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Aquarium, Texas, and Hook: Poor brown pelican had a hook in this leg and fishing line tangled around his leg and wing. Texas State Aquarium to the rescue!
Aquarium, Texas, and Hook: Poor brown pelican had a hook in this leg and fishing line tangled around his leg and wing. Texas State Aquarium to the rescue!

Poor brown pelican had a hook in this leg and fishing line tangled around his leg and wing. Texas State Aquarium to the rescue!

Target, Tumblr, and Blog: astronomyblog: Pelican Nebula by Roberto Colombari
Target, Tumblr, and Blog: astronomyblog:



Pelican Nebula

by

Roberto Colombari

astronomyblog: Pelican Nebula by Roberto Colombari

Empire, Fall, and Food: Dear Guy Who Just Made My ntruding Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. Whern you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi- ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here's what: Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that, Because at least THEN would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR Nope My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET You built this thing like a fucking pack of And don't even fucking think I'm about to open this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE What's that? should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER That's like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA WRENCH, SO BE COOL Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six, now People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. The absolute worst way to make a burrito
Empire, Fall, and Food: Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 ntruding
 Have you ever been to earth?
 On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe
 a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty
 simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least
 got that part right. My burrito was, in fact
 filled with food. In this, you and I agree and
 are friends. But this is also where my lifelong
 hatred begins for you and anyone else whose
 brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the
 same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as
 yours has. Because that should have killed
 you, but left you around long enough to do
 what you did to me today. Let me explain:
 Let me further explain:
 Burritos are eaten from one end to the other
 So that means when you assemble a burrito
 with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s
 going that direction, you create a disgusting
 experience for the burrito's end user. Whern
 you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi-
 ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite
 has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting
 at least two types of ingredients, and there is
 trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
 Have you ever eaten one of the things you
 make all fucking day? You should try one
 They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT
 WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING
 EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP
 IN LETTUCE COUNTRY
 When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up
 and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking
 Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their
 jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you
 must think that's how it's done, since that
 would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a
 bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like
 And guess what else, player? You probably
 can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure
 you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over
 and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in
 case, here's what:
 Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking
 corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter
 from one end to the other a little at a time and
 then DING next line. But today I wish I had
 tried that, Because at least THEN would be
 able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all
 like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST
 GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR
 Nope
 My experience was more like HEY BEANS
 ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A
 MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE
 THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY
 THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH
 HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING
 CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT
 I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA
 POCKET
 You built this thing like a fucking pack of
 And don't even fucking think I'm about to open
 this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90
 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH
 MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI
 DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK
 ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO
 FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS
 SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP
 WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE
 GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE
 What's that? should ask you to mix it up first
 next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT
 WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO
 THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T
 WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR
 You're the worst thing that has ever happened
 to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere
 an apology for this burritobomination, and I
 hope your babies look like monkeys.
 UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST
 EAT IT WITH A FORK
 IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO
 SALAD
 If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork,
 THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW
 BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION
 TEN SECONDS LATER
 That's like buying a car and having them hand
 you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like
 YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S
 GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD
 ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU
 HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA
 WRENCH, SO BE COOL
 Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One
 at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking
 A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six,
 now
 People eat burritos with forks?
 God is sorry he made us.
The absolute worst way to make a burrito

The absolute worst way to make a burrito

Dude, Food, and Friends: CT Dear Guy Who Just Made On Earth, we use the word "burrito" to de- scribe a tortilla filled with things you eat Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been re- of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Be- cause that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers length- wise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of geting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthnwise bke a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dis- ocate their jaws, and I'm not a facking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crap- strosity and have it taste like a burrito And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess aroything, because I'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a bat on it that tilla, but just in case, here's what: Humans also dont eat burritos like fuck ing corn on the cob. Lake a fucking type writer from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish 1 had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SEC My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL CAN NEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS NEXT I HOPE ITS NOT ANOTHER FUCK You built this thing like a fucking pack of And don't even fucking think Im abour to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense go degrees.I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS I AM NOT, GOING TO DO FUCKING TOR- TILIA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITHA BURRITO THATS BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEFDING YOUR INEPTI Whar's that?I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? DONT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING AND I DONT WANT A PILE OF BURRITO You're the worst thing that has ever hap- pened to the universe, you owe everyone bomination, and I hope your babies look Did you lake this post? Imade something dse I DIDNT ORDER THE FUCKING COBBUR BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY That's like buying a car and hand you a fucking wrench with the keys FUCKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're called A fork. My god. I haven't cried since I was We can all stand behind this dude’s angry burrito rant
Dude, Food, and Friends: CT
 Dear Guy Who Just Made
 On Earth, we use the word "burrito" to de-
 scribe a tortilla filled with things you eat
 Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you
 at least got that part right. My burrito was,
 in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I
 agree and are friends. But this is also
 where my lifelong hatred begins for you
 and anyone else whose brain has been re-
 of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Be-
 cause that should have killed you, but left
 you around long enough to do what you
 Burritos are eaten from one end to the
 other. So that means when you assemble a
 end user. When you make a burrito, you
 should put the ingredients in layers length-
 wise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A
 FUCKING CHANCE of geting at least two
 types of ingredients, and there is little
 Have you ever eaten one of the things you
 make all fucking day? You should try one.
 They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE
 ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
 When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it
 up and bite down on it lengthnwise bke a
 fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dis-
 ocate their jaws, and I'm not a facking
 pelican. But you must think that's how it's
 done, since that would be THE ONLY
 FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crap-
 strosity and have it taste like a burrito
 And guess what else, player? You probably
 can't guess aroything, because I'm pretty
 sure you're just a mop with a bat on it that
 tilla, but just in case, here's what:
 Humans also dont eat burritos like fuck
 ing corn on the cob. Lake a fucking type
 writer from one end to the other a little at
 a time and then DING next line. But today
 I wish 1 had tried that. Because at least
 THEN I would be able to eat some rice,
 then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS
 LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER
 HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SEC
 My experience was more like HEY BEANS
 ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME
 FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL CAN
 NEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE
 A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS
 NEXT I HOPE ITS NOT ANOTHER FUCK
 You built this thing like a fucking pack of
 And don't even fucking think Im abour to
 open this shit up and re-engineer your
 nonsense go degrees.I ALREADY PUT A
 HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH
 FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS
 I AM NOT, GOING TO DO FUCKING TOR-
 TILIA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK
 TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITHA
 BURRITO THATS BEEN SHOT IN THE
 GUT AND IS BLEFDING YOUR INEPTI
 Whar's that?I should ask you to mix it up
 first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE?
 DONT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING
 AND I DONT WANT A PILE OF BURRITO
 You're the worst thing that has ever hap-
 pened to the universe, you owe everyone
 bomination, and I hope your babies look
 Did you lake this post? Imade something dse
 I DIDNT ORDER THE FUCKING COBBUR
 BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY
 That's like buying a car and
 hand you a fucking wrench with the keys
 FUCKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE
 SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON
 AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE
 GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL
 Jesus already gave me two burrito forks.
 One at the end of each arm. They're called
 A fork. My god. I haven't cried since I was
We can all stand behind this dude’s angry burrito rant

We can all stand behind this dude’s angry burrito rant

Empire, Fall, and Food: BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner abookandacoffee: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! A fucking pack of lifesavers
Empire, Fall, and Food: BEANS
 MOLE J MEAT
 CHBESE
 RKE
 CILAVIZO SALsA
 Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 Burrito:
 Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner
abookandacoffee:
its-rowark:

misanthrobot:

rowan-oak-o-flow:

delgt:

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

@kirkfuffle

MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK.


Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back!


A fucking pack of lifesavers

abookandacoffee: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On ear...

Empire, Fall, and Food: BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.
Empire, Fall, and Food: BEANS
 MOLE J MEAT
 CHBESE
 RKE
 CILAVIZO SALsA
 Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 Burrito:
 Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner
mybigfatgaylife:

its-rowark:

misanthrobot:

rowan-oak-o-flow:

delgt:

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

@kirkfuffle

MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK.


Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back!


I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.

mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On ea...

America, Tumblr, and Blog: photos-of-space: North America and Pelican Nebulae
America, Tumblr, and Blog: photos-of-space:

North America and Pelican Nebulae

photos-of-space: North America and Pelican Nebulae