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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Birthday, Facts, and Joker: 15-3901 1:05 5 Img:14 SP:11.91 PPHFS Mat 256 x 192 ps.zo PE-64 PPNES Nat 320x 240 MP Caters News Agency 17am A boy born with just two percent of his brain has defied doctors' predictions after his brain grew back to 80 percent of the average size. Doctors had told the parents to terminate pregnancy not once but five times. @factsweird Photo courtesy of Caters News Agency greater-than-the-sword: recoveringvictorian: mccarthyites: mindblowingfactz: A boy born with just two percent of his brain has defied doctors’ predictions after his brain grew back to 80 percent of the average size. Doctors had told the parents to terminate pregnancy not once but five times. I saw this before some time ago and it just absolutely fascinated me because there was never any other information provided and the little info that was given was tantalizingly vague. Even with 80% of his brain growing surely he had all kinds of severe issues, right? And even if his brain did grow back he might not have lived very long. So I did a little research on him. Everything happened exactly like it says in the pic- the parents were strongly urged to abort the baby five separate times, and they refused all five times, and he was born with two percent of his brain and he does now have 80% of it. What the blurb doesn’t say is that the little boy’s name is Noah Wall and he’s now a very happy, healthy, six year old boy. Doctors said he would be SEVERELY mentally disabled, unable to see, hear, talk, or even eat. The doctors were wrong. He can do all of these things and more. By age two he was sitting up straight and singing; he can play with legos and computer games, he’s learned how to count, he can hold perfectly normal conversations, and he loves painting. He just recently wrote his name for the first time, and he’s trying very hard to learn how to walk (but that’s still a long way off because he’s mostly paralyzed from the waist down). Most of this probably just seems like boring normalcy, but considering he was born with only 2% of his brain he shouldn’t be able to do ANY of this. The fact that he lived beyond his first birthday is a miracle in and of itself. Noah hasn’t had a brain scan since he was three years old, so no one knows if his brain has grown more since then, but all indications are that he’s developing physically at a normal rate, and he’s developing well enough mentally that his parents recently enrolled him in a local elementary school- not any special education classes, a normal, mainstream school. It’s hard work for the parents, there’s tons of medical appointments, regular surgeries with lengthy recovery times, they had to shuttle Noah to a neurophysics center in Australia to help him learn how to sit upright. But they both agree he’s worth it. This is what his mom Shelly has to say:  “I thank him every night before he goes to bed. I say ‘Noah, thank you for such a lovely day. I’ve loved my day.’ And he’ll say ‘I love you, Mummy. Night night.’” https://nypost.com/2019/02/20/boy-born-without-brain-defies-odds-to-live/ https://www.theepochtimes.com/boy-born-with-2-percent-of-brain-defies-odds-learns-to-count-and-surf_2810231.html https://www.cbc.ca/passionateeye/features/the-boy-born-without-a-brain-is-now-a-practical-joker-who-loves-playing-mar I saw a video on him and his parents awhile back and it’s such a happy story. ^^ Just another invalid deformed beyond hope and destined to be a vegetable who should have been killed in the womb, amirite? This really speaks to cases where people think that killing a baby is “the right thing to do” because of probabilities and likelihoods.
Birthday, Facts, and Joker: 15-3901
 1:05 5
 Img:14
 SP:11.91
 PPHFS
 Mat 256 x 192
 ps.zo
 PE-64
 PPNES
 Nat 320x 240
 MP
 Caters News Agency
 17am
 A boy born with just two percent of his brain
 has defied doctors' predictions after his brain
 grew back to 80 percent of the average size.
 Doctors had told the parents to terminate
 pregnancy not once but five times.
 @factsweird
 Photo courtesy of Caters News Agency
greater-than-the-sword:
recoveringvictorian:

mccarthyites:


mindblowingfactz:
A boy born with just two percent of his brain has defied doctors’ predictions after his brain grew back to 80 percent of the average size. Doctors had told the parents to terminate pregnancy not once but five times.
I saw this before some time ago and it just absolutely fascinated me because there was never any other information provided and the little info that was given was tantalizingly vague. Even with 80% of his brain growing surely he had all kinds of severe issues, right? And even if his brain did grow back he might not have lived very long. So I did a little research on him.
Everything happened exactly like it says in the pic- the parents were strongly urged to abort the baby five separate times, and they refused all five times, and he was born with two percent of his brain and he does now have 80% of it.
What the blurb doesn’t say is that the little boy’s name is Noah Wall and he’s now a very happy, healthy, six year old boy.
Doctors said he would be SEVERELY mentally disabled, unable to see, hear, talk, or even eat. The doctors were wrong. He can do all of these things and more. By age two he was sitting up straight and singing; he can play with legos and computer games, he’s learned how to count, he can hold perfectly normal conversations, and he loves painting. He just recently wrote his name for the first time, and he’s trying very hard to learn how to walk (but that’s still a long way off because he’s mostly paralyzed from the waist down). Most of this probably just seems like boring normalcy, but considering he was born with only 2% of his brain he shouldn’t be able to do ANY of this. The fact that he lived beyond his first birthday is a miracle in and of itself.
Noah hasn’t had a brain scan since he was three years old, so no one knows if his brain has grown more since then, but all indications are that he’s developing physically at a normal rate, and he’s developing well enough mentally that his parents recently enrolled him in a local elementary school- not any special education classes, a normal, mainstream school. It’s hard work for the parents, there’s tons of medical appointments, regular surgeries with lengthy recovery times, they had to shuttle Noah to a neurophysics center in Australia to help him learn how to sit upright. But they both agree he’s worth it.
This is what his mom Shelly has to say:  “I thank him every night before he goes to bed. I say ‘Noah, thank you for such a lovely day. I’ve loved my day.’ And he’ll say ‘I love you, Mummy. Night night.’”
https://nypost.com/2019/02/20/boy-born-without-brain-defies-odds-to-live/
https://www.theepochtimes.com/boy-born-with-2-percent-of-brain-defies-odds-learns-to-count-and-surf_2810231.html
https://www.cbc.ca/passionateeye/features/the-boy-born-without-a-brain-is-now-a-practical-joker-who-loves-playing-mar


I saw a video on him and his parents awhile back and it’s such a happy story. ^^ Just another invalid deformed beyond hope and destined to be a vegetable who should have been killed in the womb, amirite? 


This really speaks to cases where people think that killing a baby is “the right thing to do” because of probabilities and likelihoods.

greater-than-the-sword: recoveringvictorian: mccarthyites: mindblowingfactz: A boy born with just two percent of his brain has defied doc...

Another One, Bad, and Barbie: er er KINDER SURPRISE 2OG KINGER SURPRISE T-1 1.17 KS GIRLS 20G KINDER SURPRISE GIRL 1.17 thoughts-of-an-x-factor: ohgressfuriosa: castiel-knight-of-hell: jen-kollic: thejollity: jen-kollic: hobopoppins: manaphy: wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS. I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs. So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.” I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry. And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs. This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it. Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers. I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.” Confetti. The fucking confetti. It barely covered 5% of the image. Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.” I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.” This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids. So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well… in sociology class we were talking about gender being assigned to objects and one of the male students started saying how forward thinking he is because he buys his daughter sports equipment and “boy toys”. I asked if he’d do the same if he had a son and he said “Of course I’d buy my son sports equipment”. I clarified “No, would you buy him dolls and other toys that are thought of as being for girls”. He turned around and didn’t answer. Parents will pat themselves on the back for letting their little girls play baseball but a little boy with a Barbie is still considered an affront to society Fuck everything. My father was one of these parents (along with several other harmful issues!), and even though I know, for an absolute fact, that his world views and ways are entirely wrong, this shit he tried to ingrain into me still effects me to this day.Parents, don’t ruin your fucking kids by treating them like this.
Another One, Bad, and Barbie: er
 er
 KINDER SURPRISE
 2OG KINGER SURPRISE T-1
 1.17
 KS GIRLS
 20G KINDER SURPRISE GIRL
 1.17
thoughts-of-an-x-factor:

ohgressfuriosa:

castiel-knight-of-hell:

jen-kollic:

thejollity:

jen-kollic:

hobopoppins:

manaphy:
wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered
OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS.
I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs.
So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.”
I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry.
And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs.

This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it.

Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers.
I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.”
Confetti.
The fucking confetti.
It barely covered 5% of the image.
Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.”
I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.”
This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids.

So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well…

in sociology class we were talking about gender being assigned to objects and one of the male students started saying how forward thinking he is because he buys his daughter sports equipment and “boy toys”. I asked if he’d do the same if he had a son and he said “Of course I’d buy my son sports equipment”. I clarified “No, would you buy him dolls and other toys that are thought of as being for girls”. He turned around and didn’t answer.
Parents will pat themselves on the back for letting their little girls play baseball but a little boy with a Barbie is still considered an affront to society


Fuck everything.

My father was one of these parents (along with several other harmful issues!), and even though I know, for an absolute fact, that his world views and ways are entirely wrong, this shit he tried to ingrain into me still effects me to this day.Parents, don’t ruin your fucking kids by treating them like this.

thoughts-of-an-x-factor: ohgressfuriosa: castiel-knight-of-hell: jen-kollic: thejollity: jen-kollic: hobopoppins: manaphy: wow I didn...