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Asian, Fucking, and God: THE ONION EDITION 10c FINEST AMERICAN NEWS SOURCE MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON NEIL ARMSTRONG'S HISTORIC FIRST WORDS ON MOON HOLY LIVING FUCK' THE MOON Jesus fucking down in the moon's low gravity The distant, lonely, mysterious colleague on the lunar surface. satellite that has tascinated Hl, yeah Hell yeah," an mankind since the dawn of time ecstatie Aldrin said, pumping astronauts Neil Armstrong and lt's like I told you on the way down on the Sea of Tranquty his shipmate. "Remember?I told in the lunar module Eagle andyou this was going to be fucking Chris Houston. We're on the spent two hours engaged in bove: Neil Armstrong on the surface of the fucking moon chological preparations for the to the capsule. Their intense 18 un-fucking-believableness f month NASA training period- the next phase of the operation, the primary unction of which earthlings watched on televi- credible nature of their mis- ed the tour steps leading out of at one point Armstrong had to the module, pause, and tooksit down and take several deep one small but epoch-making breaths. "just so I dont fueking HOUSTON:Roer. Tranquility 250,000 miles away. " abso-seientists at press time still fucking-lutely am standing oncouldnot eve begin to fucking TRANQUILITY; [t wasa smooth The Earth as seen Ho y Jesus the sur ace of the moon rom the surfaceof the fuckingmoon conceive I am talking to you from the The astronauts also planted an goddamned fueking moon. JesusAmerican flag in the ground H. Christ in a chicken basketongside a plaque reading, in Holy mother of tuck," the first part: "This plaque, placed here Christ's sake. the moon. Over. HOUSTON: You're clear, Tran- pause.) HOUSTON: Roger that. You're quility. Proceed. Over. clear for T1, walkingon lhe, TRANQUILITY: Can see the| TRANQUILITY: Holy 〔pause) Lunar Module ootpads de- living (long pause) fuck. (Long man on the moon added. Roger, no fucking doubt about rom the planet around which it," Mission Controller Peterthis celestial body orbits, will Lovell replied. A-fucking-fir- rest undisturbed on this spot for HOUSTON: You're cleared to, the goddamned moon· (Long| copy? Conveyor. To walk (pause HOUSTON: We read you. Over ing believing this? Over fucking walk on the moon. TRANQUILITY: Footpads depHOUSTON: We read you. Over Eight minutes later, as Armholy living tuck. Can you believe E CAN PUT A MAN ON THE tou uieeakendMOON, BUT WE CAN'T BOMB TRANQUILITY: LEC attached. Surface is powdery. One more lutely am standing on the sur- pause.) I'm hypervnlating.talking to you from the god- HOUSTON: Everything okay,Hold on. r. (lang0ujSsriotinchskn bastA TINY ASIAN NATION INTO the ladder. Can see the Eath, TRANQUILITY: I'm on the bot- THANQUILITY Holy mother THE STONE AGE? A newspaper from July 21st, 1969
Asian, Fucking, and God: THE ONION
 EDITION
 10c
 FINEST AMERICAN NEWS SOURCE
 MAN WALKS ON
 FUCKING MOON
 NEIL ARMSTRONG'S HISTORIC FIRST
 WORDS ON MOON
 HOLY LIVING FUCK'
 THE MOON Jesus fucking down in the moon's low gravity
 The distant, lonely, mysterious colleague on the lunar surface.
 satellite that has tascinated Hl, yeah Hell yeah," an
 mankind since the dawn of time ecstatie Aldrin said, pumping
 astronauts Neil Armstrong and
 lt's like I told you on the way
 down on the Sea of Tranquty his shipmate. "Remember?I told
 in the lunar module Eagle andyou this was going to be fucking
 Chris Houston. We're on the spent two hours engaged in
 bove: Neil Armstrong on the surface of the fucking moon
 chological preparations for the to the capsule. Their intense 18
 un-fucking-believableness f month NASA training period-
 the next phase of the operation, the primary unction of which
 earthlings watched on televi- credible nature of their mis-
 ed the tour steps leading out of at one point Armstrong had to
 the module, pause, and tooksit down and take several deep
 one small but epoch-making breaths. "just so I dont fueking
 HOUSTON:Roer. Tranquility
 250,000 miles away. " abso-seientists at press time still
 fucking-lutely am standing oncouldnot eve begin to fucking
 TRANQUILITY; [t wasa smooth
 The Earth as seen
 Ho y Jesus
 the sur ace of the moon
 rom
 the surfaceof the fuckingmoon
 conceive
 I am talking to you from the The astronauts also planted an
 goddamned fueking moon. JesusAmerican flag in the ground
 H. Christ in a chicken basketongside a plaque reading, in
 Holy mother of tuck," the first part: "This plaque, placed here
 Christ's sake. the moon. Over. HOUSTON: You're clear, Tran-
 pause.)
 HOUSTON: Roger that. You're
 quility. Proceed. Over.
 clear for T1, walkingon lhe, TRANQUILITY: Can see the| TRANQUILITY: Holy 〔pause)
 Lunar Module ootpads de- living (long pause) fuck. (Long man on the moon added.
 Roger, no fucking doubt about rom the planet around which
 it," Mission Controller Peterthis celestial body orbits, will
 Lovell replied. A-fucking-fir- rest undisturbed on this spot for
 HOUSTON: You're cleared to, the goddamned moon· (Long| copy?
 Conveyor. To walk (pause HOUSTON: We read you. Over ing believing this? Over
 fucking walk on the moon. TRANQUILITY: Footpads depHOUSTON: We read you. Over
 Eight minutes later, as Armholy living tuck. Can you believe
 E CAN PUT A MAN ON THE
 tou uieeakendMOON, BUT WE CAN'T BOMB
 TRANQUILITY: LEC attached.
 Surface is powdery. One more lutely am standing on the sur-
 pause.) I'm hypervnlating.talking to you from the god-
 HOUSTON: Everything okay,Hold on.
 r. (lang0ujSsriotinchskn bastA TINY ASIAN NATION INTO
 the ladder. Can see the Eath, TRANQUILITY: I'm on the bot- THANQUILITY Holy mother
 THE STONE AGE?
A newspaper from July 21st, 1969

A newspaper from July 21st, 1969

Family, Fucking, and Future: Like Comment Share Write a comment... Top Comments Brian Jorgensen I hope someone kills you and you're family, you deserve it. Like Reply 1 October 11 at 8:17am Jonathan Shulte Truly this dumbass loser should be ashamed. What a pathetic piece of fucking shit Like Reply October 11 at 9:25am Steve Grier This vile garbage is the worst. Somebody should do something. Oh look, the disgusting bastard lives at Online Activists Unsure About Offensiveness Of Article, Figure'Theyll Destroy Author's Life Just In Case (g <p><a href="http://theonion.tumblr.com/post/166303420429/seattlefiguring-it-was-the-best-way-to-hedge" class="tumblr_blog">theonion</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>SEATTLE—Figuring it was the best way to hedge their bets, online activists reportedly unsure about the offensiveness of an article Wednesday figured they’d destroy the author’s life just in case. “Reading this piece, there are quite a few challenging viewpoints that I haven’t quite thought through, but it’s probably best to cover my bases and make sure this writer never works again,” said David Morrison who, along with his online peers, resolved to release the journalist’s address, phone number, and the names of his family members just to be safe. “Honestly, I only read the first couple paragraphs, but it’s probably better to err on the side of caution when it comes to potentially controversial views like this and just make his life a nightmare for the foreseeable future.” At press time, Morrison decided it also couldn’t hurt to throw in a few death threats.<br/></p></blockquote> <p>Sometimes the Onion has serious tea</p>
Family, Fucking, and Future: Like Comment Share
 Write a comment...
 Top Comments
 Brian Jorgensen I hope someone kills you and you're family,
 you deserve it.
 Like Reply 1 October 11 at 8:17am
 Jonathan Shulte Truly this dumbass loser should be ashamed.
 What a pathetic piece of fucking shit
 Like Reply October 11 at 9:25am
 Steve Grier This vile garbage is the worst. Somebody
 should do something. Oh look, the disgusting bastard lives at
 Online Activists Unsure About
 Offensiveness Of Article,
 Figure'Theyll Destroy
 Author's Life Just In Case
 (g
<p><a href="http://theonion.tumblr.com/post/166303420429/seattlefiguring-it-was-the-best-way-to-hedge" class="tumblr_blog">theonion</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>SEATTLE—Figuring it was the best way to hedge their bets, online activists reportedly unsure about the offensiveness of an article Wednesday figured they’d destroy the author’s life just in case. “Reading this piece, there are quite a few challenging viewpoints that I haven’t quite thought through, but it’s probably best to cover my bases and make sure this writer never works again,” said David Morrison who, along with his online peers, resolved to release the journalist’s address, phone number, and the names of his family members just to be safe. “Honestly, I only read the first couple paragraphs, but it’s probably better to err on the side of caution when it comes to potentially controversial views like this and just make his life a nightmare for the foreseeable future.” At press time, Morrison decided it also couldn’t hurt to throw in a few death threats.<br/></p></blockquote>

<p>Sometimes the Onion has serious tea</p>

<p><a href="http://theonion.tumblr.com/post/166303420429/seattlefiguring-it-was-the-best-way-to-hedge" class="tumblr_blog">theonion</a>:</p>...