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Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: dick-rider-dave-strider: strangelyobsessedwithstuff: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders: ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH. NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE. NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGESthanks for the tip karkat reference
Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: dick-rider-dave-strider:

strangelyobsessedwithstuff:

vialsofbrightforgettingpowders:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN
SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.
NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGESthanks for the tip karkat

reference

dick-rider-dave-strider: strangelyobsessedwithstuff: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders: ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT ...

Beautiful, Beer, and Craigslist: NEEDED: Generic Father Figure for Backyard BBQ (Spokane) 6 fflehoneubee.com To interested individuals, We will be throwing a backyard BBQ on June 17th to celebrate beer and each other. We range in age from 21-26, and while most of us know how to operate a grill, none of us are prepared to fill the role of "BBQ Dad" That being said, we are in need of a generic father figure from 4PM to about 8PM (though you may stay the full duration of the party). Duties include: Grilling hamburgers and hotdogs (whilst drinking beer Bringing your own grill (though this is subject to change. We will provide all of the meat) Refer to all attendees as "Big Guy', "Chief", "Sport" "Champ" etc. (whilst drinking beer) Talk about dad things, like lawnmowers, building your own deck, Jimmy Buffet, etc. Funny anecdotes are highly encouraged. All whilst drinking beer. Desired experience: A minimum of 18 vears experience as a father A minimum of 10 years grilling experience An appreciation of a nice, cold beer on a hot summer We can't pay you in money, BUT we can give you all the food and cold beer vour heart desires. Grill for a few hours, then sit back and crack open a few cold ones with the boys. THIS IS A REAL AD. Do not hesitate to call if you are interested. Preference will be given to applicants named Bill, Randy, or Dave captainrogerss: asexual-not-asexual-detective: drunp: this is peak Craigslist Beautiful and wholesome Omg it really did happen tho 😭👏 https://www.distractify.com/humor/2018/06/05/ZnAVyw/craigslist-bbq-dad-ad
Beautiful, Beer, and Craigslist: NEEDED: Generic Father Figure
 for Backyard BBQ (Spokane) 6
 fflehoneubee.com
 To interested individuals,
 We will be throwing a backyard BBQ on June 17th to
 celebrate beer and each other. We range in age from
 21-26, and while most of us know how to operate a
 grill, none of us are prepared to fill the role of "BBQ
 Dad" That being said, we are in need of a generic
 father figure from 4PM to about 8PM (though you may
 stay the full duration of the party). Duties include:

 Grilling hamburgers and hotdogs (whilst drinking
 beer
 Bringing your own grill (though this is subject to
 change. We will provide all of the meat)
 Refer to all attendees as "Big Guy', "Chief", "Sport"
 "Champ" etc. (whilst drinking beer)
 Talk about dad things, like lawnmowers, building
 your own deck, Jimmy Buffet, etc. Funny anecdotes
 are highly encouraged. All whilst drinking beer.
 Desired experience:
 A minimum of 18 vears experience as a father
 A minimum of 10 years grilling experience
 An appreciation of a nice, cold beer on a hot summer
 We can't pay you in money, BUT we can give you all
 the food and cold beer vour heart desires. Grill for a
 few hours, then sit back and crack open a few cold
 ones with the boys.
 THIS IS A REAL AD. Do not hesitate to call if you are
 interested. Preference will be given to applicants
 named Bill, Randy, or Dave
captainrogerss:


asexual-not-asexual-detective:


drunp:
this is peak Craigslist

Beautiful and wholesome


Omg it really did happen tho 😭👏
https://www.distractify.com/humor/2018/06/05/ZnAVyw/craigslist-bbq-dad-ad

captainrogerss: asexual-not-asexual-detective: drunp: this is peak Craigslist Beautiful and wholesome Omg it really did happen tho 😭👏...

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy wholesome stories
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me
 today and all I heard of their conversation was
 "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went
 with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it
 made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with
 rabbits near the front door. On every side of the
 pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me,
 but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and
 one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a
 rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend
 grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see
 the sign?"
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them
 up but don't pet them!"
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly
 said "I didn't read it right did I?"
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder
 and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing
 where words get mixed up. Let just pet these
 cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he
 likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh
 we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard
 approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I
 pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs
 but your's is so small I think it's a good place to
 start."
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this
 guy brings his equally big friend over and they
 sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of
 my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl
 pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up
 and puts him on man number two's lap and
 man number two is abt to freak out and his
 friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay
 just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa
 good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that
 man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably
 wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda
 goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves
 the two least intimidating living things I've seen
 in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them
 and went out of his way to help his friend. It
 makes me so happy
wholesome stories

wholesome stories

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me
 A group of rough looking boys walked past me
 today and all I heard of their conversation was
 "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went
 with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it
 made me realise the world isn't all that bad
 fitzefitcher
 #this is team skull
 its-just-a-phage
 The pet store I worked at had a pen with
 rabbits near the front door. On every side of the
 pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me,
 but don't pick me up!"
 One day two absolutely huge guys came in and
 one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a
 rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend
 grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see
 the sign?"
 He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them
 up but don't pet them!"
 Then he went quiet for a moment and softly
 said "I didn't read it right did I?"
 And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder
 and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing
 where words get mixed up. Let just pet these
 cute lil shits"
 And I still haven't gotten over that interaction.
 flowernstt
 I was walking my dog through Boston bc he
 likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh
 we call him short and long
 So this huge scary man with a full beard
 approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I
 pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs
 but your's is so small I think it's a good place to
 start."
 Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this
 guy brings his equally big friend over and they
 sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of
 my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl
 pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up
 and puts him on man number two's lap and
 man number two is abt to freak out and his
 friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay
 just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa
 good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that
 man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably
 wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda
 goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves
 the two least intimidating living things I've seen
 in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them
 and went out of his way to help his friend. It
 makes me so happy
Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9

Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9