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Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN sO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH. NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITHA BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED of only they taught beauty class like this Best description of sugar scrub ever.
Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders
 ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN
 SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR
 NOTEPAD
 THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW
 YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I
 KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE
 FUCKERS
 YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT
 YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN
 THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM
 TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A
 NEWBORN
 sO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND
 SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND
 MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART
 OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL
 BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO
 SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL
 THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR
 MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU
 WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM
 SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.
 NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED
 PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITHA BUBBLE
 BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND
 SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS
 VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE
 NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND
 SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A
 HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER
 THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near
 your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really
 important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way
 its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR
 HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS
 WORKING
 NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU
 HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN
 EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN
 BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF
 BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE
 GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT
 WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF
 YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS
 CLASS DISMISSED
 of only they taught beauty class like this
Best description of sugar scrub ever.

Best description of sugar scrub ever.

Advice, Being Alone, and Bad: Girl Asks Rick And Morty's Co- Author How To Cope With Depression, Does Not Expect His Response Daniel Harmon is an American writer, producer, voice actor, and all-around cool guy He's the creator of popular show Rick and Morty A fan on Twitter recently asked him a personal, but important question... charming taint man @chojuroh @danharmon do you have advice for dealing with depression 6:04 AM - Nov 28, 2017 And he came back with the best possible response Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @chojuroh For One: Admit and accept that it's happening Awareness is everything. We put ourselves under so much pressure to feel good. It's okay to feel bad. It might be something you're good at! Communicate it. DO NOT KEEP IT SECRET. Own it. Like a hat or jacket. Your feelings are real 7:08 AM - Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to danharmon@chojuroh Two: try to remind yourself, over and over, that feelings are real but they aren't reality. Example you can feel like life means nothing. True feeling Important feeling. TRUE that you feel it, BUT...whether life has meaning? Not up to us. Facts and feelings: equal but different 7:12 AM - Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @chojuroh The most important thing I can say to you is please don't deal with it alone. There is an incredible, miraculous magic to pushing your feelings out. Even writing "I want to die" on a piece of paper and burning it will feel better than thinking about it alone. Output is magical 7:14 AM - Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @danharmon @chojuroh Dark thoughts will echo off the walls of your skull they will distort and magnify. When you open your mouth (or an anonymous journal or blog or sketchpad), these thoughts go out. They'll be back but you gotta get em OUT Vent them. Tap them. I know you don't want to but try it 7:17 AM - Nov 28, 2017 It pretty much left us all 'kinda star struck rn' charming taint man @chojurolh Replying to @danharmon sorry I'm kinda star struck rn so I'm having a hard time articulating anything other than thank you so goddamn much for all of this. Probably better than my therapist could've said it. (And my boyfriend "TELL HIM THANK YOU AND THAT WE SUBSCRIBE TO HARMONTOWN") 7:22 AM - Nov 28, 2017 zelda-fitz-gives-no-shits: ambris: As someone who has dealt with depression for years, I can confirm this is incredibly good advice. just so you know, daniel harmon is an autistic writer, producer, and voice actor. it’s incredibly important that we don’t erase autistic creators; all of this is also important, but erasure is a huge problem and it’s so so vital for autistic kids to see (mentally ill and multifaceted) autistic adult creators and know that’s what they can grow up to be.
Advice, Being Alone, and Bad: Girl Asks Rick And Morty's Co-
 Author How To Cope With
 Depression, Does Not Expect His
 Response

 Daniel Harmon is an American writer, producer, voice
 actor, and all-around cool guy
 He's the creator of popular show Rick and Morty

 A fan on Twitter recently asked him a personal, but
 important question...
 charming taint man
 @chojuroh
 @danharmon do you have advice for dealing with
 depression
 6:04 AM - Nov 28, 2017
 And he came back with the best possible response
 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to @chojuroh
 For One: Admit and accept that it's happening
 Awareness is everything. We put ourselves under so
 much pressure to feel good. It's okay to feel bad. It
 might be something you're good at! Communicate
 it. DO NOT KEEP IT SECRET. Own it. Like a hat or
 jacket. Your feelings are real
 7:08 AM - Nov 28, 2017
 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to danharmon@chojuroh
 Two: try to remind yourself, over and over, that
 feelings are real but they aren't reality. Example
 you can feel like life means nothing. True feeling
 Important feeling. TRUE that you feel it,
 BUT...whether life has meaning? Not up to us. Facts
 and feelings: equal but different
 7:12 AM - Nov 28, 2017

 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to @chojuroh
 The most important thing I can say to you is please
 don't deal with it alone. There is an incredible,
 miraculous magic to pushing your feelings out. Even
 writing "I want to die" on a piece of paper and
 burning it will feel better than thinking about it
 alone. Output is magical
 7:14 AM - Nov 28, 2017
 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to @danharmon @chojuroh
 Dark thoughts will echo off the walls of your skull
 they will distort and magnify. When you open your
 mouth (or an anonymous journal or blog or
 sketchpad), these thoughts go out. They'll be back
 but you gotta get em OUT Vent them. Tap them. I
 know you don't want to but try it
 7:17 AM - Nov 28, 2017
 It pretty much left us all 'kinda star struck rn'
 charming taint man
 @chojurolh
 Replying to @danharmon
 sorry I'm kinda star struck rn so I'm having a hard
 time articulating anything other than thank you so
 goddamn much for all of this. Probably better than
 my therapist could've said it. (And my boyfriend
 "TELL HIM THANK YOU AND THAT WE SUBSCRIBE TO
 HARMONTOWN")
 7:22 AM - Nov 28, 2017
zelda-fitz-gives-no-shits:
ambris:
As someone who has dealt with depression for years, I can confirm this is incredibly good advice.
just so you know, daniel harmon is an autistic writer, producer, and voice actor. it’s incredibly important that we don’t erase autistic creators; all of this is also important, but erasure is a huge problem and it’s so so vital for autistic kids to see (mentally ill and multifaceted) autistic adult creators and know that’s what they can grow up to be.

zelda-fitz-gives-no-shits: ambris: As someone who has dealt with depression for years, I can confirm this is incredibly good advice. just so...

Being Alone, Beautiful, and Candy: thatsqaualivstut we were taking our math test and i turned around and can we just talk about not only whatever is all over that girl's face, but the guy charging his phone in the back and the kid on the right who looks like he's in immense pain this picture is like the perfect description of school tho mvrtlewilson: fun fact one time i auditioned for a play and the character called for a russian accent and i did mine for the director and got the part and she stopped me on my way out and asked my how i got it so believable sounding and i didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of the amount of time i spend imitating chekov from star trek when i'm home alone I'm nominated for an acting award at my school now because of this willyumbeckett one time this guy in my class drew a penis on the blackboard with a permanent marker and continued the drawing with an erasable marker and made it to be a cat and my english teacher wanted to write on the blackboard so she tried to erase the drawing and the cat went away and all that was left was a penis and we all cried laughing and she just sighed and said "its so small that is a beautiful story ensenshnackles: This one time when I was about 13 I got swine flu and had to stay off school for 2 weeks. While I was off somebody spread a rumour that I wasn't there because I'd been hit by a truck and died. So when I came back into school I walked into English class and everybody started screaming and I cried. frickerstein today in american lit a kid fell asleep and my teacher got up and told us to follow him and so we all left the room and he changed the clock so it was like 6pm and like 10 minutes later the kid ran into the hallway with his backpack and we were all sitting at the end and he just sat down in the middle of the hallway and started to cry nosdrinker my english teacher accused me of plagiarizing an essay i wrote about my own life my friend got accused of plagiarizing in junior high because she used the word "sweets" instead of "candy and our teacher thought that the word sweets was "too advanced for our vocabulary" gothbaby once i scraped my knee in 3rd grade and a weird girl who was obsessed with horses was like "hold on" then she started crying and dropped tears on my knee then she was like "pegasus tears heal wounds awkwardvagina: in middle school we had to do a discussion about our family and a girl in my class stood up to talk about her family and she said she lived with her mum and sister, one of the kids asked about her dad and she said that he had died, so being curious i asked what happened to him and she turned her head, look directly at me and said in the most serious tone ever "he got in my way" and that was the moment i learnt what true fear is lydiasexual one time in my health class we were going over sex ed and someone mentioned that the word "testify" came from the fact that men would swear on their testicles during a testimony way back when and someone asked what girls say and this girl next to me whispered "I breastify and the teacher laughed so hard and let us leave 15 minutes early vardaesque hOLY SHIT SO TODAY IN CLASS THE WEIRDEST FUCKING SHIT HAPPENED a bee got into my class and everyone was freaking out, so all of a sudden, this kid goes "I GOT IT and he fucking pulls out a RUBBER FUCKING BAND AND SHOOTS IT THE FUCK DOWN IN ONE TRY MY TEACHER JUST STOOD THERE NOBODY KNEW HOW TO REACT son I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative See what's trending at FUNsubstance.com Jajaja
Being Alone, Beautiful, and Candy: thatsqaualivstut
 we were taking our math test and i turned around and
 can we just talk about not only whatever is all over that girl's face, but
 the guy charging his phone in the back and the kid on the right who
 looks like he's in immense pain
 this picture is like the perfect description of school tho
 mvrtlewilson:
 fun fact one time i auditioned for a play and the character called for a
 russian accent and i did mine for the director and got the part and
 she stopped me on my way out and asked my how i got it so
 believable sounding and i didn't have the heart to tell her it was
 because of the amount of time i spend imitating chekov from star trek
 when i'm home alone
 I'm nominated for an acting award at my school now because of this
 willyumbeckett
 one time this guy in my class drew a penis on the blackboard with a
 permanent marker and continued the drawing with an erasable
 marker and made it to be a cat and my english teacher wanted to
 write on the blackboard so she tried to erase the drawing and the cat
 went away and all that was left was a penis and we all cried laughing
 and she just sighed and said "its so small
 that is a beautiful story
 ensenshnackles:
 This one time when I was about 13 I got swine flu and had to stay off
 school for 2 weeks. While I was off somebody spread a rumour that I
 wasn't there because I'd been hit by a truck and died. So when I came
 back into school I walked into English class and everybody started
 screaming and I cried.
 frickerstein
 today in american lit a kid fell asleep and my teacher got up and told us to
 follow him and so we all left the room and he changed the clock so it was
 like 6pm and like 10 minutes later the kid ran into the hallway with his
 backpack and we were all sitting at the end and he just sat down in the
 middle of the hallway and started to cry
 nosdrinker
 my english teacher accused me of plagiarizing an essay i wrote
 about my own life
 my friend got accused of plagiarizing in junior high because she used the
 word "sweets" instead of "candy and our teacher thought that the word
 sweets was "too advanced for our vocabulary"
 gothbaby
 once i scraped my knee in 3rd grade and a weird girl who was obsessed
 with horses was like "hold on" then she started crying and dropped tears
 on my knee then she was like "pegasus tears heal wounds
 awkwardvagina:
 in middle school we had to do a discussion about our family and a girl in
 my class stood up to talk about her family and she said she lived with her
 mum and sister, one of the kids asked about her dad and she said that he
 had died, so being curious i asked what happened to him and she turned
 her head, look directly at me and said in the most serious tone ever "he
 got in my way" and that was the moment i learnt what true fear is
 lydiasexual
 one time in my health class we were going over sex ed and someone
 mentioned that the word "testify" came from the fact that men would
 swear on their testicles during a testimony way back when and someone
 asked what girls say and this girl next to me whispered "I breastify and
 the teacher laughed so hard and let us leave 15 minutes early
 vardaesque
 hOLY SHIT SO TODAY IN CLASS THE WEIRDEST FUCKING SHIT
 HAPPENED
 a bee got into my class and everyone was freaking out, so all of a
 sudden, this kid goes "I GOT IT and he fucking pulls out a RUBBER
 FUCKING BAND AND SHOOTS IT THE FUCK DOWN IN ONE TRY
 MY TEACHER JUST STOOD THERE NOBODY KNEW HOW TO
 REACT
 son I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative
 See what's trending at FUNsubstance.com
Jajaja

Jajaja

Apparently, Bad, and Children: the "police officers risk their lives to protect us" starter pack Savannah Danielle lol who knew there was something wrong with actually having a car, a nice house and a clean put together family who lives in a safe community while spending your hard earned money on paying your bills rather then expensive sneakers and supporting the authorities of the neighborhood you take pride in Like Reply 11 minutes ago living-for-fiction: unbossed: theflowerfish: saaavx0h: jaime-foxxx: OKAY BUT SOME OFFICERS ACTUALLY DO RISK THEIR FUCKING LIVES. It’s cute how tumblr users are liike “ahhh not all _____ people” but when it’s cops, they’re all awful apparently. Good god.  yes they do and it’s a shame some people don’t recognize or appreciate that! Cops who don’t check and report explicitly bad cops are not good cops. The culture of the blue wall of silence logically makes it so that cops are inherently bad, not good. The good cops who do report their constituents get labeled as rats and get harassed by other cops for snitching or even lose their jobs. The police are nothing more than a glorified gang. Come live in the communities that the police continuously harass, brutalize, and murder then let me know how you feel. Come hang in Philly for a minute, get a taste of how it feels to have the cops hold a magnifying glass over you. Ask my friend who got shot while delivering pizza in Southwest Philly by plainclothes officers who never identified themselves how it felt to have a bullet removed from his face. Or head to Camden where the cops don’t even respond to calls in these communities, and if they do they just show up to beat and arrest the people there. Go to Washington Heights in NYC where they stop and frisk mostly black and Latino men, even though almost 90% of those searches end up with nothing (stats available on NYPD website). Imagine a world where you get stopped and harassed by the police because of where you live or how you look, regardless of whether you’re innocent or not. Then tell me how much you just loooooove the police. Y'all don’t see shit over that white picket fence of yours, do you? The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to evict a homeless family from their car if they’re parked illegally. The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to arrest them, tearing the children from their parents, if they try to sleep in a foreclosed home left empty by the bank as a tax write-off. The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to keep that family from eating food that grocery stores and restaurants throw away in their locked dumpsters. The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to enforce even the most unjust law. And badge lickers will always try to justify the injustice. For the people who missed the point, this post doesn’t say that cops never risk their lives - it’s inviting you to take a good long look at the characteristics of the people they DO protect and risk their lives for, and note that there is a huge disparity in how cops treat people based on race, socioeconomic status, etc. Also I love it when people use “coppin’ is DANGEROUS” to handwave the numerous civil rights violations cops are routinely guilty of in the process of “just following orders”. Plenty of jobs are dangerous. Plenty of jobs are more dangerous than being a cop. But cops seem to be the main ones stomping around demanding endless respect and unquestioning obedience just because their “job is dangerous”.
Apparently, Bad, and Children: the "police officers risk their lives to
 protect us" starter pack

 Savannah Danielle lol who knew there was something wrong with actually
 having a car, a nice house and a clean put together family who lives in a
 safe community while spending your hard earned money on paying your
 bills rather then expensive sneakers and supporting the authorities of the
 neighborhood you take pride in
 Like Reply 11 minutes ago
living-for-fiction:
unbossed:


theflowerfish:

saaavx0h:

jaime-foxxx:

OKAY BUT SOME OFFICERS ACTUALLY DO RISK THEIR FUCKING LIVES.
It’s cute how tumblr users are liike “ahhh not all _____ people” but when it’s cops, they’re all awful apparently. Good god. 

yes they do and it’s a shame some people don’t recognize or appreciate that!

Cops who don’t check and report explicitly bad cops are not good cops. The culture of the blue wall of silence logically makes it so that cops are inherently bad, not good. The good cops who do report their constituents get labeled as rats and get harassed by other cops for snitching or even lose their jobs. The police are nothing more than a glorified gang.
Come live in the communities that the police continuously harass, brutalize, and murder then let me know how you feel. 
Come hang in Philly for a minute, get a taste of how it feels to have the cops hold a magnifying glass over you. Ask my friend who got shot while delivering pizza in Southwest Philly by plainclothes officers who never identified themselves how it felt to have a bullet removed from his face.
Or head to Camden where the cops don’t even respond to calls in these communities, and if they do they just show up to beat and arrest the people there.
Go to Washington Heights in NYC where they stop and frisk mostly black and Latino men, even though almost 90% of those searches end up with nothing (stats available on NYPD website). Imagine a world where you get stopped and harassed by the police because of where you live or how you look, regardless of whether you’re innocent or not. Then tell me how much you just loooooove the police.
Y'all don’t see shit over that white picket fence of yours, do you?


The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to evict a homeless family from their car if they’re parked illegally. The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to arrest them, tearing the children from their parents, if they try to sleep in a foreclosed home left empty by the bank as a tax write-off. The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to keep that family from eating food that grocery stores and restaurants throw away in their locked dumpsters.
The “good cop” going by the book will use violence to enforce even the most unjust law. And badge lickers will always try to justify the injustice.


For the people who missed the point, this post doesn’t say that cops never risk their lives - it’s inviting you to take a good long look at the characteristics of the people they DO protect and risk their lives for, and note that there is a huge disparity in how cops treat people based on race, socioeconomic status, etc.
Also I love it when people use “coppin’ is DANGEROUS” to handwave the numerous civil rights violations cops are routinely guilty of in the process of “just following orders”. Plenty of jobs are dangerous. Plenty of jobs are more dangerous than being a cop. But cops seem to be the main ones stomping around demanding endless respect and unquestioning obedience just because their “job is dangerous”.

living-for-fiction: unbossed: theflowerfish: saaavx0h: jaime-foxxx: OKAY BUT SOME OFFICERS ACTUALLY DO RISK THEIR FUCKING LIVES. It’s c...

Instagram, Egg, and Damn: Everyone obsessing over that damn Instagram egg is forgetting the only egg that matters
Instagram, Egg, and Damn: Everyone obsessing over that damn Instagram egg is forgetting the only egg that matters

Everyone obsessing over that damn Instagram egg is forgetting the only egg that matters

Advice, Being Alone, and Bad: charming taint man @chojuroh @danharmon do you have advice for dealing with depression 6:04 AM- Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @chojuroh For One: Admit and accept that it's happening Awareness is everything. We put ourselves under so much pressure to feel good. It's okay to feel bad. It might be something you're good at! Communicate t. DO NOT KEEP IT SECRET. Own it. Like a hat or jacket. Your feelings are real 7:08 AM Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @danharmon @chojuroh Two: try to remind yourself, over and over, that feelings are real but they aren't reality. Example you can feel like life means nothing. True feeling Important feeling. TRUE that you feel it, BUT...whether life has meaning? Not up to us. Facts and feelings: equal but different 7:12 AM - Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @chojuroh The most important thing I can say to you is please don't deal with it alone. There is an incredible, miraculous magic to pushing your feelings out. Even writing "I want to die" on a piece of paper and burning it will feel better than thinking about it alone. Output is magical 7:14 AM- Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @danharmon @chojuroh Dark thoughts will echo off the walls of your skull, they will distort and magnify. When you open your mouth (or an anonymous journal or blog or sketchpad), these thoughts go out. They'll be back but you gotta get em OUT. Vent them. Tap them. I know you don't want to but try it 7:17 AM Nov 28, 2017 Saint Dan Harmon (creator of Rick and Morty) answered to a twitter user a question about depression. These are his four tweets. I found them marvelous. Hope you like them bros! Im finding them useful as gold.
Advice, Being Alone, and Bad: charming taint man
 @chojuroh
 @danharmon do you have advice for dealing with
 depression
 6:04 AM- Nov 28, 2017
 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to @chojuroh
 For One: Admit and accept that it's happening
 Awareness is everything. We put ourselves under so
 much pressure to feel good. It's okay to feel bad. It
 might be something you're good at! Communicate
 t. DO NOT KEEP IT SECRET. Own it. Like a hat or
 jacket. Your feelings are real
 7:08 AM Nov 28, 2017
 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to @danharmon @chojuroh
 Two: try to remind yourself, over and over, that
 feelings are real but they aren't reality. Example
 you can feel like life means nothing. True feeling
 Important feeling. TRUE that you feel it,
 BUT...whether life has meaning? Not up to us. Facts
 and feelings: equal but different
 7:12 AM - Nov 28, 2017
 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to @chojuroh
 The most important thing I can say to you is please
 don't deal with it alone. There is an incredible,
 miraculous magic to pushing your feelings out. Even
 writing "I want to die" on a piece of paper and
 burning it will feel better than thinking about it
 alone. Output is magical
 7:14 AM- Nov 28, 2017
 Dan Harmon
 @danharmon
 Replying to @danharmon @chojuroh
 Dark thoughts will echo off the walls of your skull,
 they will distort and magnify. When you open your
 mouth (or an anonymous journal or blog or
 sketchpad), these thoughts go out. They'll be back
 but you gotta get em OUT. Vent them. Tap them. I
 know you don't want to but try it
 7:17 AM Nov 28, 2017
Saint Dan Harmon (creator of Rick and Morty) answered to a twitter user a question about depression. These are his four tweets. I found them marvelous. Hope you like them bros! Im finding them useful as gold.

Saint Dan Harmon (creator of Rick and Morty) answered to a twitter user a question about depression. These are his four tweets. I found them...

Bad, Beard, and Blessed: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign? He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them! Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "l didn't read it right did 1? And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start" Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "can I pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax lI'd never let anything hurt you. He's a good boy." I'll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah yes the two least intimidating living things l've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy anotherdayforchaosfay My husband had this Dungeons and Dragons group ages ago, and one of the guys was TERRIFIED of cats. The moment he sees one he freezes up and can barely breathe. Said guy is almost seven feet tall and solid wall of muscle Whenever he came over l'd put the cats in the bedroom and chill out with a book because my cats don't like being shut away without one of us One of my cats was pawing at the door and meowing loudly, an indication she REALLY needs to use the litter box. I let her out and decide, hey, I'm hungry and decide to the kitchen. I forgot to shut the bedroom door. Next thing I hear is the group going completely silent. My husband very calmly asks me to come over and help him gather our two cats up. I go over to where the group is and my black cat, Cacoa, is rubbing up against the guy's leg purring, and doing her "let me on your lap meow. The other cat, Jasper, is sitting at the window, chilling out. I go over and pick up Cacoa and tell the big dude she's harmless, loves laps, and would be thrilled if he pet her. Very slowly he touches my cat's face, and she leans right into his hand. He then pets her back and sighs because she's really soft and purring like mad. After a few minutes he asks how to pick her up and if it's okay if she sits on his lap He spent the next six hours spoiling my cat. The next week he showed up with cat treats and toys because he fell in love with the cats. He told me he was doing some research on house cats, and even talked to a vet about them. A couple months later he adopted two cats and was as thrilled and excited as a new parent. ruffboijuliaburnsides Oh no a new one!!! jack-the-lion Blessed post. anaalihelmisimpukka I used to work at this stable for icelandic horses and every now and then this man would turn up by the field to just watch the horses. One time I walked by him as I was going to get the horses inside, and he went "I always wanted to learn how to ride but I'm afraid of horses because they're so huge. If I could ride ponies like this, maybe I'd dare but now I'm too big and heavy for them." You should have seen his face when I told them that actually they're not ponies, just small horses and they could totally carry him. His face just lit up. Next thing I'm helping him to get on back. Today he knows how to ride Source:nOrma1-people-sxare-me 935,955 notes A classic collection of feel good stories (with new additions)
Bad, Beard, and Blessed: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their
 conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd
 be more comfortable and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every
 side of the pen were huge signs saying You can pet me, but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into
 the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm
 and asked him "did you see the sign?
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "l didn't read it right did 1?
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've
 got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little
 thing tbh we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy
 and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think
 it's a good place to start"
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend
 over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big
 man number one asks "can I pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and
 puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and
 his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax lI'd never let anything
 hurt you. He's a good boy." I'll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at
 me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy
 looking little thing) and was like 'ah yes the two least intimidating living things
 l've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his
 way to help his friend. It makes me so happy
 anotherdayforchaosfay
 My husband had this Dungeons and Dragons group ages ago, and one of the
 guys was TERRIFIED of cats. The moment he sees one he freezes up and can
 barely breathe. Said guy is almost seven feet tall and solid wall of muscle
 Whenever he came over l'd put the cats in the bedroom and chill out with a book
 because my cats don't like being shut away without one of us
 One of my cats was pawing at the door and meowing loudly, an indication she
 REALLY needs to use the litter box. I let her out and decide, hey, I'm hungry
 and decide to the kitchen. I forgot to shut the bedroom door.
 Next thing I hear is the group going completely silent. My husband very calmly
 asks me to come over and help him gather our two cats up. I go over to where
 the group is and my black cat, Cacoa, is rubbing up against the guy's leg
 purring, and doing her "let me on your lap meow. The other cat, Jasper, is
 sitting at the window, chilling out. I go over and pick up Cacoa and tell the big
 dude she's harmless, loves laps, and would be thrilled if he pet her. Very slowly
 he touches my cat's face, and she leans right into his hand. He then pets her
 back and sighs because she's really soft and purring like mad. After a few
 minutes he asks how to pick her up and if it's okay if she sits on his lap
 He spent the next six hours spoiling my cat. The next week he showed up with
 cat treats and toys because he fell in love with the cats. He told me he was
 doing some research on house cats, and even talked to a vet about them. A
 couple months later he adopted two cats and was as thrilled and excited as a
 new parent.
 ruffboijuliaburnsides
 Oh no a new one!!!
 jack-the-lion
 Blessed post.
 anaalihelmisimpukka
 I used to work at this stable for icelandic horses and every now and then this
 man would turn up by the field to just watch the horses. One time I walked by
 him as I was going to get the horses inside, and he went "I always wanted to
 learn how to ride but I'm afraid of horses because they're so huge. If I could ride
 ponies like this, maybe I'd dare but now I'm too big and heavy for them." You
 should have seen his face when I told them that actually they're not ponies, just
 small horses and they could totally carry him. His face just lit up. Next thing I'm
 helping him to get on back. Today he knows how to ride
 Source:nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 935,955 notes
A classic collection of feel good stories (with new additions)

A classic collection of feel good stories (with new additions)

Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: dick-rider-dave-strider: strangelyobsessedwithstuff: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders: ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH. NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE. NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGESthanks for the tip karkat reference
Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: dick-rider-dave-strider:

strangelyobsessedwithstuff:

vialsofbrightforgettingpowders:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN
SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.
NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGESthanks for the tip karkat

reference

dick-rider-dave-strider: strangelyobsessedwithstuff: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders: ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT ...

Ass, Bad, and College: Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:19:39 No.49597417 parents spent most of childhood fighting dad was alwavs pissed >has a shitty fucking sense of humour ("haha I'm gonna beat you if you dont this and this") vividly remember getting slapped hard as fuck while we were taking a walk and I decided to skip was maybe 6 years old >broke my toys >mother never did anything says she's always there for me and the only one who actually acknowledged that their long ass divorce could possibly be a really shitty experience for me lies and manipulates people cheated on my dad when I was 9 took the money I got for birthdays and didn't give it back >dad's gf is actually kinda alright >she relays every thing i say to my dad or grandparents though tells me I'm indecent and rude when I curl up on a chair while at grandma's house extremely concerned about how other's view her typical woman.jpg have a family they all hate me because of my mum the only family member I truly love and would miss if they were gone is my aunt whom I see 1-2 a year just wanna get a well-paying and fulfilling job and move far away from all of the bullshit Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)05:50:32 No.49597109 2/3 got accepted to good college >mom immediately thought that I would go on a drug/drink/sex bender and get into trouble >demand I install tracking software for the smart phone she gave me "how can I trust you after all you did to me in high school?!" largely "encouraged" to choose a particular engineering major extended family, particularly mom's side, made very clear to me the consequences for changing majors, that it would be held over my head for the rest of my life (they did it to cousin) >went there felt freedom for the first time in my life did not drug/drink/sex bender or get into trouble still maintained good grades throughout (dropped only 1 class, A's and B's in a very competitive program while taking a minor and premed courses) develop some of my own non-academic interests and hobbies which family grudgingly accepted (though still to this day try to pressure me to sell it all o stupidest thing I did was ask out high school oneitis, who proceeded to use my crime against me as a cheap way to gain connections for the rest of the 4 years nearly dropped out of major over that only thing that stopped me was seeing that it would take 5 years to graduate, and that it would be impossible to explain to family heartbreak is temporary, family is forever amirite? >powered through major despite slowly dying every day surrounded by people who hated me with no way out >family never knevw constant pressure destroyed me slowly: I'm surel have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder graduated get rejected by every medical program in the country >by this time mom cut connections with family who had always been treating her like shit thought things would get better, at least at home Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:03:04 No.49597258 3/3 forced to take job at shithole startup witnessed and experienced unbelievable shit: racism, sexism, and just plain cruelty from rich degenerates playing company >mom never believed me when I explained thought I was exagerating, and would gaslight me even in middle of conversation >to this day I still hear "it's not that bad" when l make the mistake of talking about what happened over there I have since changed jobs and am still working on my ultimate goal, but I'm more of a wreck than l ever was. Thanks to being berated by my parents for being ungrateful, and constantly having to jump through a million hoops to try to win some love I'm extremely emotionally needy, especially towards women I percieve as mothering figures. It's to the point where I'm pushing away a formerly close friend and mentor who had been extremely kind to me The worst thing is that through all this, my mom (and probably nearly everyone else) is going to say it's all my fault for not being "strong" or independent" enough. For example a few weeks ago I was stupid enough to tell my mom how I hated how her relatives coerced me so hard into staying in my major, even when my heart and brain were both begging to be allowed to run, when they probably couldn't even tell me what my degree was in, and this made me too scared to leave since l feared a trickle down punishment from her. She told me l "stayed in there for myself" and it was all on me since "it's not [herl style" to directly confront others (although I have witnessed this several times). I have to keep pretending everything is alright though it is getting harder every day. There's nobody I can talk to about this: after all, who would believe me? Anon has a bad childhood
Ass, Bad, and College: Anonymous
 12/01/18(Sat)06:19:39 No.49597417
 parents spent most of childhood fighting
 dad was alwavs pissed
 >has a shitty fucking sense of humour ("haha I'm
 gonna beat you if you dont this and this")
 vividly remember getting slapped hard as fuck
 while we were taking a walk and I decided to skip
 was maybe 6 years old
 >broke my toys
 >mother never did anything
 says she's always there for me and the only one
 who actually acknowledged that their long ass
 divorce could possibly be a really shitty experience
 for me
 lies and manipulates people
 cheated on my dad when I was 9
 took the money I got for birthdays and didn't give
 it back
 >dad's gf is actually kinda alright
 >she relays every thing i say to my dad or
 grandparents though
 tells me I'm indecent and rude when I curl up on a
 chair while at grandma's house
 extremely concerned about how other's view her
 typical woman.jpg
 have a family
 they all hate me because of my mum
 the only family member I truly love and would
 miss if they were gone is my aunt whom I see 1-2 a
 year
 just wanna get a well-paying and fulfilling job and
 move far away from all of the bullshit

 Anonymous
 12/01/18(Sat)05:50:32 No.49597109
 2/3
 got accepted to good college
 >mom immediately thought that I would go on a
 drug/drink/sex bender and get into trouble
 >demand I install tracking software for the smart
 phone she gave me
 "how can I trust you after all you did to me in high
 school?!"
 largely "encouraged" to choose a particular
 engineering major
 extended family, particularly mom's side, made
 very clear to me the consequences for changing
 majors, that it would be held over my head for the
 rest of my life (they did it to cousin)
 >went there felt freedom for the first time in my life
 did not drug/drink/sex bender or get into trouble
 still maintained good grades throughout (dropped
 only 1 class, A's and B's in a very competitive
 program while taking a minor and premed courses)
 develop some of my own non-academic interests
 and hobbies which family grudgingly accepted
 (though still to this day try to pressure me to sell it
 all o
 stupidest thing I did was ask out high school
 oneitis, who proceeded to use my crime against
 me as a cheap way to gain connections for the rest
 of the 4 years
 nearly dropped out of major over that
 only thing that stopped me was seeing that it
 would take 5 years to graduate, and that it would
 be impossible to explain to family
 heartbreak is temporary, family is forever amirite?
 >powered through major despite slowly dying
 every day surrounded by people who hated me
 with no way out
 >family never knevw
 constant pressure destroyed me slowly: I'm surel
 have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder
 graduated
 get rejected by every medical program in the
 country
 >by this time mom cut connections with family who
 had always been treating her like shit
 thought things would get better, at least at home

 Anonymous
 12/01/18(Sat)06:03:04 No.49597258
 3/3
 forced to take job at shithole startup
 witnessed and experienced unbelievable shit:
 racism, sexism, and just plain cruelty from rich
 degenerates playing company
 >mom never believed me when I explained
 thought I was exagerating, and would gaslight me
 even in middle of conversation
 >to this day I still hear "it's not that bad" when l
 make the mistake of talking about what happened
 over there
 I have since changed jobs and am still working on
 my ultimate goal, but I'm more of a wreck than l
 ever was. Thanks to being berated by my parents
 for being ungrateful, and constantly having to jump
 through a million hoops to try to win some love I'm
 extremely emotionally needy, especially towards
 women I percieve as mothering figures. It's to the
 point where I'm pushing away a formerly close
 friend and mentor who had been extremely kind to
 me
 The worst thing is that through all this, my mom
 (and probably nearly everyone else) is going to say
 it's all my fault for not being "strong" or
 independent" enough. For example a few weeks
 ago I was stupid enough to tell my mom how I
 hated how her relatives coerced me so hard into
 staying in my major, even when my heart and brain
 were both begging to be allowed to run, when they
 probably couldn't even tell me what my degree was
 in, and this made me too scared to leave since l
 feared a trickle down punishment from her. She
 told me l "stayed in there for myself" and it was all
 on me since "it's not [herl style" to directly confront
 others (although I have witnessed this several
 times). I have to keep pretending everything is
 alright though it is getting harder every day. There's
 nobody I can talk to about this: after all, who would
 believe me?
Anon has a bad childhood

Anon has a bad childhood

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy wholesome stories
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me
 today and all I heard of their conversation was
 "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went
 with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it
 made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with
 rabbits near the front door. On every side of the
 pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me,
 but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and
 one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a
 rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend
 grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see
 the sign?"
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them
 up but don't pet them!"
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly
 said "I didn't read it right did I?"
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder
 and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing
 where words get mixed up. Let just pet these
 cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he
 likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh
 we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard
 approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I
 pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs
 but your's is so small I think it's a good place to
 start."
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this
 guy brings his equally big friend over and they
 sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of
 my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl
 pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up
 and puts him on man number two's lap and
 man number two is abt to freak out and his
 friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay
 just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa
 good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that
 man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably
 wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda
 goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves
 the two least intimidating living things I've seen
 in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them
 and went out of his way to help his friend. It
 makes me so happy
wholesome stories

wholesome stories

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy wholesome stories
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me
 today and all I heard of their conversation was
 "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went
 with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it
 made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with
 rabbits near the front door. On every side of the
 pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me,
 but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and
 one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a
 rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend
 grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see
 the sign?"
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them
 up but don't pet them!"
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly
 said "I didn't read it right did I?"
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder
 and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing
 where words get mixed up. Let just pet these
 cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he
 likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh
 we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard
 approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I
 pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs
 but your's is so small I think it's a good place to
 start."
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this
 guy brings his equally big friend over and they
 sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of
 my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl
 pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up
 and puts him on man number two's lap and
 man number two is abt to freak out and his
 friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay
 just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa
 good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that
 man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably
 wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda
 goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves
 the two least intimidating living things I've seen
 in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them
 and went out of his way to help his friend. It
 makes me so happy
wholesome stories

wholesome stories

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy Wholesome interactions
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me
 today and all I heard of their conversation was
 "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went
 with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it
 made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with
 rabbits near the front door. On every side of the
 pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me,
 but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and
 one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a
 rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend
 grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see
 the sign?"
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them
 up but don't pet them!"
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly
 said "I didn't read it right did I?"
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder
 and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing
 where words get mixed up. Let just pet these
 cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he
 likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh
 we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard
 approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I
 pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs
 but your's is so small I think it's a good place to
 start."
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this
 guy brings his equally big friend over and they
 sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of
 my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl
 pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up
 and puts him on man number two's lap and
 man number two is abt to freak out and his
 friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay
 just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa
 good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that
 man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably
 wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda
 goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves
 the two least intimidating living things I've seen
 in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them
 and went out of his way to help his friend. It
 makes me so happy
Wholesome interactions

Wholesome interactions

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me
 today and all I heard of their conversation was
 "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went
 with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it
 made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with
 rabbits near the front door. On every side of the
 pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me,
 but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and
 one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a
 rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend
 grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see
 the sign?"
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them
 up but don't pet them!"
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly
 said "I didn't read it right did I?"
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder
 and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing
 where words get mixed up. Let just pet these
 cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he
 likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh
 we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard
 approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I
 pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs
 but your's is so small I think it's a good place to
 start."
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this
 guy brings his equally big friend over and they
 sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of
 my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl
 pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up
 and puts him on man number two's lap and
 man number two is abt to freak out and his
 friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay
 just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa
 good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that
 man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably
 wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda
 goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves
 the two least intimidating living things I've seen
 in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them
 and went out of his way to help his friend. It
 makes me so happy
Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9

Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy wholesome stories
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me
 today and all I heard of their conversation was
 "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went
 with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it
 made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with
 rabbits near the front door. On every side of the
 pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me,
 but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and
 one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a
 rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend
 grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see
 the sign?"
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them
 up but don't pet them!"
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly
 said "I didn't read it right did I?"
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder
 and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing
 where words get mixed up. Let just pet these
 cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he
 likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh
 we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard
 approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I
 pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs
 but your's is so small I think it's a good place to
 start."
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this
 guy brings his equally big friend over and they
 sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of
 my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl
 pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up
 and puts him on man number two's lap and
 man number two is abt to freak out and his
 friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay
 just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa
 good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that
 man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably
 wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda
 goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves
 the two least intimidating living things I've seen
 in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them
 and went out of his way to help his friend. It
 makes me so happy
wholesome stories

wholesome stories

9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house. So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing. Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way, for them. Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius. Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America. Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size. Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him. Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up. We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool. Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going. IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another story)and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill. I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you some That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind. Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me, Very planned Parenthood
9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story
 So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu
 California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for
 into
 a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house.
 So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing.
 Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out
 all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian
 desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed
 Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini
 marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love
 are
 even if they are si
 In the spirit of going
 alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey
 Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy
 foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad-
 dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in
 the backyard where he makes various cured meats and
 other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional
 manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for
 SO
 Game Hen seasoned that way, for them.
 Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can
 stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular
 stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put
 the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be-
 cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains
 how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal
 as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius.
 Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle
 Cliff s
 after her
 So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit
 high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being
 trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards,
 and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse
 himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement,
 getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic
 groups were destroying America. Being that I had close
 Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of
 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to
 n roughly five times my size.
 Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and
 defending him, or telling us we're rotten children
 for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her
 Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an
 ugly
 mustache
 My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and
 my grandfather limps down to the basement and
 brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in
 spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him.
 Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but
 while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your
 skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up.
 We go upstairs and sit down, and do the
 traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the
 bread gets passed around the table, and things calm
 down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone
 goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves
 it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along
 with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all
 around becuase it looks cool.
 Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting
 up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard
 Munch and shrieks
 OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI
 We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the
 fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way
 had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth
 Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out
 where to begin but since shed been trying to justify
 Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating
 conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going.
 IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN
 ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M
 SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching
 gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her
 chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a
 shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it
 collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and
 kicking her feet like a toddler
 Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs
 heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while
 my grandmother mouths she's not coming back
 Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally
 notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up,
 are assisted by Dad,
 who is saintly patient man and less immune to this
 jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into
 my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle
 ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS
 BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best
 Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the
 catholic church and even considered becoming a priest
 before getting drafted but that's another story)and
 assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the
 room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the
 center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill.
 I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you
 some
 That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her
 ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot
 her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that,
 and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about
 anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the
 most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind.
 Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they
 went home, and the party got underway properly, with
 Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For
 t Turkey has been an
 staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for
 instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE
 to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you
 carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as
 good 2. Share the pictures with me,
Very planned Parenthood

Very planned Parenthood