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Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the...

Beautiful, Bitch, and Children: kalichnikov "Terf is a slur used to silence us" dang bitch wish it worked shut the fuck up Source: kalichnikov nermish-ish-blog asked: BORK! What the heck is a terf? Thought it was a trans slur but idk now. paper-mario-wiki answered: trans exclusive radical feminist. basically a shitty person, usually a really angry talk-to-your- manager type woman who believe trans women shouldnt have a say in feminist issues because they arent "real" women. paper-mario-wiki also they tend to reclaim the lesbian D*ke slur a LOT which is weird. criticalfrog| Transwomen are male. Males do not get to speak about feminism because they are men. You are also a man and should not speak on feminism |radicalyobi feminism is not for males paper-mario-wiki cool, youre fundamentally and objectively incorrect, and also dont talk anymore 4:47 AM-12 Apr 2019 36,016 Retweets 90,837 Likes gahdamnpunk Beautiful cial honey-harpe It's almost as if it's not damaging their self esteem, image to their classmates, and wow it's like people want to be treated with kindness a-room-of-my-own I tried that with kids at a summer camp I worked at about 10 years ago. They had activities after lunch and I proposed dancing and relaxation. They loved it. The especially cute thing was one day, I brought a few CDs of Roma music, I'm a big fan so I have quite a few from Django Reinhardt manouche jazz to Roma folk songs. There were Roma children from Kosovo, but I didn't know if the songs were in their language or not. Turned out they were and the kids were just happy! That's one of my fondest memories of that summer. They taught SO the lyrics to the other children (and to me ha!) and also how to dance. As for relaxation, one hyperactive boy came everyday and really appreciated it. Photos Videos Marketplace Pages Places - Fsuwr 22 points 2 days ago Wait for a paper bill then call your ins company. All ER visits are supposed t in network. You may have to push the ef Everyday Feminism 572K like this Society & Culture Website Laura and 18 other friends like this Liked permalink embed save report give gold re Check out our online magazine Learn how to apply feminism to your r... heidycge2 3 points 1 day ago Usually policies have a waiver if y this was the only ER you could go Like Being Feminist amarnanru unu fared at the time 160K like this - Community Valentina and 10 other friends like this Open Link in New Tab 6+ Matching Posts Open Link in New Container Tab Open Link in New Window ARCA ARTANE Like Family Research Council Open Link in New Private Window 243K like this Publisher Bookmark This Link Family Research Council is the nation's premier advocacy organizat... BINCE Save Link As... Save Link to Pocket Copy Link Location Shinigami Eyes Mark as anti-trans Mark as t-friendly Clear Help paper-mario-wiki: polyglotplatypus: hey there! are you tired of accidentally reblogging from TERFs and other transphobes? then have no fear, for the shinigami eyes extension (chrome/firefox) is there for you. with it, you can identify social media users and pages that are trans-friendly and the ones that are transphobic! never reblog from a transphobe again. oh thats me! hi me! cool extension.
Beautiful, Bitch, and Children: kalichnikov
 "Terf is a slur used to silence us" dang bitch wish it worked shut the fuck up
 Source: kalichnikov

 nermish-ish-blog asked:
 BORK!
 What the heck is a terf? Thought it was a trans slur but idk now.
 paper-mario-wiki answered:
 trans exclusive radical feminist.
 basically a shitty person, usually a really angry talk-to-your-
 manager type woman who believe trans women shouldnt have a
 say in feminist issues because they arent "real" women.
 paper-mario-wiki
 also they tend to reclaim the lesbian D*ke slur a LOT which is weird.
 criticalfrog|
 Transwomen are male. Males do not get to speak about feminism
 because they are men. You are also a man and should not speak on
 feminism
 |radicalyobi
 feminism is not for males
 paper-mario-wiki
 cool, youre fundamentally and objectively incorrect, and also dont talk
 anymore

 4:47 AM-12 Apr 2019
 36,016 Retweets 90,837 Likes
 gahdamnpunk
 Beautiful
 cial
 honey-harpe
 It's almost as if it's not damaging their self esteem, image to their classmates,
 and wow it's like people want to be treated with kindness
 a-room-of-my-own
 I tried that with kids at a summer camp I worked at about 10 years ago. They
 had activities after lunch and I proposed dancing and relaxation. They loved it.
 The especially cute thing was one day, I brought a few CDs of Roma music, I'm
 a big fan so I have quite a few from Django Reinhardt manouche jazz to Roma
 folk songs. There were Roma children from Kosovo, but I didn't know if the
 songs were in their language or not. Turned out they were and the kids were
 just
 happy! That's one of my fondest memories of that summer. They taught
 SO
 the lyrics to the other children (and to me ha!) and also how to dance. As for
 relaxation, one hyperactive boy came everyday and really appreciated it.

 Photos
 Videos
 Marketplace
 Pages
 Places
 - Fsuwr 22 points 2 days ago
 Wait for a paper bill then call your ins
 company. All ER visits are supposed t
 in network. You may have to push the
 ef
 Everyday Feminism
 572K like this Society & Culture Website
 Laura and 18 other friends like this
 Liked
 permalink embed save report give gold
 re
 Check out our online magazine Learn how to apply feminism to your r...
 heidycge2 3 points 1 day ago
 Usually policies have a waiver if y
 this was the only ER you could go
 Like
 Being Feminist
 amarnanru unu fared at the time
 160K like this - Community
 Valentina and 10 other friends like this
 Open Link in New Tab
 6+ Matching Posts
 Open Link in New Container Tab
 Open Link in New Window
 ARCA
 ARTANE
 Like
 Family Research Council
 Open Link in New Private Window
 243K like this
 Publisher
 Bookmark This Link
 Family Research Council is the nation's premier advocacy organizat...
 BINCE
 Save Link As...
 Save Link to Pocket
 Copy Link Location
 Shinigami Eyes
 Mark as anti-trans
 Mark as t-friendly
 Clear
 Help
paper-mario-wiki:
polyglotplatypus:

hey there! are you tired of accidentally reblogging from TERFs and other transphobes? then have no fear, for the shinigami eyes extension (chrome/firefox) is there for you.
with it, you can identify social media users and pages that are trans-friendly and the ones that are transphobic! never reblog from a transphobe again.

oh thats me! hi me! cool extension.

paper-mario-wiki: polyglotplatypus: hey there! are you tired of accidentally reblogging from TERFs and other transphobes? then have no fear...