🔥 | Latest

Advice, Charmander, and God: Tweet t Roger DiLuigi III retweeted Wallid Kanaan 00 @Balrog TheMaster Twitch Plays XY was able to successfully Wonder Trade and got an Omanyte called Lady Helix. HOW Misickf71 20,131 Twitch Plays Pokemon 2014-07-27 07:03:23 UTC Stream delay:30s Haloelite2 Thundernind5700 Broadswordnast ar Hquaticsmore5 Dragoonxd aichu Jirachinoe LADY HELIX Lv.1 R240,140 80,150 A 300,234 ??? Omanyte 12/12 DEX NO. НР ATTACK 6 Nanashi yanabiko Me10atta Czarwona.latarni a BX BХ DEFENSE 6 AOEK WATER 293, 124 SP. ATK 7 Rkjhouopc 123 A SP. DEF 6 MOVES LEARNED SPEED 6 Constrict NATURE Mild Withdraw ABILITY Shell Armor None ITEM Od3h03n23s Badges: 0 Last save: 4n ago Last party display update: 42s ago NO W OMRSQ LADY HELD Continue operations? AWA Report Problem atma-starfish: commandtower-solring-go: dpdchxkenpachi: commandtower-solring-go: dpdchxkenpachi: swan2swan: skeletim: precumming: Wtf… holy SHIT Do not doubt a god. I don’t get it The original Twitch plays pokemon was a Twitch based event from a few years back where users of the Twitch Chat could submit button presses based on the layout of an old Game Boy to play Pokemon Red. Eventually they did manage to beat the game. But along the way it had sparked a huge following and somehow developed it’s own lore based on the pokemon caught and the names they were given. However, at Mount Moon, Twitch decided to take the Helix Fossil, an item that could be used to acquire an Omanyte later in the game.  Due to the nature of the system, a lot of the time the character just would walk around in circles for hours on end, and one thing that would happen constantly would be that they would open their item menu and try to ‘use’ the Helix Fossil. Since the item had no function, people adopted the idea that they were ‘consulting’ the Helix Fossil for advice, and that it was their lord and saviour. What makes this Lady Helix so incredible is that, there was an incredibly small chance that they would get to Wonder Trade. And knowing wonder trade, the pokemon you’ll get in return is impossible to predetermine. So for not only them to get an Omanyte, is amazing. But the fact that that Omanyte references explicitly the events of he previous TPP, is nuts  I knew that Twitch plays Pokémon was wild I had no idea that the lore ran this deep. Haha that’s amazing Oh it gets way better. Due to the random arse nicknames the pokemon got, they adopted monikers to go with it. I’ll run through a couple ABBBBBBBK( was the starter pokemon, Charmander and was nicknamed Abby. However was released. JLVWNNOOOO was the player’s Ratata, nicknamed Jay Leno. It was released with Abby, following due to loyalty aaabaaajss was the TPP Pidgeot, the strongest pkemon on the team, and was chosen by the Helix Fossile. It was nicknamed Bird Jesus.  Eevee the false prophet, sent by the Dome Fossil. Evolved into Flareon and was released AATTVVV was the team’s Venomoth, lovingly nicknamed the All Terrain Venomoth. One of the final party. AA-j was the team’s Zapdos, caught with a masterball and was dubbed Battery Jesus. however, he was a false prophet. Only a short time after it’s capture on the 11th day were a great deal of pokemon were released. It did, however, make it to the end of the game. AAAAAAAAAA or also known as The Fonz was also one of the last members in the party. A Nidoking that helped leave the team to victory. I only saw a little bit of the actual stream, but I followed the whole thing. it was amazing.  i want to point out that All Terrain Venomoth was horrendously underleveled and managed to take down one of Lance’s Dragonites
Advice, Charmander, and God: Tweet
 t Roger DiLuigi III retweeted
 Wallid Kanaan
 00
 @Balrog TheMaster
 Twitch Plays XY was able to
 successfully Wonder Trade and got an
 Omanyte called Lady Helix.
 HOW
 Misickf71
 20,131
 Twitch Plays Pokemon 2014-07-27 07:03:23 UTC
 Stream delay:30s
 Haloelite2
 Thundernind5700
 Broadswordnast ar
 Hquaticsmore5
 Dragoonxd
 aichu
 Jirachinoe
 LADY HELIX
 Lv.1
 R240,140
 80,150
 A
 300,234
 ??? Omanyte
 12/12
 DEX NO.
 НР
 ATTACK
 6
 Nanashi yanabiko
 Me10atta
 Czarwona.latarni a
 BX
 BХ
 DEFENSE
 6
 AOEK WATER
 293, 124
 SP. ATK
 7
 Rkjhouopc 123
 A
 SP. DEF
 6
 MOVES LEARNED
 SPEED
 6
 Constrict
 NATURE
 Mild
 Withdraw
 ABILITY
 Shell Armor
 None
 ITEM
 Od3h03n23s
 Badges: 0
 Last save: 4n ago
 Last party display update: 42s ago
 NO
 W OMRSQ
 LADY HELD
 Continue operations?
 AWA
 Report Problem
atma-starfish:

commandtower-solring-go:

dpdchxkenpachi:

commandtower-solring-go:


dpdchxkenpachi:

swan2swan:

skeletim:

precumming:

Wtf…

holy SHIT

Do not doubt a god.


I don’t get it

The original Twitch plays pokemon was a Twitch based event from a few years back where users of the Twitch Chat could submit button presses based on the layout of an old Game Boy to play Pokemon Red.
Eventually they did manage to beat the game. But along the way it had sparked a huge following and somehow developed it’s own lore based on the pokemon caught and the names they were given. However, at Mount Moon, Twitch decided to take the Helix Fossil, an item that could be used to acquire an Omanyte later in the game. 
Due to the nature of the system, a lot of the time the character just would walk around in circles for hours on end, and one thing that would happen constantly would be that they would open their item menu and try to ‘use’ the Helix Fossil. Since the item had no function, people adopted the idea that they were ‘consulting’ the Helix Fossil for advice, and that it was their lord and saviour.
What makes this Lady Helix so incredible is that, there was an incredibly small chance that they would get to Wonder Trade. And knowing wonder trade, the pokemon you’ll get in return is impossible to predetermine. So for not only them to get an Omanyte, is amazing. But the fact that that Omanyte references explicitly the events of he previous TPP, is nuts 


I knew that Twitch plays Pokémon was wild I had no idea that the lore ran this deep. Haha that’s amazing

Oh it gets way better. Due to the random arse nicknames the pokemon got, they adopted monikers to go with it. I’ll run through a couple
ABBBBBBBK( was the starter pokemon, Charmander and was nicknamed Abby. However was released.
JLVWNNOOOO was the player’s Ratata, nicknamed Jay Leno. It was released with Abby, following due to loyalty
aaabaaajss was the TPP Pidgeot, the strongest pkemon on the team, and was chosen by the Helix Fossile. It was nicknamed Bird Jesus. 
Eevee the false prophet, sent by the Dome Fossil. Evolved into Flareon and was released
AATTVVV was the team’s Venomoth, lovingly nicknamed the All Terrain Venomoth. One of the final party.
AA-j was the team’s Zapdos, caught with a masterball and was dubbed Battery Jesus. however, he was a false prophet. Only a short time after it’s capture on the 11th day were a great deal of pokemon were released. It did, however, make it to the end of the game.
AAAAAAAAAA or also known as The Fonz was also one of the last members in the party. A Nidoking that helped leave the team to victory.
I only saw a little bit of the actual stream, but I followed the whole thing. it was amazing. 

i want to point out that All Terrain Venomoth was horrendously underleveled and managed to take down one of Lance’s Dragonites

atma-starfish: commandtower-solring-go: dpdchxkenpachi: commandtower-solring-go: dpdchxkenpachi: swan2swan: skeletim: precumming: W...

Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the...

Animals, Bones, and Drugs: Humans of New York 5 hrs "I used heroin for ten years. It wasn't a very good life, as you'd expect. I had my son taken from me. I lost my job at the Fiat factory. I spent all my time trying to find money, find dealers, and stay away from police. I hated myself. I couldn't face anyone. Then one day my friend's dog had puppies. I'd never had a dog before, but I always liked animals- so I told him to give me the smallest and ugliest one he had. The one nobody else wanted. And that's how I got Joe. Joe was the angel of my life. We understood each other. There was no need for words. He followed me around all the time. He slept next to me on the street. The moment I opened my eyes in the morning he would lick my face. He gave me self-esteem. I was a complete loser but at least I could take care of Joe. I could bring him to the park. I could bring him to the vet. I could raise enough money to get his medication. He's the reason I was finally able to quit heroin. Because if something happened to me, what would happen to him? So I got clean. It was hard but I got clean. Joe lived for another thirteen years. He got a tumor in 2012 and held on a few more months. I barely survived it. I was able to stay off drugs, but I promised myself that I'd never get another dog. It's just too painful. But two years ago I found Leica beneath a mobile home. She was all skin and bones. She'd been abandoned. I didn't have a choice. For the first few months I called her Joe. But I had to stop. Because Joe'ss gone. And the name doesn't really matter, anyway. It just matters that I love her." (Rome, Italy) i thought this belonged here a very wholesome story
Animals, Bones, and Drugs: Humans of New York
 5 hrs
 "I used heroin for ten years. It wasn't a very good life, as you'd expect. I had
 my son taken from me. I lost my job at the Fiat factory. I spent all my time
 trying to find money, find dealers, and stay away from police. I hated myself.
 I couldn't face anyone. Then one day my friend's dog had puppies. I'd never
 had a dog before, but I always liked animals- so I told him to give me the
 smallest and ugliest one he had. The one nobody else wanted. And that's
 how I got Joe. Joe was the angel of my life. We understood each other.
 There was no need for words. He followed me around all the time. He slept
 next to me on the street. The moment I opened my eyes in the morning he
 would lick my face. He gave me self-esteem. I was a complete loser but at
 least I could take care of Joe. I could bring him to the park. I could bring him
 to the vet. I could raise enough money to get his medication. He's the reason
 I was finally able to quit heroin. Because if something happened to me, what
 would happen to him? So I got clean. It was hard but I got clean. Joe lived
 for another thirteen years. He got a tumor in 2012 and held on a few more
 months. I barely survived it. I was able to stay off drugs, but I promised
 myself that I'd never get another dog. It's just too painful. But two years ago I
 found Leica beneath a mobile home. She was all skin and bones. She'd
 been abandoned. I didn't have a choice. For the first few months I called her
 Joe. But I had to stop. Because Joe'ss gone. And the name doesn't really
 matter, anyway. It just matters that I love her."
 (Rome, Italy)
i thought this belonged here a very wholesome story

i thought this belonged here a very wholesome story

Target, Tumblr, and Blog: daisy-pooh: it would happen sooner or later
Target, Tumblr, and Blog: daisy-pooh:

it would happen sooner or later

daisy-pooh: it would happen sooner or later

Children, Fall, and Family: Are you making blans for vourwifes death? Come on now,own up.The thought hasn't so much as crossed your mind, has it?they Could you afford £2.000 a year for a family cook? All along, you've blithely need and deserve? That your wife will be out with their maths homework? Teaching them That yours is the life tha And like everything else nowadays, that sort Noble and worthy sent According to a recent survey, the average There's no guaranteeing (According to statistics, So have you ever thought assumed that you'll be the The nightly bedtime stories? Helping theml first to go. the one who will need the whats what in the big wide world? inancial looking-after. should be insured, not hers. of help doesn't come cheap. ments indeed.But, if we may mother of three ploughs through Heaven knows, you'd need help. Lots of it. sayso,short sightedones,too. eighty hours of housework a week. that your wife will outliveyou. little morethan a 60%chance Where on earth are you go HOUSEHOLD Eighty hours, mind. At £2.50 an hour, that comes to a staggering £10,400 a year. 500 ml. to get holdof thatsortofmoney? Well, you could start at the what would happen to you bottom right hand comer of if the unthinkable happened this page. After hours of office work, could you face hours of housework? tO hecNo in che dím Abary Laie can paoviae ocoveh Foraslittleas15.00amonth, distant future. worth over £50,000 tax free: But tomorrow, If you prefer, we can even draw up a combined Friday, 24th June 1983? Could you cope? Who'llplay nursemaid if the kids fall ill? On the purely practical front, think of the 'Husband and Wife' policy cooking, the washing, the hours of housework that pays out in the event of either of you dying If you'd like to discuss things further withus, post off the coupon straight away. Planning for a wifes death may be no pleasant matter for a husband. But for a father, its a very necessary duty. To kam more about our plans, send dhis coupon to Peter Kel Albany Like Assurance, FREEPOST Poners Bar ENSIBR Could you be an executive by day and a chambermaid by night? that youd Name have to put Ads in. More importantly, there's the children to consider. Namk Albany itend Couldyou everdevote the sort oftime to them life-insurancequote: ad-fiend-blog: Pretty intense 1983 Life insurance ad As disturbing as it is, it grabs the attention The problem with this ad is it doesn’t drive the nefarious subtext home by making it painfully meta. I like my ads more on-the-nose inappropriate. -http://YourLifeSolution.com
Children, Fall, and Family: Are you making
 blans for
 vourwifes death?
 Come on now,own up.The
 thought hasn't so much
 as crossed your mind, has it?they
 Could you
 afford £2.000 a year for
 a family cook?
 All along, you've blithely need and deserve?
 That your wife will be out with their maths homework? Teaching them
 That yours is the life tha And like everything else nowadays, that sort
 Noble and worthy sent According to a recent survey, the average
 There's no guaranteeing
 (According to statistics,
 So have you ever thought
 assumed that you'll be the
 The nightly bedtime
 stories? Helping theml
 first to go.
 the one who will need the
 whats what in the big wide world?
 inancial looking-after.
 should be insured, not hers. of help doesn't come cheap.
 ments indeed.But, if we may mother of three ploughs through
 Heaven knows, you'd need help. Lots of it.
 sayso,short sightedones,too. eighty hours of housework a week.
 that your wife will outliveyou.
 little morethan a 60%chance Where on earth are you go
 HOUSEHOLD
 Eighty hours, mind.
 At £2.50 an hour, that comes
 to a staggering £10,400 a year.
 500 ml.
 to get holdof thatsortofmoney?
 Well, you could start at the
 what would happen to you bottom right hand comer of
 if the unthinkable happened this page.
 After hours of
 office work, could you face
 hours of housework?
 tO hecNo in che dím Abary Laie can paoviae ocoveh
 Foraslittleas15.00amonth,
 distant future.
 worth over £50,000 tax free:
 But tomorrow,
 If you prefer, we can
 even draw up a combined
 Friday, 24th June 1983? Could you cope?
 Who'llplay
 nursemaid if the
 kids fall ill?
 On the purely practical front, think of the 'Husband and Wife' policy
 cooking, the washing, the hours of housework that pays out in the event of
 either of you dying
 If you'd like to discuss things further withus,
 post off the coupon straight away.
 Planning for a wifes death may be no
 pleasant matter for a husband.
 But for a father, its a very necessary duty.
 To kam more about our plans, send dhis coupon to Peter Kel
 Albany Like Assurance, FREEPOST Poners Bar ENSIBR
 Could you be an executive by day
 and a chambermaid by night?
 that youd Name
 have to put Ads
 in. More
 importantly, there's the children to consider. Namk
 Albany itend
 Couldyou everdevote the sort oftime to them
life-insurancequote:

ad-fiend-blog:

Pretty intense 1983 Life insurance ad
As disturbing as it is, it grabs the attention

The problem with this ad is it doesn’t drive the nefarious subtext home by making it painfully meta.  I like my ads more on-the-nose inappropriate. 
-http://YourLifeSolution.com

life-insurancequote: ad-fiend-blog: Pretty intense 1983 Life insurance ad As disturbing as it is, it grabs the attention The problem with...

Chicago, Clothes, and Community: HUFFPOST QUEER VOICES 'Family' Group Says It's Now Sending Men Into Target's Women's Restrooms The American Family Association says it's "testing" the stores. 05/02/2016 04:16 pm ET f 13 K Nina Golgowski f Trends reporter, The Huffington Post FOLLOW HUFFPOST fy expect more. pay less Vante Getbe HuffPost f Like 7M Queer Voices fLike 268K DAN RIEDLHUBER/REUTERS HUFFPOST NEWSLETTERS A director for the American Family Association says it has been sending men into women's restrooms at Target stores in response to the company's new transgender-friendly policy. Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Chicago Tribune Q 640 SPORTS BREAKING TRENDING OPINION BUSINESS SUBURBS ENTERTAINMENT ADVERTISING f 'Active shooter' at Target was just 'disturbance' about transgender restrooms: Cops A call about an "active shooter" at a Target in Bradley, Illinois, May 2, 2016, turned out to be a "disturbance" at the store caused by a man protesting the company's new transgender bathroom policy. (CBS Chicago) DAILY NEWS NEW YORK NEWS POLITICS SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT Texas man follows woman into a bathroom to check her gender because she was 'dressed like a man' BY TOBIAS SALINGER/ NEW YORK DAILY NEWS Monday, May 2, 2016, 5:09 PM A AA SHARE THIS URL f Share 2019 Tweet nydn.us/1SXUaOe COPY WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT Daily Mail com Home U.K. | News Sports U.S. Showbiz | Australia Femail Health Science Money Latest Headlines Femail Fashion Finder Food Femail Boards Beauty Gardening | Deals Blogs Be 'Offensive on so many levels': YouTube star slammed for wearing fake boobs, a wig and a dress to pose as a 'transgender' woman in bizarre 'social experiment' on bathrooms . Joey Salads, 22, wanted to see what would happen if a trans woman went into a women's restroom Instead of enlisting an actual trans woman, he dressed in drag, donning a cheap blonde wig and ill-fitting clothes The New Yorker filmed women yelling at him and telling him to get out, which he said proves women don't want trans women in their restrooms However, people are saying that he just looked like a man playing dress-up, and his clip shows a lack of understanding of the trans community .Joey wants people to stop 'b***ing' about his video and has gone on to make more insensitive comments By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM PUBLISHED: 16:53 EST, 25 April 2016 |UPDATED: 17:10 EST, 25 April 2016
Chicago, Clothes, and Community: HUFFPOST QUEER VOICES
 'Family' Group Says It's Now Sending Men Into Target's
 Women's Restrooms
 The American Family Association says it's "testing" the stores.
 05/02/2016 04:16 pm ET
 f
 13 K
 Nina Golgowski f
 Trends reporter, The Huffington Post
 FOLLOW HUFFPOST
 fy
 expect more.
 pay less
 Vante
 Getbe
 HuffPost
 f Like 7M
 Queer Voices
 fLike 268K
 DAN RIEDLHUBER/REUTERS
 HUFFPOST NEWSLETTERS
 A director for the American Family Association says it has been sending men into women's restrooms at Target stores
 in response to the company's new transgender-friendly policy.
 Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day.

 Chicago Tribune
 Q
 640
 SPORTS
 BREAKING
 TRENDING
 OPINION
 BUSINESS
 SUBURBS
 ENTERTAINMENT
 ADVERTISING
 f
 'Active shooter' at Target was just
 'disturbance' about transgender
 restrooms: Cops
 A call about an "active shooter" at a Target in Bradley, Illinois, May 2, 2016, turned out to be a "disturbance" at the store caused
 by a man protesting the company's new transgender bathroom policy. (CBS Chicago)

 DAILY NEWS
 NEW YORK NEWS POLITICS
 SPORTS
 ENTERTAINMENT
 Texas man follows woman into a bathroom
 to check her gender because she was
 'dressed like a man'
 BY TOBIAS SALINGER/ NEW YORK DAILY NEWS Monday, May 2, 2016, 5:09 PM
 A AA
 SHARE THIS URL
 f Share 2019
 Tweet
 nydn.us/1SXUaOe
 COPY
 WOUNDED WARRIOR
 PROJECT

 Daily Mail
 com
 Home U.K. | News Sports U.S. Showbiz | Australia Femail Health Science Money
 Latest Headlines Femail Fashion Finder Food Femail Boards Beauty Gardening | Deals Blogs Be
 'Offensive on so many levels': YouTube star
 slammed for wearing fake boobs, a wig and
 a dress to pose as a 'transgender' woman in
 bizarre 'social experiment' on bathrooms
 . Joey Salads, 22, wanted to see what would happen if a trans woman went
 into a women's restroom
 Instead of enlisting an actual trans woman, he dressed in drag, donning a
 cheap blonde wig and ill-fitting clothes
 The New Yorker filmed women yelling at him and telling him to get out,
 which he said proves women don't want trans women in their restrooms
 However, people are saying that he just looked like a man playing dress-up,
 and his clip shows a lack of understanding of the trans community
 .Joey wants people to stop 'b***ing' about his video and has gone on to
 make more insensitive comments
 By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
 PUBLISHED: 16:53 EST, 25 April 2016 |UPDATED: 17:10 EST, 25 April 2016
Chicago, Clothes, and Community: HUFFPOST QUEER VOICES 'Family' Group Says It's Now Sending Men Into Target's Women's Restrooms The American Family Association says it's "testing" the stores. 05/02/2016 04:16 pm ET f 13 K Nina Golgowski f Trends reporter, The Huffington Post FOLLOW HUFFPOST fy expect more. pay less Vante Getbe HuffPost f Like 7M Queer Voices fLike 268K DAN RIEDLHUBER/REUTERS HUFFPOST NEWSLETTERS A director for the American Family Association says it has been sending men into women's restrooms at Target stores in response to the company's new transgender-friendly policy. Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Chicago Tribune Q 640 SPORTS BREAKING TRENDING OPINION BUSINESS SUBURBS ENTERTAINMENT ADVERTISING f 'Active shooter' at Target was just 'disturbance' about transgender restrooms: Cops A call about an "active shooter" at a Target in Bradley, Illinois, May 2, 2016, turned out to be a "disturbance" at the store caused by a man protesting the company's new transgender bathroom policy. (CBS Chicago) DAILY NEWS NEW YORK NEWS POLITICS SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT Texas man follows woman into a bathroom to check her gender because she was 'dressed like a man' BY TOBIAS SALINGER/ NEW YORK DAILY NEWS Monday, May 2, 2016, 5:09 PM A AA SHARE THIS URL f Share 2019 Tweet nydn.us/1SXUaOe COPY WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT Daily Mail com Home U.K. | News Sports U.S. Showbiz | Australia Femail Health Science Money Latest Headlines Femail Fashion Finder Food Femail Boards Beauty Gardening | Deals Blogs Be 'Offensive on so many levels': YouTube star slammed for wearing fake boobs, a wig and a dress to pose as a 'transgender' woman in bizarre 'social experiment' on bathrooms . Joey Salads, 22, wanted to see what would happen if a trans woman went into a women's restroom Instead of enlisting an actual trans woman, he dressed in drag, donning a cheap blonde wig and ill-fitting clothes The New Yorker filmed women yelling at him and telling him to get out, which he said proves women don't want trans women in their restrooms However, people are saying that he just looked like a man playing dress-up, and his clip shows a lack of understanding of the trans community .Joey wants people to stop 'b***ing' about his video and has gone on to make more insensitive comments By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM PUBLISHED: 16:53 EST, 25 April 2016 |UPDATED: 17:10 EST, 25 April 2016 mediamattersforamerica: Trans people aren’t. the. ones. being. creepy. in bathrooms. h/t Carlos Maza
Chicago, Clothes, and Community: HUFFPOST QUEER VOICES
 'Family' Group Says It's Now Sending Men Into Target's
 Women's Restrooms
 The American Family Association says it's "testing" the stores.
 05/02/2016 04:16 pm ET
 f
 13 K
 Nina Golgowski f
 Trends reporter, The Huffington Post
 FOLLOW HUFFPOST
 fy
 expect more.
 pay less
 Vante
 Getbe
 HuffPost
 f Like 7M
 Queer Voices
 fLike 268K
 DAN RIEDLHUBER/REUTERS
 HUFFPOST NEWSLETTERS
 A director for the American Family Association says it has been sending men into women's restrooms at Target stores
 in response to the company's new transgender-friendly policy.
 Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day.

 Chicago Tribune
 Q
 640
 SPORTS
 BREAKING
 TRENDING
 OPINION
 BUSINESS
 SUBURBS
 ENTERTAINMENT
 ADVERTISING
 f
 'Active shooter' at Target was just
 'disturbance' about transgender
 restrooms: Cops
 A call about an "active shooter" at a Target in Bradley, Illinois, May 2, 2016, turned out to be a "disturbance" at the store caused
 by a man protesting the company's new transgender bathroom policy. (CBS Chicago)

 DAILY NEWS
 NEW YORK NEWS POLITICS
 SPORTS
 ENTERTAINMENT
 Texas man follows woman into a bathroom
 to check her gender because she was
 'dressed like a man'
 BY TOBIAS SALINGER/ NEW YORK DAILY NEWS Monday, May 2, 2016, 5:09 PM
 A AA
 SHARE THIS URL
 f Share 2019
 Tweet
 nydn.us/1SXUaOe
 COPY
 WOUNDED WARRIOR
 PROJECT

 Daily Mail
 com
 Home U.K. | News Sports U.S. Showbiz | Australia Femail Health Science Money
 Latest Headlines Femail Fashion Finder Food Femail Boards Beauty Gardening | Deals Blogs Be
 'Offensive on so many levels': YouTube star
 slammed for wearing fake boobs, a wig and
 a dress to pose as a 'transgender' woman in
 bizarre 'social experiment' on bathrooms
 . Joey Salads, 22, wanted to see what would happen if a trans woman went
 into a women's restroom
 Instead of enlisting an actual trans woman, he dressed in drag, donning a
 cheap blonde wig and ill-fitting clothes
 The New Yorker filmed women yelling at him and telling him to get out,
 which he said proves women don't want trans women in their restrooms
 However, people are saying that he just looked like a man playing dress-up,
 and his clip shows a lack of understanding of the trans community
 .Joey wants people to stop 'b***ing' about his video and has gone on to
 make more insensitive comments
 By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
 PUBLISHED: 16:53 EST, 25 April 2016 |UPDATED: 17:10 EST, 25 April 2016
mediamattersforamerica:

Trans people aren’t. the. ones. being. creepy. in bathrooms. h/t Carlos Maza

mediamattersforamerica: Trans people aren’t. the. ones. being. creepy. in bathrooms. h/t Carlos Maza

Being Alone, Arguing, and Bad: buzzfeed: laughterkey: wonderali: alltangledupinblue: teaandcathair: brofisting: astolat: badscienceshenanigans: 0hcicero: beautifulchaos-anumcara: buzzfeed: adulthoodisokay: adulthoodisokay: aimee-b-loved: bijoux-et-mineraux: reclusiveandelusive: tsreckoah: naughtylittledragon: nassadii: tsreckoah: thepioden: vulcanology-geology: mollisaurus: lizaleigh: zdravomilla: brambledboneyards: xekstrin: bijoux-et-mineraux: Polished Malachite Stalactite - Copper Crescent, Congo *looks around* Is Is anyone gonna say it malachite is a poisonous mineral. please do not fuck the malachite stalactite @lizaleigh do you know any rock people that can confirm/deny because I am very curious and really don’t feel like getting into a conversation with my geophysicist brother that MAY somehow get back to the fact I saw a malachite that looked like a weird dildo. …sadly, I am not on good enough terms with any of our partner geologists to just attach this to an email with the subject line: “EXPLAIN.”Although I think @mollisaurus is a mineral person. Thoughts? oh geeze, i’m kinda rusty on minerals but malachite is just copper carbonate and is really common in both antique and modern jewelry so i think like if you were really gun-ho about it you could go ahead and put it wherever you want? It’s really only a problem if you’re polishing or cutting it. The particles would be bad to breathe. It’s rather porous too, so I would worry about bacteria growing. Well, being literal anyway… Better to leave the poor thing alone. ._. I mean it kinda depends on where you stick it because malachite does not like acidic environments very much and the malachite will degrade and also might dye your bits blue-green as the copper dissolves out. So use a condom when fucking rocks is the takeaway here. Oh my god guys it’s poisonous It is super poisonous There is a reason we do not use it in make up any more Not even with a condom, do not fuck the rock Try this one instead.  malachite literally explodes in water does it not? I… no… I think you’re thinking of pure sodium? Malachite is however water soluble, which really just means it will poison you quicker This is both hilarious and cool as fuck because you’re getting all this information on minerals and rocks. You’re also watching people argue over wether or not you can fuck this rock I go on hiatus for a week and come back to find tumblr molesting my post, but hey, at least we all learned something so yay tumblr, you just keep on  being you. I’m still not sure if I can fuck this rock. I’m looking into it. UPDATE: Today in “I’m so sorry, coworkers, it’s for Tumblr,” I brought this post to the attention the science reporters at BuzzFeed. Dan Vergano did a some research and weighed in on the question “Can you use malachite as a dildo or is it toxic?” The answer is “It’s probably fine, just wash it first and maybe use a bunch of lube.” Oh man this got so much better than the last time I saw this post This is my favourite. Science side of tumblr: asking the REAL questions *biologist crashes through the underbrush*Ok so here’s the thing thoughMalachite is not poisonous to YOU. BUT fucking this stalactite will probably wreck your vaginal flora and leave you with a gruesome infection within a couple days.Want details? SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ‘CAUSE HERE THEY ARE.• Malachite is not copper oxide. It’s Cu2CO3(OH)2. Like most carbonates it’s water soluble– that’s how it became a stalactite in the first place! And technically any given chunk of “malachite” isn’t just malachite– it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. This will become important later. • When malachite dissolves it makes a bunch of copper (Cu++) ions. Cu++ is GREAT at killing bacteria and fungi– so good at it that sprays with Cu++ get used a lot as a spray in agriculture to stop plant disease. It takes such a large dose to harm larger organisms that copper sprays are used a lot in organic agriculture (like Bordeaux mixture). So bottom line, yes malachite is technically nontoxic to humans. But it kills bacteria when it dissolves and releases Cu++.• Malachite dissolves somewhat slowly in water– but vaginal secretions aren’t just any water. A healthy human vagina has a pH of 3.8-4.5 and a salinity of about 0.9%. It’s also warmer than your average underground cave at 37°C (or 98.5°F in American meat units). As luck would have it, acidity, salinity, and warmth all make malachite dissolve faster. • In other words, the human vagina dissolves malachite. • I have no deeper explanation for why human females can dissolve rocks with our genitals. It simply is. • Gonna to take a quick moment to point out that sex toys that dissolve when you use them are maybe not the best investment. • Anyway the key question now is “how fast does the human vagina dissolve malachite?” Are we talking geological timescale, a Nazis-in-Indiana-Jones situation, or something in between? If the reaction kinetics of dissolution are very slow, then there’s nothing to worry about. An encounter with a stalactite would have to last years for enough Cu++ to leach out to cause problems. If it’s quick then we’re in trouble. • Unfortunately it looks like nobody really knows. One of the best sources on how malachite dissolves & precipitates in water– an EPA document on how to avoid too much Cu++ in municipal drinking water systems– helpfully says “The kinetic constraints on the formation of these solids in water systems are largely unexplored” (p. 42) because end equilibrium points is all you need to run a city water system safely. In other words, the experiments that would tell us how fast malachite dissolves in various types of water just don’t exist because nobody’s ever needed to know before. So we’d better assume it’s going to happen reasonably quickly, #for safety.• So in best scientific fashion, we’re just going to bullshit our way ahead using what facts we DO have on hand: endpoint equlibria. • Is there any info out there telling us what equilibrium concentration of Cu++ we get in salty acidic water at body temperature? Almost! One J.F. Scaife published some great data on this back in 1957. TAKE IT AWAY, SCAIFE.  That orange box is how many moles of dissolved Cu++ Scaife got from sticking malachite in some water that had 0.171 moles NaCl/L (body salinity is about 0.154 moles NaCl/L so this is slightly less salty than people) at 30°C. He’s got no acidity in there, and again the salinity and temperature are slightly lower than people. But this is probably the closest we’re going to get to data on how malachite behaves in vaginas anytime soon, folks. From this we can take away that if you leave malachite alone in a vagina you’ll get AT LEAST 9.12 x 10^-4 moles/L, or 5.8 ppm, of Cu++ at equilibrium. • Recall from above that most “malachite” isn’t actually pure malachite, it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. The EPA document elaborates: “[T]raditional ‘eyeball’ identification of malachite by its blue-green color is extremely unreliable, because almost all cupric hydroxysulfates, hydroxycarbonates, hydroxychlorides, and even fresh cupric hydroxide can be some shade of blue-green. … Thus, the uncertainty in the computed copper concentration in equilibrium with malachite is at least about a factor of 2 … until further experimental data focusing on this problem is generated.” In other words, “do your math and then double how much Cu++ you think is going to be in the water, just in case.” So that gives us 11.6ppm Cu++, at equilibrium, with malachite in a (til now!) healthy vagina. • Next step: do we have any idea what happens to bacteria in acid conditions with copper? OH MY GOD WE TOTALLY DO. Gyawali et al 2011 checked this out in the context of “so what if we rinsed tomatoes with a solution of lactic acid and copper, because that would be a safe & organic way to get rid of E. coli?” So now this post has officially ruined stalactites, vaginas, and tomatoes. ^This would happen. These are the counts of 4 E. coli strains exposed to various levels of lactic acid & Cu++ for 8 hours. This table only shows the end counts but it represents the death of 99.7% of bacteria*. • Losing 99.7% of your vaginal flora is seriously bad news. You’re looking at really good odds of a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, and/or other infection issues. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to not be in the 4% of the population or so that’s sensitive to skin contact with copper. • The good news? Biochemically speaking, you’re probably ok to put it in your butt. It’s not as acidic or salty in there, plus there’s a huuuuuge stockpile of gut microbes right upstream that can quickly repopulate the colon after spelunking is complete. However this stalactite is not flared at the base so it is the wrong shape for putting in your butt. Do not put this stalactite in your butt. • This all looks like fun and games, but I think it’s really interesting that the internet’s mistake in concluding that this stalactite is fuckable is very similar to the mistake made by the Flint water management system. Hear me out. • Central to the Flint lead poisoning crisis is that authorities only looked at & tested Flint’s water in its central treatment plant before it went out through the pipes. Not after it went through the pipes. They did not consider what would happen biochemically as it went through the pipes and metals started dissolving. • Similarly, in concluding that the stalactite is fuckable, the internet only considered the stalactite itself. Not the biochemical processes that would happen to it as it, welp, went through the pipes. • Media frequently reports that the Flint River’s water is “corrosive,” leading many to believe the river is full of industrial waste. This ain’t the case. You’d need industry to fill a river with industrial waste, and industry left decades ago. That’s why Flint’s so poor. So what IS in the water? Road salt. Plain old stupid road salt. The old Detroit-based source didn’t have salt because it came from Lake Huron which has a large, mostly rural watershed. Meanwhile the Flint River runs through a lot of towns, making it slightly salty as everything melts down in spring. And as we recall from the stalactite experience, a little salt is all it takes to get metals to dissolve. • Information on this engineering problem was not coming through clearly from the engineering or chemistry sides. It took a biologist, pediatrician Mona Hanna-Attisha, to document the real-time results and provide the data to kick-start a high-level investigation. • Morals of the story: when dealing with a biological system pls consider asking a biologist, your vagina and/or city could depend on this• Pls use a condom when fucking any water-soluble material• Still don’t put the stalactite in your butt -3/10 do not recommend OK, I haven’t reblogged this before now but the final post takes it to a whole new level and I can no longer resist.  fine, this is the Best Tumblr Post What a wild fucking ride. I LOVE YOU SCIENCE TUMBLR IT GOT BETTER!!!! Ahem. @buzzfeed things have gotten (even) more interesting on the malachite fucking front. tumblr is an incredible social networking website
Being Alone, Arguing, and Bad: buzzfeed:

laughterkey:

wonderali:

alltangledupinblue:

teaandcathair:

brofisting:

astolat:

badscienceshenanigans:

0hcicero:

beautifulchaos-anumcara:

buzzfeed:

adulthoodisokay:

adulthoodisokay:

aimee-b-loved:

bijoux-et-mineraux:

reclusiveandelusive:

tsreckoah:

naughtylittledragon:

nassadii:

tsreckoah:

thepioden:

vulcanology-geology:

mollisaurus:

lizaleigh:

zdravomilla:

brambledboneyards:

xekstrin:

bijoux-et-mineraux:

Polished Malachite Stalactite - Copper Crescent, Congo

*looks around*
Is
Is anyone gonna say it

malachite is a poisonous mineral.  please do not fuck the malachite stalactite

@lizaleigh do you know any rock people that can confirm/deny because I am very curious and really don’t feel like getting into a conversation with my geophysicist brother that MAY somehow get back to the fact I saw a malachite that looked like a weird dildo.

…sadly, I am not on good enough terms with any of our partner geologists to just attach this to an email with the subject line: “EXPLAIN.”Although I think @mollisaurus is a mineral person.  Thoughts?

oh geeze, i’m kinda rusty on minerals but malachite is just copper carbonate and is really common in both antique and modern jewelry so i think like if you were really gun-ho about it you could go ahead and put it wherever you want?

It’s really only a problem if you’re polishing or cutting it. The particles would be bad to breathe. It’s rather porous too, so I would worry about bacteria growing. Well, being literal anyway… Better to leave the poor thing alone. ._.

I mean it kinda depends on where you stick it because malachite does not like acidic environments very much and the malachite will degrade and also might dye your bits blue-green as the copper dissolves out.
So use a condom when fucking rocks is the takeaway here.

Oh my god guys it’s poisonous
It is super poisonous
There is a reason we do not use it in make up any more
Not even with a condom, do not fuck the rock




Try this one instead. 

malachite literally explodes in water does it not?

I… no… I think you’re thinking of pure sodium?
Malachite is however water soluble, which really just means it will poison you quicker

This is both hilarious and cool as fuck because you’re getting all this information on minerals and rocks. You’re also watching people argue over wether or not you can fuck this rock

I go on hiatus for a week and come back to find tumblr molesting my post, but hey, at least we all learned something so yay tumblr, you just keep on  being you. 

I’m still not sure if I can fuck this rock.

I’m looking into it.

UPDATE:

Today in “I’m so sorry, coworkers, it’s for Tumblr,” I brought this post to the attention the science reporters at BuzzFeed. Dan Vergano did a some research and weighed in on the question “Can you use malachite as a dildo or is it toxic?” 
The answer is “It’s probably fine, just wash it first and maybe use a bunch of lube.” 

Oh man this got so much better than the last time I saw this post

This is my favourite. Science side of tumblr: asking the REAL questions

*biologist crashes through the underbrush*Ok so here’s the thing thoughMalachite is not poisonous to YOU. BUT fucking this stalactite will probably wreck your vaginal flora and leave you with a gruesome infection within a couple days.Want details? SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ‘CAUSE HERE THEY ARE.• Malachite is not copper oxide. It’s Cu2CO3(OH)2. Like most carbonates it’s water soluble– that’s how it became a stalactite in the first place! And technically any given chunk of “malachite” isn’t just malachite– it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. This will become important later. • When malachite dissolves it makes a bunch of copper (Cu++) ions. Cu++ is GREAT at killing bacteria and fungi– so good at it that sprays with Cu++ get used a lot as a spray in agriculture to stop plant disease. It takes such a large dose to harm larger organisms that copper sprays are used a lot in organic agriculture (like Bordeaux mixture). So bottom line, yes malachite is technically nontoxic to humans. But it kills bacteria when it dissolves and releases Cu++.• Malachite dissolves somewhat slowly in water– but vaginal secretions aren’t just any water. A healthy human vagina has a pH of 3.8-4.5 and a salinity of about 0.9%. It’s also warmer than your average underground cave at 37°C (or 98.5°F in American meat units). As luck would have it, acidity, salinity, and warmth all make malachite dissolve faster. • In other words, the human vagina dissolves malachite. • I have no deeper explanation for why human females can dissolve rocks with our genitals. It simply is. • Gonna to take a quick moment to point out that sex toys that dissolve when you use them are maybe not the best investment. • Anyway the key question now is “how fast does the human vagina dissolve malachite?” Are we talking geological timescale, a Nazis-in-Indiana-Jones situation, or something in between? If the reaction kinetics of dissolution are very slow, then there’s nothing to worry about. An encounter with a stalactite would have to last years for enough Cu++ to leach out to cause problems. If it’s quick then we’re in trouble. • Unfortunately it looks like nobody really knows. One of the best sources on how malachite dissolves & precipitates in water– an EPA document on how to avoid too much Cu++ in municipal drinking water systems– helpfully says “The kinetic constraints on the formation of these solids in water systems are largely unexplored” (p. 42) because end equilibrium points is all you need to run a city water system safely. In other words, the experiments that would tell us how fast malachite dissolves in various types of water just don’t exist because nobody’s ever needed to know before. So we’d better assume it’s going to happen reasonably quickly, #for safety.• So in best scientific fashion, we’re just going to bullshit our way ahead using what facts we DO have on hand: endpoint equlibria. • Is there any info out there telling us what equilibrium concentration of Cu++ we get in salty acidic water at body temperature? Almost! One J.F. Scaife published some great data on this back in 1957. TAKE IT AWAY, SCAIFE. 
That orange box is how many moles of dissolved Cu++ Scaife got from sticking malachite in some water that had 0.171 moles NaCl/L (body salinity is about 0.154 moles NaCl/L so this is slightly less salty than people) at 30°C. He’s got no acidity in there, and again the salinity and temperature are slightly lower than people. But this is probably the closest we’re going to get to data on how malachite behaves in vaginas anytime soon, folks. From this we can take away that if you leave malachite alone in a vagina you’ll get AT LEAST 9.12 x 10^-4 moles/L, or 5.8 ppm, of Cu++ at equilibrium. • Recall from above that most “malachite” isn’t actually pure malachite, it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. The EPA document elaborates: “[T]raditional ‘eyeball’ identification of malachite by its blue-green color is extremely
unreliable, because almost all cupric hydroxysulfates, hydroxycarbonates, hydroxychlorides,
and even fresh cupric hydroxide can be some shade of blue-green. … Thus, the uncertainty in the computed copper
concentration in equilibrium with malachite is at least about a factor of 2 … until further experimental data focusing on this problem is generated.” In other words, “do your math and then double how much Cu++ you think is going to be in the water, just in case.” So that gives us 11.6ppm Cu++, at equilibrium, with malachite in a (til now!) healthy vagina. • Next step: do we have any idea what happens to bacteria in acid conditions with copper? OH MY GOD WE TOTALLY DO. Gyawali et al 2011 checked this out in the context of “so what if we rinsed tomatoes with a solution of lactic acid and copper, because that would be a safe & organic way to get rid of E. coli?” So now this post has officially ruined stalactites, vaginas, and tomatoes.
^This would happen. These are the counts of 4 E. coli strains exposed to various levels of lactic acid & Cu++ for 8 hours. This table only shows the end counts but it represents the death of 99.7% of bacteria*. • Losing 99.7% of your vaginal flora is seriously bad news. You’re looking at really good odds of a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, and/or other infection issues. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to not be in the 4% of the population or so that’s sensitive to skin contact with copper. • The good news? Biochemically speaking, you’re probably ok to put it in your butt. It’s not as acidic or salty in there, plus there’s a huuuuuge stockpile of gut microbes right upstream that can quickly repopulate the colon after spelunking is complete. However this stalactite is not flared at the base so it is the wrong shape for putting in your butt. Do not put this stalactite in your butt. • This all looks like fun and games, but I think it’s really interesting that the internet’s mistake in concluding that this stalactite is fuckable is very similar to the mistake made by the Flint water management system. Hear me out. • Central to the Flint lead poisoning crisis is that authorities only looked at & tested Flint’s water in its central treatment plant before it went out through the pipes. Not after it went through the pipes. They did not consider what would happen biochemically as it went through the pipes and metals started dissolving. • Similarly, in concluding that the stalactite is fuckable, the internet only considered the stalactite itself. Not the biochemical processes that would happen to it as it, welp, went through the pipes. • Media frequently reports that the Flint River’s water is “corrosive,” leading many to believe the river is full of industrial waste. This ain’t the case. You’d need industry to fill a river with industrial waste, and industry left decades ago. That’s why Flint’s so poor. So what IS in the water? Road salt. Plain old stupid road salt. The old Detroit-based source didn’t have salt because it came from Lake Huron which has a large, mostly rural watershed. Meanwhile the Flint River runs through a lot of towns, making it slightly salty as everything melts down in spring. And as we recall from the stalactite experience, a little salt is all it takes to get metals to dissolve. • Information on this engineering problem was not coming through clearly from the engineering or chemistry sides. It took a biologist, pediatrician Mona Hanna-Attisha, to document the real-time results and provide the data to kick-start a high-level investigation. • Morals of the story: when dealing with a biological system pls consider asking a biologist, your vagina and/or city could depend on this• Pls use a condom when fucking any water-soluble material• Still don’t put the stalactite in your butt -3/10 do not recommend

OK, I haven’t reblogged this before now but the final post takes it to a whole new level and I can no longer resist. 

fine, this is the Best Tumblr Post

What a wild fucking ride.

I LOVE YOU SCIENCE TUMBLR

IT GOT BETTER!!!!

Ahem. @buzzfeed things have gotten (even) more interesting on the malachite fucking front.


tumblr is an incredible social networking website

buzzfeed: laughterkey: wonderali: alltangledupinblue: teaandcathair: brofisting: astolat: badscienceshenanigans: 0hcicero: beautifu...