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Apparently, Beautiful, and Confused: Hi Morning Your holiday Monday off to a good start? Monday 09:15 Yes nice what r u looking for on tinder Monday 12:13 Nothing specific. I'm not around for long Monday 18:15 Ok Today 06:20 I feel the hunger on foreign skin, wants to absorb the scent of foreign skin, I want to drill my teeth into your flesh Draw marks on my skin with my nails. I want to feel how you give yourself to me, how you become soft and yielding, deliver you, just feel, just give, until you melt helpless in my arms I want to drink you empty like a sweet fruit, absorb your pain and moans into me Take heat and give it. Playing on your nipples, until your moans penetrate my ear like a beautiful melody. l want to touch, dominate, explore to the last corner of your soul And then start over. Slowly. Persevering. Relish I let your soul slip through my hands, shape and encourage you Protect you. I will kiss your tears away. Find you nice. Over and over again Today 07:49 Today 08:21 ....huh? When was ur last sex Today 09:32 I'm very confused about the turn this conversation has taken I thought you were looking for feedback on your....poetry. Or whatever that was Did u read the poem? I did. Are you looking for constructive feedback? Sent GIF Type a message... I did. Are you looking for constructive feedback? I am lookin for a feedback about what u feel it u like it Well, some of your metaphors are a little off. l'd also look at breaking out the old thesaurus the use of 'foreign skin' twice in two lines and 'moans' twice in one stanza could do with changing up. Also, beginning stanzas 2,3 & 4 with 'l want' is a good device, but you need to carry it through to the rest of the stanzas for it to really be effective Also very unsure on the find you nice' line All together it's a good beginning effort Sent GIF Type a message.. Do u like this type of sex Surely the sex in the poem is a metaphor for death though? It's not intended to be read literally as a sex act Do u read the dominant part? Yes, I want to touch [... last corner of your soul' - death is the ultimate dominator, and through the end of life manages to reach through to the very ends of our souls There is a feeling of rebirth, new life in this stanza though 'and then start over [...] persevering Maybe this is more about loss and finding oneself again than it is about death Sent GIF Type a message.. Do u like domiant men? The world is full of dominant men and it doesn't seem to be working so well for it Sent Type a message GIF .. Apparently not ready for the literary critique
Apparently, Beautiful, and Confused: Hi
 Morning
 Your holiday Monday off to a
 good start?
 Monday 09:15
 Yes nice what r u looking for on
 tinder
 Monday 12:13
 Nothing specific. I'm not around
 for long
 Monday 18:15
 Ok
 Today 06:20
 I feel the hunger on foreign
 skin,
 wants to absorb the scent of
 foreign skin,
 I want to drill my teeth into your
 flesh
 Draw marks on my skin with my
 nails.
 I want to feel how you give
 yourself to me,
 how you become soft and
 yielding,
 deliver you, just feel, just give,
 until you melt helpless in my
 arms
 I want to drink you empty like a
 sweet fruit,
 absorb your pain and moans
 into me
 Take heat and give it. Playing
 on your nipples,
 until your moans penetrate my
 ear like a beautiful melody.
 l want to touch, dominate,
 explore
 to the last corner of your soul
 And then start over.
 Slowly. Persevering. Relish
 I let your soul slip through my
 hands,
 shape and encourage you
 Protect you.
 I will kiss your tears away.
 Find you nice. Over and over
 again

 Today 07:49
 Today 08:21
 ....huh?
 When was ur last sex
 Today 09:32
 I'm very confused about the turn
 this conversation has taken
 I thought you were looking for
 feedback on your....poetry. Or
 whatever that was
 Did u read the poem?
 I did. Are you looking for
 constructive feedback?
 Sent
 GIF
 Type a message...

 I did. Are you looking for
 constructive feedback?
 I am lookin for a feedback
 about what u feel it u like it
 Well, some of your metaphors
 are a little off. l'd also look at
 breaking out the old thesaurus
 the use of 'foreign skin' twice
 in two lines and 'moans' twice
 in one stanza could do with
 changing up. Also, beginning
 stanzas 2,3 & 4 with 'l want' is
 a good device, but you need
 to carry it through to the rest
 of the stanzas for it to really be
 effective
 Also very unsure on the find you
 nice' line
 All together it's a good
 beginning effort
 Sent
 GIF
 Type a message..

 Do u like this type of sex
 Surely the sex in the poem is a
 metaphor for death though? It's
 not intended to be read literally
 as a sex act
 Do u read the dominant part?
 Yes, I want to touch [... last
 corner of your soul' - death is
 the ultimate dominator, and
 through the end of life manages
 to reach through to the very
 ends of our souls
 There is a feeling of rebirth, new
 life in this stanza though 'and
 then start over [...] persevering
 Maybe this is more about loss
 and finding oneself again than it
 is about death
 Sent
 GIF
 Type a message..

 Do u like domiant men?
 The world is full of dominant
 men and it doesn't seem to be
 working so well for it
 Sent
 Type a message
 GIF
 ..
Apparently not ready for the literary critique

Apparently not ready for the literary critique

America, Bad, and Bless Up: Woke up to this. He isn't allowed on the bed so he kept his hind legs on the floor. Reddit u/AndThatsAllSheWrote @DrSmashlove Ladies and gentlemen I gotta speak on something right quick before this become a epidemic. We need to collectively hold hands as Americans and address this issue. In the airport security line today I done seen not one. Not two. Not een three. FOUR young tings wearing the following outfit: colorful Crocs or Birkenstocks. Colorful a$$ socks. Black tights. Big baggy a$$ t shirt. No makeup. Hair disheveled. Not like a bird’s nest bc that could be a look, nah. Like someone had cocked a shotgun and SHOT a bird’s nest - “Smash, who would SHOOT a bird’s nest?” - EXACTLY - who would have this hair style in a public place?! 😂 Now u gon say, well it was probably early morning, what do u expect. NAH. TWO PM IN THE MF AFTERNOON 😂. Now it wouldn’t had been bad but then u got these lil tings flying back to Latin America unpacking they carry on full of Reese’s, M+M’s, Pringles, XBOX controllers and other gifts for people back home. These ladies dressed like they going to a fancy dinner bruv! Same age group! Lil nice pair of loafers, slim jeans, lil sportcoat, lil Louis Bag. Dignified! U feel me? Like the rich kid in ya high school like how his sexy mama dressed lmao u feel me? Like that! Side note: how everyone in Peru and Panama got a Louis canvas that Louis canvas ISPURNSIVE! Not expensive but like 2 chain and yo Gotti say ISPURNSIVE LMAO! Now u gon say “WELL AMERICAN GIRLS ARE CASUAL SMASH WHAT DO U EXPECT THIS ISN’T SOUTH AMERICA U WANT A SOUTH AMERICAN WOMAN THEN GO TO SOUTH AMERICA OL ENRIQUE IGLESIAS LOOKIN A$$. RICKY MARTIN SHIRT UNBUTTONED TO YA BELLY BUTTON...LOOKIN A$$.” Chill. U ain’t have to lump me with Ricky Ricardo for making a observation. I’m just saying it’s ladies dressing like grow folk and it’s ladies dressing like they headed to a fifth grade slumber party IF U AIN’T IN FIFTH GRADE ANY MORE U AIN GOTTA DRESS LIKE A FIFTH GRADER. IT’S HIGHER GRADES NOW LOL. YOUR FOREIGN COUNTERPARTS ARE DRESSING LIKE THEY GETTING A MBA DEGREE I’M JUST LETTING U KNOW. GO HEAD ROAST ME NOW. I’M JUST SAYING BAN THIS CANCER OF AN OUTFIT BEFORE IT GET TRACTION BLESS UP 😂😂😂
America, Bad, and Bless Up: Woke up to this. He isn't allowed on the
 bed so he kept his hind legs on the floor.
 Reddit u/AndThatsAllSheWrote
 @DrSmashlove
Ladies and gentlemen I gotta speak on something right quick before this become a epidemic. We need to collectively hold hands as Americans and address this issue. In the airport security line today I done seen not one. Not two. Not een three. FOUR young tings wearing the following outfit: colorful Crocs or Birkenstocks. Colorful a$$ socks. Black tights. Big baggy a$$ t shirt. No makeup. Hair disheveled. Not like a bird’s nest bc that could be a look, nah. Like someone had cocked a shotgun and SHOT a bird’s nest - “Smash, who would SHOOT a bird’s nest?” - EXACTLY - who would have this hair style in a public place?! 😂 Now u gon say, well it was probably early morning, what do u expect. NAH. TWO PM IN THE MF AFTERNOON 😂. Now it wouldn’t had been bad but then u got these lil tings flying back to Latin America unpacking they carry on full of Reese’s, M+M’s, Pringles, XBOX controllers and other gifts for people back home. These ladies dressed like they going to a fancy dinner bruv! Same age group! Lil nice pair of loafers, slim jeans, lil sportcoat, lil Louis Bag. Dignified! U feel me? Like the rich kid in ya high school like how his sexy mama dressed lmao u feel me? Like that! Side note: how everyone in Peru and Panama got a Louis canvas that Louis canvas ISPURNSIVE! Not expensive but like 2 chain and yo Gotti say ISPURNSIVE LMAO! Now u gon say “WELL AMERICAN GIRLS ARE CASUAL SMASH WHAT DO U EXPECT THIS ISN’T SOUTH AMERICA U WANT A SOUTH AMERICAN WOMAN THEN GO TO SOUTH AMERICA OL ENRIQUE IGLESIAS LOOKIN A$$. RICKY MARTIN SHIRT UNBUTTONED TO YA BELLY BUTTON...LOOKIN A$$.” Chill. U ain’t have to lump me with Ricky Ricardo for making a observation. I’m just saying it’s ladies dressing like grow folk and it’s ladies dressing like they headed to a fifth grade slumber party IF U AIN’T IN FIFTH GRADE ANY MORE U AIN GOTTA DRESS LIKE A FIFTH GRADER. IT’S HIGHER GRADES NOW LOL. YOUR FOREIGN COUNTERPARTS ARE DRESSING LIKE THEY GETTING A MBA DEGREE I’M JUST LETTING U KNOW. GO HEAD ROAST ME NOW. I’M JUST SAYING BAN THIS CANCER OF AN OUTFIT BEFORE IT GET TRACTION BLESS UP 😂😂😂

Ladies and gentlemen I gotta speak on something right quick before this become a epidemic. We need to collectively hold hands as Americans a...

America, Family, and Friends: NFL Replaces Papa John's With Pizza Hut As NFL Official Sponsor @balleralert Pizza Hhut NFL Replaces Papa John’s With Pizza Hut As NFL Official Sponsor - blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Just weeks after the official ending of the controversial 2017-18 NFL season, the league has officially severed business ties with its official pizza sponsor, Papa John’s. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ During the regular season, the pizza chain faced widespread criticisms and backlash for its CEO’s comments about the longstanding protest against police brutality and social injustices, and its affect on Papa John’s pizza sales. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Since then, the CEO has stepped down from his position in the wake of the criticisms. In addition, the league and the chain have announced that they have ended their business relationship. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Just one day later, the organization revealed its replacement. Now, instead of the Papa John’s deal, which was expected to expire in 2020, the league has signed a deal with Pizza Hut through 2021. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ "We know many of our fans enjoy pizza while watching NFL games and we are thrilled to have Pizza Hut, and industry leader and one of America’s favorite brands, as an official league sponsor,” Roger Goodell said of the new partnership. “With a focus on family, friends and fun, Pizza Hut has the creativity we are lookin for in a partner and we look forward to working together with them to make the at-home NFL experience more exciting than ever for our fans.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The new deal is expected to start April 1, with marketing focused around the NFL Draft.
America, Family, and Friends: NFL Replaces Papa John's With
 Pizza Hut As NFL Official Sponsor
 @balleralert
 Pizza Hhut
NFL Replaces Papa John’s With Pizza Hut As NFL Official Sponsor - blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Just weeks after the official ending of the controversial 2017-18 NFL season, the league has officially severed business ties with its official pizza sponsor, Papa John’s. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ During the regular season, the pizza chain faced widespread criticisms and backlash for its CEO’s comments about the longstanding protest against police brutality and social injustices, and its affect on Papa John’s pizza sales. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Since then, the CEO has stepped down from his position in the wake of the criticisms. In addition, the league and the chain have announced that they have ended their business relationship. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Just one day later, the organization revealed its replacement. Now, instead of the Papa John’s deal, which was expected to expire in 2020, the league has signed a deal with Pizza Hut through 2021. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ "We know many of our fans enjoy pizza while watching NFL games and we are thrilled to have Pizza Hut, and industry leader and one of America’s favorite brands, as an official league sponsor,” Roger Goodell said of the new partnership. “With a focus on family, friends and fun, Pizza Hut has the creativity we are lookin for in a partner and we look forward to working together with them to make the at-home NFL experience more exciting than ever for our fans.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The new deal is expected to start April 1, with marketing focused around the NFL Draft.

NFL Replaces Papa John’s With Pizza Hut As NFL Official Sponsor - blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Just weeks after the official ending ...

Af, Amazon, and Anaconda: His freedom ride home, he realized he was being adopted. He also tried to steal my cheeseburger @DrSmashlove Reddit u/3riny3s A few weeks ago I hyped up a anti perspirant called Tom’s North Woods. It smells absolutely wonderful and works great. HOWEVER. It got aluminum in it 😖. Bro!! How u gon be a natural product and u got aluminum! I read the packaging closely and it said “naturally sourced aluminum.” FOH 😂. “We naturally select our poisonous metallic substances from the finest natural mines.” Aluminum is an ELEMENT. It’s pure. There is no difference between aluminum from recycled pepsi cans and aluminum from a mine. I was mad AF 😤. So I went back on my quest to find something natural. Well lo and behold Tom’s makes natural deodorant that’s called “wild lavender”. And lemme tell u - it smell pleasant asf! Like basically u slather it on and u sniff ya underarm and u magically transported to the soap aisle of Whole Food and a pleasant hipster girl with ear spacers, short hair, and a name tag that say “RAIN” smile at u 😍 (side note: was she born ‘Rain’? Or is her name Mandy but she adopted the name ‘Rain’ after attending burning man and dropping acid once? Maybe her Nani make it ‘Rain’? 😍 lmao I’m wild lemme stop 😂.) Caveat: if u work out hard AF like me, it will wear off a lil bit. Like for a 100 degree hot summertime Chi day u might could go with the Tom’s north woods aluminum joint. It will give u cancer-memory loss but at least u smell spicy 😂. Also and I done said this before: I shave my public hair which is a tradition among people of my faith. I know some of u women like “ew - DEALBREAKER!” WELL FU— just kidding! Baby girl that’s fair! 😂 I accept our incompatibility and hope u find the hairy Chewbacca lookin a$$ Man of ya dreams! 😍 Now then u men out here at the gym with the grapefruit sized amazon rainforest patch of stinky-ass underarm hair that drip white liquid on the elliptical, the ‘wild lavender’ may not cut it 😂. Y’all got that ‘built in’ stincc u probably need Mitchum. But if u down with that razor life it will give u plenty of protection against Le Stincc. May all of u live blessed and chemical free lives bless up 😍😂
Af, Amazon, and Anaconda: His freedom ride home, he realized he was
 being adopted. He also tried to steal my
 cheeseburger
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit u/3riny3s
A few weeks ago I hyped up a anti perspirant called Tom’s North Woods. It smells absolutely wonderful and works great. HOWEVER. It got aluminum in it 😖. Bro!! How u gon be a natural product and u got aluminum! I read the packaging closely and it said “naturally sourced aluminum.” FOH 😂. “We naturally select our poisonous metallic substances from the finest natural mines.” Aluminum is an ELEMENT. It’s pure. There is no difference between aluminum from recycled pepsi cans and aluminum from a mine. I was mad AF 😤. So I went back on my quest to find something natural. Well lo and behold Tom’s makes natural deodorant that’s called “wild lavender”. And lemme tell u - it smell pleasant asf! Like basically u slather it on and u sniff ya underarm and u magically transported to the soap aisle of Whole Food and a pleasant hipster girl with ear spacers, short hair, and a name tag that say “RAIN” smile at u 😍 (side note: was she born ‘Rain’? Or is her name Mandy but she adopted the name ‘Rain’ after attending burning man and dropping acid once? Maybe her Nani make it ‘Rain’? 😍 lmao I’m wild lemme stop 😂.) Caveat: if u work out hard AF like me, it will wear off a lil bit. Like for a 100 degree hot summertime Chi day u might could go with the Tom’s north woods aluminum joint. It will give u cancer-memory loss but at least u smell spicy 😂. Also and I done said this before: I shave my public hair which is a tradition among people of my faith. I know some of u women like “ew - DEALBREAKER!” WELL FU— just kidding! Baby girl that’s fair! 😂 I accept our incompatibility and hope u find the hairy Chewbacca lookin a$$ Man of ya dreams! 😍 Now then u men out here at the gym with the grapefruit sized amazon rainforest patch of stinky-ass underarm hair that drip white liquid on the elliptical, the ‘wild lavender’ may not cut it 😂. Y’all got that ‘built in’ stincc u probably need Mitchum. But if u down with that razor life it will give u plenty of protection against Le Stincc. May all of u live blessed and chemical free lives bless up 😍😂

A few weeks ago I hyped up a anti perspirant called Tom’s North Woods. It smells absolutely wonderful and works great. HOWEVER. It got alumi...

5 Am, Bless Up, and Bruh: This is Bruce. He has some spots. Reddit u/ MustyCarACsmell @DrSmashlove Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there was a time in my life when “sleep in” meant 1:30 pm. One MF thirty. Like literally the day is shot. Done. No day that starts at 1:30 pm entails any type of success. Zero. That day is a total loss. A tax write off. Ain no “rise and grind 😌” at 1:30 pm more like “rise and eat a bowl of a cereal like an A$$HOLE and reflect on your insignificance in the universe” 🤗. Nah. I was texting with my lil homegirl who’s a physician and she say she woke up at 8:30 am and I’m like “oh nice you slept in!” And she did! She usually up at 5 am shoving needles into people! But then I caught myself 😧. Right then and there I caught myself Bruh. And a feeling of mild sadness came over me whilst on the stair master at 8:36 am on a Saturday. WE GROWN. I’M GROWN. 8:30 AM IS NOT SLEEPING IN. BUT IF U GROWN, 8:30 AM IS A COT DAMN VACATION. U wake up so refreshed that it feel ‘wrong’ 😂. Like ya anxiety come knocking like “AYE BRUH U MISSED A APPOINTMENT. A CONFERENCE CALL. BREAKFAST WITH A CLIENT. U MISSED EVERYTHING IT’S 8:30 COT DAMMIT WHAT A FAILURE LOL LIKE WHAT HAVE U *ACTUALLY* ACCOMPLISHED? LOOK AT EVAN SPIEGEL. DEVELOPED A APP WHERE U COULD SEND DISAPPEARING PICS OF YA T!TTIES NOW AT AGE 27 HE WORTH 4.1 BILLY WHAT CHU WORTH? EXACTLY SMASH WAY LESS THAN 4 BILLY BC U WOKE UP AT 8:30 OL SLEEP ALL DAY LOOKIN A$$ EVAN 👏 SPIEGEL 👏 AINT 👏 WAKING 👏 UP 👏 AT 👏 8:30.” (Incidentally my anxiety sound like a mother who push her kids too hard 🐸☕️. Shout to my anxiety tho. Some people got a angel on they shoulder. I got skrong anxiety clutching a chancleta above my head bout to whup my a$$ for not grinding hard enuf EVERYBODY’S DIFFERENT THIS IS HOW I’M BUILT BLESS UP 😂😂😂)
5 Am, Bless Up, and Bruh: This is Bruce. He has some spots.
 Reddit u/ MustyCarACsmell
 @DrSmashlove
Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there was a time in my life when “sleep in” meant 1:30 pm. One MF thirty. Like literally the day is shot. Done. No day that starts at 1:30 pm entails any type of success. Zero. That day is a total loss. A tax write off. Ain no “rise and grind 😌” at 1:30 pm more like “rise and eat a bowl of a cereal like an A$$HOLE and reflect on your insignificance in the universe” 🤗. Nah. I was texting with my lil homegirl who’s a physician and she say she woke up at 8:30 am and I’m like “oh nice you slept in!” And she did! She usually up at 5 am shoving needles into people! But then I caught myself 😧. Right then and there I caught myself Bruh. And a feeling of mild sadness came over me whilst on the stair master at 8:36 am on a Saturday. WE GROWN. I’M GROWN. 8:30 AM IS NOT SLEEPING IN. BUT IF U GROWN, 8:30 AM IS A COT DAMN VACATION. U wake up so refreshed that it feel ‘wrong’ 😂. Like ya anxiety come knocking like “AYE BRUH U MISSED A APPOINTMENT. A CONFERENCE CALL. BREAKFAST WITH A CLIENT. U MISSED EVERYTHING IT’S 8:30 COT DAMMIT WHAT A FAILURE LOL LIKE WHAT HAVE U *ACTUALLY* ACCOMPLISHED? LOOK AT EVAN SPIEGEL. DEVELOPED A APP WHERE U COULD SEND DISAPPEARING PICS OF YA T!TTIES NOW AT AGE 27 HE WORTH 4.1 BILLY WHAT CHU WORTH? EXACTLY SMASH WAY LESS THAN 4 BILLY BC U WOKE UP AT 8:30 OL SLEEP ALL DAY LOOKIN A$$ EVAN 👏 SPIEGEL 👏 AINT 👏 WAKING 👏 UP 👏 AT 👏 8:30.” (Incidentally my anxiety sound like a mother who push her kids too hard 🐸☕️. Shout to my anxiety tho. Some people got a angel on they shoulder. I got skrong anxiety clutching a chancleta above my head bout to whup my a$$ for not grinding hard enuf EVERYBODY’S DIFFERENT THIS IS HOW I’M BUILT BLESS UP 😂😂😂)

Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there...

Be Like, Bless Up, and Chicago: Waiting to surprise my SO with this little nugget when she gets home from work. Reddit u/belatedpajamas @DrSmashlove Now people always wanna be like “wow how do you live in Chicago”, “damn smash Chicago is cold asf why not Miami”, “wow Chicago is big cold yuck.” OKAY. DUH. NOBODY SAYING IT’S WARM LOL. But the cold got benefits. For one, it make the holidays pretty. I don’t celebrate Christmas but all the pretty lights and snowflakes bruv that make me feel like I’m in a quaint, adorable little English village. On some “Cheerio chap! Yes very good govvenah! BRIYYANT!” 😂 U feel me? Heritage. Not my heritage - but somebody heritage lol! Fireplaces. Cozy lil fires. U feel me? Seasons. Now it’s also downsides. I keep water bottles in my car and them bottles freeze. No bueno asf. But a HALF FROZE bottle is a come up! If u catch it at the right point in the freeze life cycle it develop a water PP column right up the middle that osmularicizes coldness through water you pour into the bottle it and freezes it to the optimal gym water temp. Boom. One sip and u transported to the mountains of Norway bruv. U thirsty. U been walking for days. U come upon a comely Norwegian birb with a gaggle of aggressive huskies barking at u. U like “Ok these huskies don’t like my kind lmao RIP to me it was real”. She opens her mouth and whispers: “Jeg kan se din PP-utskrift gjennom din overcoat” (“I can see your PP print through your overcoat”). And then u like “aye short blond hair on white girls is sexy ol McCaulay Culkin Justin Bieber with a fatty lookin a$$ PAUSE.” And she like “come. Drink.” And she open her shroud which is made from a single uncut bison skin and she bare nekky and she put my head against her heart and pour water into my mouth like I’m her bb and I’m like “wow Scandinavians are wild but I love it.” That’s how soothing that half frozen ice PP water bottle taste bruv. Anyway then she fall in love with me and ask me to live among her people and I’m like “Jeg er her for en god stund, ikke lenge, du vet jeg” (“I'm here for a good time not a long time, you know **I**”). And she shed a single tear and I pet the huskies and depart homeward. BOTTOM LINE THAT HALF FROZEN WATER BOTTLE IS A GYM BLESSING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Be Like, Bless Up, and Chicago: Waiting to surprise my SO with this
 little nugget when she gets home
 from work.
 Reddit u/belatedpajamas
 @DrSmashlove
Now people always wanna be like “wow how do you live in Chicago”, “damn smash Chicago is cold asf why not Miami”, “wow Chicago is big cold yuck.” OKAY. DUH. NOBODY SAYING IT’S WARM LOL. But the cold got benefits. For one, it make the holidays pretty. I don’t celebrate Christmas but all the pretty lights and snowflakes bruv that make me feel like I’m in a quaint, adorable little English village. On some “Cheerio chap! Yes very good govvenah! BRIYYANT!” 😂 U feel me? Heritage. Not my heritage - but somebody heritage lol! Fireplaces. Cozy lil fires. U feel me? Seasons. Now it’s also downsides. I keep water bottles in my car and them bottles freeze. No bueno asf. But a HALF FROZE bottle is a come up! If u catch it at the right point in the freeze life cycle it develop a water PP column right up the middle that osmularicizes coldness through water you pour into the bottle it and freezes it to the optimal gym water temp. Boom. One sip and u transported to the mountains of Norway bruv. U thirsty. U been walking for days. U come upon a comely Norwegian birb with a gaggle of aggressive huskies barking at u. U like “Ok these huskies don’t like my kind lmao RIP to me it was real”. She opens her mouth and whispers: “Jeg kan se din PP-utskrift gjennom din overcoat” (“I can see your PP print through your overcoat”). And then u like “aye short blond hair on white girls is sexy ol McCaulay Culkin Justin Bieber with a fatty lookin a$$ PAUSE.” And she like “come. Drink.” And she open her shroud which is made from a single uncut bison skin and she bare nekky and she put my head against her heart and pour water into my mouth like I’m her bb and I’m like “wow Scandinavians are wild but I love it.” That’s how soothing that half frozen ice PP water bottle taste bruv. Anyway then she fall in love with me and ask me to live among her people and I’m like “Jeg er her for en god stund, ikke lenge, du vet jeg” (“I'm here for a good time not a long time, you know **I**”). And she shed a single tear and I pet the huskies and depart homeward. BOTTOM LINE THAT HALF FROZEN WATER BOTTLE IS A GYM BLESSING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

Now people always wanna be like “wow how do you live in Chicago”, “damn smash Chicago is cold asf why not Miami”, “wow Chicago is big cold y...

Bad, Bless Up, and Bodies : Invest in tennis balls, they have a high return rate @DrSmashlove Reddit ulyerawizzardarry Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look him in the eye while he working, he dutiful. It ain’t gotta be a staring contest just that lil belly crunchie where u lean up for a sec with that drooly grin 🤤 before laying back down and clutching ya own bresstassiss again lol. The look in the eye say “I am validating your efforts, which are appreciated. Go Head with that whirlwind devil tung boy who raised u? Is u half Man half reptile with that tornado tung? U tryina eff around and make me fall in love? YOU 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏 ME 👏 TO 👏 FALL 👏 IN 👏LOVE 👏THAT’S 👏WHEN 👏 THE 👏 CRAZY 👏 COME 👏 OUT 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 GOOD 👏 CRAZY 👏 BUT 👏 THE 👏 BAD CRAZY. 👏BOI...imma have to ohhhghhhhhh ggggahhhhhh” *digs manicure nails into scalp* “I ahhhhhhh yesyesyesyesyes DON’T STOP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😩” — You feel me? That interaction is clutch. I be seeing some of u criminals tho bruv 😂 - I start going down under and y’all wanna close ya eyes and play out a whole separate movie in ya head. How do I know what movie dat is? Maybe it’s me on a snowy mountain top wearing only a fur loin cloth riding a unicorn with my hair blowing in the arctic wind (I don’t have long hair and anyway my hair don’t blow but bear with me lmao) or maybe it’s another movie entirely that I ain’t even in!? “Well smash now I KNOW you don’t know as much as women as you purport to...some women can’t bust unless they close their eyes and go to a happy place STOP 🛑 TRYING 🛑 TO 🛑 CONTROL 🛑 OUR 🛑 BODIES.” Whoa derr ma. Now u doing too much. U free to go to a happy place, just give a brother a glance! U feel me? A small token of your appreciation. Inside every man is a little part of him that’s a hurt lil boy who need reinforcement. If u think u with some super macho lookin a$$ boy who ain’t got this lil part of him that just mean he good at hiding it but he likely got the ultimate mommy-daddy issues that ain’t came out yet jus wait on it 😂. For the rest of u, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE - to be a good plant manager u gotta be appreciative of the pipe layer so he keep doing a good job BLESS UP 🤗😍😂
Bad, Bless Up, and Bodies : Invest in tennis balls, they have a high
 return rate
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit ulyerawizzardarry
Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look him in the eye while he working, he dutiful. It ain’t gotta be a staring contest just that lil belly crunchie where u lean up for a sec with that drooly grin 🤤 before laying back down and clutching ya own bresstassiss again lol. The look in the eye say “I am validating your efforts, which are appreciated. Go Head with that whirlwind devil tung boy who raised u? Is u half Man half reptile with that tornado tung? U tryina eff around and make me fall in love? YOU 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏 ME 👏 TO 👏 FALL 👏 IN 👏LOVE 👏THAT’S 👏WHEN 👏 THE 👏 CRAZY 👏 COME 👏 OUT 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 GOOD 👏 CRAZY 👏 BUT 👏 THE 👏 BAD CRAZY. 👏BOI...imma have to ohhhghhhhhh ggggahhhhhh” *digs manicure nails into scalp* “I ahhhhhhh yesyesyesyesyes DON’T STOP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😩” — You feel me? That interaction is clutch. I be seeing some of u criminals tho bruv 😂 - I start going down under and y’all wanna close ya eyes and play out a whole separate movie in ya head. How do I know what movie dat is? Maybe it’s me on a snowy mountain top wearing only a fur loin cloth riding a unicorn with my hair blowing in the arctic wind (I don’t have long hair and anyway my hair don’t blow but bear with me lmao) or maybe it’s another movie entirely that I ain’t even in!? “Well smash now I KNOW you don’t know as much as women as you purport to...some women can’t bust unless they close their eyes and go to a happy place STOP 🛑 TRYING 🛑 TO 🛑 CONTROL 🛑 OUR 🛑 BODIES.” Whoa derr ma. Now u doing too much. U free to go to a happy place, just give a brother a glance! U feel me? A small token of your appreciation. Inside every man is a little part of him that’s a hurt lil boy who need reinforcement. If u think u with some super macho lookin a$$ boy who ain’t got this lil part of him that just mean he good at hiding it but he likely got the ultimate mommy-daddy issues that ain’t came out yet jus wait on it 😂. For the rest of u, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE - to be a good plant manager u gotta be appreciative of the pipe layer so he keep doing a good job BLESS UP 🤗😍😂

Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look ...