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    America, Bad, and Be Like: Lou
 Ohio
 I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I'm a 46
 year old banker and I have been living my whole life
 the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my
 passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For
 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for
 everything, which eventually changed who I was.
 Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me
 for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I
 realised I missed my father's funeral FOR NOTHING. I
 didn't complete my novel, travelling the world, helping
 the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a
 certainty about myself when i was in my late teens
 and early twenties. If my younger self had met me
 today, I would have punched myself in the face. I'll get
 to how those dreams were crushed soon.
 Let's start with a description of me when I was 20. It
 seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to
 change the world. People loved me, and I loved
 people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk
 taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The
 first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second,
 was travelling the world and helping the poor and
 homeless. I had been dating my wife for four years by
 then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my
 energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel
 loved. I knew my book was going to change the world
 I would show the perspective of the 'bad' and the
 twisted', showing my viewers that everybody thinks
 differently, that people never think what the do is
 wrong. I was 70 pages through when i was 20.I am
 still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacking
 around New Zealand and the Philippines. I planned to
 do all of Asia, then Europe, then America
 To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the
 Philippines.
 Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest
 regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be
 stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which
 would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life
 in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live
 when the job was my life? After coming home, I would
 eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and
 sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day
 God, I can't remember the last time I've made love to
 my wife
 Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the
 last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time,
 but i can't comprehend it. It doesn't even hurt. She
 says it's because I've changed. I'm not the person l
 was. What have I been doing in the last 10 years?
 Outside of work, I really can't say anything. Not being a
 proper husband. Not being ME. Who am 1? What
 happened to me? I didn't even ask for a divorce, or yell
 at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear asl
 write this. But not because my wife has been cheating
 on me, but because I am now realising I have been
 dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk
 taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to
 change the world? I remember being asked on a date
 by the most popular girl in the school, but declining
 her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the
 girls in high school. In university/college too. But i
 stayed loyal. I didn't explore. I studied every day
 Remember all that backpacking and book-writingI
 told you about? That was all in the first few years of
 college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had
 earned. Now, I save every penny. I don't remember a
 time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for
 myself. What do I even want now?
 My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting
 calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and
 sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of
 a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in
 my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my
 promotion. I haven't seen him in 15 years. When he
 died, I told myself it didn't matter what I didn't see
 him. I rationalized that being dead, it wouldn't matter
 anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Rationalizing
 everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses
 Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I
 rationalized that financial security was the most
 important thingInow know, that it definitely is not. I
 regret doing nothing with my energy, when I had it. My
 passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over
 my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-
 making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not
 travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for
 my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.
 If you're reading this, and you have a whole life ahead
 of you, please. Don't procrastinate. Don't leave your
 dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions.
 Don't stay on the internet with all your spare time
 (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something
 with your life while you're young. DO NOT settle down
 at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family
 Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like
 I did mine. Do not be like me
srsfunny:

A Sad But Common Story
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                America, Bad, and Be Like: Lou
 Ohio
 I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I'm a 46
 year old banker and I have been living my whole life
 the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my
 passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For
 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for
 everything, which eventually changed who I was.
 Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me
 for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I
 realised I missed my father's funeral FOR NOTHING. I
 didn't complete my novel, travelling the world, helping
 the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a
 certainty about myself when i was in my late teens
 and early twenties. If my younger self had met me
 today, I would have punched myself in the face. I'll get
 to how those dreams were crushed soon.
 Let's start with a description of me when I was 20. It
 seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to
 change the world. People loved me, and I loved
 people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk
 taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The
 first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second,
 was travelling the world and helping the poor and
 homeless. I had been dating my wife for four years by
 then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my
 energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel
 loved. I knew my book was going to change the world
 I would show the perspective of the 'bad' and the
 twisted', showing my viewers that everybody thinks
 differently, that people never think what the do is
 wrong. I was 70 pages through when i was 20.I am
 still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacking
 around New Zealand and the Philippines. I planned to
 do all of Asia, then Europe, then America
 To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the
 Philippines.
 Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest
 regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be
 stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which
 would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life
 in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live
 when the job was my life? After coming home, I would
 eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and
 sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day
 God, I can't remember the last time I've made love to
 my wife
 Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the
 last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time,
 but i can't comprehend it. It doesn't even hurt. She
 says it's because I've changed. I'm not the person l
 was. What have I been doing in the last 10 years?
 Outside of work, I really can't say anything. Not being a
 proper husband. Not being ME. Who am 1? What
 happened to me? I didn't even ask for a divorce, or yell
 at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear asl
 write this. But not because my wife has been cheating
 on me, but because I am now realising I have been
 dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk
 taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to
 change the world? I remember being asked on a date
 by the most popular girl in the school, but declining
 her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the
 girls in high school. In university/college too. But i
 stayed loyal. I didn't explore. I studied every day
 Remember all that backpacking and book-writingI
 told you about? That was all in the first few years of
 college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had
 earned. Now, I save every penny. I don't remember a
 time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for
 myself. What do I even want now?
 My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting
 calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and
 sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of
 a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in
 my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my
 promotion. I haven't seen him in 15 years. When he
 died, I told myself it didn't matter what I didn't see
 him. I rationalized that being dead, it wouldn't matter
 anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Rationalizing
 everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses
 Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I
 rationalized that financial security was the most
 important thingInow know, that it definitely is not. I
 regret doing nothing with my energy, when I had it. My
 passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over
 my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-
 making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not
 travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for
 my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.
 If you're reading this, and you have a whole life ahead
 of you, please. Don't procrastinate. Don't leave your
 dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions.
 Don't stay on the internet with all your spare time
 (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something
 with your life while you're young. DO NOT settle down
 at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family
 Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like
 I did mine. Do not be like me
srsfunny:

A Sad But Common Story
                
            

            
            
srsfunny:

A Sad But Common Story

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Alive, Anaconda, and Animals: i-should-be-writing-rn:

inlovewithaleheather:

thecuckoohaslanded:


gerbthenerd:

alexander-lamington:


thelizardprincess:


biglawbear:


blacksirencry:

swaglexander-the-great:


#That’s a#That’s a blue ringed octopus#You’re going to die do you realise that#It is literally one of the most deadly animals in the world#Not just in Australia or just in the ocean in THE WORLD#Put it DOWN#And go to a hospital jfc via platonic-rabbit 
me tryna find out if this fool died


“The blue-ringed octopus, despite its small size, carries enough venom to kill twenty-six adult humans within minutes. Their bites are tiny and often painless, with many victims not realizing they have been envenomated until respiratory depression and paralysis start to set in.[8] No blue-ringed octopus antivenom is available yet, making it one of the deadliest reef inhabitants in the ocean.”
Holy shit


And this is why I don’t go in the ocean anymore


Also the blue rings literally only show up when it is distressed so this person has angered it!!! You are in danger friend!!!


Actually this guy keeps them as pets they’re on his instagram (william_exotique) and he frequently holds then and I just? Don’t know why? And also every picture or video he posts of them shows the blue rings so they’re always in distress I just do not understand why he’s doing this



#AMY EXPLAIN HOW DUMB THIS GUY IS 
I mean OP pretty much covered it.  A blue ringed octopus is almost on the level of CONE SNAIL on the list of things you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PICK UP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
But ask and you shall receive,  On this episode of “Fun Facts With Cuckoo,” DEAD.  YOU’RE DEAD.  EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE OCEAN EVER AGAIN.
There are many things that will kill you.

[citation needed]
There are fewer, but still many things that will kill you FAST.
There are yet fewer things that kill you fast and by such an overwhelming margin of overkill that nervous laughter is our only solace in the dark of this terrible, surprisingly Lovecraftian world of unearthly horrors that we live in.
Of the things that I know about which will kill you fast via just plain insultingly potent venom, which is a not insignificant number of things because I know a not insignificant number of things, there are about 3 things in the ocean – IN THE WHOLE OCEAN – which are so insanely, mind-bogglingly deadly that there is pretty much no possible hope for survival (I mean you CAN, but god help you if you’re ever in that situation, because god’s just about damn near the only thing that CAN help you).  THE. WHOLE. OCEAN.
Those three things are the Irukandji (a tiny (1cm) species of box jellyfish, which has stingers not only on its tentacles but on its BELL, for reasons no one has definitively figured out, and is so toxic despite its size its sting can cause a severe brain hemorrhage), the cone snail (a group of carnivorous sea snails that is accepted to be the most venomous animals on earth, with a STUPIDLY fast acting and extremely powerful neurotoxin that has in at least one case killed a human ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY, because the swimmer who found two beautiful shells (unfortunately cone snails tend to have very pretty shells which makes people want to pick them up) was holding them up for a picture and ended up being stabbed in the neck by not one but TWO cone snails at the same time, and it is believed that she was literally dead before she hit the ground, I mean LITERALLY in a 100% non-fictional and non-exaggerated way, in between the time the two cone snails stabbed her and the time her limp body hit the sand, she was not alive anymore), and the blue ringed octopus.
It is POSSIBLE to survive any of these.  But not without immediate medical attention.  Of these three, the Irukandji is by far the most treatable, because Australia and other coastal regions (including Florida and other parts of the US) are kind of experienced in dealing with box jellyfish.
The blue ringed octopus will fucking kill you.  There’s no antidote for their venom, ONE COMPONENT OF WHICH (tetrodotoxin) is 1200 times deadlier than cyanide.  It’s a powerful neurotoxin (most of the worst venoms are because the species that produce them need to kill or at least paralyze their prey quickly, like jellyfish whose fragile tentacles could be damaged if their food doesn’t stop struggling) that attacks the sodium channels and causes muscle paralysis.  It doesn’t necessarily kill you quickly.  It PARALYZES you quickly, so that you can’t really call for help or describe the problem, and you will probably end up slowly suffocating from a paralyzed diaphragm.  Tetrodotoxin can be metabolized by the body in a matter of hours, but it can also kill you in a matter of minutes if you get a lethal dose (which isn’t much, the 

LD50

 or median lethal dose, the dose at which you have a 50% chance of survival, is only 8 MICROGRAMS per kilogram of body weight (as tested in mice)).  This is, by venom standards, not a large amount, which means the animal that is capable of putting this venom inside your body is very very good at killing the absolute shit out of you.
DON’T TOUCH THE BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS.
Now, because overkill is my motto, let me briefly explain why Conus geographus is the undisputed champion of YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE, AND FURTHERMORE FUCK YOU FOR THINKING OTHERWISE.
A cone snail walks into a bar.  You’d expect the bartender to ask, “what’s your poison,” but they were paralyzed before they could ask and OH LOOK they’re already FUCKING DEAD ON THE GROUND.
Conus geographus is about 4-6 inches long and nature’s equivalent of Avada Kedavra.  Cone snails literally have their own KIND of toxins named after them: conotoxin.  Not only is there no antidote, but their venom AGGRESSIVELY RESISTS our ability to find a cure, because we barely understand how it works AND conotoxins are so internally varied, even within a single species, that any one antidote isn’t going to help because they’re constantly mutating and evolving their venom to prevent their prey from evolving a resistance to it.  Plus their venom is like, a bunch of different venoms all at once JUST IN CASE any one of them wasn’t good enough.
I want you to read these two sentences from the wiki page on conotoxin:
“Conotoxins have a variety of mechanisms of actions, most of which have not been determined.”


“The LD50 of conotoxin is 50 ng/kg.”
Remember how the 

LD50 of tetrodotoxin is 8μg/kg?  Conotoxin is 160 times more potent.  FIFTY NANOGRAMS PER KILOGRAM HAS A 50% CHANCE OF KILLING YOU. A 220-POUND HUMAN HAS A 50% CHANCE OF SURVIVAL AGAINST JUST 5 MICROGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN.  
I DID SOME MATH.  
IT WOULD TAKE 7-9 MILLIGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN TO KILL A BLUE WHALE, THE HEAVIEST ANIMAL TO EVER LIVE. (based on weight estimates from 300-400,000 lbs.)
Conus geographus is so fucking deadly that “In two cases of envenomation, only 0.0002-0.0005 mg resulted in severe paralysis.”
THIS THING KILLS STUFF SO HARD THAT BEFORE YOU HEAR THE FIRST “MORTAL KOMBAT” IN THE MORTAL KOMBAT THEME, THERE’S PROBABLY ALREADY BEEN A FATALITY.
And guess what?  Cone snails don’t do that NOOB SHIT with the superficial biting or stinging.  Your wetsuit or gloves won’t protect you.  Because homeboy didn’t bring teeth to evolution’s knife fight.  Oh no.  It brought a motherfucking radula POISON HARPOON.  It’s lightning fast and has way more piercing power than some silly little cnidocytes or salivary bacteria.
Another component of their venom is being researched for its potential as a pain reliever.  “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????” you might reasonably ask.  And you would be right to do so, because science has gone too far and has surely sinned against the very image of Mollusca Kedavra.  Well, it turns out the answer is “Research shows that certain component proteins of the venom target specific human pain receptors and can be up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine without morphine’s addictive properties and side-effects.”  That’s right, the part of their venom that SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T HURT YOU is up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine.
Also, Conus geographus (along with one other cone snail species, C. tulipa) is the only known non-human animal to weaponize insulin.  In addition to the normal insulin that the snails produce for their own use, their bodies manufacture an ADDITIONAL insulin molecule that is similar to the kind produced in fish (which they eat) for the sole purpose of stunning their prey through hypoglycemic shock.  BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’D KILL YOU HARD ENOUGH OTHERWISE.
IF you are going to survive the ALMIGHTY CONE SNAIL, WHO KNOWS NO FEAR, TRIUMPHANT HEDGEMON OF THE MOLECULAR ARMS RACE, TRUE BORN HEIR TO THE SCYTHE OF DEATH ITSELF, FISHSLAYER, GOD AMONG MOLLUSKS, WHOSE WRATH IS MERCIFUL ONLY IN ITS BREVITY, ADMIRABLE IN ITS BEAUTY AND UNSULLIED BY THE UNWORTHY TOUCH OF MORTAL HANDS OR SCALES OR REALLY ANYTHING IN RANGE OF ITS RADULA HARPOON, then literally the only thing that’s going to save you is for you to be kept alive artificially (externalizing your respiratory functions to force your body to continue breathing, basically) until the effects of the venom wear off.  And because of how quickly this venom acts, you need to get that medical attention VERY, VERY FAST.
And if you don’t get it, you will still be conscious while the paralysis slowly suffocates you to death.
Don’t touch the pretty shells.


I’ve never been so intrigued to learn how easily I could be fucking exterminated from existence by the overpowered sea creatures of the world. You’ve done a better job at keeping my attention then any of my teachers ever have.


You know what I’m putting this on the writing blog cause I personally can see potential in some fantasy villain attempting to weaponise cone snailsIn which case, all hail snail king 🐌 
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Alive, Anaconda, and Animals: i-should-be-writing-rn:

inlovewithaleheather:

thecuckoohaslanded:


gerbthenerd:

alexander-lamington:


thelizardprincess:


biglawbear:


blacksirencry:

swaglexander-the-great:


#That’s a#That’s a blue ringed octopus#You’re going to die do you realise that#It is literally one of the most deadly animals in the world#Not just in Australia or just in the ocean in THE WORLD#Put it DOWN#And go to a hospital jfc via platonic-rabbit 
me tryna find out if this fool died


“The blue-ringed octopus, despite its small size, carries enough venom to kill twenty-six adult humans within minutes. Their bites are tiny and often painless, with many victims not realizing they have been envenomated until respiratory depression and paralysis start to set in.[8] No blue-ringed octopus antivenom is available yet, making it one of the deadliest reef inhabitants in the ocean.”
Holy shit


And this is why I don’t go in the ocean anymore


Also the blue rings literally only show up when it is distressed so this person has angered it!!! You are in danger friend!!!


Actually this guy keeps them as pets they’re on his instagram (william_exotique) and he frequently holds then and I just? Don’t know why? And also every picture or video he posts of them shows the blue rings so they’re always in distress I just do not understand why he’s doing this



#AMY EXPLAIN HOW DUMB THIS GUY IS 
I mean OP pretty much covered it.  A blue ringed octopus is almost on the level of CONE SNAIL on the list of things you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PICK UP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
But ask and you shall receive,  On this episode of “Fun Facts With Cuckoo,” DEAD.  YOU’RE DEAD.  EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE OCEAN EVER AGAIN.
There are many things that will kill you.

[citation needed]
There are fewer, but still many things that will kill you FAST.
There are yet fewer things that kill you fast and by such an overwhelming margin of overkill that nervous laughter is our only solace in the dark of this terrible, surprisingly Lovecraftian world of unearthly horrors that we live in.
Of the things that I know about which will kill you fast via just plain insultingly potent venom, which is a not insignificant number of things because I know a not insignificant number of things, there are about 3 things in the ocean – IN THE WHOLE OCEAN – which are so insanely, mind-bogglingly deadly that there is pretty much no possible hope for survival (I mean you CAN, but god help you if you’re ever in that situation, because god’s just about damn near the only thing that CAN help you).  THE. WHOLE. OCEAN.
Those three things are the Irukandji (a tiny (1cm) species of box jellyfish, which has stingers not only on its tentacles but on its BELL, for reasons no one has definitively figured out, and is so toxic despite its size its sting can cause a severe brain hemorrhage), the cone snail (a group of carnivorous sea snails that is accepted to be the most venomous animals on earth, with a STUPIDLY fast acting and extremely powerful neurotoxin that has in at least one case killed a human ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY, because the swimmer who found two beautiful shells (unfortunately cone snails tend to have very pretty shells which makes people want to pick them up) was holding them up for a picture and ended up being stabbed in the neck by not one but TWO cone snails at the same time, and it is believed that she was literally dead before she hit the ground, I mean LITERALLY in a 100% non-fictional and non-exaggerated way, in between the time the two cone snails stabbed her and the time her limp body hit the sand, she was not alive anymore), and the blue ringed octopus.
It is POSSIBLE to survive any of these.  But not without immediate medical attention.  Of these three, the Irukandji is by far the most treatable, because Australia and other coastal regions (including Florida and other parts of the US) are kind of experienced in dealing with box jellyfish.
The blue ringed octopus will fucking kill you.  There’s no antidote for their venom, ONE COMPONENT OF WHICH (tetrodotoxin) is 1200 times deadlier than cyanide.  It’s a powerful neurotoxin (most of the worst venoms are because the species that produce them need to kill or at least paralyze their prey quickly, like jellyfish whose fragile tentacles could be damaged if their food doesn’t stop struggling) that attacks the sodium channels and causes muscle paralysis.  It doesn’t necessarily kill you quickly.  It PARALYZES you quickly, so that you can’t really call for help or describe the problem, and you will probably end up slowly suffocating from a paralyzed diaphragm.  Tetrodotoxin can be metabolized by the body in a matter of hours, but it can also kill you in a matter of minutes if you get a lethal dose (which isn’t much, the 

LD50

 or median lethal dose, the dose at which you have a 50% chance of survival, is only 8 MICROGRAMS per kilogram of body weight (as tested in mice)).  This is, by venom standards, not a large amount, which means the animal that is capable of putting this venom inside your body is very very good at killing the absolute shit out of you.
DON’T TOUCH THE BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS.
Now, because overkill is my motto, let me briefly explain why Conus geographus is the undisputed champion of YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE, AND FURTHERMORE FUCK YOU FOR THINKING OTHERWISE.
A cone snail walks into a bar.  You’d expect the bartender to ask, “what’s your poison,” but they were paralyzed before they could ask and OH LOOK they’re already FUCKING DEAD ON THE GROUND.
Conus geographus is about 4-6 inches long and nature’s equivalent of Avada Kedavra.  Cone snails literally have their own KIND of toxins named after them: conotoxin.  Not only is there no antidote, but their venom AGGRESSIVELY RESISTS our ability to find a cure, because we barely understand how it works AND conotoxins are so internally varied, even within a single species, that any one antidote isn’t going to help because they’re constantly mutating and evolving their venom to prevent their prey from evolving a resistance to it.  Plus their venom is like, a bunch of different venoms all at once JUST IN CASE any one of them wasn’t good enough.
I want you to read these two sentences from the wiki page on conotoxin:
“Conotoxins have a variety of mechanisms of actions, most of which have not been determined.”


“The LD50 of conotoxin is 50 ng/kg.”
Remember how the 

LD50 of tetrodotoxin is 8μg/kg?  Conotoxin is 160 times more potent.  FIFTY NANOGRAMS PER KILOGRAM HAS A 50% CHANCE OF KILLING YOU. A 220-POUND HUMAN HAS A 50% CHANCE OF SURVIVAL AGAINST JUST 5 MICROGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN.  
I DID SOME MATH.  
IT WOULD TAKE 7-9 MILLIGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN TO KILL A BLUE WHALE, THE HEAVIEST ANIMAL TO EVER LIVE. (based on weight estimates from 300-400,000 lbs.)
Conus geographus is so fucking deadly that “In two cases of envenomation, only 0.0002-0.0005 mg resulted in severe paralysis.”
THIS THING KILLS STUFF SO HARD THAT BEFORE YOU HEAR THE FIRST “MORTAL KOMBAT” IN THE MORTAL KOMBAT THEME, THERE’S PROBABLY ALREADY BEEN A FATALITY.
And guess what?  Cone snails don’t do that NOOB SHIT with the superficial biting or stinging.  Your wetsuit or gloves won’t protect you.  Because homeboy didn’t bring teeth to evolution’s knife fight.  Oh no.  It brought a motherfucking radula POISON HARPOON.  It’s lightning fast and has way more piercing power than some silly little cnidocytes or salivary bacteria.
Another component of their venom is being researched for its potential as a pain reliever.  “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????” you might reasonably ask.  And you would be right to do so, because science has gone too far and has surely sinned against the very image of Mollusca Kedavra.  Well, it turns out the answer is “Research shows that certain component proteins of the venom target specific human pain receptors and can be up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine without morphine’s addictive properties and side-effects.”  That’s right, the part of their venom that SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T HURT YOU is up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine.
Also, Conus geographus (along with one other cone snail species, C. tulipa) is the only known non-human animal to weaponize insulin.  In addition to the normal insulin that the snails produce for their own use, their bodies manufacture an ADDITIONAL insulin molecule that is similar to the kind produced in fish (which they eat) for the sole purpose of stunning their prey through hypoglycemic shock.  BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’D KILL YOU HARD ENOUGH OTHERWISE.
IF you are going to survive the ALMIGHTY CONE SNAIL, WHO KNOWS NO FEAR, TRIUMPHANT HEDGEMON OF THE MOLECULAR ARMS RACE, TRUE BORN HEIR TO THE SCYTHE OF DEATH ITSELF, FISHSLAYER, GOD AMONG MOLLUSKS, WHOSE WRATH IS MERCIFUL ONLY IN ITS BREVITY, ADMIRABLE IN ITS BEAUTY AND UNSULLIED BY THE UNWORTHY TOUCH OF MORTAL HANDS OR SCALES OR REALLY ANYTHING IN RANGE OF ITS RADULA HARPOON, then literally the only thing that’s going to save you is for you to be kept alive artificially (externalizing your respiratory functions to force your body to continue breathing, basically) until the effects of the venom wear off.  And because of how quickly this venom acts, you need to get that medical attention VERY, VERY FAST.
And if you don’t get it, you will still be conscious while the paralysis slowly suffocates you to death.
Don’t touch the pretty shells.


I’ve never been so intrigued to learn how easily I could be fucking exterminated from existence by the overpowered sea creatures of the world. You’ve done a better job at keeping my attention then any of my teachers ever have.


You know what I’m putting this on the writing blog cause I personally can see potential in some fantasy villain attempting to weaponise cone snailsIn which case, all hail snail king 🐌 
                
            

            
            
i-should-be-writing-rn:

inlovewithaleheather:

thecuckoohaslanded:


gerbthenerd:

alexander-lamington:


thelizardprincess:


biglawbear:
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