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A Dream, Ali, and Being Alone: argonauticae im putting together a couple of scottish folk mixes bc that's what i do and im honestly curious if anyone in my country has ever been unequivocally happy about anything ever argonauticae scottish trad music genres: Everyone I Love Is Dead .The English Have Stolen All My Sheep You Want To Be My Boyfriend? First You Must Answer These Riddles Three .The Protestants Have Stolen All My Sheep .I Love You A Lot But You've Left Me And It's Raining [fiddle solo] The Sea Is Treacherous, Just Like The English One Time Bonnie Prince Charlie Punched Me In The Face And It Was Awesome .The Fairies Have Stolen All My Sheep 5plaidadder We have of course the traditional Irish music genres to go with them: Everyone I Love Is An Allegorical Representation of Ireland *The English Stole My Farm And Put Sheep On It You Were My Boyfriend But Now You Won't Even Come To The Window To Look Upon Me And Our Dead Infant Child (In The Rain) Whack Fol Too La Roo Umptytiddly Good They've Stopped Listening Now Let's Talk About Revolution *Something In Irish, I Think It's About Fairies, Or Maybe A Cow junkybowels oo0o can I add to this? don't forget Appalachian folk balladry, the American cousin of Scottish and Irish traditional music and just as uplifting as its Anglo-Saxon highland forbears!! genres include: I Left Everyone I Love Back Home In The Holler To Be With This Guy Who Doesn't Wear Shoes Or Have Teeth But He Plays A Mean Jug The English Told Us Not To Move West Yet, We Ignored Them, My Entire Family Was Killed You Were My Boyfriend But You Tied A Sack Of Rocks To My Petticoats And Threw Me In The Creek (And My Baby Too) .Mama Loves All 14 Of Us A Lot But She's Weary Of Our Shit And Now She's Dyin' (Gather Round) The McCleans Stole A Firewood Log From Our Pile So We Won't Rest Until The Last Of Their Male Kin Is Laid In The Cold Ground .We Knew The River Would Rise But We Still Didn't Fix The Levee The River Rose, The Levee Broke, Everyone Died, It Was Just As We Reckoned (dulcimer twang-a-lang) .When The Rebels Come A-Marchin' I'm A Southern Man And I Feed Their Horses My Best, When The Yankees Come A-Marchin' I'm A Northern Man And I Feed Their Horses What The Rebels Left .The Tennessee Valley Authority Killed All My Sheep Somehow shredsandpatches Don't forget that old standby "The Mine Collapsed and Everyone Died"! I think someone needs to put ina word for the English folk tradition though: .I Met a Girl and We Went Hunting (It Was a Metaphor for Sex) I Met a Girl and We Caught Some Birds (It Was a Metaphor for Sex) I Met a Girl and We Found Her Lost Pet (It Was a Metaphor for Sex) IMet a Girl By Staying At Her Parents' House and She Made My Bed (It Was an Especially Thinly-Veiled Metaphor for Sex) .IAm a Girl and I Regret Engaging In Metaphors for Sex Because Now I'm Pregnant .IMet a Girl and Bribed Her Into Sex But She Stole My Horse and Ran Away With It IMet a Girl At an Inn and We Had Non- Metaphorical Sex But She Stole My Stuff The Next Morning and Now I Have Syphilis Your Fiance Died Either at Trafalgar or Waterloo, Let's Get Married, I'm Glad You Said No Because I'm Really Him In Disguise Lord Nelson Sure Was Awesome The Press-Gang Dragged Off All the Important Men in My Life (And Now They Are Dead) .Farm Laborers Are The Salt of the Earth And Are Never Grindingly Poor Begging Is a Completely Viable Career Option With Flexible Hours and Unlimited Access to Alcohol infinite-magical-recipes behold mongolian folk music genres .I Went Out Riding and Noticed Mongolia We Fought a Bunch of Guys (On Horseback) Witness My Many Ungulates (While On a Horse) I Met a Hot Girl Who Reminded Me of a Plant On Three, Say What That Terrain Feature Looks Like to You (One, Two, Three, A Horse) Witness My Many Ancestors' Many Ungulates IAlso Enjoy Heavy Metal, Especially If It's Made of Horseshoes Oooorrrweeeeuuurrrreeeeuuuuwwwwwrrr rrrr (Is Tuvan for "Horse") You Might Not Know This About Me, But I Own a Horse Ee scarlettohairdye THE MONGOLIAN FOLK SONGS MADE IT BETTER churakaagii now with more okinawan! We Must Plant the Crops, Let's Get Drunk! We Must Harvest the Crops, Let's Get Drunk! .There's No Crops Right Now, Let's Get Drunk! Sex On the Beach Is Awesome, War Is Bad .There Are Ghosts in the Trees .The Japanese Exploit Us (And the Americans Do Too) I Love the Sea, This Island Is Beautiful, War Is Still Bad Hey, There's an Old Man, Let's Get Drunk! .Respect Your Parents Or You Will Be Lost at Sea Forever edamaskrosechicago As the daughter of a folksinger and spouse of a folklorist, I love this SO MUCH. Here's some from the sub-sub-genre of French folk songs of the Midwest... .IAm A Brawny-Armed Lumberjack Who Loves a Town Girl, Oh No! Oh Fuck, I Slept With a Fur Trapper, What Shall I Tell Maman? Hauling Logs, Rolling Logs, Driving Logs, All Day, What Ho! Like Hell You're Marrying That Good for Nothing Bambocheur! .Fetch My Gold Ring That Fell Into the Sea! Now! I Met A Sailor While A-Strolling, And Now We Are In Love! .IWant to Kiss the Sailor I Met A-Strolling, But I'm Afraid My Father Will Find Out! Oh Fuck, I Kissed the Sailor I Met A-Strolling And Now We Are Doomed! Nejohnnygreyart Some Italian Folk Music Genres A Spider Has Bitten Me And If I Do Not Dance I Will Die, Alas IAm A Very Fancy Man With A Very Fancy Hat The Cable Car Is A Thinly-Veiled Metaphor For Your Feminine Torture, O Woman Rome Is The Very Best Place And Every Other Place Is Just Awful I Love You, But You Are Married TLove You, But You Are Fickle (Why Did You Dance With The Baker's Son, Thou Vixen?) ILove You, But You Left Me All Alone On This Romantic Wind-Swept Hillside, Which Is Actually Very Pretty, But Not As Pretty As You, Foul Temptress Rome Is Stll The Best Place And Every Other Place Can Go Right To Hell Seriously Once You Have Been To Rome You Wll Just Be Sick At The Thought Of Being Anywhere Else, You Will Pine Away And Die TLove You, But You Are Dead (Or Maybe You Just Went To Live In A Slightly Prettier Place) Rome, Rome, O Rome, Ah Rome, Rome Rome Rome, Have I Mentioned That I Love Rome? Venetian Special Genres: Women Are Like The Ocean: Salty And Full Of Drowned Sailors Women Are Like The Ocean: I Cannot Figure Them Out At AlI I Saw You One Time At A Party And I Have Designs Upon Your Feminine Virtue TLove You, But You Are Married To The Ocean (For Some Reason) overloadextravaganza I thought I would add some Dutch ones, because I saw no one had added any: - That Girl Is A Prostitute (But At Least She Goes To Church) - That Incompetent Sailor Is Actually A Girl, But She Will Have Sex With You If You Don't Kick Her Off The Boat - Someone Of Any Occupation Is Doing Something, But Unfortunately They Are Now Dead - Fuck You Spain (Haha, We Sunk Your Boat And Stole Your Silver) - Fuck You England -We Might Be Small, But We Will Fight You - Life Isn't So Bad, If You Just Go Outside - Fuck You Winter -Look At That Guy (Wild Racism) - We Like Going To Other Countries (More Wild Racism) - Drinking Is Fun - Drinking Makes Me Long For Sea - God Is My Dad - My Province Is Great And Full Of Nature dI0iso Some nice Russian folk songs: . There Was A War And Everyone is Dead, There's Also a Symbolic Bird There is Going to Be a War And Everyone Will Die, There's Also a Sybmolic Bird The Dyeing Is Happening Right Now, There's Also a Symbolic Bird .I Had a Dream About Us Dying (No Birds Involved) .Alas You Are Dead .I'm a Bird, I Drink Vodka .Fuck It's Cold Frost Do Not Freeze Me Do Not Freeze My Horse Do Not Freeze My Wife PleaseI Have Children And my personal favourite: Ayy Lmao This Guys Head Just Got Shot Off, We Are Going to Die Hahaha tarsfatalis just couldn't miss an opportunity to provide you a comprehensive summary of Ukrainian folk music genres. I Married To A Man And Moved Far From My Home But I Want Fucking Back On My Fucking Land To My Parents And A Guy Whom I Actually Planned To Marry Before My Society's Patriarchal Structure Destroyed My Life A Guy Whom I Loved Loved Me And Also A Some Other Bitch So I Poisoned Him So That Nobody Gets Him This Is My Land And I Love It Very Much, Period -I Made A Traditional Kupala Wreath And Released It On Water To Find My Love, No Sexual Hits Involved I Have A Veeery Deeeeep Well In My Garden, And Also A Veeery Curly-Wurly Cabbage, And Also A Veeery Sweeeet Carrot Growing There, Come On Guys Check It Out, Oh, And There Are Totally No Sexual Hints Graphic Descriptions Of Lesbian Sex Everybody Is Dead After A Battle But There Is One Particular Cossack Whom I Am Especially Obligated To Mourn About Because He Is A Representative Of Our Entire Nation's Young People The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries And It's Compared To Some Sad Shit Happening In Nature Let's Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine Hahaha Yay! Let's Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine And Involve Some Couple Who Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries travelingworkshop Adding these well-known Cajun hits -I have a boat and have procured many crawfish do you love me? I sure do love crawfish, boats, the bayou, and also dancing My girlfriend can cook, and is therefore superior your girlfriend, who cannot my girlfriend cannot cook and is therefore inferior to all other girlfriends I saw you over a pile of crawfish and knew l was in love (on the bayou) a list of regional dishes set to the tune of kitchen utensils Lfurikomaru Canada checking in: -There was a ship and everyone on it was brave as it sank in a storm on the ocean or possibly one of our many inland-sea-sized lakes, please remember the name of the ship We fell in love when we were young and we didn't actually understand each other and you figured that out before I did because I'm slow- witted and you're kind of a jerk so you left me (now listen to this sick organ/fiddle/guitar harmonica/piano solo) Fuck the railroad, fuck the government, and especially fuck the HBC Gosh everything in this country is inhumanly big and inconvenient and trying to kill us, we're so lucky to live here, it's so majestic -The English stole our sheep and exiled my true love to Louisiana That's Cute an indigenous/ Métis coproduction after hearing that last one Well we're all in debt and working in a mine fucking sucks but at least we can get drunk and go dancing on the weekends This guy went to prison for a crime he didn't commit/did commit but with the most sympathetic motive for doing it ever and now he's out of jail and everything is bittersweet, either because he broke out and has to go back or because he's lost years of his life to a broken legal system. HELLO OUT THERE, WE'RE ON THE AIR, IT'S HOCKEY NIGHT TONIGHT! wetwareproblem Nova Scotia special edition: The sea sucks and left me a broken wreck of my former self. The sea sucks and killed my one true love. Working in a mine sucks and will kill you The weather sucks and will kill you. Poverty sucks and will kill you. -I desperately wish I could return home to Nova Scotia, that beautiful gem in the sea. janeandthehivequeen Oh I love this post so much cedrwydden Welsh Folk Songs . The Wren Is The Best Bird (And Delicious!) .I'm Gay For Owain Glyndwr .My Goats/Sheep/Cows Are Better Than Yours Lullaby About Killing Things Fuck You, England I'm Dying, But First...A Harp Solo .IWas Busy Thinking About A Girl And The Cows Ran Away .Got Dumped, Time To Die In The Woods .Wales Is Really Pretty, Our Trees Are The Best Owen Cheated On Me, So I Had Sex With David .IAlso Had Sex With The Hot Crwth Player And It Was Amazing .Life Is Suffering *BAGPIPES* 1dduane Maybe it would be dangerous to add that I'm working on the Middle Kingdoms version of these... ) fvondazs Get a load of these Malay folk songs: Check Out That Really Cute Girl With Nice Legs I'm in Love We Love Each Other But Your Parents Won't Let Us Get Married Cause I'm Poor We Love Each Other But Then You Changed Your Mind I'm Going To Work At Sea/Faraway From You Please Don't Cheat On Me Paddy Fields Oh Woe Is Me A Traveller In Foreign Lands I Wanna Go Home Where It Rain Rocks Be Nice to Everyone I Left to Get Rich Cause Your Parents Are Materialistic Jerks But I Come Back to Find You're Married to That Rich Guy Anyway -I Love You But You Don't Love Me Back Oh My Bleeding Heart -I'm a Traveller in These Foreign Lands Please Be Nice to Me More Paddy Fields Source: argona.. 121,562 notes Traditional songs around the world
A Dream, Ali, and Being Alone: argonauticae
 im putting together a couple of scottish folk
 mixes bc that's what i do and im honestly
 curious if anyone in my country has ever been
 unequivocally happy about anything ever
 argonauticae
 scottish trad music genres:
 Everyone I Love Is Dead
 .The English Have Stolen All My Sheep
 You Want To Be My Boyfriend? First You
 Must Answer These Riddles Three
 .The Protestants Have Stolen All My Sheep
 .I Love You A Lot But You've Left Me And
 It's Raining [fiddle solo]
 The Sea Is Treacherous, Just Like The
 English
 One Time Bonnie Prince Charlie Punched
 Me In The Face And It Was Awesome
 .The Fairies Have Stolen All My Sheep
 5plaidadder
 We have of course the traditional Irish music
 genres to go with them:
 Everyone I Love Is An Allegorical
 Representation of Ireland
 *The English Stole My Farm And Put Sheep
 On It
 You Were My Boyfriend But Now You Won't
 Even Come To The Window To Look Upon Me
 And Our Dead Infant Child (In The Rain)
 Whack Fol Too La Roo Umptytiddly Good
 They've Stopped Listening Now Let's Talk
 About Revolution
 *Something In Irish, I Think It's About Fairies,
 Or Maybe A Cow
 junkybowels
 oo0o can I add to this? don't forget
 Appalachian folk balladry, the American cousin
 of Scottish and Irish traditional music and just
 as uplifting as its Anglo-Saxon highland
 forbears!!
 genres include:
 I Left Everyone I Love Back Home In The
 Holler To Be With This Guy Who Doesn't
 Wear Shoes Or Have Teeth But He Plays A
 Mean Jug
 The English Told Us Not To Move West Yet,
 We Ignored Them, My Entire Family Was
 Killed
 You Were My Boyfriend But You Tied A
 Sack Of Rocks To My Petticoats And
 Threw Me In The Creek (And My Baby Too)
 .Mama Loves All 14 Of Us A Lot But She's
 Weary Of Our Shit And Now She's Dyin'
 (Gather Round)
 The McCleans Stole A Firewood Log From
 Our Pile So We Won't Rest Until The Last
 Of Their Male Kin Is Laid In The Cold
 Ground
 .We Knew The River Would Rise But We
 Still Didn't Fix The Levee
 The River Rose, The Levee Broke,
 Everyone Died, It Was Just As We
 Reckoned (dulcimer twang-a-lang)
 .When The Rebels Come A-Marchin' I'm A
 Southern Man And I Feed Their Horses My
 Best, When The Yankees Come A-Marchin'
 I'm A Northern Man And I Feed Their
 Horses What The Rebels Left
 .The Tennessee Valley Authority Killed All
 My Sheep Somehow
 shredsandpatches
 Don't forget that old standby "The Mine
 Collapsed and Everyone Died"!
 I think someone needs to put ina word for the
 English folk tradition though:
 .I Met a Girl and We Went Hunting (It Was a
 Metaphor for Sex)
 I Met a Girl and We Caught Some Birds (It
 Was a Metaphor for Sex)
 I Met a Girl and We Found Her Lost Pet (It
 Was a Metaphor for Sex)
 IMet a Girl By Staying At Her Parents'
 House and She Made My Bed (It Was an
 Especially Thinly-Veiled Metaphor for Sex)
 .IAm a Girl and I Regret Engaging In
 Metaphors for Sex Because Now I'm
 Pregnant
 .IMet a Girl and Bribed Her Into Sex But
 She Stole My Horse and Ran Away With It
 IMet a Girl At an Inn and We Had Non-
 Metaphorical Sex But She Stole My Stuff
 The Next Morning and Now I Have Syphilis
 Your Fiance Died Either at Trafalgar or
 Waterloo, Let's Get Married, I'm Glad You
 Said No Because I'm Really Him In
 Disguise
 Lord Nelson Sure Was Awesome
 The Press-Gang Dragged Off All the
 Important Men in My Life (And Now They
 Are Dead)
 .Farm Laborers Are The Salt of the Earth
 And Are Never Grindingly Poor
 Begging Is a Completely Viable Career
 Option With Flexible Hours and Unlimited
 Access to Alcohol
 infinite-magical-recipes
 behold mongolian folk music genres
 .I Went Out Riding and Noticed Mongolia
 We Fought a Bunch of Guys (On
 Horseback)
 Witness My Many Ungulates
 (While On a Horse) I Met a Hot Girl Who
 Reminded Me of a Plant
 On Three, Say What That Terrain Feature
 Looks Like to You (One, Two, Three, A
 Horse)
 Witness My Many Ancestors' Many
 Ungulates
 IAlso Enjoy Heavy Metal, Especially If It's
 Made of Horseshoes
 Oooorrrweeeeuuurrrreeeeuuuuwwwwwrrr
 rrrr (Is Tuvan for "Horse")
 You Might Not Know This About Me, But I
 Own a Horse
 Ee scarlettohairdye
 THE MONGOLIAN FOLK SONGS MADE IT
 BETTER
 churakaagii
 now with more okinawan!
 We Must Plant the Crops, Let's Get Drunk!
 We Must Harvest the Crops, Let's Get
 Drunk!
 .There's No Crops Right Now, Let's Get
 Drunk!
 Sex On the Beach Is Awesome, War Is Bad
 .There Are Ghosts in the Trees
 .The Japanese Exploit Us (And the
 Americans Do Too)
 I Love the Sea, This Island Is Beautiful,
 War Is Still Bad
 Hey, There's an Old Man, Let's Get Drunk!
 .Respect Your Parents Or You Will Be Lost
 at Sea Forever
 edamaskrosechicago
 As the daughter of a folksinger and spouse of a
 folklorist, I love this SO MUCH. Here's some
 from the sub-sub-genre of French folk songs of
 the Midwest...
 .IAm A Brawny-Armed Lumberjack Who
 Loves a Town Girl, Oh No!
 Oh Fuck, I Slept With a Fur Trapper, What
 Shall I Tell Maman?
 Hauling Logs, Rolling Logs, Driving Logs,
 All Day, What Ho!
 Like Hell You're Marrying That Good for
 Nothing Bambocheur!
 .Fetch My Gold Ring That Fell Into the Sea!
 Now!
 I Met A Sailor While A-Strolling, And Now
 We Are In Love!
 .IWant to Kiss the Sailor I Met A-Strolling,
 But I'm Afraid My Father Will Find Out!
 Oh Fuck, I Kissed the Sailor I Met
 A-Strolling And Now We Are Doomed!
 Nejohnnygreyart
 Some Italian Folk Music Genres
 A Spider Has Bitten Me And If I Do Not Dance I
 Will Die, Alas
 IAm A Very Fancy Man With A Very Fancy Hat
 The Cable Car Is A Thinly-Veiled Metaphor For
 Your Feminine Torture, O Woman
 Rome Is The Very Best Place And Every Other
 Place Is Just Awful
 I Love You, But You Are Married
 TLove You, But You Are Fickle (Why Did You
 Dance With The Baker's Son, Thou Vixen?)
 ILove You, But You Left Me All Alone On This
 Romantic Wind-Swept Hillside, Which Is
 Actually Very Pretty, But Not As Pretty As You,
 Foul Temptress
 Rome Is Stll The Best Place And Every Other
 Place Can Go Right To Hell
 Seriously Once You Have Been To Rome You
 Wll Just Be Sick At The Thought Of Being
 Anywhere Else, You Will Pine Away And Die
 TLove You, But You Are Dead (Or Maybe You
 Just Went To Live In A Slightly Prettier Place)
 Rome, Rome, O Rome, Ah Rome, Rome
 Rome Rome, Have I Mentioned That I Love
 Rome?
 Venetian Special Genres:
 Women Are Like The Ocean: Salty And Full Of
 Drowned Sailors
 Women Are Like The Ocean: I Cannot Figure
 Them Out At AlI
 I Saw You One Time At A Party And I Have
 Designs Upon Your Feminine Virtue
 TLove You, But You Are Married To The Ocean
 (For Some Reason)
 overloadextravaganza
 I thought I would add some Dutch ones,
 because I saw no one had added any:
 - That Girl Is A Prostitute (But At Least She
 Goes To Church)
 - That Incompetent Sailor Is Actually A Girl, But
 She Will Have Sex With You If You Don't Kick
 Her Off The Boat
 - Someone Of Any Occupation Is Doing
 Something, But Unfortunately They Are Now
 Dead
 - Fuck You Spain (Haha, We Sunk Your Boat
 And Stole Your Silver)
 - Fuck You England
 -We Might Be Small, But We Will Fight You
 - Life Isn't So Bad, If You Just Go Outside
 - Fuck You Winter
 -Look At That Guy (Wild Racism)
 - We Like Going To Other Countries (More Wild
 Racism)
 - Drinking Is Fun
 - Drinking Makes Me Long For Sea
 - God Is My Dad
 - My Province Is Great And Full Of Nature
 dI0iso
 Some nice Russian folk songs:
 . There Was A War And Everyone is Dead,
 There's Also a Symbolic Bird
 There is Going to Be a War And Everyone
 Will Die, There's Also a Sybmolic Bird
 The Dyeing Is Happening Right Now,
 There's Also a Symbolic Bird
 .I Had a Dream About Us Dying (No Birds
 Involved)
 .Alas You Are Dead
 .I'm a Bird, I Drink Vodka
 .Fuck It's Cold
 Frost Do Not Freeze Me Do Not Freeze My
 Horse Do Not Freeze My Wife PleaseI
 Have Children
 And my personal favourite:
 Ayy Lmao This Guys Head Just Got Shot
 Off, We Are Going to Die Hahaha
 tarsfatalis
 just couldn't miss an opportunity to provide
 you a comprehensive summary of Ukrainian
 folk music genres.
 I Married To A Man And Moved Far From My
 Home But I Want Fucking Back On My Fucking
 Land To My Parents And A Guy Whom I
 Actually Planned To Marry Before My Society's
 Patriarchal Structure Destroyed My Life
 A Guy Whom I Loved Loved Me And Also A
 Some Other Bitch So I Poisoned Him So That
 Nobody Gets Him
 This Is My Land And I Love It Very Much,
 Period
 -I Made A Traditional Kupala Wreath And
 Released It On Water To Find My Love, No
 Sexual Hits Involved
 I Have A Veeery Deeeeep Well In My
 Garden, And Also A Veeery Curly-Wurly
 Cabbage, And Also A Veeery Sweeeet Carrot
 Growing There, Come On Guys Check It Out,
 Oh, And There Are Totally No Sexual Hints
 Graphic Descriptions Of Lesbian Sex
 Everybody Is Dead After A Battle But There
 Is One Particular Cossack Whom I Am
 Especially Obligated To Mourn About Because
 He Is A Representative Of Our Entire Nation's
 Young People
 The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of
 Various Reasons And Everybody Cries
 The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of
 Various Reasons And Everybody Cries And It's
 Compared To Some Sad Shit Happening In
 Nature
 Let's Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine
 Hahaha Yay!
 Let's Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine
 And Involve Some Couple Who Cannot Be
 Together Because Of Various Reasons And
 Everybody Cries
 travelingworkshop
 Adding these well-known Cajun hits
 -I have a boat and have procured many
 crawfish do you love me?
 I sure do love crawfish, boats, the bayou, and
 also dancing
 My girlfriend can cook, and is therefore
 superior your girlfriend, who cannot
 my girlfriend cannot cook and is therefore
 inferior to all other girlfriends
 I saw you over a pile of crawfish and knew l
 was in love (on the bayou)
 a list of regional dishes set to the tune of
 kitchen utensils
 Lfurikomaru
 Canada checking in:
 -There was a ship and everyone on it was
 brave as it sank in a storm on the ocean or
 possibly one of our many inland-sea-sized
 lakes, please remember the name of the ship
 We fell in love when we were young and we
 didn't actually understand each other and you
 figured that out before I did because I'm slow-
 witted and you're kind of a jerk so you left me
 (now listen to this sick organ/fiddle/guitar
 harmonica/piano solo)
 Fuck the railroad, fuck the government, and
 especially fuck the HBC
 Gosh everything in this country is inhumanly
 big and inconvenient and trying to kill us, we're
 so lucky to live here, it's so majestic
 -The English stole our sheep and exiled my
 true love to Louisiana
 That's Cute an indigenous/ Métis
 coproduction after hearing that last one
 Well we're all in debt and working in a mine
 fucking sucks but at least we can get drunk
 and go dancing on the weekends
 This guy went to prison for a crime he didn't
 commit/did commit but with the most
 sympathetic motive for doing it ever and now
 he's out of jail and everything is bittersweet,
 either because he broke out and has to go
 back or because he's lost years of his life to a
 broken legal system.
 HELLO OUT THERE, WE'RE ON THE AIR,
 IT'S HOCKEY NIGHT TONIGHT!
 wetwareproblem
 Nova Scotia special edition:
 The sea sucks and left me a broken wreck of
 my former self.
 The sea sucks and killed my one true love.
 Working in a mine sucks and will kill you
 The weather sucks and will kill you.
 Poverty sucks and will kill you.
 -I desperately wish I could return home to
 Nova Scotia, that beautiful gem in the sea.
 janeandthehivequeen
 Oh I love this post so much
 cedrwydden
 Welsh Folk Songs
 . The Wren Is The Best Bird (And Delicious!)
 .I'm Gay For Owain Glyndwr
 .My Goats/Sheep/Cows Are Better Than
 Yours
 Lullaby About Killing Things
 Fuck You, England
 I'm Dying, But First...A Harp Solo
 .IWas Busy Thinking About A Girl And The
 Cows Ran Away
 .Got Dumped, Time To Die In The Woods
 .Wales Is Really Pretty, Our Trees Are The
 Best
 Owen Cheated On Me, So I Had Sex With
 David
 .IAlso Had Sex With The Hot Crwth Player
 And It Was Amazing
 .Life Is Suffering *BAGPIPES*
 1dduane
 Maybe it would be dangerous to add that I'm
 working on the Middle Kingdoms version of
 these... )
 fvondazs
 Get a load of these Malay folk songs:
 Check Out That Really Cute Girl With Nice
 Legs I'm in Love
 We Love Each Other But Your Parents Won't
 Let Us Get Married Cause I'm Poor
 We Love Each Other But Then You Changed
 Your Mind
 I'm Going To Work At Sea/Faraway From
 You Please Don't Cheat On Me
 Paddy Fields
 Oh Woe Is Me A Traveller In Foreign Lands I
 Wanna Go Home Where It Rain Rocks
 Be Nice to Everyone
 I Left to Get Rich Cause Your Parents Are
 Materialistic Jerks But I Come Back to Find
 You're Married to That Rich Guy Anyway
 -I Love You But You Don't Love Me Back Oh
 My Bleeding Heart
 -I'm a Traveller in These Foreign Lands
 Please Be Nice to Me
 More Paddy Fields
 Source: argona..
 121,562 notes
Traditional songs around the world

Traditional songs around the world

Alive, Being Alone, and Animals: | giraffepoliceforce I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife. They were expecting military resistance. They weren't counting on bears. Asplintercellconviction Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf) By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it's too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come. The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue "Hippopotamus." artiestroke This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned skeletonmug Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking "it's fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders hippopotamuses. We'll be fine." And at first you are, you've learned how to dodge. You've learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself. But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You're in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded "hippos" around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind. Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time. You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees. The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It's musky and slightly foul. It's the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from. You sit up, but it's too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat. It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It's between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away. Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn't noticed before. When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human. "Badger." they say, with a solemn nod. jabberwockypie One word: Moose myurbandream "Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-" BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!! "That's called a moose." morebadbookcovers Wolverines. Also.. dolphins ohgodhesloose The invasion is going slowly. The humans have caught on and are actively destroying information on the planet's flora and fauna before Intelligence can capture and process it. All that they have are survivors accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers. Moose. It is becoming obvious this mudball planet is a full-on Death World to the unprepared, and you are so very unprepared. You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a mobile or carnivorous plant, just one that caused a vicious allergic reaction on contact that killed him in less than a rai'kor. Commander Vura'ko died to an insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked a tiny bit of her blood and apparently replaced it witha bit of its last meal, which was full of disease. Backwash. She died to bug backwash. And yet you honestly envy them after that... thing you encountered... When you got back to base the quarantine officer refused to let you inside. They had to roll a containment tank outside to put you in, because you all knew there would be no chance of eliminating the smell if it got into the ship's air ducts. Smell. You wonder if your nasal slit will ever recover from this stench And the smell would. Not. Leave. After incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you use every cleansing agent they could think of, including a few janitorial ones, and still everyone fled the stench if they were downwind of your tank. Desperate to protect everyone's nasal slits from the smell the quarantine officer interrogated the humans. From them, a glimmer of hope: there was a cure. Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on this mudball was the only thing that could break up the chemicals in the little horror's spray. Immediately the Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of the stuff and made you bathe in it. That was hours ago and it didn't seem to be working, though. All it was doing was turning your blue skin an interesting shade of purple Sighing in frustration you wave the med-assist on duty over, who only approaches after checking the wind direction. Annoyed, you flip on the tank's vox speaker. "The humans did say it was "grape" juice that removed "skunk" stench, right? majingojira Every night It came for someone almost every night Any soldier alone was a viable target for this native monster that moved unseen by any but the security viewers, usually only spotted in hindsight. They were taken as silently as this earth-monster moved. Sometimes they'd find the remains in the morning taken up a tree and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it were a grisly reminder that the monster was still there, waiting unseen, to strike again. What little they saw of the monster on the vidfeed showed true horror. Yellow eyes that shone with all the light it could gather. It had fangs as long as his grasping digits. Claws half that size formed curved hooks that allowed it to climb up their fortifications with impunity. And in the underbrush, its spots made it almost impossible to see clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be seen at all Even the native sentients, the humans, had a healthy respect and fear for it. The earth natives called the monster a leopard It was a constant fear that muddied the senses, and let the monster hunt even more effectively as the soldiers were always on edge. Sleep deprived with fear, it made them even better targets for the monster. But rumor was that there was worse on this planet. Rumors of a monster like a leopard but larger, and bigger in every imaginable sense. Stripped instead of spotted, which leaped from the underbrush with a sound. A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed entire units, and let the monster kill with impunity. While the Leopard wrestled soldiers down and ripped their throats out. This other monster, the Tiger killed with its pounce alone. lyricwritesprose "We've been through this," Group Leader 455 snapped. "The dissection of an Earth life form will help the scientists make weapons to combat the rest of this planet's hellbeasts. And these are domesticated. Harmless." The troops were not-quite-looking at her in the way troops do when they don't want to be seen to contradict a ranking officer, but can't quite muster a correct Expression of Enthusiastic Assent. "The name of this species, she pointed out, "is synonymous with dullness and slowness in the language of the Earth barbarians." Well, one language out of several thousand these creatures needed Imperial guidance more than any other world on record-but there was no point in confusing the rank and file. More not-quite-looking. 455 bubbled a sigh and consulted her scanner. "That one," she decided. "Alone in the separate pasture. Scans suggest that it's a male, which means it's probably weaker. Possibly it's kept isolated so that the females don't eat it before mating season. And yes, I know some of you are here on punishment detail, but you're still soldiers of the Imperium. This squad is perfectly capable of handling a lone, helpless, pathetic male cow." petermorwood I'm enjoying this immensely. Wait until the aliens try Australia for size... pokemonsunburn It was a strange creature Tar'van glimpsed at on the vast island known to the humans as 'Australia' "I would warn you not to fuck with us, mate." Their forced guide, a prisioner, had warned with a chilling grin upon capture. "If you think a moose is bad, wait until you tango with a red back." To this day Tar'van fears the creature known as the red back, and what horrors it would bring. The prisioner turned out to be of little help,the stubboness of his people causing them to refuse the danger that the captured human warned of. Tar'van recalls a moment when one of his squad members approached a creature know as a dingo, insistent they had seen these creatures before and they were tame. They barely escaped with 5 of the original 7 members of his squad. Another moment Tar'van recalls was the brutal mauling they witnessed by the hands of a creature called an 'Emu "Don't feel too bad," the prisioner mocked. "We lost a war to the Emu's as well. Now with only 4 members of their squad left, including themself,, Tar'van had learned to listen to the prisoner, to be wary of the simplest of creatures. This human was of the sub-species of Zookeeper' after all. The 'Zookeeper' looks off to the distance, where the creature is. "It's a kangaroo, leave it be and you'll be fine." Tar'van nods, a human signal of acknowledgement if they are correct. The human smiles a bit. "That creature cannot possibly harm us." Tar'van's squad leader protests. "It is so docile. I will aproach it and bring back it's head to show this human is a fearmongering liar." The human reels back, a look of disgust crosses their face and anger passes through their eyes. "Fucking do it mate, I dare ya." The human hisses. The squad leader puffs up their hoinn gland, a sign of pride to their species, and aproached the so called 'Kangaroo! "This will be unpleasant." A squadmate mutters as they watch their leader raise their fist and bring it down on the creature. The 'Kangaroo' looks a little stunned by the impact, before it raises itself upon its strong tail and uses its powerful heind legs to launch their squadleader backwards through the air. Their squadleader lands upon the ground, unmoving with black blooded oozeing from them. It appears Tar'van is the squads leader now. "I don't know what they expected." the human says, smugness filling their tone. "Kangaroos are fucking shreaded. 8- pack and all." Tar'van steps forward to the human, whom inches back in a sign of fear as Tar'van pulls their blade from its holster, and in their first act as leader, frees the human of the bonds around their hands. "Please," Tar'van bags. "Get us back safely" aemiracufic @kryallaorchid, you guys really lost a war to emus? Why was it necessary? kryallaorchid oh, mate, you never mess with the emus kawaguardian (Jesus christ. Dont get us started on kangaroos) They had faced Emu's. They had lost one in the battle but had experienced them. But this was no emu. Looking to their guide, they all stare in horror as his face changes from calculating to fear. Pure, heart consuming horror as he stares at the large bird. "Cassowary... They mimic him in fear. Squawking the horrific name as another joins the first in the mad run towards them. The only ones to survive was the native guide and Tar'van. The guide was carrying the soldier over his shoulder as they made their way back to the settlement. Tar'van was a wreck. Periodically alternating between rocking in complete silence and whispering broken words in horror. When they consulted the native all he said was "Its spring.... Magpie season..." paksenarrion-reader "Listen up, troops. This armour upgrade has been tested both in the laboratories of the best Imperial military scientists and in the field. We are impervious to the stings of any insect on this hell hole of a planet, striped or not! We can brave the perils of its wildlife, and conquer it at long last! Revenge for our fallen companions! Glory to the Emperor!" "Excuse me," the native Terran guide speaks up in a tired tone, and the squad's cheers die on their lips. "This is Japan. You haven't seen what- "Silence, worm! No sting can penetrate this plating! The guide tries to warn them once again, merely earning a blow that throws them to their knees. The troops set out, morale high, certain in their ability to brave the wildlife now and thirsting for vengeance against the non-sentient native species. One soldier thumps his fist against a tree. A hollow sound follows In an instant, the soldier a storm of the striped insects. At first, no one pays it any mind. Their little stings cannot penetrate the new plating, after all the centre of But then the soldier falls to his knees, and the squad stares in horror as the insects enclose him in layer upon layer of their own bodies, all moving. The squad's medic yells a warning at everyone to stay back, watching the readouts of the unfortunate soldier's armour on their diagnostic screen with undisguised horror. The insects aren't even stinging. They simply keep moving, one atop the other, and the soldier's body temperature is slowly rising until he drops to the ground, quite literally cooked alive. The insect swarm takes off, unharmed save for the ones that were crushed when the trooper fell. Finally asked about what happened, the human sighs. "Japanese honeybees. They do this to wasps, too." murkymuse "How?" You ask. "How has your species dominated this planet?" The human bares its teeth. A smile, they call it. Something humans do when they are happy. Yet you can't help but think of all the creatures with the their large fangs and sharp teeth. (What kind of species uses a threat signal as a sign of happiness?) "Persistence and ingenuity." The human answers, still smiling. It doesn't matter that this one is your prisoner. Humans, you decide, are as terrifying as their planet. fallenwithstyle "And scattered about it were the Martians-dead!-slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the red weed was being slain; slain, after all man's devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, had put upon this earth." - HG Wells, The War of the Worlds, 1898 catbountry I'm picturing aliens going up against a hoard of Canadian geese, or a swan. I think at that point they'd just give up. invaderdrey Or fire ants eeyore9990 No one even MENTIONED snakes yet... breelandwalker This thing gets better EVERY FUCKING TIME I SEE IT fir-trees-unite "Let us try the creatures that the humans keep for domestic companionship" "Is that a miniature tiger?" "Why does this human own a small pack of wolves?" The aliens ask their human captive why small wolves live with them. "Oh, you mean dogs? Yeah, they're the only animals that can keep up with us. The aliens look at each other in fear. "What do you mean?" "Oh well that's why you guys won' is because humans aren't super fast or strong. I think my middle school biology teacher called us pursuit predators? It means we evolved to hunt things by following them at walking pace until they had to stop to sleep and then catching up to them then. Dogs are the only animals that can keep up with us. Did you know one time a pack of wolves tailed a herd of caribou for three days straight?" "Uh... okay, what about these small round things with big teeth?" "Omg dude no if you give a hamster enought time that little fucker can chew through concrete :" The aliens wonder if the surrender of humanity was a trap. grimm-fairy Somebody do sharks or sea creatures next. Giant squids would wreak havoc on their ships. obsessionality The aliens have sophisticated technology which pretty much allows them to live underwater, which is something even the inventive humans have never managed. Submarines have nothing on alien submersion pods, which can withstand the crushing pressures of even the darkest depths of the oceans and seas. The aliens aren't expecting any difficulties with their underwater expeditions. Of course, that's when four of the life signs on the central screen simply vanish, like they'd never been there Alpha turns on the direct communication lines to the remaining submersion pods, and the only thing they hear through the tinny speakers is screaming. Alpha resists the urge to turn and at the shackled human standing behind them, but Beta, Gamma and Theta have no such compunctions. The human shrugs. "I mean, we've never really been down there so we're not entire sure, but we've heard stories of giant squids and stuff. No smoke without fire, and all that." "There can be neither smoke nor fire underwater, human, cease your prattling." The human snorts. "It's a phrase. A metaphor? Man, I don't know, I studied marine biology, not literature." The human is unable to tell them anything useful about what might have happened to the submersion pods, but retrieved footage later shows tentacled behemoths snaking out of the depths of disturbed silt and cold water, and crushing the submersion pods effortlessly, in full view of the outer-hull cameras. The monsters have giant beaks which rip through the organic alloy sheets, and into the bodies of the pod pilots within. The outer-hull cameras register the blue of fresh spilled blood and gore, at the same time the on-board cameras register screaming and the red glow of critical power failure. The last thing the aliens can see on the retrieved footage is thin, long, snakelike creatures appearing out of the darkness and gloom, creating their own light and descending upon the remains of their brethren. They are accompanied by creatures that look like plastic bags, but which feed upon the toxic remains of the organic alloy of which the pods were made. The human appears completely nonchalant there is no love lost between slave and master. "Wait till you see sharks." endangereduglythings I've seen this post go around a few times, but this time I have some thoughts: 1) This is more or less the plot of Animorphs 2) Earth has Poison Dart Frogs, we're clearly a Death World. 3) I'm now imagining them deciding to set up a base on the poles, because life on this planet is clearly dependant on plants. So, that frozen wasteland should be safe of any dangerous megafauna. Cue Polar Bear out of nowhere. tigriswolf GIANT SQUID. gigiree OH GOD. This is brilliant. slyrider @words-writ-in-starlight ik you've reblogged various versions of this but this one has so many more... words-writ-in-starlight MY FUCKING FAVORITE THING OKAY massivelysuperbbird Of course the aliens are not dumb. So eventually they put their head of operations in some urban area somewhere in western europe, because the humans have long ago killed all the dangerous beasts who used to live there, like bears and wolfs. But then an entire team gets murdered by a grey monstrosity the humans call "elephant" and then one of the dreaded tigers shows up and rippes the head off the consuls body. The vice consul (now new consul, apparently) runs to the human prisoneres in a rage. "You said those monsters do not live here." "I don't know man", one of the humans sais. "They aren't supposed to be here. Maybe they broke out of the zoo." And to his horror, the new consul finds out that the humans have brought animals all over the world for fun, and apparently a tiger can sneak up on you anywhere on this god forsaken planet gemtern @warsmithbryant Source: giraffepoliceforce 904,857 notes [very long] a concept for a sci-fi story which i would absolutely read the shit out of
Alive, Being Alone, and Animals: | giraffepoliceforce
 I really want a science fiction story
 where aliens come to invade earth and
 effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to
 be fought off by the wildlife.
 They were expecting military
 resistance. They weren't counting on
 bears.
 Asplintercellconviction
 Imagine coming to a hostile alien world
 and being attacked by a horde of
 creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons,
 run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a
 force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf)
 By the time you realise that they can
 traverse water, it's too late. The
 surviving members of your unit manage
 to make it back by shedding their
 excess gear and running for their lives
 the slower ones were crushed to death
 within minutes
 You later describe the creature to one
 of the humans you captured, wanting to
 know the name of the monstrosity that
 will haunt your nightmares for cycles to
 come.
 The human smiles as it speaks a single
 word, slowly and distinctly, in its
 barbaric tongue
 "Hippopotamus."
 artiestroke
 This is giving me the biggest, creepiest
 grin I might have ever grinned
 skeletonmug
 Imagine being the next crew to go down
 to earth and thinking "it's fine, we got
 this. We have the weapons and
 equipment necessary to deal with bears
 and *shudders hippopotamuses. We'll
 be fine."
 And at first you are, you've learned how
 to dodge. You've learned where their
 territories are. You know how to defend
 yourself.
 But then one night you are sleeping in
 your shelter. You're in a tree covered
 temperate part of earth. It seems
 benign. There are been no sightings of
 the dreaded "hippos" around. Not even
 any bears. But there is a slight rustle of
 the undergrowth. You try and ignore it
 telling yourself it is just the wind.
 Then you hear the rustle again. closer
 this time.
 You peer out into the darkness but see
 nothing amongst the trees.
 The rustle again and now you realise
 you can smell something. It's musky
 and slightly foul. It's the smell of an
 omen, a warning. But what of? Where is
 this smell coming from.
 You sit up, but it's too late. The foul
 smelling creature is on you. You are hit
 with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious
 bites. Long dark claws tear in to you
 and you are pinned down white the
 striped creature tries to bite your throat.
 It takes some doing but you manage to
 wrestle free. Blood drips from your
 wounds and already they itch with the
 sign of infection. The creature has a
 bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with
 the black and white hairs. It lets out a
 terrifying growl from the back of its
 throat and looks to attack again. It's
 between you and your knife, so your
 only choice is to back away.
 Eventually the creature gives up and
 snuffles off in to the undergrowth,
 down a hole near your shelter you
 hadn't noticed before.
 When you make it back to your base
 you once again consult the captive
 human.
 "Badger." they say, with a solemn nod.
 jabberwockypie
 One word: Moose
 myurbandream
 "Our vehicles are far superior to the
 local human models, in range, speed,
 armament, and any other metric you
 care to name! Nothing could possibly-"
 BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!
 "That's called a moose."
 morebadbookcovers
 Wolverines.
 Also.. dolphins
 ohgodhesloose
 The invasion is going slowly. The
 humans have caught on and are
 actively destroying information on the
 planet's flora and fauna before
 Intelligence can capture and process it.
 All that they have are survivors
 accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers.
 Moose. It is becoming obvious this
 mudball planet is a full-on Death World
 to the unprepared, and you are so very
 unprepared.
 You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a
 mobile or carnivorous plant, just one
 that caused a vicious allergic reaction
 on contact that killed him in less than a
 rai'kor. Commander Vura'ko died to an
 insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked
 a tiny bit of her blood and apparently
 replaced it witha bit of its last meal,
 which was full of disease. Backwash.
 She died to bug backwash. And yet you
 honestly envy them after that... thing
 you encountered...
 When you got back to base the
 quarantine officer refused to let you
 inside. They had to roll a containment
 tank outside to put you in, because you
 all knew there would be no chance of
 eliminating the smell if it got into the
 ship's air ducts. Smell. You wonder if
 your nasal slit will ever recover from this
 stench
 And the smell would. Not. Leave. After
 incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you
 use every cleansing agent they could
 think of, including a few janitorial ones,
 and still everyone fled the stench if they
 were downwind of your tank. Desperate
 to protect everyone's nasal slits from
 the smell the quarantine officer
 interrogated the humans. From them, a
 glimmer of hope: there was a cure.
 Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on
 this mudball was the only thing that
 could break up the chemicals in the
 little horror's spray. Immediately the
 Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of
 the stuff and made you bathe in it. That
 was hours ago and it didn't seem to be
 working, though. All it was doing was
 turning your blue skin an interesting
 shade of purple
 Sighing in frustration you wave the
 med-assist on duty over, who only
 approaches after checking the wind
 direction. Annoyed, you flip on the
 tank's vox speaker.
 "The humans did say it was "grape"
 juice that removed "skunk" stench,
 right?
 majingojira
 Every night
 It came for someone almost every
 night
 Any soldier alone was a viable target for
 this native monster that moved unseen
 by any but the security viewers, usually
 only spotted in hindsight. They were
 taken as silently as this earth-monster
 moved. Sometimes they'd find the
 remains in the morning taken up a tree
 and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it
 were a grisly reminder that the monster
 was still there, waiting unseen, to strike
 again.
 What little they saw of the monster on
 the vidfeed showed true horror. Yellow
 eyes that shone with all the light it
 could gather. It had fangs as long as
 his grasping digits. Claws half that size
 formed curved hooks that allowed it to
 climb up their fortifications with
 impunity. And in the underbrush, its
 spots made it almost impossible to see
 clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be
 seen at all
 Even the native sentients, the humans,
 had a healthy respect and fear for it.
 The earth natives called the monster a
 leopard
 It was a constant fear that muddied the
 senses, and let the monster hunt even
 more effectively as the soldiers were
 always on edge. Sleep deprived with
 fear, it made them even better targets
 for the monster.
 But rumor was that there was worse on
 this planet. Rumors of a monster like a
 leopard but larger, and bigger in every
 imaginable sense. Stripped instead of
 spotted, which leaped from the
 underbrush with a sound.
 A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed
 entire units, and let the monster kill with
 impunity. While the Leopard wrestled
 soldiers down and ripped their throats
 out. This other monster, the Tiger
 killed with its pounce alone.
 lyricwritesprose
 "We've been through this," Group
 Leader 455 snapped. "The dissection
 of an Earth life form will help the
 scientists make weapons to combat the
 rest of this planet's hellbeasts. And
 these are domesticated. Harmless."
 The troops were not-quite-looking at
 her in the way troops do when they
 don't want to be seen to contradict a
 ranking officer, but can't quite muster a
 correct Expression of Enthusiastic
 Assent. "The name of this species,
 she pointed out, "is synonymous with
 dullness and slowness in the language
 of the Earth barbarians." Well, one
 language out of several thousand
 these creatures needed Imperial
 guidance more than any other world on
 record-but there was no point in
 confusing the rank and file.
 More not-quite-looking. 455 bubbled a
 sigh and consulted her scanner. "That
 one," she decided. "Alone in the
 separate pasture. Scans suggest that
 it's a male, which means it's probably
 weaker. Possibly it's kept isolated so
 that the females don't eat it before
 mating season. And yes, I know some
 of you are here on punishment detail,
 but you're still soldiers of the
 Imperium. This squad is perfectly
 capable of handling a lone, helpless,
 pathetic male cow."
 petermorwood
 I'm enjoying this immensely. Wait until
 the aliens try Australia for size...
 pokemonsunburn
 It was a strange creature Tar'van
 glimpsed at on the vast island known to
 the humans as 'Australia'
 "I would warn you not to fuck with us,
 mate." Their forced guide, a prisioner,
 had warned with a chilling grin upon
 capture. "If you think a moose is bad,
 wait until you tango with a red back." To
 this day Tar'van fears the creature
 known as the red back, and what
 horrors it would bring.
 The prisioner turned out to be of little
 help,the stubboness of his people
 causing them to refuse the danger that
 the captured human warned of. Tar'van
 recalls a moment when one of his
 squad members approached a creature
 know as a dingo, insistent they had
 seen these creatures before and they
 were tame. They barely escaped with 5
 of the original 7 members of his squad.
 Another moment Tar'van recalls was the
 brutal mauling they witnessed by the
 hands of a creature called an 'Emu
 "Don't feel too bad," the prisioner
 mocked. "We lost a war to the Emu's as
 well.
 Now with only 4 members of their
 squad left, including themself,, Tar'van
 had learned to listen to the prisoner, to
 be wary of the simplest of creatures.
 This human was of the sub-species of
 Zookeeper' after all.
 The 'Zookeeper' looks off to the
 distance, where the creature is.
 "It's a kangaroo, leave it be and you'll
 be fine." Tar'van nods, a human signal
 of acknowledgement if they are correct.
 The human smiles a bit.
 "That creature cannot possibly harm
 us." Tar'van's squad leader protests. "It
 is so docile. I will aproach it and bring
 back it's head to show this human is a
 fearmongering liar."
 The human reels back, a look of disgust
 crosses their face and anger passes
 through their eyes.
 "Fucking do it mate, I dare ya." The
 human hisses. The squad leader puffs
 up their hoinn gland, a sign of pride to
 their species, and aproached the so
 called 'Kangaroo!
 "This will be unpleasant." A squadmate
 mutters as they watch their leader raise
 their fist and bring it down on the
 creature. The 'Kangaroo' looks a little
 stunned by the impact, before it raises
 itself upon its strong tail and uses its
 powerful heind legs to launch their
 squadleader backwards through the air.
 Their squadleader lands upon the
 ground, unmoving with black blooded
 oozeing from them. It appears Tar'van is
 the squads leader now.
 "I don't know what they expected." the
 human says, smugness filling their tone.
 "Kangaroos are fucking shreaded. 8-
 pack and all."
 Tar'van steps forward to the human,
 whom inches back in a sign of fear as
 Tar'van pulls their blade from its holster,
 and in their first act as leader, frees the
 human of the bonds around their
 hands.
 "Please," Tar'van bags. "Get us back
 safely"
 aemiracufic
 @kryallaorchid, you guys really lost a
 war to emus? Why was it necessary?
 kryallaorchid
 oh, mate, you never mess with the
 emus
 kawaguardian
 (Jesus christ. Dont get us started on
 kangaroos)
 They had faced Emu's. They had lost
 one in the battle but had experienced
 them. But this was no emu.
 Looking to their guide, they all stare in
 horror as his face changes from
 calculating to fear. Pure, heart
 consuming horror as he stares at the
 large bird.
 "Cassowary...
 They mimic him in fear. Squawking the
 horrific name as another joins the first
 in the mad run towards them.
 The only ones to survive was the native
 guide and Tar'van. The guide was
 carrying the soldier over his shoulder as
 they made their way back to the
 settlement.
 Tar'van was a wreck. Periodically
 alternating between rocking in
 complete silence and whispering
 broken words in horror.
 When they consulted the native all he
 said was "Its spring.... Magpie season..."
 paksenarrion-reader
 "Listen up, troops. This armour upgrade
 has been tested both in the laboratories
 of the best Imperial military scientists
 and in the field. We are impervious to
 the stings of any insect on this hell hole
 of a planet, striped or not! We can brave
 the perils of its wildlife, and conquer it
 at long last! Revenge for our fallen
 companions! Glory to the Emperor!"
 "Excuse me," the native Terran guide
 speaks up in a tired tone, and the
 squad's cheers die on their lips. "This is
 Japan. You haven't seen what-
 "Silence, worm! No sting can penetrate
 this plating!
 The guide tries to warn them once
 again, merely earning a blow that
 throws them to their knees. The troops
 set out, morale high, certain in their
 ability to brave the wildlife now and
 thirsting for vengeance against the
 non-sentient native species. One
 soldier thumps his fist against a tree. A
 hollow sound follows
 In an instant, the soldier
 a storm of the striped insects. At first,
 no one pays it any mind. Their little
 stings cannot penetrate the new
 plating, after all
 the centre of
 But then the soldier falls to his knees,
 and the squad stares in horror as the
 insects enclose him in layer upon layer
 of their own bodies, all moving. The
 squad's medic yells a warning at
 everyone to stay back, watching the
 readouts of the unfortunate soldier's
 armour on their diagnostic screen with
 undisguised horror. The insects aren't
 even stinging. They simply keep
 moving, one atop the other, and the
 soldier's body temperature is slowly
 rising until he drops to the ground,
 quite literally cooked alive. The insect
 swarm takes off, unharmed save for the
 ones that were crushed when the
 trooper fell.
 Finally asked about what happened, the
 human sighs. "Japanese honeybees.
 They do this to wasps, too."
 murkymuse
 "How?" You ask. "How has your
 species dominated this planet?"
 The human bares its teeth. A smile,
 they call it. Something humans do when
 they are happy. Yet you can't help but
 think of all the creatures with the their
 large fangs and sharp teeth. (What kind
 of species uses a threat signal as a sign
 of happiness?)
 "Persistence and ingenuity." The human
 answers, still smiling.
 It doesn't matter that this one is your
 prisoner. Humans, you decide, are as
 terrifying as their planet.
 fallenwithstyle
 "And scattered about it were the
 Martians-dead!-slain by the
 putrefactive and disease bacteria
 against which their systems were
 unprepared; slain as the red weed was
 being slain; slain, after all man's devices
 had failed, by the humblest things that
 God, in his wisdom, had put upon this
 earth."
 - HG Wells, The War of the Worlds,
 1898
 catbountry
 I'm picturing aliens going up against a
 hoard of Canadian geese, or a swan.
 I think at that point they'd just give up.
 invaderdrey
 Or fire ants
 eeyore9990
 No one even MENTIONED snakes yet...
 breelandwalker
 This thing gets better EVERY FUCKING
 TIME I SEE IT
 fir-trees-unite
 "Let us try the creatures that the
 humans keep for domestic
 companionship"
 "Is that a miniature tiger?"
 "Why does this human own a small
 pack of wolves?"
 The aliens ask their human captive why
 small wolves live with them.
 "Oh, you mean dogs? Yeah, they're the
 only animals that can keep up with us.
 The aliens look at each other in
 fear. "What do you mean?"
 "Oh well that's why you guys won' is
 because humans aren't super fast or
 strong. I think my middle school biology
 teacher called us pursuit predators? It
 means we evolved to hunt things by
 following them at walking pace until
 they had to stop to sleep and then
 catching up to them then. Dogs are the
 only animals that can keep up with us.
 Did you know one time a pack of wolves
 tailed a herd of caribou for three days
 straight?"
 "Uh... okay, what about these small
 round things with big teeth?"
 "Omg dude no if you give a hamster
 enought time that little fucker can chew
 through concrete :"
 The aliens wonder if the surrender of
 humanity was a trap.
 grimm-fairy
 Somebody do sharks or sea creatures
 next. Giant squids would wreak havoc
 on their ships.
 obsessionality
 The aliens have sophisticated
 technology which pretty much allows
 them to live underwater, which is
 something even the inventive humans
 have never managed. Submarines have
 nothing on alien submersion pods,
 which can withstand the crushing
 pressures of even the darkest depths of
 the oceans and seas.
 The aliens aren't expecting any
 difficulties with their underwater
 expeditions. Of course, that's when four
 of the life signs on the central screen
 simply vanish, like they'd never been
 there
 Alpha turns on the direct
 communication lines to the remaining
 submersion pods, and the only thing
 they hear through the tinny speakers is
 screaming.
 Alpha resists the urge to turn and
 at the shackled human standing behind
 them, but Beta, Gamma and Theta have
 no such compunctions.
 The human shrugs. "I mean, we've
 never really been down there so we're
 not entire sure, but we've heard stories
 of giant squids and stuff. No smoke
 without fire, and all that."
 "There can be neither smoke nor fire
 underwater, human, cease your
 prattling."
 The human snorts. "It's a phrase. A
 metaphor? Man, I don't know, I studied
 marine biology, not literature."
 The human is unable to tell them
 anything useful about what might have
 happened to the submersion pods, but
 retrieved footage later shows tentacled
 behemoths snaking out of the depths
 of disturbed silt and cold water, and
 crushing the submersion pods
 effortlessly, in full view of the outer-hull
 cameras. The monsters have giant
 beaks which rip through the organic
 alloy sheets, and into the bodies of the
 pod pilots within.
 The outer-hull cameras register the
 blue of fresh spilled blood and gore, at
 the same time the on-board cameras
 register screaming and the red glow of
 critical power failure.
 The last thing the aliens can see on the
 retrieved footage is thin, long, snakelike
 creatures appearing out of the darkness
 and gloom, creating their own light and
 descending upon the remains of their
 brethren. They are accompanied by
 creatures that look like plastic bags, but
 which feed upon the toxic remains of
 the organic alloy of which the pods
 were made.
 The human appears completely
 nonchalant there is no love lost
 between slave and master. "Wait till you
 see sharks."
 endangereduglythings
 I've seen this post go around a few
 times, but this time I have some
 thoughts:
 1) This is more or less the plot of
 Animorphs
 2) Earth has Poison Dart Frogs, we're
 clearly a Death World.
 3) I'm now imagining them deciding to
 set up a base on the poles, because life
 on this planet is clearly dependant on
 plants. So, that frozen wasteland should
 be safe of any dangerous megafauna.
 Cue Polar Bear out of nowhere.
 tigriswolf
 GIANT SQUID.
 gigiree
 OH GOD. This is brilliant.
 slyrider
 @words-writ-in-starlight ik you've
 reblogged various versions of this but
 this one has so many more...
 words-writ-in-starlight
 MY FUCKING FAVORITE THING OKAY
 massivelysuperbbird
 Of course the aliens are not dumb. So
 eventually they put their head of
 operations in some urban area
 somewhere in western europe, because
 the humans have long ago killed all the
 dangerous beasts who used to live
 there, like bears and wolfs. But then an
 entire team gets murdered by a grey
 monstrosity the humans call "elephant"
 and then one of the dreaded tigers
 shows up and rippes the head off the
 consuls body. The vice consul (now
 new consul, apparently) runs to the
 human prisoneres in a rage. "You said
 those monsters do not live here." "I
 don't know man", one of the humans
 sais. "They aren't supposed to be here.
 Maybe they broke out of the zoo." And
 to his horror, the new consul finds out
 that the humans have brought animals
 all over the world for fun, and
 apparently a tiger can sneak up on you
 anywhere on this god forsaken planet
 gemtern
 @warsmithbryant
 Source: giraffepoliceforce
 904,857 notes
[very long] a concept for a sci-fi story which i would absolutely read the shit out of

[very long] a concept for a sci-fi story which i would absolutely read the shit out of

Creepy, Friends, and Fucking: I don't want it I don't need it. this scene is even more creepy when you realize Spirited Away was a metaphor for the sex industry in Japan of oh OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! NO IT WASN'T, YOU JACKASSES! Totoro's about dead girls! Spirited Away is about sex!" You know what I hear? "Maybe if I make up something that sounds smart, people will think I'm smart, even if it's a complete fucking lie! Hayao Miyazaki is a man of values. He's a man who believes in the innocence of childhood and has a wonderful imagination. He believes in simplicity, kindness, the beauty of nature, and the old ways. He draws on these beliefs and his personal experiences when he makes movies. Spirited Away was made for some friends of Miyazaki's. Specifically, the ten- year-old daughters of some friends he invited to stay at his vacation home.. It's fairly common for Miyazaki to decide that he's going to make movies targeted at a specific age group. Ponyo is for five-year-olds. Spirited Away is meant for ten- year-old girls, but enjoyed by a much wider audience. Trepeat, SPIRITED AWAY WAS MADE FOR TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS The bathhouse? Not a brothel. Based on a bathhouse in his home town, which he thought was a place of mystery and wonder when he was a kid. That scene where the bathhouse staff has to clean the polluted river spirit? Based on Miyazaki's own experiences of a town coming together to clean up a river. This scene? It's about Chihiro not being greedy, because Chihiro is a positive role- model for ten-year-old girls. The themes of Spirited Away are courage, strength of character, and individuality. ESPECIALLY individuality. That thing where Yubaba takes away peoples names and changes their species? That's her taking away their individuality. Chihiro's parents are now pigs, not people. Haku's name has been shortened so he forgets who he is. When Yubaba changes Chihiro's name, the only Kanji she leaves spell out "Sen", the Japanese word for one thousand" meanina Chihiro is iust another pawn of Yubaba's. not her own person. You want to seem cool and intelligent? Talk about the movie's actual themes. Don't make up this shock-value bullshit for attention. You stupid motherfuckers. Source: inuchi Don't believe everything you read on the internet
Creepy, Friends, and Fucking: I don't want it I don't need it.
 this scene is even more creepy when you realize Spirited Away was a metaphor
 for the sex industry in Japan
 of
 oh
 OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
 NO IT WASN'T, YOU JACKASSES!
 Totoro's about dead girls!
 Spirited Away is about sex!"
 You know what I hear?
 "Maybe if I make up something that sounds smart, people will think I'm smart,
 even if it's a complete fucking lie!
 Hayao Miyazaki is a man of values. He's a man who believes in the innocence
 of childhood and has a wonderful imagination. He believes in simplicity,
 kindness, the beauty of nature, and the old ways. He draws on these beliefs and
 his personal experiences when he makes movies.
 Spirited Away was made for some friends of Miyazaki's. Specifically, the ten-
 year-old daughters of some friends he invited to stay at his vacation home.. It's
 fairly common for Miyazaki to decide that he's going to make movies targeted at
 a specific age group. Ponyo is for five-year-olds. Spirited Away is meant for ten-
 year-old girls, but enjoyed by a much wider audience.
 Trepeat, SPIRITED AWAY WAS MADE FOR TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS
 The bathhouse? Not a brothel. Based on a bathhouse in his home town, which
 he thought was a place of mystery and wonder when he was a kid. That scene
 where the bathhouse staff has to clean the polluted river spirit? Based on
 Miyazaki's own experiences of a town coming together to clean up a river. This
 scene? It's about Chihiro not being greedy, because Chihiro is a positive role-
 model for ten-year-old girls.
 The themes of Spirited Away are courage, strength of character, and
 individuality. ESPECIALLY individuality. That thing where Yubaba takes away
 peoples names and changes their species? That's her taking away their
 individuality. Chihiro's parents are now pigs, not people. Haku's name has been
 shortened so he forgets who he is. When Yubaba changes Chihiro's name, the
 only Kanji she leaves spell out "Sen", the Japanese word for one thousand"
 meanina Chihiro is iust another pawn of Yubaba's. not her own person.
 You want to seem cool and intelligent? Talk about the movie's actual themes.
 Don't make up this shock-value bullshit for attention.
 You stupid motherfuckers.
 Source: inuchi
Don't believe everything you read on the internet

Don't believe everything you read on the internet

Another One, Butt, and Chill: o 90% o 90% VZW Wi-Fi VZW Wi-Fi O 90% 20:13 20:13 + lVZW Wi-Fi 20:12 DONE DONE DONE Whisper Rate Favorite Block Delete Whisper Rate Favorite Block Delete Whisper Rate Favorite Block Delete Neither of those questions are of sexual nature It's not just your sex life I'm curious about. It's the entire nature of the relationship and How often do you actually see each other and where do you fool around? what it consists of His whole life. We met by coincidence when he came to Texas once for an extended trip. And we had some date nights in his hotel. Lots of binging shows and ordering delivery. Perfect times Not often enough since he lives in Florida right now Sexual interaction has a lot to do with how a relationship really works or not and to what degree WTF? How long has he been in Florida and how many times have you actually had sex? So how long has he been in Florida? 1/9 Lol why are you so interested in my sex life dude About how often were you having sex before he left? I also have family in Florida so I've visited him a few times after saying hi to the extended fam. 2/9 3/9 do you do it at his place since you probably can't have privacy at your place? Or do you Because it's interesting and better than alking about the fucking weather. LOL Now your bigger picture is making a lot to motels or do it in the car or what? more sense. a hermit who lives with her family by choice at almost 30. spends most of her time pretty much only with family and whatever forced social situations they put you in. A person you call a "boyfriend" even though it's long distance and you only I'm into to the study of human nature Well, I've found when it comes to the people of whisper, sex is a dreadfully dull topic of Well there's plenty interesting about me besides my sex life. We were talking about some of it even. Nothing involved the discussion. And it's been done to death. seen each other a handful of times because weather. that's more convenient than admitting to yourself and other people that you don't have someone here to actually spend time with IRL instead of virtually online or through devices. So that makes it easier How long has he been in Florida? There are infinite subjects to discuss. That's just another one and it's on a more personal note than pop culture When did you typically hang out with each other privately? (SEND GIF Say something nice... GIF Say something nice. Say something nice.. SEND SEND GIVE OUR HEROES NOTHING ELIMINATES DANDRUFF LIKE Use as directed Nizoral IT WORKS THANK YOU DIFFERENTLY EXPAND SAY THANKS NOw lVZW Wi-Fi VZW Wi-Fi O90% 4 O90% + O 90% + lVZW Wi-Fi 20:13 20:13 20:13 DONE DONE DONE Rate Favorite Block Delete Rate Favorite Block Delete Whisper Rate Favorite Block Delete Whisper Whisper I'm guessing you don't have very many people if at all besides your family with whom you talk about anything super personal much less in depth. Probably not even the family. for you to keep other people locally at arm's length distance has she talked about only superficial things instead of personal stuff But it wouldn't matter if we were on whisper or some other social media. You would be the same Why would I need to get personal with you? To me, people are people regardless of the app or format Talking about pop culture ran its course and got boring. It was time for something more interesting Your choice of words further proves my I'm a very open and honest direct point of your reasons for keeping your distance from people in general so you transparent communicator not intentionally limiting myself with those tall thick icy don't have to get personal with anyone ever. walls Lol, not uncomfortable at all. 5/9 6/9 There isn't a need. But the fact that you're unwilling proves my theory of how guarded and unwilling you are 4/9 When I said the weather earlier I was using that as a metaphor for everyday boring mindless stuff that you use to avoid talking about anything of more substance much less anything personal I don't care about the "psychological breakdown" from a stranger. You can think what you want of me. Dude...this is literally an anonymous app. I am not here to get personal with anyone. Whether you cared or not is of no consequence and that wasn't in question. What we're discussing now are REAL issues way beyond everyday superficial I prefer having more meaningful conversation about shit that really matters rather than stuff that doesn't. Believe It or Not plenty of people are very willing to talk about very personal things and anything under the sun without hesitation. The people who don't are the ones who raise the red flags nonsense But unfortunately that's what you spend your entire life avoiding I'm not judging you. Just getting down to the facts And I'm guessing that all of this is way too familiar and too personal of making you Yes I'm familiar with your type who choose they're distant anonymity with this app Yes because how often I have sex and very uncomfortable SEND GIF Say something nice... Say something nice.. Say something nice... SEND SEND GIVE OUR GIVE UR DOLLAR GENERAL GIVE OUR HEROES ONE BIG THANK YOU HEROES ONE BIG THANK YOU ONE BIG THANK YOU SAY THANKS NOw VzW Wi-Fi o 90% VZW Wi-Fi O 90% VZW Wi-Fi O 90% + 20:13 20:13 20:13 DONE DONE DONE Whisper Rate Favorite Block Delete Whisper Rate Favorite Block Delete Whisper Rate Favorite Block Delete where I do it is super meaningful. started.:- And if you haven't had sex at his place, that raises even more curious questions as to why not They are pieces of a much bigger puzzle that build the final picture. Individually they aren't necessarily crucial but an important part of the story So now that you've gone and tattle taled in a public forum you can't face me like an adult? Does he live with his parents also or does he have a girlfriend or a wife or maybe a Very uncalled for It helps me get a better idea about what kind of person you are what kind of choices you make and why you make them boyfriend? LOL wasn't judging you Did you ever go to his house and spend much time there? 8/9 9/9 7/9 It's really sad being so insecure that you feel the need for public validation by trying to put someone else down for the life you've brought upon yourself with your own choices. If you don't like the facts then you should change them with better choices Every piece of information is one step closer to seeing the finished puzzle Today, 17:12 Awww...look who got all butt hurt with her thin skin crying out for public moral support while too scared to leave her parent's home at 28 or socialize with anyone in public while claiming to have a "boyfriend" she never sees who lives in Fl. That's cute. Lmao well you've clearly solved the puzzle So yes, whether you're open minded enough to risk sneaking sexy activity at home where you live with your family or whether you're adventurous enough to have car sex in public or if you keep it hidden at a motel because you can't have it at his place for some reason says a whole lot about you I was being cool with you and just having real and down-to-earth conversation about things that matter rather than boring well shit. Why so immature going public unnecessarily? I've been using whisper about 5 years and I can't believe I finally stumbled across someone so petty both I haven't solved any puzzle. I'm just getting GIF Say something nice.. SEND GIF Say something nice... Say something nice.. SEND SEND GIVE OUR GIVE OUR HEROES ONE BIG THANK YOU DOLLAR GENERAD E OURHEROES BIGTHANKYOU HEROES ONE BIG SAY THANKS NOW SAY THANKS NOW THANK YOU Dude started a chat with me because I made a post saying “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!” with a pic of Connor from Highlander in the background. Started a pretty chill and normal convo about movies and music till he started asking me if I was single & when I said I wasn’t, this is what ensued...
Another One, Butt, and Chill: o 90%
 o 90%
 VZW Wi-Fi
 VZW Wi-Fi
 O 90%
 20:13
 20:13
 +
 lVZW Wi-Fi
 20:12
 DONE
 DONE
 DONE
 Whisper
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Whisper
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Whisper
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Neither of those questions are of
 sexual nature
 It's not just your sex life I'm curious about.
 It's the entire nature of the relationship and
 How often do you actually see each other
 and where do you fool around?
 what it consists of
 His whole life. We met by coincidence when
 he came to Texas once for an extended trip.
 And we had some date nights in his hotel.
 Lots of binging shows and ordering
 delivery. Perfect times
 Not often enough since he lives in Florida
 right now
 Sexual interaction has a lot to do with how
 a relationship really works or not and to
 what degree
 WTF? How long has he been in Florida and
 how many times have you actually had sex?
 So how long has he been in Florida?
 1/9
 Lol why are you so interested in my sex
 life dude
 About how often were you having sex before
 he left?
 I also have family in Florida so I've visited
 him a few times after saying hi to the
 extended fam.
 2/9 3/9
 do you do it at his place since you probably
 can't have privacy at your place? Or do you
 Because it's interesting and better than
 alking about the fucking weather. LOL
 Now your bigger picture is making a lot
 to motels or do it in the car or what?
 more sense. a hermit who lives with her
 family by choice at almost 30. spends most
 of her time pretty much only with family
 and whatever forced social situations they
 put you in. A person you call a "boyfriend"
 even though it's long distance and you only
 I'm into to the study of human nature
 Well, I've found when it comes to the people
 of whisper, sex is a dreadfully dull topic of
 Well there's plenty interesting about me
 besides my sex life. We were talking about
 some of it even. Nothing involved the
 discussion.
 And it's been done to death.
 seen each other a handful of times because
 weather.
 that's more convenient than admitting to
 yourself and other people that you don't
 have someone here to actually spend time
 with IRL instead of virtually online or
 through devices. So that makes it easier
 How long has he been in Florida?
 There are infinite subjects to discuss.
 That's just another one and it's on a more
 personal note than pop culture
 When did you typically hang out with each
 other privately?
 (SEND
 GIF Say something nice...
 GIF
 Say something nice.
 Say something nice..
 SEND
 SEND
 GIVE OUR
 HEROES
 NOTHING ELIMINATES DANDRUFF LIKE
 Use as directed
 Nizoral
 IT WORKS
 THANK YOU
 DIFFERENTLY
 EXPAND
 SAY THANKS NOw
 lVZW Wi-Fi
 VZW Wi-Fi
 O90% 4
 O90% +
 O 90% +
 lVZW Wi-Fi
 20:13
 20:13
 20:13
 DONE
 DONE
 DONE
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Whisper
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Whisper
 Whisper
 I'm guessing you don't have very many
 people if at all besides your family with
 whom you talk about anything super
 personal much less in depth. Probably not
 even the family.
 for you to keep other people locally at arm's
 length distance has she talked about only
 superficial things instead of personal stuff
 But it wouldn't matter if we were on
 whisper or some other social media. You
 would be the same
 Why would I need to get personal with you?
 To me, people are people regardless of the
 app or format
 Talking about pop culture ran its course
 and got boring. It was time for something
 more interesting
 Your choice of words further proves my
 I'm a very open and honest direct
 point of your reasons for keeping your
 distance from people in general so you
 transparent communicator not intentionally
 limiting myself with those tall thick icy
 don't have to get personal with anyone ever.
 walls
 Lol, not uncomfortable at all.
 5/9 6/9
 There isn't a need. But the fact that you're
 unwilling proves my theory of how guarded
 and unwilling you are
 4/9
 When I said the weather earlier I was using
 that as a metaphor for everyday boring
 mindless stuff that you use to avoid talking
 about anything of more substance much
 less anything personal
 I don't care about the "psychological
 breakdown" from a stranger. You can think
 what you want of me.
 Dude...this is literally an anonymous app. I
 am not here to get personal with anyone.
 Whether you cared or not is of no
 consequence and that wasn't in question.
 What we're discussing now are REAL
 issues way beyond everyday superficial
 I prefer having more meaningful
 conversation about shit that really matters
 rather than stuff that doesn't.
 Believe It or Not plenty of people are very
 willing to talk about very personal things
 and anything under the sun without
 hesitation. The people who don't are the
 ones who raise the red flags
 nonsense
 But unfortunately that's what you spend
 your entire life avoiding
 I'm not judging you. Just getting down to
 the facts
 And I'm guessing that all of this is way too
 familiar and too personal of making you
 Yes I'm familiar with your type who choose
 they're distant anonymity with this app
 Yes because how often I have sex and
 very uncomfortable
 SEND
 GIF Say something nice...
 Say something nice..
 Say something nice...
 SEND
 SEND
 GIVE OUR
 GIVE UR
 DOLLAR GENERAL
 GIVE OUR HEROES
 ONE BIG THANK YOU
 HEROES
 ONE BIG
 THANK YOU
 ONE BIG
 THANK YOU
 SAY THANKS NOw
 VzW Wi-Fi
 o 90%
 VZW Wi-Fi
 O 90%
 VZW Wi-Fi
 O 90% +
 20:13
 20:13
 20:13
 DONE
 DONE
 DONE
 Whisper
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Whisper
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 Whisper
 Rate
 Favorite
 Block
 Delete
 where I do it is super meaningful.
 started.:-
 And if you haven't had sex at his place, that
 raises even more curious questions as to
 why not
 They are pieces of a much bigger puzzle
 that build the final picture. Individually they
 aren't necessarily crucial but an important
 part of the story
 So now that you've gone and tattle taled in
 a public forum you can't face me like an
 adult?
 Does he live with his parents also or does
 he have a girlfriend or a wife or maybe a
 Very uncalled for
 It helps me get a better idea about what
 kind of person you are what kind of choices
 you make and why you make them
 boyfriend? LOL
 wasn't judging you
 Did you ever go to his house and spend
 much time there?
 8/9
 9/9
 7/9
 It's really sad being so insecure that you
 feel the need for public validation by trying
 to put someone else down for the life you've
 brought upon yourself with your own
 choices. If you don't like the facts then you
 should change them with better choices
 Every piece of information is one step
 closer to seeing the finished puzzle
 Today, 17:12
 Awww...look who got all butt hurt with her
 thin skin crying out for public moral
 support while too scared to leave her
 parent's home at 28 or socialize with
 anyone in public while claiming to have a
 "boyfriend" she never sees who lives in Fl.
 That's cute.
 Lmao well you've clearly solved the puzzle
 So yes, whether you're open minded
 enough to risk sneaking sexy activity at
 home where you live with your family or
 whether you're adventurous enough to have
 car sex in public or if you keep it hidden at a
 motel because you can't have it at his place
 for some reason says a whole lot about you
 I was being cool with you and just having
 real and down-to-earth conversation about
 things that matter rather than boring well
 shit. Why so immature going public
 unnecessarily?
 I've been using whisper about 5 years and I
 can't believe I finally stumbled across
 someone so petty
 both
 I haven't solved any puzzle. I'm just getting
 GIF Say something nice..
 SEND
 GIF Say something nice...
 Say something nice..
 SEND
 SEND
 GIVE OUR
 GIVE OUR
 HEROES
 ONE BIG
 THANK YOU
 DOLLAR GENERAD
 E OURHEROES
 BIGTHANKYOU
 HEROES
 ONE BIG
 SAY THANKS NOW
 SAY THANKS NOW
 THANK YOU
Dude started a chat with me because I made a post saying “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!” with a pic of Connor from Highlander in the background. Started a pretty chill and normal convo about movies and music till he started asking me if I was single & when I said I wasn’t, this is what ensued...

Dude started a chat with me because I made a post saying “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!” with a pic of Connor from Highlander in the background. ...

Ass, Bitch, and Deer: bolto become the like most quoted why did the cake is a portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier kurasumii "Look, we both said a lot of things that *you're* going to regret." "Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELLI WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?" "Nice job breaking it, hero" "Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like blimp" eagle...piloting an а Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines starry-nightengale "Maybe after you finish this test, l'll let you take the elevator all the way up to the break room... and l'll tell you about the time I saw the deer again." "It's a mystery l'll have to solve later. By myself. Because you'll be dead." kurasumii "Did you know that people with guilty consciences easily startled by loud noise- * really loud are more ass train horn* "I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact." "Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that." "Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep." clareironbrook "Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right V over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now." "Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. give you the fast version- [unintelligible] Let me There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own 35 recognizance, I'll be right back." "This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck. 35 "That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's talking, it's right here in your file. On other not me people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!" "Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because l'm a POTATO." "Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children's museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children's museum." thelovelyblark-barg "Federal regulations require next test chamber.... is looking pretty good." me to warn you that this Iconic
Ass, Bitch, and Deer: bolto
 become the like most quoted
 why did the cake is a
 portal thing when literally everything glados said was
 funnier
 kurasumii
 "Look, we both said a lot of things that *you're*
 going to regret."
 "Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it
 so much. Do you want to marry it. WELLI WONT
 LET YOU. how does that feel?"
 "Nice job breaking it, hero"
 "Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like
 blimp"
 eagle...piloting
 an
 а
 Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines
 starry-nightengale
 "Maybe after you finish this test, l'll let you take the
 elevator all the way up to the break room... and l'll tell
 you about the time I saw the deer again."
 "It's a mystery l'll have to solve later. By myself.
 Because you'll be dead."
 kurasumii
 "Did you know that people with guilty consciences
 easily startled by loud noise- * really loud
 are more
 ass train horn* "I'm sorry, I don't know why that went
 off. Anyway, just an
 interesting science fact."
 "Well done. Here come the test results: You are a
 horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A
 horrible person. We weren't even testing for that."
 "Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you.
 It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better,
 science has now validated your birth mother's
 decision to abandon you on a doorstep."
 clareironbrook
 "Remember before when I was talking about smelly
 garbage standing around being useless? That was a
 metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm
 sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it
 sailed right
 V
 over your head. Which would have made
 this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you
 garbage a second time just now."
 "Wait. This next test DOES require
 some explanation.
 give you the fast version- [unintelligible]
 Let me
 There. If you have any questions, just remember
 what I said in slow motion. Test on your own
 35
 recognizance, I'll be right back."
 "This next test involves turrets. You remember them,
 right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of
 bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good
 luck.
 35
 "That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's
 talking, it's right here in your file. On other
 not me
 people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has
 noted that on
 you it looks stupid. Well, what does a
 neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He
 probably Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she
 know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In
 fashion! From France!"
 "Oh, hi. How are
 you holding up? Because l'm a
 POTATO."
 "Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a
 children's museum. So that means the pits of acid
 are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED
 children's museum."
 thelovelyblark-barg
 "Federal regulations require
 next test chamber.... is looking pretty good."
 me to warn you that this
Iconic

Iconic