223166

Itā€™s that time of year again, please remember Komen is the actual worst

Komen For The Cure is pretty much awful.

My mother died in 1996 from breast cancer. Most cancer charities are scams, in that people throw fancy parties and get rich off them and very little money goes into research or support for patients. Here are some vetted cancer charities that get good scores on Charity Navigator and pay medical expenses or fund research:
Breast Cancer Research Foundation
Cancer Research Institute
Dana-Farber Cancer Institute
63 four star rated cancer charities on charity navigator

Signal boosting this


Reblogging from myself because itā€™s October now


Always sharing

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Gif, Hello, and Meme: THINK BEFORE
 YOU PINK
 MY MOTHER DIED FROM BREAST CANCER
 2/11/2000
 SUSAN G. KOMEN ONLY GIVES LESS THAN
 2 0% OF DONATIONS TO CANCER RESEARCH
 THEIR CEO MAKES $684,000 A YEA
croxovergoddess:
emmalily:

offending-the-offended:

imaginarycircus:

sofia-ciel:

alexithymia42:

blockmind:

hello-missdolly:

beanmom:

nospockdasgay:

redbloodedamerica:

mallninjacode:

pual1010:

brownglucose:

stunningpicture:

So proud of my mother for doing her own research after I sent her that meme. A sign she hung in her car window.

Stay woke

Is this true?

Not only is it true, it gets worse. The Susan G Komen For The Cure Foundation has actually successfully sued ā€œcompetingā€ charities, becauseĀ (paraphrasing)Ā their ā€œmessage or branding was infringing.ā€
You read that correctly: they took money that people had donated to cure cancer, and hired attorneys with it, to sue ANOTHER group of people trying to find a cure for cancer, who, in turn, had to us their donated money to hire their own legal counsel to defend themselves.



Yeah signal boost because not enough people know about this and seriously FUCK SUSAN G. KOMEN THEY ARE THE ACTUAL WORST

Some linksā€¦
http://thinkbeforeyoupink.org/
http://www.somethingawful.com/feature-articles/for-the-cure/
http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/132728/susan_g_komen_foundation_has
(reblogged in honor of my mother, who died of breast cancer, 11/13/97)

Reblog every time I see it. Roughly once a month.

Also please never forget the pink fracking drill bit
thatā€™s right frackingyou know, a process using chemicals known to cause cancer that leech into the water supply 
http://www.triplepundit.com/2014/10/baker-hughes-fights-breast-cancer-pink-fracking-drill-bits/
http://www.nbcnews.com/health/cancer/pink-drill-bits-bring-complaints-komen-tie-fracking-n223166

Itā€™s that time of year again, please remember Komen is the actual worst

Komen For The Cure is pretty much awful.

My mother died in 1996 from breast cancer. Most cancer charities are scams, in that people throw fancy parties and get rich off them and very little money goes into research or support for patients. Here are some vetted cancer charities that get good scores on Charity Navigator and pay medical expenses or fund research:
Breast Cancer Research Foundation
Cancer Research Institute
Dana-Farber Cancer Institute
63 four star rated cancer charities on charity navigator

Signal boosting this


Reblogging from myself because itā€™s October now


Always sharing

                
            

            
            
croxovergoddess:
emmalily:

offending-the-offended:

imaginarycircus:

sofia-ciel:

alexithymia42:

blockmind:

hello-missdolly:

beanmom:

...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Alive, Beard, and Children: princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually saidĀ in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ā€˜Where am I, Cathy?ā€™ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I canā€™t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnā€™t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnā€™t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Heā€™s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town Iā€™m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oralā€¦_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Alive, Beard, and Children: princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually saidĀ in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ā€˜Where am I, Cathy?ā€™ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I canā€™t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnā€™t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnā€™t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Heā€™s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town Iā€™m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oralā€¦_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

                
            

            
            
princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Cou...