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College, England, and Facebook: lacinari: himynameisizzy: ressila: z-yess: ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday: grunge-aesthetic-lover: Over 75% of people lie on social media ‼️ The truth is that people tend to lie on social networks. How? First, people directly lie about their lives, which is often an effort to make themselves look more desirable or positive. In a study examining 80 online daters, Hancock, Toma, and Ellison found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2000 people in England conducted by Custard.com, 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true online. Even more commonly, people “lie” by presenting an image of themselves and their lives that is imprecise or less than comprehensive, leading the viewer to believe falsehoods. For example, in the Custard.com study, only 18 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported that their Facebook page displayed “a completely accurate reflection” of who they are. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent). Indeed, a growing body of research suggests that social media use can negatively affect your psychological health, particularly if you compare yourself to the positive images you see online. In a study of 339 college women (Puglia, 2017), the tendency to compare oneself to others was associated with poorer body esteem. Furthermore, in a sub-sample of 58 women in the Puglia study, those with higher levels of Facebook usage displayed lower body satisfaction than those with lower Facebook usage. Similarly, in an experimental study by Vogel and colleagues, participants who tended to compare themselves to others more regularly had lower self-esteem, more negative emotions, and a poorer view of themselves after using Facebook than participants who did not tend to compare themselves to others.  Consequently, when engaging with social media, it is critical to remind yourself that what you see is not an accurate picture of reality. Don’t compare yourself to the images of friends, colleagues, or celebrities. Remind yourself that it is just a snapshot of their life—and one that they want you to see. –> YOU CAN GET SOCIAL MEDIA SERIOUSLY HARMS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PHONE CASE HERE <– Every purchase supports The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention the nation’s largest non-profit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide. Fake life for “like’s” of people, which you will not meet =) And this is our future? Thank’s, but I don’t want to be a part of this madness. Who’s with me? My brother never had a social media account ever in his life, not Facebook or Instagram and he is only 23 years old. his life is worry free and he only does things for himself not to impress others, He is living a happy life I am working on being like him I really love this message. It’s proven that social media increases depression and loneliness. Just live your life and stop worrying about others to compare yourself, you will never be happy this way.  I really don’t get why people feel the need to lie about their lives to people they’ll never meet. Just be fuckin honest🙄 So I’ve been wanting this case for a week and I get to show off my new white xr while also sharing an important message about social media being harmful to your mental health. I like this case a lot and more people need to realize the harm of social media.
College, England, and Facebook: lacinari:

himynameisizzy:
ressila:


z-yess:

ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday:

grunge-aesthetic-lover:

Over 75% of people lie on social media ‼️
The truth is that people tend to lie on social networks. How? First, people directly lie about their lives, which is often an effort to make themselves look more desirable or positive. In a study examining 80 online daters, Hancock, Toma, and Ellison found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2000 people in England conducted by Custard.com, 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true online.
Even more commonly, people “lie” by presenting an image of themselves and their lives that is imprecise or less than comprehensive, leading the viewer to believe falsehoods. For example, in the Custard.com study, only 18 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported that their Facebook page displayed “a completely accurate reflection” of who they are. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent). 
Indeed, a growing body of research suggests that social media use can negatively affect your psychological health, particularly if you compare yourself to the positive images you see online. In a study of 339 college women (Puglia, 2017), the tendency to compare oneself to others was associated with poorer body esteem. Furthermore, in a sub-sample of 58 women in the Puglia study, those with higher levels of Facebook usage displayed lower body satisfaction than those with lower Facebook usage. Similarly, in an experimental study by Vogel and colleagues, participants who tended to compare themselves to others more regularly had lower self-esteem, more negative emotions, and a poorer view of themselves after using Facebook than participants who did not tend to compare themselves to others. 
Consequently, when engaging with social media, it is critical to remind yourself that what you see is not an accurate picture of reality. Don’t compare yourself to the images of friends, colleagues, or celebrities. Remind yourself that it is just a snapshot of their life—and one that they want you to see.
–> YOU CAN GET SOCIAL MEDIA SERIOUSLY HARMS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PHONE CASE HERE <–
Every purchase supports The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention the nation’s largest non-profit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide.

Fake life for “like’s” of people, which you will not meet =) And this is our future? Thank’s, but I don’t want to be a part of this madness. Who’s with me?

My brother never had a social media account ever in his life, not Facebook or Instagram and he is only 23 years old. his life is worry free and he only does things for himself not to impress others, He is living a happy life I am working on being like him

I really love this message. It’s proven that social media increases depression and loneliness. Just live your life and stop worrying about others to compare yourself, you will never be happy this way. 


I really don’t get why people feel the need to lie about their lives to people they’ll never meet. Just be fuckin honest🙄

So I’ve been wanting this case for a week and I get to show off my new white xr while also sharing an important message about social media being harmful to your mental health. I like this case a lot and more people need to realize the harm of social media.

lacinari: himynameisizzy: ressila: z-yess: ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday: grunge-aesthetic-lover: Over 75% of people lie on social media ...

Ass, College, and England: pinky–heart: lacinari: himynameisizzy: ressila: z-yess: ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday: grunge-aesthetic-lover: Over 75% of people lie on social media ‼️ The truth is that people tend to lie on social networks. How? First, people directly lie about their lives, which is often an effort to make themselves look more desirable or positive. In a study examining 80 online daters, Hancock, Toma, and Ellison found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2000 people in England conducted by Custard.com, 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true online. Even more commonly, people “lie” by presenting an image of themselves and their lives that is imprecise or less than comprehensive, leading the viewer to believe falsehoods. For example, in the Custard.com study, only 18 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported that their Facebook page displayed “a completely accurate reflection” of who they are. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent). Indeed, a growing body of research suggests that social media use can negatively affect your psychological health, particularly if you compare yourself to the positive images you see online. In a study of 339 college women (Puglia, 2017), the tendency to compare oneself to others was associated with poorer body esteem. Furthermore, in a sub-sample of 58 women in the Puglia study, those with higher levels of Facebook usage displayed lower body satisfaction than those with lower Facebook usage. Similarly, in an experimental study by Vogel and colleagues, participants who tended to compare themselves to others more regularly had lower self-esteem, more negative emotions, and a poorer view of themselves after using Facebook than participants who did not tend to compare themselves to others.  Consequently, when engaging with social media, it is critical to remind yourself that what you see is not an accurate picture of reality. Don’t compare yourself to the images of friends, colleagues, or celebrities. Remind yourself that it is just a snapshot of their life—and one that they want you to see. –> YOU CAN GET SOCIAL MEDIA SERIOUSLY HARMS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PHONE CASE HERE <– Every purchase supports The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention the nation’s largest non-profit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide. Fake life for “like’s” of people, which you will not meet =) And this is our future? Thank’s, but I don’t want to be a part of this madness. Who’s with me? My brother never had a social media account ever in his life, not Facebook or Instagram and he is only 23 years old. his life is worry free and he only does things for himself not to impress others, He is living a happy life I am working on being like him I really love this message. It’s proven that social media increases depression and loneliness. Just live your life and stop worrying about others to compare yourself, you will never be happy this way.  I really don’t get why people feel the need to lie about their lives to people they’ll never meet. Just be fuckin honest🙄 So I’ve been wanting this case for a week and I get to show off my new white xr while also sharing an important message about social media being harmful to your mental health. I like this case a lot and more people need to realize the harm of social media. Question: Does Social Media Seriously Harms Your Mental Health?Answer: Yesssss!! I could go on and on about this.Social media as a whole, particularly Instagram, a place where people Look extremely High Fashioned but really Under Paid.Where self-worthy is based on how many likes, views and comments our posts gets. It’s B.S if you ask me:/ Seen friends who care more bout portraying an image and worry more about Trivial things( there’s more to life🤷🏻‍♂️). As soon as you open your social medias you will see something that will makes you think you’re being left behind. Being materialistic stuff or body image, anything really.Society teaches us that if our instagram posts don’t have a certain number of likes or views, our posts are not accepted of instagram quality posting given by society’s expectations and standards.On the flip side on the coin, social media is a really funny ass place, like you could LMAO day literally.POINT IS YOU DONT NEED SOCIAL APPROVAL TO KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH. YOU ARE LEGIT AWESOME! *USE SOCIAL MEDIA WISELY*
Ass, College, and England: pinky–heart:

lacinari:
himynameisizzy:

ressila:


z-yess:

ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday:

grunge-aesthetic-lover:

Over 75% of people lie on social media ‼️
The truth is that people tend to lie on social networks. How? First, people directly lie about their lives, which is often an effort to make themselves look more desirable or positive. In a study examining 80 online daters, Hancock, Toma, and Ellison found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2000 people in England conducted by Custard.com, 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true online.
Even more commonly, people “lie” by presenting an image of themselves and their lives that is imprecise or less than comprehensive, leading the viewer to believe falsehoods. For example, in the Custard.com study, only 18 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported that their Facebook page displayed “a completely accurate reflection” of who they are. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent). 
Indeed, a growing body of research suggests that social media use can negatively affect your psychological health, particularly if you compare yourself to the positive images you see online. In a study of 339 college women (Puglia, 2017), the tendency to compare oneself to others was associated with poorer body esteem. Furthermore, in a sub-sample of 58 women in the Puglia study, those with higher levels of Facebook usage displayed lower body satisfaction than those with lower Facebook usage. Similarly, in an experimental study by Vogel and colleagues, participants who tended to compare themselves to others more regularly had lower self-esteem, more negative emotions, and a poorer view of themselves after using Facebook than participants who did not tend to compare themselves to others. 
Consequently, when engaging with social media, it is critical to remind yourself that what you see is not an accurate picture of reality. Don’t compare yourself to the images of friends, colleagues, or celebrities. Remind yourself that it is just a snapshot of their life—and one that they want you to see.
–> YOU CAN GET SOCIAL MEDIA SERIOUSLY HARMS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PHONE CASE HERE <–
Every purchase supports The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention the nation’s largest non-profit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide.

Fake life for “like’s” of people, which you will not meet =) And this is our future? Thank’s, but I don’t want to be a part of this madness. Who’s with me?

My brother never had a social media account ever in his life, not Facebook or Instagram and he is only 23 years old. his life is worry free and he only does things for himself not to impress others, He is living a happy life I am working on being like him

I really love this message. It’s proven that social media increases depression and loneliness. Just live your life and stop worrying about others to compare yourself, you will never be happy this way. 


I really don’t get why people feel the need to lie about their lives to people they’ll never meet. Just be fuckin honest🙄

So I’ve been wanting this case for a week and I get to show off my new white xr while also sharing an important message about social media being harmful to your mental health. I like this case a lot and more people need to realize the harm of social media.

Question: Does Social Media Seriously Harms Your Mental Health?Answer: Yesssss!! I could go on and on about this.Social media as a whole, particularly Instagram, a place where people Look extremely High Fashioned but really Under Paid.Where self-worthy is based on how many likes, views and comments our posts gets. It’s B.S if you ask me:/ Seen friends who care more bout portraying an image and worry more about Trivial things( there’s more to life🤷🏻‍♂️). As soon as you open your social medias you will see something that will makes you think you’re being left behind. Being materialistic stuff or body image, anything really.Society teaches us that if our instagram posts don’t have a certain number of likes or views, our posts are not accepted of instagram quality posting given by society’s expectations and standards.On the flip side on the coin, social media is a really funny ass place, like you could LMAO day literally.POINT IS YOU DONT NEED SOCIAL APPROVAL TO KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH. YOU ARE LEGIT AWESOME! *USE SOCIAL MEDIA WISELY*

pinky–heart: lacinari: himynameisizzy: ressila: z-yess: ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday: grunge-aesthetic-lover: Over 75% of people lie on...

Ass, College, and England: pinky–heart: lacinari: himynameisizzy: ressila: z-yess: ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday: grunge-aesthetic-lover: Over 75% of people lie on social media ‼️ The truth is that people tend to lie on social networks. How? First, people directly lie about their lives, which is often an effort to make themselves look more desirable or positive. In a study examining 80 online daters, Hancock, Toma, and Ellison found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2000 people in England conducted by Custard.com, 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true online. Even more commonly, people “lie” by presenting an image of themselves and their lives that is imprecise or less than comprehensive, leading the viewer to believe falsehoods. For example, in the Custard.com study, only 18 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported that their Facebook page displayed “a completely accurate reflection” of who they are. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent). Indeed, a growing body of research suggests that social media use can negatively affect your psychological health, particularly if you compare yourself to the positive images you see online. In a study of 339 college women (Puglia, 2017), the tendency to compare oneself to others was associated with poorer body esteem. Furthermore, in a sub-sample of 58 women in the Puglia study, those with higher levels of Facebook usage displayed lower body satisfaction than those with lower Facebook usage. Similarly, in an experimental study by Vogel and colleagues, participants who tended to compare themselves to others more regularly had lower self-esteem, more negative emotions, and a poorer view of themselves after using Facebook than participants who did not tend to compare themselves to others.  Consequently, when engaging with social media, it is critical to remind yourself that what you see is not an accurate picture of reality. Don’t compare yourself to the images of friends, colleagues, or celebrities. Remind yourself that it is just a snapshot of their life—and one that they want you to see. –> YOU CAN GET SOCIAL MEDIA SERIOUSLY HARMS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PHONE CASE HERE <– Every purchase supports The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention the nation’s largest non-profit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide. Fake life for “like’s” of people, which you will not meet =) And this is our future? Thank’s, but I don’t want to be a part of this madness. Who’s with me? My brother never had a social media account ever in his life, not Facebook or Instagram and he is only 23 years old. his life is worry free and he only does things for himself not to impress others, He is living a happy life I am working on being like him I really love this message. It’s proven that social media increases depression and loneliness. Just live your life and stop worrying about others to compare yourself, you will never be happy this way.  I really don’t get why people feel the need to lie about their lives to people they’ll never meet. Just be fuckin honest🙄 So I’ve been wanting this case for a week and I get to show off my new white xr while also sharing an important message about social media being harmful to your mental health. I like this case a lot and more people need to realize the harm of social media. Question: Does Social Media Seriously Harms Your Mental Health?Answer: Yesssss!! I could go on and on about this.Social media as a whole, particularly Instagram, a place where people Look extremely High Fashioned but really Under Paid.Where self-worthy is based on how many likes, views and comments our posts gets. It’s B.S if you ask me:/ Seen friends who care more bout portraying an image and worry more about Trivial things( there’s more to life🤷🏻‍♂️). As soon as you open your social medias you will see something that will makes you think you’re being left behind. Being materialistic stuff or body image, anything really.Society teaches us that if our instagram posts don’t have a certain number of likes or views, our posts are not accepted of instagram quality posting given by society’s expectations and standards.On the flip side on the coin, social media is a really funny ass place, like you could LMAO day literally.POINT IS YOU DONT NEED SOCIAL APPROVAL TO KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH. YOU ARE LEGIT AWESOME! *USE SOCIAL MEDIA WISELY*
Ass, College, and England: pinky–heart:

lacinari:
himynameisizzy:

ressila:


z-yess:

ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday:

grunge-aesthetic-lover:

Over 75% of people lie on social media ‼️
The truth is that people tend to lie on social networks. How? First, people directly lie about their lives, which is often an effort to make themselves look more desirable or positive. In a study examining 80 online daters, Hancock, Toma, and Ellison found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2000 people in England conducted by Custard.com, 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true online.
Even more commonly, people “lie” by presenting an image of themselves and their lives that is imprecise or less than comprehensive, leading the viewer to believe falsehoods. For example, in the Custard.com study, only 18 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported that their Facebook page displayed “a completely accurate reflection” of who they are. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent). 
Indeed, a growing body of research suggests that social media use can negatively affect your psychological health, particularly if you compare yourself to the positive images you see online. In a study of 339 college women (Puglia, 2017), the tendency to compare oneself to others was associated with poorer body esteem. Furthermore, in a sub-sample of 58 women in the Puglia study, those with higher levels of Facebook usage displayed lower body satisfaction than those with lower Facebook usage. Similarly, in an experimental study by Vogel and colleagues, participants who tended to compare themselves to others more regularly had lower self-esteem, more negative emotions, and a poorer view of themselves after using Facebook than participants who did not tend to compare themselves to others. 
Consequently, when engaging with social media, it is critical to remind yourself that what you see is not an accurate picture of reality. Don’t compare yourself to the images of friends, colleagues, or celebrities. Remind yourself that it is just a snapshot of their life—and one that they want you to see.
–> YOU CAN GET SOCIAL MEDIA SERIOUSLY HARMS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PHONE CASE HERE <–
Every purchase supports The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention the nation’s largest non-profit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide.

Fake life for “like’s” of people, which you will not meet =) And this is our future? Thank’s, but I don’t want to be a part of this madness. Who’s with me?

My brother never had a social media account ever in his life, not Facebook or Instagram and he is only 23 years old. his life is worry free and he only does things for himself not to impress others, He is living a happy life I am working on being like him

I really love this message. It’s proven that social media increases depression and loneliness. Just live your life and stop worrying about others to compare yourself, you will never be happy this way. 


I really don’t get why people feel the need to lie about their lives to people they’ll never meet. Just be fuckin honest🙄

So I’ve been wanting this case for a week and I get to show off my new white xr while also sharing an important message about social media being harmful to your mental health. I like this case a lot and more people need to realize the harm of social media.

Question: Does Social Media Seriously Harms Your Mental Health?Answer: Yesssss!! I could go on and on about this.Social media as a whole, particularly Instagram, a place where people Look extremely High Fashioned but really Under Paid.Where self-worthy is based on how many likes, views and comments our posts gets. It’s B.S if you ask me:/ Seen friends who care more bout portraying an image and worry more about Trivial things( there’s more to life🤷🏻‍♂️). As soon as you open your social medias you will see something that will makes you think you’re being left behind. Being materialistic stuff or body image, anything really.Society teaches us that if our instagram posts don’t have a certain number of likes or views, our posts are not accepted of instagram quality posting given by society’s expectations and standards.On the flip side on the coin, social media is a really funny ass place, like you could LMAO day literally.POINT IS YOU DONT NEED SOCIAL APPROVAL TO KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH. YOU ARE LEGIT AWESOME! *USE SOCIAL MEDIA WISELY*

pinky–heart: lacinari: himynameisizzy: ressila: z-yess: ireallyenjoymyselfeveryday: grunge-aesthetic-lover: Over 75% of people lie on...

Apple, God, and Google: oooo Sprint LTE @ 99% 8:54 AM Settings Emergency Chat Meltdown gave you my phone because l can't use or process speech right now, but l am still capable of text communication. My hearing and tactile senses are extremely sensitive in this state, so please refrain from touching me. Please keep calm, and proceed to the next screen that has a simple chat client through which we can communicate. Continue R...ht New Message Send @ 99% ooo Sprint LTE 9:02 AM Settings Emergency Chat Today 9:02 AM would you like to get out of here? Left yes please R...ht New Message Send the I'm O p qw r У u f jk d gh а S C b Z X 123 return space sweetandsavageautistic: thathumanwiththecatears: kuroba101: sweet-and-tender: lesbiandana: hello! I don’t know if anyone has already made a post about this before, but I just stumbled upon this app made specifically for when you’ve gone into a nonverbal anxiety attack!!! it was made by Jeroen De Busser who is an autistic computer science student. the app is really easy to use! all you do is open it and hand your phone to someone you need to communicate with during an attack but physically cannot, and it shows this cool little alert for the person to read, and then it takes them to an easy to use chat (that looks a lot like texting! except both of you are communicating using the same device).  the alert message is completely customizable and you can have it say whatever you need!  the app is called Emergency Chat and it’s available in the Apple Store and google play store.  I highly recommend it to anyone who might need it :) OH MY GOD?!?!?? BOOST That’s so bootiful! thank you so much for this because i never know what to do when i cant talk to people and they just start trying to ask me questions and its really hard to force myself to say i cant talk and stuff. im definately getting this right now WHAT?
Apple, God, and Google: oooo Sprint LTE
 @ 99%
 8:54 AM
 Settings
 Emergency Chat
 Meltdown
 gave you my phone because l
 can't use or process speech
 right now, but l am still capable
 of text communication. My
 hearing and tactile senses are
 extremely sensitive in this state,
 so please refrain from touching
 me. Please keep calm, and
 proceed to the next screen that
 has a simple chat client through
 which we can communicate.
 Continue
 R...ht New Message
 Send

 @ 99%
 ooo Sprint LTE
 9:02 AM
 Settings
 Emergency Chat
 Today 9:02 AM
 would you like to get out of here?
 Left
 yes please
 R...ht New Message
 Send
 the
 I'm
 O p
 qw
 r
 У
 u
 f
 jk
 d
 gh
 а
 S
 C
 b
 Z
 X
 123
 return
 space
sweetandsavageautistic:
thathumanwiththecatears:

kuroba101:

sweet-and-tender:

lesbiandana:

hello! I don’t know if anyone has already made a post about this before, but I just stumbled upon this app made specifically for when you’ve gone into a nonverbal anxiety attack!!!
it was made by Jeroen De Busser who is an autistic computer science student.
the app is really easy to use! all you do is open it and hand your phone to someone you need to communicate with during an attack but physically cannot, and it shows this cool little alert for the person to read, and then it takes them to an easy to use chat (that looks a lot like texting! except both of you are communicating using the same device). 
the alert message is completely customizable and you can have it say whatever you need! 
the app is called Emergency Chat and it’s available in the Apple Store and google play store. 
I highly recommend it to anyone who might need it :)

OH MY GOD?!?!?? BOOST

That’s so bootiful!

thank you so much for this because i never know what to do when i cant talk to people and they just start trying to ask me questions and its really hard to force myself to say i cant talk and stuff. im definately getting this right now


WHAT?

sweetandsavageautistic: thathumanwiththecatears: kuroba101: sweet-and-tender: lesbiandana: hello! I don’t know if anyone has already mad...

Photoshop, Tumblr, and Blog: photos-of-space: Planetary figure created using 3d modeling and a photograph of lava, the rest drawn in photoshop
Photoshop, Tumblr, and Blog: photos-of-space:

Planetary figure created using 3d modeling and a photograph of lava, the rest drawn in photoshop

photos-of-space: Planetary figure created using 3d modeling and a photograph of lava, the rest drawn in photoshop

Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: * 4 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough Farewell * error_reporting (E ALL); ini set("display_errors", true) print'<?xml version= "1.0" encodina="UTF-8" ?>' "An") : ?> Don’t read the source, Luke!
Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8");
 This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code.
 I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere
 Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 *
 4
 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment.
 Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 and hope it will be enough
 Farewell
 *
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Don’t read the source, Luke!

Don’t read the source, Luke!

America, God, and Head: penfairy Throwback to the time my poor German teacher had to explain the concept of formal and informal pronouns to a class full of Australians and everyone was scandalised and loudly complained "why can't I treat everyone the same?" " don't want to be a Sie!" "but being friendly is respectful! "wouldn't using du' just show I like them?" until one guy conceded "I suppose maybe l'd use Sie with someone like the prime minister, if he weren't such a cunt" and my teacher ended up with her head in her hands saying "you are all banned from using du until I can trust you Cdeflare God help Japanese teachers in Australia. languageoclock if this isnt an accurate representation of australia idk what is derinthemadscientist Australia's reverse-formality respect culture is fascinating. We don't even really think about it until we try to communicate or learn about another culture and the rules that are pretty standard for most of the world just feel so wrong. I went to America this one time and I kept automatically thinking that strangers using 'sir' and 'ma'am' were sassing me. Australians could not be trusted with a language with ingrained tiers of formal address. The most formal forms would immediately become synonyms for 'go fuck yourself and if you weren't using the most informal version possible within three sentences of meeting someone they'd take it to mean you hated them. hollowedskin 100% true. the difference between "scuse me" and "excuse me" is a fistfight Source: penfairy Stay awake at FUNSubstance.com AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OUI OUI OUI
America, God, and Head: penfairy
 Throwback to the time my poor German teacher had to
 explain the concept of formal and informal pronouns to a
 class full of Australians and everyone was scandalised and
 loudly complained "why can't I treat everyone the same?" "
 don't want to be a Sie!" "but being friendly is respectful!
 "wouldn't using du' just show I like them?" until one guy
 conceded "I suppose maybe l'd use Sie with someone like the
 prime minister, if he weren't such a cunt" and my teacher
 ended up with her head in her hands saying "you are all
 banned from using du until I can trust you
 Cdeflare
 God help Japanese teachers in Australia.
 languageoclock
 if this isnt an accurate representation of australia idk what is
 derinthemadscientist
 Australia's reverse-formality respect culture is fascinating. We
 don't even really think about it until we try to communicate or
 learn about another culture and the rules that are pretty
 standard for most of the world just feel so wrong. I went to
 America this one time and I kept automatically thinking that
 strangers using 'sir' and 'ma'am' were sassing me.
 Australians could not be trusted with a language with
 ingrained tiers of formal address. The most formal forms
 would immediately become synonyms for 'go fuck yourself
 and if you weren't using the most informal version possible
 within three sentences of meeting someone they'd take it to
 mean you hated them.
 hollowedskin
 100% true.
 the difference between "scuse me" and "excuse me" is a
 fistfight
 Source: penfairy
 Stay awake at FUNSubstance.com
AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OUI OUI OUI

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OUI OUI OUI

Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the...

Animals, Clothes, and Dogs: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material Sit on the floor in front of your dog. Place smaller dogs on your lap. How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand. Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz- zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other. 3 Raise the dog's nose. Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the jaw opens Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand. Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw further. Use a stick to scrape out poop from beneath the tread of your shoe. 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth. Close the mouth. Tilt up the chin. Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with swallowing. BGive the dog a treat. BE AWARE! Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow. Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill. Use your band to keep the dog's mouth closed after placing the pill in bis mouth. Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb. Dip shoe bottom into park fountain Page 27 Dry the dog. Emergency Rain Gear 7 Repeat washing, if necessary. This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48 hours before bathing a second time. Cut or tear holes in a plastic shopping bag for the dog's paws and head. Use a kitchen- or yard-sized bag for larger breeds. Carefully slip the bag over the dog's head, and ease the front and WARNING! Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can cause nausea and dizziness in humans. THANK YOU Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take HAVE A NICE DAY to deodorize it. back paws through the Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites holes. How To GIVE A DoG CPR Position the dog on her side. The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the dog is on a firm surface. 2 Kneel next to the dog. B Compress the chest. For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate every five compressions with one breath. For medium to large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath. How To GET RiD oF SKUNK ODOR ON YOUR Doc Keep the dog outside. 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water. 4 Check for a hearthbeat. 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry. The compound used to remove skunk odor 4 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin. After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found, continue with compressions. discolor fab- can 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash. Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf- ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need To give artificial respiration, tilt the dog's bead back, place hand around the muzzle, put your mouth over the nose, and breathe into the dog's more. 5 Apply mixture immediately. Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops, then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists. nose. K YO A NICE novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07
Animals, Clothes, and Dogs: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material
 Sit on the floor in front of your dog.
 Place smaller dogs on your lap.
 How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe
 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand.
 Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz-
 zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other.
 3 Raise the dog's nose.
 Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the
 jaw opens
 Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your
 dominant hand.
 Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw
 further.
 Use a stick to scrape out poop from
 beneath the tread of your shoe.
 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth.
 Close the mouth.
 Tilt up the chin.
 Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with
 swallowing.
 BGive the dog a treat.
 BE AWARE!
 Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow.
 Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets
 is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines
 become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill.
 Use your band to keep the
 dog's mouth closed after
 placing the pill in bis mouth.
 Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb.
 Dip shoe bottom into park fountain
 Page 27

 Dry the dog.
 Emergency Rain Gear
 7 Repeat washing, if necessary.
 This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48
 hours before bathing a second time.
 Cut or tear holes in
 a plastic shopping
 bag for the dog's
 paws and head. Use a
 kitchen- or yard-sized
 bag for larger breeds.
 Carefully slip the bag
 over the dog's head,
 and ease the front and
 WARNING!
 Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal
 glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet
 furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can
 cause nausea and dizziness in humans.
 THANK YOU
 Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to
 anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take
 HAVE A NICE
 DAY
 to deodorize it.
 back paws through the
 Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites
 holes.
 How To GIVE A DoG CPR
 Position the dog on her side.
 The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the
 dog is on a firm surface.
 2 Kneel next to the dog.
 B Compress the chest.
 For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs
 at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the
 chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate
 every five compressions with one breath. For medium to
 large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top
 of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where
 the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to
 three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com
 pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than
 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once
 per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath.
 How To GET RiD oF SKUNK
 ODOR ON YOUR Doc
 Keep the dog outside.
 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water.
 4 Check for a hearthbeat.
 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry.
 The compound used to remove skunk odor 4
 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin.
 After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found,
 continue with compressions.
 discolor fab-
 can
 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash.
 Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of
 baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients
 will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf-
 ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need
 To give artificial
 respiration, tilt the dog's
 bead back, place hand
 around the muzzle,
 put your mouth over
 the nose, and breathe
 into the dog's
 more.
 5 Apply mixture immediately.
 Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as
 this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or
 outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and
 cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops,
 then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists.
 nose.
 K YO
 A NICE
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

Animals, Clothes, and Dogs: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material Sit on the floor in front of your dog. Place smaller dogs on your lap. How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand. Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz- zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other. 3 Raise the dog's nose. Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the jaw opens Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand. Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw further. Use a stick to scrape out poop from beneath the tread of your shoe. 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth. Close the mouth. Tilt up the chin. Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with swallowing. BGive the dog a treat. BE AWARE! Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow. Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill. Use your band to keep the dog's mouth closed after placing the pill in bis mouth. Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb. Dip shoe bottom into park fountain Page 27 Dry the dog. Emergency Rain Gear 7 Repeat washing, if necessary. This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48 hours before bathing a second time. Cut or tear holes in a plastic shopping bag for the dog's paws and head. Use a kitchen- or yard-sized bag for larger breeds. Carefully slip the bag over the dog's head, and ease the front and WARNING! Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can cause nausea and dizziness in humans. THANK YOU Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take HAVE A NICE DAY to deodorize it. back paws through the Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites holes. How To GIVE A DoG CPR Position the dog on her side. The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the dog is on a firm surface. 2 Kneel next to the dog. B Compress the chest. For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate every five compressions with one breath. For medium to large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath. How To GET RiD oF SKUNK ODOR ON YOUR Doc Keep the dog outside. 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water. 4 Check for a hearthbeat. 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry. The compound used to remove skunk odor 4 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin. After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found, continue with compressions. discolor fab- can 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash. Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf- ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need To give artificial respiration, tilt the dog's bead back, place hand around the muzzle, put your mouth over the nose, and breathe into the dog's more. 5 Apply mixture immediately. Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops, then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists. nose. K YO A NICE novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07
Animals, Clothes, and Dogs: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material
 Sit on the floor in front of your dog.
 Place smaller dogs on your lap.
 How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe
 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand.
 Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz-
 zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other.
 3 Raise the dog's nose.
 Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the
 jaw opens
 Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your
 dominant hand.
 Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw
 further.
 Use a stick to scrape out poop from
 beneath the tread of your shoe.
 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth.
 Close the mouth.
 Tilt up the chin.
 Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with
 swallowing.
 BGive the dog a treat.
 BE AWARE!
 Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow.
 Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets
 is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines
 become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill.
 Use your band to keep the
 dog's mouth closed after
 placing the pill in bis mouth.
 Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb.
 Dip shoe bottom into park fountain
 Page 27

 Dry the dog.
 Emergency Rain Gear
 7 Repeat washing, if necessary.
 This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48
 hours before bathing a second time.
 Cut or tear holes in
 a plastic shopping
 bag for the dog's
 paws and head. Use a
 kitchen- or yard-sized
 bag for larger breeds.
 Carefully slip the bag
 over the dog's head,
 and ease the front and
 WARNING!
 Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal
 glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet
 furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can
 cause nausea and dizziness in humans.
 THANK YOU
 Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to
 anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take
 HAVE A NICE
 DAY
 to deodorize it.
 back paws through the
 Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites
 holes.
 How To GIVE A DoG CPR
 Position the dog on her side.
 The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the
 dog is on a firm surface.
 2 Kneel next to the dog.
 B Compress the chest.
 For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs
 at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the
 chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate
 every five compressions with one breath. For medium to
 large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top
 of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where
 the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to
 three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com
 pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than
 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once
 per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath.
 How To GET RiD oF SKUNK
 ODOR ON YOUR Doc
 Keep the dog outside.
 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water.
 4 Check for a hearthbeat.
 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry.
 The compound used to remove skunk odor 4
 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin.
 After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found,
 continue with compressions.
 discolor fab-
 can
 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash.
 Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of
 baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients
 will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf-
 ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need
 To give artificial
 respiration, tilt the dog's
 bead back, place hand
 around the muzzle,
 put your mouth over
 the nose, and breathe
 into the dog's
 more.
 5 Apply mixture immediately.
 Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as
 this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or
 outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and
 cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops,
 then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists.
 nose.
 K YO
 A NICE
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07