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    Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts
 Based on a true story:
 build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know,
 Xxx: OK, so, our
 that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything
 - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
 xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
 xxx: You're gonna love this
 xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons
 from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server
 after 9pm with his login.
 xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help"
 "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database
 to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
 xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna
 work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive
 sessions on the server at 8:45am.
 xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to
 our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and
 running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits
 another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from
 the dudes desk.
 xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
 XX:
A true programmer
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts
 Based on a true story:
 build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know,
 Xxx: OK, so, our
 that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything
 - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
 xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
 xxx: You're gonna love this
 xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons
 from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server
 after 9pm with his login.
 xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help"
 "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database
 to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
 xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna
 work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive
 sessions on the server at 8:45am.
 xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to
 our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and
 running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits
 another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from
 the dudes desk.
 xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
 XX:
A true programmer
                
            

            
            
A true programmer

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Head, Hungry, and Lazy: The "I'm Not Angry" Mark
 Usage:
 When you need to be brief,
 but you're not angry
 Example
 We need to talk
 The Sinceriod
 Usage
 When you want to break out of your
 cycnical shell and be truly honest
 with someone.
 Example:
 Oh, wow, Thank you, This sweater
 is just what I wanted
 Sarcastises
 Usage
 The opposite of the sinceriod. Use when
 you want to be sarcastic, but in a way
 that's totally different and better from
 whatever system you're using now.
 Example:
 Oh, wow. Thank you. This sweater is
 just what I wanted.
 Hemi-Demi-Semi Colon
 Usage:
 If you don't know when it's appropriate to use a
 semi-colon, and you're too lazy to learn, you can use
 this in place of commas, semi-colons, and periods.
 Pretty much wherever you feel like it
 Eхample:
 Now I can act superior and avoid learning anything
 I'm a stain on humanity
 Andorpersand
 Usage:
 One simple symbol for "and/or"
 Example:
 Some people hate the very
 existence of the phrase "and/or, "
 but these people are uptight &o
 stupid
 Mockwotation Marks
 Usage:
 For quoting something that someone
 didn't say, but totally would say with the
 way they're being right now. The written
 equivalent of doing an impression of
 someone by saying "Look at me, I'm
 so-and-so" and wiggling your hands by
 your head, and speaking in a high-pitched
 voice.
 I'm Stacey. I'm going to complain about
 being hungry but not offer any suggestions
 of my own, said Stacey.
 Collegelf
 Superellipsis
 Usage:
 For an extreme dramatic pause. When you want the reader to
 wait a good 20 seconds before reading the next part of the
 sentence. Maybe even imagine the lights flickering and some
 thunder crashing.
 Example:
 He paused, cautiously, as he approached the superellipsis. On
 the other side he found... more words!
 Collegelm
 Morgan Freemark
 Usage:
 Reminds readers that they can read words in
 any voice they want, so maybe they should
 read these words in Morgan Freeman's voice.
 Example:
 And so, Kevin took this big swig of vodka
 and straight-up ran head-first into the wall
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
lolzandtrollz:

New And Necessary Punctuation Marks
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Head, Hungry, and Lazy: The "I'm Not Angry" Mark
 Usage:
 When you need to be brief,
 but you're not angry
 Example
 We need to talk
 The Sinceriod
 Usage
 When you want to break out of your
 cycnical shell and be truly honest
 with someone.
 Example:
 Oh, wow, Thank you, This sweater
 is just what I wanted
 Sarcastises
 Usage
 The opposite of the sinceriod. Use when
 you want to be sarcastic, but in a way
 that's totally different and better from
 whatever system you're using now.
 Example:
 Oh, wow. Thank you. This sweater is
 just what I wanted.
 Hemi-Demi-Semi Colon
 Usage:
 If you don't know when it's appropriate to use a
 semi-colon, and you're too lazy to learn, you can use
 this in place of commas, semi-colons, and periods.
 Pretty much wherever you feel like it
 Eхample:
 Now I can act superior and avoid learning anything
 I'm a stain on humanity
 Andorpersand
 Usage:
 One simple symbol for "and/or"
 Example:
 Some people hate the very
 existence of the phrase "and/or, "
 but these people are uptight &o
 stupid
 Mockwotation Marks
 Usage:
 For quoting something that someone
 didn't say, but totally would say with the
 way they're being right now. The written
 equivalent of doing an impression of
 someone by saying "Look at me, I'm
 so-and-so" and wiggling your hands by
 your head, and speaking in a high-pitched
 voice.
 I'm Stacey. I'm going to complain about
 being hungry but not offer any suggestions
 of my own, said Stacey.
 Collegelf
 Superellipsis
 Usage:
 For an extreme dramatic pause. When you want the reader to
 wait a good 20 seconds before reading the next part of the
 sentence. Maybe even imagine the lights flickering and some
 thunder crashing.
 Example:
 He paused, cautiously, as he approached the superellipsis. On
 the other side he found... more words!
 Collegelm
 Morgan Freemark
 Usage:
 Reminds readers that they can read words in
 any voice they want, so maybe they should
 read these words in Morgan Freeman's voice.
 Example:
 And so, Kevin took this big swig of vodka
 and straight-up ran head-first into the wall
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
lolzandtrollz:

New And Necessary Punctuation Marks
                
            

            
            
lolzandtrollz:

New And Necessary Punctuation Marks