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A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen
 so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule
 that all of our door staff must have names that start
 with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be-
 friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called
 Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan
 now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso-
 lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older
 than me and has a fiance. you know when someone
 is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're
 simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan.
 now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his
 appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand
 inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now,
 add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
 that's Doorman Dan.
 since meeting him last year, I've discovered
 .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that
 said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when
 he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy
 and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called
 Junkie Jeff at 9AM
 .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months
 while he was in the army, and was complet
 unaware they had broken up until he wishe
 happy Christmas and she responded with what the
 fuck Dan
 .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for
 thirty-six hours
 .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay,
 and instead of jumping in and fighting back he
 decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand
 in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out
 and ran off
 .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a
 month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has
 resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed
 inside any John Lewis shops
 .he is convinced the love of his life is not his
 fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked
 who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII
 know when I meet him.
 .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet
 rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless
 they follow him
 his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even
 proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be
 told."
 when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he
 didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on
 the door and asked if they'd like a snack
 .
 .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail
 called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out
 being the only person on the dance floor without a
 drink when he's patrolling the bar
 I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
 cacen
 BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!!
 zohbugg
 I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of
 Doorman Dan
 thecheshirecass
 I look forward to reading more about the loving,
 polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with
 Ned when they finally meet.
 fuckveahdiomedes
 What's the instagram for the rabbits, op?
 Source: cacen
 114,993 notes
The adventures of doorman dan

The adventures of doorman dan

Crazy, Driving, and Huh: Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson "He started putting his penis near her vagina. It was BIG. His penis, that is. Not her vagina. THAT was small. Anyways, so his penis is starting to get near her vagina." -excerpt from the sexy kinky book I'm writing 18:01 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone Patti Harrison @Party Harderson once he put his penis near my vagina, THATS when I knew it was going in there soon Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson Then he asked with a smile on his amazing face 'Are you ready for my huge penis stuck in there? Your vagina? and that's when she said, "Yah" and it was time to get it put in Patti Harrison @Party Harderson Had a really really hard time figuring out the quotation marks on this one Patti Harrison @Party Harderson "She arched her back that was unshaved but was naturally hairless. Yes to this sex! She said about it He laughed his pleasure laugh. His Rod was inside & his balls were on the outside the way it ought to be Yes. She screamed each time the cock was in there pokin" Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson That's when he did a move she really liked a lot. He rolled her over on her hairless stomach. 'It's time for it from behind he said, naked Huh? I don't think she heard him It's time for it from behind' he repeated himself moaning during Nice!' She heard him this time Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson "Mmm you feel that?" she said getting it in her pussy "Yah it's really good! I love this it's amazing!" he yelled "Mmm really glad you like it." She said, pointing down to her pussy Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson THEN? She start riding on his penis on top of him as if he were a car & she was driving the car! "Awhaaawlm!" she moaned, the pleasure crazy like a big storm "My penis feels so good. It's hard & this life is crazy" smacking his lips "Yah" she nodded, her tits were there Patti Harrison @Party Harderson I abandoned the quotation mark format I started with because I myself could not comprehend it Mara "Get Rid of the Nazis" Wilson @MaraWilson Replying to @Party_Harderson Put me in rice 19:34 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone Christopher Sabat Replying to @Party Harderson Please let me know when you need a narrator for your audiobook. 7:32 30 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone NSFW - Patti Harrison Quotes Her Sexy Kinky Book
Crazy, Driving, and Huh: Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 "He started putting his penis near her
 vagina. It was BIG. His penis, that is. Not
 her vagina. THAT was small. Anyways, so
 his penis is starting to get near her vagina."
 -excerpt from the sexy kinky book
 I'm writing
 18:01 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone
 Patti Harrison
 @Party Harderson
 once he put his penis near my vagina,
 THATS when I knew it was going in
 there soon
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 Then he asked with a smile on his
 amazing face 'Are you ready for my huge
 penis stuck in there? Your vagina?
 and that's when she said, "Yah"
 and it was time to get it put in
 Patti Harrison
 @Party Harderson
 Had a really really hard time figuring out
 the quotation marks on this one
 Patti Harrison
 @Party Harderson
 "She arched her back that was unshaved
 but was naturally hairless. Yes to this sex!
 She said about it
 He laughed his pleasure laugh. His Rod
 was inside & his balls were on the outside
 the way it ought to be
 Yes. She screamed each time the cock
 was in there pokin"
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 That's when he did a move she really liked
 a lot. He rolled her over on her hairless
 stomach. 'It's time for it from behind
 he said, naked
 Huh? I don't think she heard him
 It's time for it from behind' he repeated
 himself moaning during
 Nice!' She heard him this time
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 "Mmm you feel that?" she said getting
 it in her pussy
 "Yah it's really good! I love this it's
 amazing!" he yelled
 "Mmm really glad you like it." She said,
 pointing down to her pussy
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 THEN? She start riding on his penis on
 top of him as if he were a car & she was
 driving the car!
 "Awhaaawlm!" she moaned, the pleasure
 crazy like a big storm
 "My penis feels so good. It's hard & this life
 is crazy" smacking his lips
 "Yah" she nodded, her tits were there
 Patti Harrison
 @Party Harderson
 I abandoned the quotation mark format
 I started with because I myself could
 not comprehend it
 Mara "Get Rid of the Nazis" Wilson
 @MaraWilson
 Replying to @Party_Harderson
 Put me in rice
 19:34 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone
 Christopher Sabat
 Replying to @Party Harderson
 Please let me know when you need a
 narrator for your audiobook.
 7:32 30 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone
NSFW - Patti Harrison Quotes Her Sexy Kinky Book

NSFW - Patti Harrison Quotes Her Sexy Kinky Book

Crazy, Driving, and Huh: Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson "He started putting his penis near her vagina. It was BIG. His penis, that is. Not her vagina. THAT was small. Anyways, so his penis is starting to get near her vagina." -excerpt from the sexy kinky book I'm writing 18:01 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson once he put his penis near my vagina, THAT'S when I knew it was going in there soon Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson "Then he asked with a smile on his amazing face 'Are you ready for my huge penis stuck in there? Your vagina?' and that's when she said, "Yah" and it was time to get it put in Patti Harrison @Party Harderson Had a really really hard time figuring out the quotation marks on this one Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson "She arched her back that was unshaved but was naturally hairless. 'Yes to this sex!' She said about it. He laughed his pleasure laugh. His Rod was inside & his balls were on the outside the way it ought to be 'Yes. She screamed each time the cock was in there pokin" Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson That's when he did a move she really liked a lot. He rolled her over on her hairless stomach. 'It's time for it from behind' he said, naked Huh?' I don't think she heard hinm It's time for it from behind' he repeated himself moaning during Nice!' She heard him this time Patti Harrison @Party Harderson "Mmm you feel that?" she said getting it in her pussy "Yah it's really good! I love this it's amazing!" he yelled "Mmm really glad you like it." She said, pointing down to her pussy Patti Harrison @Party_Harderson THEN? She start riding on his penis on top of him as if he were a car & she was driving the car! "Awhaaawlm!" she moaned, the pleasure crazy like a big stormm "My penis feels so good. It's hard & this life is crazy" smacking his lips "Yah" she nodded, her tits were there Patti Harrison @Party Harderson I abandoned the quotation mark format I started with because I myself could not comprehend it Mara "Get Rid of the Nazis" Wilson @MaraWilson Replying to @Party Harderson Put me in rice 19:34 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone Christopher Sabat Replying to@Party_Harderson Please let me know when you need a narrator for your audiobook. 7:32 30 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone NSFW - Patti Harrison Quotes Her Sexy Kinky Book
Crazy, Driving, and Huh: Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 "He started putting his penis near her
 vagina. It was BIG. His penis, that is. Not
 her vagina. THAT was small. Anyways, so
 his penis is starting to get near her vagina."
 -excerpt from the sexy kinky book
 I'm writing
 18:01 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 once he put his penis near my vagina,
 THAT'S when I knew it was going in
 there soon
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 "Then he asked with a smile on his
 amazing face 'Are you ready for my huge
 penis stuck in there? Your vagina?'
 and that's when she said, "Yah"
 and it was time to get it put in
 Patti Harrison
 @Party Harderson
 Had a really really hard time figuring out
 the quotation marks on this one
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 "She arched her back that was unshaved
 but was naturally hairless. 'Yes to this sex!'
 She said about it.
 He laughed his pleasure laugh. His Rod
 was inside & his balls were on the outside
 the way it ought to be
 'Yes. She screamed each time the cock
 was in there pokin"
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 That's when he did a move she really liked
 a lot. He rolled her over on her hairless
 stomach. 'It's time for it from behind'
 he said, naked
 Huh?' I don't think she heard hinm
 It's time for it from behind' he repeated
 himself moaning during
 Nice!' She heard him this time
 Patti Harrison
 @Party Harderson
 "Mmm you feel that?" she said getting
 it in her pussy
 "Yah it's really good! I love this it's
 amazing!" he yelled
 "Mmm really glad you like it." She said,
 pointing down to her pussy
 Patti Harrison
 @Party_Harderson
 THEN? She start riding on his penis on
 top of him as if he were a car & she was
 driving the car!
 "Awhaaawlm!" she moaned, the pleasure
 crazy like a big stormm
 "My penis feels so good. It's hard & this life
 is crazy" smacking his lips
 "Yah" she nodded, her tits were there
 Patti Harrison
 @Party Harderson
 I abandoned the quotation mark format
 I started with because I myself could
 not comprehend it
 Mara "Get Rid of the Nazis" Wilson
 @MaraWilson
 Replying to @Party Harderson
 Put me in rice
 19:34 29 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone
 Christopher Sabat
 Replying to@Party_Harderson
 Please let me know when you need a
 narrator for your audiobook.
 7:32 30 Jan 19 Twitter for iPhone
NSFW - Patti Harrison Quotes Her Sexy Kinky Book

NSFW - Patti Harrison Quotes Her Sexy Kinky Book

El Chapo, Joaquín Guzmán, and Memes: ELCHAPO MISTRESS FLIPS ON HIM IN COURT, EXPOSES SECRETS OF HIS NAKED ESCAPE THROUGH MEXICAN SEWER AS WIFE LISTENS @Fap El Chapo’s mistress testified against him in court and spoke about the time El Chapo escaped from the authorities using an underground sewer tunnel.⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ The mistress stated that she was in bed with Chapo at 3AM on Feb. 16, 2014, when she was suddenly woken up by loud noises,⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ “I heard, like, a lot of thumps and helicopters. I heard yelling,” she recalled. Which was a U.S team and Mexican forces trying to break in the house.⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ “They’re on us! They’re on us!” Chapo’s associate Carlos Manuel (Condor) Hoo Ramirez yelled as Chapo, whose real name is Joaquín Guzmán Loera, started running around in a panic, Sánchez said.⁣⁣ - -⁣ ⁣ She also stated that Chapo was completely naked through all of this,⁣ ⁣ “There was like a lid on the bathtub that came up,” Sánchez testified. “I was like, ‘Do I have to go in there?…The entire tub was hollow underneath…It had a kind of a hydraulic (lift) — they call it a piston.”⁣ ⁣ “The first thing I saw was wooden steps,” she said. “I heard (Chapo) say to Condor, ‘Close up the tub.’”⁣ -⁣ Sánchez said “complete darkness” swallowed them once the hatch was closed.⁣ ⁣ “For me, it was horrible because I had never been in a place like that. It was a humid place with mud,” she told the jury.⁣ -⁣ RapTVSTAFF: @thatkidcm
El Chapo, Joaquín Guzmán, and Memes: ELCHAPO MISTRESS FLIPS ON HIM IN COURT,
 EXPOSES SECRETS OF HIS NAKED ESCAPE
 THROUGH MEXICAN SEWER AS WIFE LISTENS
 @Fap
El Chapo’s mistress testified against him in court and spoke about the time El Chapo escaped from the authorities using an underground sewer tunnel.⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ The mistress stated that she was in bed with Chapo at 3AM on Feb. 16, 2014, when she was suddenly woken up by loud noises,⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ “I heard, like, a lot of thumps and helicopters. I heard yelling,” she recalled. Which was a U.S team and Mexican forces trying to break in the house.⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ “They’re on us! They’re on us!” Chapo’s associate Carlos Manuel (Condor) Hoo Ramirez yelled as Chapo, whose real name is Joaquín Guzmán Loera, started running around in a panic, Sánchez said.⁣⁣ - -⁣ ⁣ She also stated that Chapo was completely naked through all of this,⁣ ⁣ “There was like a lid on the bathtub that came up,” Sánchez testified. “I was like, ‘Do I have to go in there?…The entire tub was hollow underneath…It had a kind of a hydraulic (lift) — they call it a piston.”⁣ ⁣ “The first thing I saw was wooden steps,” she said. “I heard (Chapo) say to Condor, ‘Close up the tub.’”⁣ -⁣ Sánchez said “complete darkness” swallowed them once the hatch was closed.⁣ ⁣ “For me, it was horrible because I had never been in a place like that. It was a humid place with mud,” she told the jury.⁣ -⁣ RapTVSTAFF: @thatkidcm

El Chapo’s mistress testified against him in court and spoke about the time El Chapo escaped from the authorities using an underground sewer...